Dating Greek Men

For those of you that have dated greek men, do you find them to be any different than men who are non-greek? Is it different to date a greek man if you are greek yourself versus being a non greek dating a greek man? What are the pros and cons? I am just asking because generally I have found greek men to be very immature...and then there have been those that do a 360 on you after becoming greek and discovering that there are fraternity groupies out there...they are a completely different person after they cross!

[CrimsonTide4]

WOW this is a great conversation. My replies will all be related to my experiences in dating two Greeks.

I never dated Greek men before I became a Delta. I truly believe that dating a Greek man is no different than dating a non Greek. The only difference is that they now have 3 letters across their chest. Both Greeks and non Greeks (the ones I know and have affiliated myself with) have problems with commitment especially while still in college or immediately after crossing.

I think that dating Black Greek men can be fun but it depends on that person's maturity and level of commitment to another person especially if groupies begin to come out of the woodwork.

I think that it is hard today to date and enter into a quality relationship, be they Greek, non Greek, educated, etc.


Carla

[12dn94dst]

From my experience, (duh, who else's experience would I be talking about) yes, it is different being greek and dating a man/woman who is greek as opposed to being a non-greek dating a greek. There are a lot of responsibilities that come with being greek that a non-greek may not understand or even like.

I remember one of the boyfriends I had who was not greek. We used to fight constantly about why I was doing so much with my Sorors, and I'm not talking about general hanging out and partying. He was trippin over the committe meetings and chapter meetings that I had to go to. Either he didn't understand or he was flat out jealous (he wanted to be greek but didn't have the grades). I also found it interesting that when I wasn't doing anything with the Sorors, he was always out with his friends and they would come to me saying how he was complaining that we didn't spend enough time together. It wasn't like he didn't know well in advance that I'd be in a meeting.

As for the groupies, it's up to the member to keep them in check. If you know you have a boyfriend or girlfriend (yes, sororities have groupies too) it's your responsibility to control yourself around them and make them aware the you're in a relationship and you're not going to have any foolishness.

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Kelli
12-DN-94
SSU c/o 1997

[Siobhan]

I've dated both Greek and Non-Greek, however my current boyfriend is a Sigma Chi. I don't think there's a huge difference, if the guy is nice and treats you well then thats all that really matters. The GDI's I've dated were always supportive of my involvement with Delta Phi Epsilon and greek life in general. I guess the disadvantage to dating someone not in the Greek system is if they have a negative view of greeks and refuse to change their mind even after dating you. I do prefer to date Greek men because of my huge commitment to my sorority. The cool thing about my current boyfriend is that we were both rush chair at the same time and both chapter presidents at the same time. I suppose if you date someone in the Greek system there is that advantage that he will understand your reasons for being in a sorority, etc. However I have met some real slimey fraternity boys in my day and pass them over for a GDI no prob . I guess it's one of those things were you have to weigh the pros and cons of the situation... they both have there advantages and disadvantages.

Siobhan

[Monique]

I am non-greek, but my last boyfriend was a member of Kappa Alpha Psi and to be honest I couldn't handle it. If It wasn't women hanging all over him it was parties, if it wasn't the parties, it was his job. He is a stripper and that leads back to the women. I was always upset or jealous.I *had* to keep in mind that *HE WAS A NUPE BEFORE ME AND HE WILL BE A NUPE AFTER ME* so, I tried to chill. But... a female can only take so much. I didn't want him to chose between 2 things he loves so I decided for him; I left him. To this day I am not sure if I made the wrong or right choice. So All I have to say is Differnt strokes for Different Folks. It might be easier for people who are both greek but to me when u are ME PHI ME like I am and involved with someone who is greek, Is Very Hard. Thats just my 5 dollors!!

[ZetaAce]

Personally, I don't find greek men any different from non-greek men.

However, I can say that I feel that it is a little bit easier to date a greek men as far as his understanding my commitment to my sorority goes.I've dated a greek man before and I know that he understood why I won't just blow off a sorority meeting and how it's not just a 'college thing' because he has the same commitments. My last boyfriend was non-greek and never seemed to understand these concepts.

ZetaAce

[CaramelApple1971]

I can't speak for all "greek men" but MINE, and he is (like tony the tiger says)grrrreat!!! He wasn't immature before he became a Kappa but there is a big difference in his persona now than then. He is VERY mature and carries himself like the proper gentlemen he is. He is smart, takes care of himself inside and out, and always is willing to go the extra mile to help someone else.

I feel as if some men are going to act immature regardless if he is in a FRAT or not. The attitude of one should not down play the entire FRAT.

[equeen]

I don't think it will make a difference, it's the relative maturity of the two people in the relationship that can make or break it. And yes, often times affiliations can make a person more mature (or vice versa!). My personal experience is an (im)perfect example: a relationship with a greek guy did not work well (among other things, he looked down on my own greek involvement...does that make sense???). The guy I'm dating now is not greek (though he has just as serious committments to an Order he belongs to), but a delightful, supportive young man. Go figure!

