Greek life virgin! Would this be weird? Desperate for help!

[southerngent111]

So here's my whole situation:

My brother and sister are both huge nerds who went to Ivy League schools (nothing against smart people, but it's just they had perfect grades, but almost no social life) and parents are both doctors who also studied constantly. Therefore, none of my family members were ever involved in sororities or fraternities (not even my relatives were involved in Greek life!). And because of this, I have absolutely nobody to talk to about the whole frat process.

Anyway, after I finish my senior year of high school, I hope to go to Auburn University. And at such a southern school, you pretty much have to be involved in the Greek scene (don't even try to deny that). But as stated before, I have so many questions, but nobody is able to answer them!

This leads me to my main question... While going through the different AU fraternities, this one specific frat attracted me (and of course it is considered to be one of the "top 5" frats). I decided to go through the officers, and noticed one guy that looked really familiar. I looked him up on Facebook, and it turns out that he went to my same prep school and graduated about 4 years ago.

Do you think it'd be weird if I Facebook messaged this dude just explaining how I found him and then just ask him the questions I had? What do ya'll think? Also, keep in mind that this is a pretty popular guy at the University and we do NOT know each other at ALL (he probably wouldn't even recognize me). I'm just worried that he'll be like, "What the hell is this kid doing?" Is there really anything I could lose from messaging him?

Help me out, guys!

[AnotherKD]

Originally Posted by southerngent111

So here's my whole situation:

My brother and sister are both huge nerds who went to Ivy League schools (nothing against smart people, but it's just they had perfect grades, but almost no social life) and parents are both doctors who also studied constantly. Therefore, none of my family members were ever involved in sororities or fraternities (not even my relatives were involved in Greek life!). And because of this, I have absolutely nobody to talk to about the whole frat process.

Anyway, after I finish my senior year of high school, I hope to go to Auburn University. And at such a southern school, you pretty much have to be involved in the Greek scene (don't even try to deny that). But as stated before, I have so many questions, but nobody is able to answer them!

This leads me to my main question... While going through the different AU fraternities, this one specific frat attracted me (and of course it is considered to be one of the "top 5" frats). I decided to go through the officers, and noticed one guy that looked really familiar. I looked him up on Facebook, and it turns out that he went to my same prep school and graduated about 4 years ago.

Do you think it'd be weird if I Facebook messaged this dude just explaining how I found him and then just ask him the questions I had? What do ya'll think? Also, keep in mind that this is a pretty popular guy at the University and we do NOT know each other at ALL (he probably wouldn't even recognize me). I'm just worried that he'll be like, "What the hell is this kid doing?" Is there really anything I could lose from messaging him?

Help me out, guys!

Okay, I am a girl, so this is out of my lane, but I am just curious about a few things for clarification.

So, you are a rising senior in high school and have just finished your junior year?

And the guy you want to contact won't even be in college anymore once you get there?

[Titchou]

Not in a frat either as I am a woman, but I am from Alabama. So, I think it would be OK to message him and say something like: Joe: Am sure you don't remember me but I'm at Prep School A and will be attending Auburn in 201?. Was so surprised to see anyone from here who has gone to Auburn. Any suggestions for transitioning from Prep School A to Auburn? I realize it will be very different. TIA.

And leave it at that. See what you get back and go from there.
Do not do anything that smacks of stalking. Follow his lead and if he blows you off, leave it at that. If he's still there when you go thru recruitment, just be the polite young man you know how to be.

[greekdee]

If I was speaking to you, my tone of voice would be very kind, so don't take this wrong -- but please don't use the word "frat" when communicating with this guy (or any for that matter.) Fraternity is the correct way to refer to a guy's Greek organization and many are offended by the term "frat." Might be more of a southern thing; I'm not sure but it is something to be aware of. Just a heads up! