COB discouragement

[Theta1234]

Hey Keri, I am so sorry that you are hurting. Hindsight is 20/20, so please don't kick yourself for anything that may/may not have happened in the past.

All of the other posters are spot on. You don't know what is happening behind the scenes. Perhaps the girls really do love you--but there is just someone else that has more connections. Connections are key. Get to know more people. Go out on coffee dates. Create study groups. Don't give up on recruitment.

Sometimes, it is hard to know what to say and what not to say. The groups need to know that you are VERY interested, but you can't appear desperate. This is where it helps if you have an advocate. That can come in the form of several girls in the chapter who are super vocal and fight for you--campaign to all the girls they know on your behalf. It can also come in the form of an alum who directly contacts the chapter on your behalf. I am sure you had recs before recruitment. Here is a little secret for some groups. People can submit recs at any time and they go the rec chair at the house. If you personally know an alum for the groups you are interested in, have them send a note (or fill out an official rec) to the house. They can say things that you cannot--like that you really LOVE this chapter. This really only works with someone who knows you. So, if you are interested in trying COB--or even fall recruitment next year--start working your contacts. Find women you know and have them go ahead and prepare a rec. I can't guarantee this will help, but it can't hurt.

Best wishes for the future.

P.S. It is really poor form not to attend pref. Think about it from the perspective of the ladies of that house. They have shined everything. They have practiced and they probably did something very specific for you--wrote a note, created a gift, etc. You didn't have to accept their offer of sisterhood, but by not attending their pref. ceremony, you essentially spat in their face. Can you imagine the sister who was assigned to you, that did all of the work that morning and was waiting for you at the door to the house only to find herself alone at the party? She was putting her best foot forward and you blew her off. I know you were probably really disappointed on that day when you lost your favorites. You were hurt. However, our hearts also break for the girls to work so hard to create a beautiful pref experience and then have PNMs refuse to come to their home. That's why some here get a little harsh to those who don't attend pref. I wish you the very best for the future and hope that one day you can attend a pref party and see all the work that is done for each special PNM.

[anongreek]

Originally Posted by Theta1234

Hey Keri, I am so sorry that you are hurting. Hindsight is 20/20, so please don't kick yourself for anything that may/may not have happened in the past.

All of the other posters are spot on. You don't know what is happening behind the scenes. Perhaps the girls really do love you--but there is just someone else that has more connections. Connections are key. Get to know more people. Go out on coffee dates. Create study groups. Don't give up on recruitment.

Sometimes, it is hard to know what to say and what not to say. The groups need to know that you are VERY interested, but you can't appear desperate. This is where it helps if you have an advocate. That can come in the form of several girls in the chapter who are super vocal and fight for you--campaign to all the girls they know on your behalf. It can also come in the form of an alum who directly contacts the chapter on your behalf. I am sure you had recs before recruitment. Here is a little secret for some groups. People can submit recs at any time and they go the rec chair at the house. If you personally know an alum for the groups you are interested in, have them send a note (or fill out an official rec) to the house. They can say things that you cannot--like that you really LOVE this chapter. This really only works with someone who knows you. So, if you are interested in trying COB--or even fall recruitment next year--start working your contacts. Find women you know and have them go ahead and prepare a rec. I can't guarantee this will help, but it can't hurt.

Best wishes for the future.

P.S. It is really poor form not to attend pref. Think about it from the perspective of the ladies of that house. They have shined everything. They have practiced and they probably did something very specific for you--wrote a note, created a gift, etc. You didn't have to accept their offer of sisterhood, but by not attending their pref. ceremony, you essentially spat in their face. Can you imagine the sister who was assigned to you, that did all of the work that morning and was waiting for you at the door to the house only to find herself alone at the party? She was putting her best foot forward and you blew her off. I know you were probably really disappointed on that day when you lost your favorites. You were hurt. However, our hearts also break for the girls to work so hard to create a beautiful pref experience and then have PNMs refuse to come to their home. That's why some here get a little harsh to those who don't attend pref. I wish you the very best for the future and hope that one day you can attend a pref party and see all the work that is done for each special PNM.

Beautifully said Theta1234.

[OldFLDDD]

Originally Posted by Theta1234

Hey Keri, I am so sorry that you are hurting. Hindsight is 20/20, so please don't kick yourself for anything that may/may not have happened in the past.

All of the other posters are spot on. You don't know what is happening behind the scenes. Perhaps the girls really do love you--but there is just someone else that has more connections. Connections are key. Get to know more people. Go out on coffee dates. Create study groups. Don't give up on recruitment.

