Question from someone I intitiated in 1974

[rockwallgreek]

My chapter was a struggling chapter when I pledged. It was a struggling chapter when I initiated. It closed within two years. I've served my fraternity, Alpha Gamma Delta, for many years. My four daughters are Alpha Gams...they learned the songs, chants, colors and how important squirrels were, their entire life. They watched me work with chapters and we even went to a convention as a family.

Yesterday, I met up with a sister from my chapter and it was wonderful! The years melted as we talked.

Now, my question. Why are there so many posts here about resigning? I get transferring schools. I get that your chapter closed. Been there, done that. Why are collegiates jumping ship so quickly? Why are there even big/little questions? I just don't get it. I made promises at initiation. They meant something. Can anyone answer?

[PeppyGPhiB]

Originally Posted by rockwallgreek

My chapter was a struggling chapter when I pledged. It was a struggling chapter when I initiated. It closed within two years. I've served my fraternity, Alpha Gamma Delta, for many years. My four daughters are Alpha Gams...they learned the songs, chants, colors and how important squirrels were, their entire life. They watched me work with chapters and we even went to a convention as a family.

Yesterday, I met up with a sister from my chapter and it was wonderful! The years melted as we talked.

Now, my question. Why are there so many posts here about resigning? I get transferring schools. I get that your chapter closed. Been there, done that. Why are collegiates jumping ship so quickly? Why are there even big/little questions? I just don't get it. I made promises at initiation. They meant something. Can anyone answer?

I think it's because collegians think of sorority membership as being a college thing. Especially freshmen/sophomores who haven't been exposed to alumnae life at all.

[adpiucf]

People have more choices and more options than ever before. 30 years ago, it was common to work for the same employer for life. Now, the average shelf life of an employee is about 2 years. People are more mobile, have more opportunities, and quite honestly, don't feel the need to "stick it out" if they're not interested in doing something. Because there's plenty of other things for them to try.

Greek Chat seems very critical of someone who resigns from a GLO. There's a lot of talk about honoring your commitments. I disagree to a certain extent. You should try to make it work, but I'd rather someone who isn't interested or who is not cut for it leave the organization to pursue something that will make them truly happy. Leave the GLO with members who really want to be there and who will work hard, rather than poisoning the membership from within and who honestly won't be contributing anything but complaints anyway.

So, maybe it's just kids today don't have the grit their parents did. Or they just don't see the point in sticking it out with something they're not interested in. There are more opportunities to become a Greek than there were in the 70s. You're going to attract a large pool of candidates who gradually whittle down to a select few who stick it out all 4 years. People resign because they realize they signed on for something they're really not into once the excitement of being a new member has ended, or they have financial issues, or academic issues, or they don't like all the rules associated with membership, or they don't like the leadership or offerings their chapter can provide.

I'm sure plenty of people dropped out of their GLOs in the 1970s. There were just fewer chapters and members didn't have the internet to ask for opinions. Human nature hasn't changed that much. There's just a lot more ways to air dirty laundry. Today there are more Greeks than ever before, recruitment is a highly oiled and regimented machine, dues are expensive, and there are tons of rules and risk management hazards that someone in the 70s would not be able to comprehend.

[DeltaBetaBaby]

I know at least at my alma mater, the housing options looked really different for women in the 1970's. If you left your chapter, you could...move back into the dorm? Get an apartment way off campus?

[thetalady]

I think that just about everything is viewed as disposable by a lot of people in today's society. Had a bad fight with a spouse? Divorce is the answer. Tired of the pet that isn't a cute little puppy anymore & just peed on the carpet again? Dump it at the shelter. Products aren't even made to last more than a year or two. Too many people just walk away from what doesn't suit them anymore or what requires WORK and dedication from them.

I don't mean to sound like I am throwing collegians under the bus. I think this attitude pervades our entire society. Certainly does NOT apply to everyone or everything!!

