Asking Someone to Be Your Little

celebcj · #1 09-08-2013, 11:38 PM

Hey so after a few weeks of temporary big and littles (Kite Pals), I know I've found the girl I want to be my little. We still have 2 more weeks of Kite Pals, but I really know I want this girl. So... with that said, should I go ahead and ask her to be my little now (a process some call dirty littling) and if so, how? or should I wait until a few days before we have to send the pref emails to our New Member Director and ask her?

Psi U MC Vito · #2 09-08-2013, 11:55 PM

Does she even have say who she has as her big? If she can't choose, there is no point in asking her.

AnchorAlumna · #3 09-08-2013, 11:58 PM

There may well be a procedure already in place. Ask your "pledge mom-NM trainer-vp: member education" or whoever it is schooling the new members.

IrishLake · #4 09-09-2013, 12:03 AM

As a Chapter Advisor, I'm encouraging you to maintain your relationship with your Kite Pal, but please allow the New Member Director to do her job. Allow the established process to work, lest there be hard feelings among members. Even if you do not end up as Big/Little, your relationship still has the makings for the two of you to become lifelong friends.

DubaiSis · #5 09-09-2013, 12:40 AM

My guess is you're misunderstanding the process. You aren't asking someone to be your girlfriend. It's a bit more like bid-matching than that.

ASTalumna06 · #6 09-09-2013, 01:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by celebcj

Hey so after a few weeks of temporary big and littles (Kite Pals), I know I've found the girl I want to be my little. We still have 2 more weeks of Kite Pals, but I really know I want this girl. So... with that said, should I go ahead and ask her to be my little now (a process some call dirty littling) and if so, how? or should I wait until a few days before we have to send the pref emails to our New Member Director and ask her?

Is this considered "dirty" because of the timing (2 weeks in advance), or is it because you shouldn't be the one to ask a new member to be your little; the new member should ask you to be her big (or there's a formal matching process of some kind)?

If it's the former, I think you should wait. If it's the latter, you should allow the new member to select who she wants without influencing her decision. I know you want her as your little, but what if she truly wants someone else? That could create an extremely awkward situation.. more so for her than for you. And I'm sure the last thing you would want to do is make this girl feel like she has no choice in the matter.

Leslie Anne · #7 09-09-2013, 02:56 AM

I'd leave it to the New Member Director. As DubaiSis said, it's like bid-matching. If you're this New Member's first choice for a Big it should work out fine for both of you. Stick to the process.

ETA: You also don't want to ruin the surprise before your chapter's Big/Little Reveal!

Sciencewoman · #8 09-09-2013, 08:14 AM

I agree with everything Leslie Anne said. Stick with the proper process and stick to the fun reveal process.

Plus, if you try to willfully subvert the process, it could backfire and you might not get matched to anyone. Don't risk ticking off the sister doing the matching by doing something that's considered "dirty littling" in your chapter.

AZTheta · #9 09-09-2013, 09:15 AM

good grief you are not marrying this sister. you guys can be besties without a big-little relationship. yikes!

KSUViolet06 · #10 09-11-2013, 10:18 PM

Do. not. ask.

She has been in the chapter for all of two weeks.

There are a few people who know immediately who they'd be interested in having, but I can tell you that the average NM likely starts out not having any idea. Ex: I can tell you that there were like 7 people I would've seen as my Big Sis when I was a NM. I was not a "must have _____" NM. Any woman I placed on my top 5 list was in no particular order, and I would have been thrilled to have any of them.

Consider the following:

If you ask, and she was never really considering you as a Big Sis, you make it awkward for her because she now likely feels obligated to list you as one of her choices. She might think she has to just to avoid making you mad (as the older member.)

You ask, and she doesn't match with you and OMG DRAMA ensues. Ex: If there is another woman interested in her.

Or you ask, she feels uncomfortable, tells the NM Ed, and you end up with no Littles.

Or you ask, she wants you, but you are matched with a different NM. Awkward for both of you.

Or you alienate another NM who may have been interested in you because they think you're all about this one NM and won't consider any other Littles.

celebcj · #11 09-25-2013, 01:12 AM

it all worked out y'all! I never had to ask her, and turns out she is my little anyways! BIG LITTLE REVEAL IS TOMORROW! I guess today! yay!!

thetalady · #12 09-25-2013, 02:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by celebcj

it all worked out y'all! I never had to ask her, and turns out she is my little anyways! BIG LITTLE REVEAL IS TOMORROW! I guess today! yay!!

YEAH!! Congrats! How are you doing the reveal?

AOII Angel · #13 09-25-2013, 09:20 AM

I'm glad you let the process work the way it is supposed to work. Now you have gotten to really surprise her. Congratulations!

FSUZeta · #14 09-25-2013, 09:22 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AOII Angel

I'm glad you let the process work the way it is supposed to work. Now you have gotten to really surprise her. Congratulations!

This! Congratulations.