Sometimes, it is hard to know what to say and what not to say. The groups need to know that you are VERY interested, but you can't appear desperate. This is where it helps if you have an advocate. That can come in the form of several girls in the chapter who are super vocal and fight for you--campaign to all the girls they know on your behalf. It can also come in the form of an alum who directly contacts the chapter on your behalf. I am sure you had recs before recruitment. Here is a little secret for some groups. People can submit recs at any time and they go the rec chair at the house. If you personally know an alum for the groups you are interested in, have them send a note (or fill out an official rec) to the house. They can say things that you cannot--like that you really LOVE this chapter. This really only works with someone who knows you. So, if you are interested in trying COB--or even fall recruitment next year--start working your contacts. Find women you know and have them go ahead and prepare a rec. I can't guarantee this will help, but it can't hurt.

Best wishes for the future.

P.S. It is really poor form not to attend pref. Think about it from the perspective of the ladies of that house. They have shined everything. They have practiced and they probably did something very specific for you--wrote a note, created a gift, etc. You didn't have to accept their offer of sisterhood, but by not attending their pref. ceremony, you essentially spat in their face. Can you imagine the sister who was assigned to you, that did all of the work that morning and was waiting for you at the door to the house only to find herself alone at the party? She was putting her best foot forward and you blew her off. I know you were probably really disappointed on that day when you lost your favorites. You were hurt. However, our hearts also break for the girls to work so hard to create a beautiful pref experience and then have PNMs refuse to come to their home. That's why some here get a little harsh to those who don't attend pref. I wish you the very best for the future and hope that one day you can attend a pref party and see all the work that is done for each special PNM.

Also agree with this. Hurt and rejection is found on both sides of recruitment. These girls saw something in you and by extending an invite to Pref, had you somewhere on their Bid List. If COB is still going on at your campus, I wish you the best, but for the future, and for girls reading this who are yet to embark on recruitment, you need to decide if you want to be Greek or if you only want to be in a certain house. ALL houses have the same functions, activities and the opportunity to experience sisterhood. ALL. So many girls sell themselves short by only wanting a particular house or group of houses and ultimately miss out on a Greek experience.

[SigmaCat]

Originally Posted by OldFLDDD

...for girls reading this who are yet to embark on recruitment, you need to decide if you want to be Greek or if you only want to be in a certain house. ALL houses have the same functions, activities and the opportunity to experience sisterhood. ALL. So many girls sell themselves short by only wanting a particular house or group of houses and ultimately miss out on a Greek experience.

This is the bottom line. I know that most people rush assuming that the rules won't apply to them, but everybody really should enter the process assuming that their first formal rush is their best (and maybe only) shot at going Greek.



Sometimes I think some sort of campus-based rush boot camp afternoon would help more people show up prepared, whether it's recs, communication skills, managing expectations, or whatever.

[ASTalumna06]

Originally Posted by SigmaCat

This is the bottom line. I know that most people rush assuming that the rules won't apply to them, but everybody really should enter the process assuming that their first formal rush is their best (and maybe only) shot at going Greek.

Exactly. Or maybe it's not someone's only shot at being Greek, but all potential members should keep in mind that first impressions mean a lot.

I'm not saying that this is the reason the OP is struggling now, but... sorority women aren't only friends with sisters of their own org. They talk. And the OP being invited to Sorority ABC's preference party and not showing up might have negatively affected her chances at Sororities DEF and GHI because they're also in some way offended that the OP didn't give ABC a chance.

If you offend one sorority woman (or chapter), chances are you're offending dozens or perhaps hundreds of women.

[Sciencewoman]

Originally Posted by Theta1234

P.S. It is really poor form not to attend pref. Think about it from the perspective of the ladies of that house. They have shined everything. They have practiced and they probably did something very specific for you--wrote a note, created a gift, etc. You didn't have to accept their offer of sisterhood, but by not attending their pref. ceremony, you essentially spat in their face. Can you imagine the sister who was assigned to you, that did all of the work that morning and was waiting for you at the door to the house only to find herself alone at the party? She was putting her best foot forward and you blew her off. I know you were probably really disappointed on that day when you lost your favorites. You were hurt. However, our hearts also break for the girls to work so hard to create a beautiful pref experience and then have PNMs refuse to come to their home. That's why some here get a little harsh to those who don't attend pref. I wish you the very best for the future and hope that one day you can attend a pref party and see all the work that is done for each special PNM.

Disappointment on both sides, right?

This happened to my daughter her first year as an active, when the PNM she had preffed and was assigned to greet on Bid Day didn't show up. She was so disappointed, as everyone else was hugging a new member and she was left standing and waiting and scanning for the one girl who had decided not to accept her bid.

Keri12, please realize that you're not starting with a clean slate during COB. Women were hurt, and as ASTAlumna said, they talk when they're hurt and disappointed.

I also wish you the best, and I sincerely hope you have another chance to join a sisterhood. Waiting until next year might work out better.