[DubaiSis]

Those of us who have been married for more than a minute can appreciate that when you make a commitment, regardless of how happy you are at the time, it can suck every once in awhile. The difference is, with divorce, you really have to want out because it's a huge pain in the arse. To dump your sorority membership, in a lot of cases all you have to do more or less is just stop showing up.

I do think, as some pledge classes are growing to ridiculous numbers, there should be an effort made to modify the commitments of that 4th year member who is ready to go postal if she has to serenade one more fraternity or sit through one more meeting about whether the rush shirts should be pink or blue. Maybe it varies by chapter/size/campus culture but I could see an alumna-transitional year where they have less say AND less obligation to the collegiate chapter. I could also see that as a big ole carrot to incentivize getting the chapter to total or whatever number would be required in order to relax the rules for some.

But I also wish there was more consideration for - it's 4 years of your life. Suck it up!

[AlwaysSAI]

Originally Posted by DubaiSis

But I also wish there was more consideration for - it's 4 years of your life. Suck it up!

THIS! There was a period of time before my senior year that my SAI chapter did a bunch of stuff I didn't agree with. I was thisclose to resigning but I sucked it up because I knew I didn't want to loose the lifetime benefits.

My alumnae chapter has been more rewarding than anything I did as a collegian.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by adpiucf

Greek Chat seems very critical of someone who resigns from a GLO. There's a lot of talk about honoring your commitments. I disagree to a certain extent. You should try to make it work, but I'd rather someone who isn't interested or who is not cut for it leave the organization to pursue something that will make them truly happy. Leave the GLO with members who really want to be there and who will work hard, rather than poisoning the membership from within and who honestly won't be contributing anything but complaints anyway.

I don't think this is true. Do people who say "I've been a sister for 2 weeks and don't have any close friends yet, I want to resign" get piled on? Yes. Do people who say "my dad lost his job and I have no money, I hate living with 20 people, the whole Greek thing isn't for me, I want to resign" get piled on? I don't think so. They get counseled to be sure before they make an unchangeable decision, but that goes with any big decision like transferring or changing majors. The problem is that people come on here saying "I want to resign because of A" and it sounds like a stupid reason, and then after 4 pages of dragging the rest of the story out of the poster, it turns out it's not just A, but A, B, C, D, E, F, and G.

[DeltaBetaBaby]

Originally Posted by 33girl

I don't think this is true. Do people who say "I've been a sister for 2 weeks and don't have any close friends yet, I want to resign" get piled on? Yes. Do people who say "my dad lost his job and I have no money, I hate living with 20 people, the whole Greek thing isn't for me, I want to resign" get piled on? I don't think so. They get counseled to be sure before they make an unchangeable decision, but that goes with any big decision like transferring or changing majors. The problem is that people come on here saying "I want to resign because of A" and it sounds like a stupid reason, and then after 4 pages of dragging the rest of the story out of the poster, it turns out it's not just A, but A, B, C, D, E, F, and G.

I also have a short temper, personally, with women who want to resign as seniors. I think it sucks to be like "oh, I went to all these mixers, made all these friends, loved my chapter for three years, and now that I am a senior, well, what's in it for me?"

[winnie_tuck]

You can only get the benefits from what you put into it. I did an ANOVA on involvement with between groups studying campus living vs commuting. The results, showed greek members who only participated in that organization had no degree of satisfaction difference from commuters. My mom doesn't think girls who quit should join alum chapters but many do so that is another annoyance to add to the debate.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by winnie_tuck

My mom doesn't think girls who quit should join alum chapters but many do so that is another annoyance to add to the debate.

Who quit school or who quit the sorority? If the latter, well duh.

[madoug]

I also have a short temper, personally, with women who want to resign as seniors. I think it sucks to be like "oh, I went to all these mixers, made all these friends, loved my chapter for three years, and now that I am a senior, well, what's in it for me?"

We had one of those a few years back, and now I have to sit by her mother at work.....what a joy.

it turns out it's not just A, but A, B, C, D, E, F, and G.

As an advisor, and a mother of two active members, I am concerned with the time demands placed on the current greek communities. The amount of money expected to be raised for charity is getting to be outrageous. Add to that the need to support all your fellow greeks' fund raisers. Then there are the community service hours, and we want you all to be leaders on campus, but don't forget your GPA! Have you had enough sisterhood events, and non-alcs?

Then there are the money woes. Although starting salaries are about 3x higher between my years and my son's, tuition is 10X, but when can a student work any hours between all the commitments?

And am proud that my two have never had any questions about resigning, but I do worry about the women I advise.

As for women in the early '70's not resigning.....instead many dropped out of college to get married based on an alumnae newsletter from our archives I recall reading when I was in school.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by madoug

As an advisor, and a mother of two active members, I am concerned with the time demands placed on the current greek communities. The amount of money expected to be raised for charity is getting to be outrageous. Add to that the need to support all your fellow greeks' fund raisers. Then there are the community service hours, and we want you all to be leaders on campus, but don't forget your GPA! Have you had enough sisterhood events, and non-alcs?

IMO we should jettison national philanthropies and go back to letting chapters pick their own. Not onliy could they pick things where they actually give time instead of endlessly trying to figure out how to raise money, in the event they DID have to raise money, it's a lot easier to get people in the community to support a local effort. This is why the Penn State Dance Marathon does so well - everyone local knows where the money is going and has no problem donating. Our chapter always got the "why are you raising money for some school in Lancaster? Our schools HERE need money."

[rockwallgreek]

Interesting replies. To an extent, it seems to me that it is the result of societal changes. Just like you are not a "special snowflake" during recruitment, you, as an individual will not make or break a chapter. I don't see the loyalty to jobs, to employers, to employees, etc; so why should I expect to see loyalty to one's fraternity. My girls were raised with Alpha Gamma Delta.. I was very involved. They all are my sisters, too. Hopefully this legacy will continue.

[MysticCat]

Originally Posted by 33girl

IMO we should jettison national philanthropies and go back to letting chapters pick their own. Not onliy could they pick things where they actually give time instead of endlessly trying to figure out how to raise money, in the event they DID have to raise money, it's a lot easier to get people in the community to support a local effort. This is why the Penn State Dance Marathon does so well - everyone local knows where the money is going and has no problem donating. Our chapter always got the "why are you raising money for some school in Lancaster? Our schools HERE need money."

A Kappa can correct me if I'm wrong, but I believe that KKG allows chapters and alumni associations to choose their own philanthropies along with having a national philanthropy (Reading is Fundamental) that lends itself well to local planning and involvement.

As for philanthopies that involve giving time instead of raising money, that's how we do it. Our national philanthropy, the Mills Music Mission*, focuses on giving time and talent in the local community and involves little if any fundraising -- perhaps enough to buy flowers or gifts for nursing home or hospital residents.


* The Mills Music Mission is named for Sinfonia's founder, Ossian Everett Mills. By the 1880s, Mills had begun visiting the residents of the Boston hospitals on Easter and Christmas, and continued doing so for nearly thirty years (near his death in 1920). Mills was always accompanied by students from the New England Conservatory, some of whom would sing or play instruments and some of whom would have gathered flowers from churches after Christmas or Easter services to give to those in the hospitals. These visits became known as Mills' "Flower Missions." A report in the Conservatory's Quarterly the spring before Sinfonia was founded said:

Easter Sunday witnessed again the beautiful charity that a favored few of the Conservatory students are privileged to dispense, in the annual visit to the city hospitals with flowers and music. About 50,000 flowers were given away, or some fifteen bushels, - enough to supply each patient with a generous cluster. There were pathetic scenes as the flower girls went from cot to cot, for many of the patients were from the streets, poor and discouraged as well as sick, and a kind word, except from their attendants, or a gift of anything so suggestive of beautiful sentiment as a flower, was almost a faded memory with them.

So, our national philanthropy is to go -- as chapter brothers, alumni associations or other gatherings of Sinfonians -- to hospitals, nursing homes, retirement homes or the like -- to give the gifts of music and of flowers, stuffed animals or other tangible tokens of caring to the residents.

/tangent_about_us