[SilverTurtle]

I have never dated a greek man, before or after I became greek. My current boyfriend has never had issues with the time commitment (I'm speaking mostly from when I was still in school and most of my free time was with my GLO), he's always been supportive + mostly understanding. He is a few years older than I am, so I don't know if that has anything to do with it or not? Occassionally he has made an (unknowingly) innappropriate comment or joke about a/my GLO, and I've had to correct him, but that's about it.

Incidentally, I can't think of any fraternity men I would have wanted to date at my school (out of those I knew personally). I guess they're just not my type

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SilverTurtle@greekchat.com
Phi Beta Fraternity
Phi chapter

Let's see.... I am a non greek and I had a guy that I was interested in and who was interested in me...well I met this guy while he was on line for a fraternity that will remain unnamed. While he was on line he used to call me and when we would talk, he would always swear up and down that he would not change when he crossed! While he was online he seemed to be so sweet...and I really believed that he wouldn't change after he got his letters...boy was I wrong! It seemed like overnight when this boy finally crossed he became Mr. Party all the time...his conversations changed from "how are you today" to "how can i get in them panties?" He was a groupie magnet and loved it, needless to say I got tired and bored with his fake ass and I stopped dealing with him....so that's one of my experiences...fortunately it didn't turn me off to greek men because later on down the line I met another greek and he is the sweetest, most considerate, sensitive, and loving person I have ever met and we are engaged to be married. So I guess there are two sides to every coin...greek or not..men are men and they can be good or bad.

[AlphaChiGirl]

Eh, the only thing I can see it totally impacting is what you do as a couple. I've casually dated some Greek guys, and it seems like all we do is go to frat parties, etc., which I don't mind. I am, however, seriously involved with a NON-Greek who really doesn't like (but is learning to tolerate) the Greek system--it's hard because I try to keep him away from Greek events, I really don't want him to be uncomfortable (he's really not anything like any fraternity member I've ever met). So, I guess it has to do with individual comfort levels. I do know people who date ENTIRELY within NPHC groups, which is just hard for me to comprehend.

[ridiculous2000]

WHILE IN COLLEGE I DID DATE AN ALPHA AND A KAPPA. THE ALPHA RELATIONSHIP WAS GOOD AND I UNDERSTOOD THAT HE WAS VERY INVOLVED IN HIS FRAT AND THAT WAS JUST SOMETHING I HAD TO DEAL WITH. ON THE OTHER HAND, THE KAPPA SITUATION WAS RIDICULOUS. I KNOW THAT YOU ARE SUPPOSE TO BE AN ACTIVE MEMBER OF YOUR ORGANIZATION, BUT HE TOOK IT TO THE EXTREME. I HAD TO CUT THAT RELATIONSHIP SHORT, BUT IT WAS GOOD WHILE IT LASTED. ANYWAY, I THINK THAT THE RELATIONSHIPS WOULD HAVE BEEN DIFFERNT IF WE WOULD HAVE BEEN OUT OF COLLEGE. THERE ARE A LOT OF THINGS THAT HAPPEN IN ALL RELATIONSHIPS. I DO NOT THINK IT MATTERS IF THEY ARE GREEK OR NOT.

[Asia2000]

Seems like it might also depend on how long he has been greek. Neo's are dealing with their newfound on-campus fame -- they seem to be a bit more immature and all that is bad about greek men.

But those that have worn their letters for a little while seemed to have calmed down a bit.

I've never seriously dated a greek man. However, 2 of my girl friends who do told me that they both have this policy of "she can suck your *&#@, just don't have sex with her." They both said they understand how it is if a girl is brought to him and his frat brothers are all around -- what else is he going to do? I don't know if that is for me.

I have dated both. I actually prefer Greek men cause GDI's usually don't have any concept of how much time we spend doing the work of our organizations and are more prone to get jealous or argue about your time committement with your org. Of course that is not to say that Greek men won't either...cause I have had that happen too...but in the end it shouldn't be about what letters that person wears or doesn't wear but about how they make you feel and how much you care about them.

[theXgirl]

I've dated both gdi and greek. I prefer greek. As mentioned earlier, the level of understanding regarding time commitment, etc.. is there. When he has a meeting, I understand, when I have to prep for rush, he understands. Also, when I got engaged to my frat guy , not only did I get a candle passing from my sisters, but I was serenaded by my guy and his boys. (I think it's an added bonus)

The gdi guys I dated didn't like the greek thing. Also, when I met these guys, I didn't tell them I was in a sorority at first. I found out later with one guy that had he known that I was greek, he would not have dated me. Whatever. One greek guy I dated wanted to know some house secrets. He wanted to 'compare notes' as he put it. Yeah right!

I did date a guy that was on line before I became greek. He was nice before and after he crossed. It was annoying when we went to parties and he had his little fan club around. once I became greek though, i understood where this was comming from. (I had my own little fan club)


[This message has been edited by theXgirl (edited June 14, 2000).]

[This message has been edited by theXgirl (edited June 14, 2000).]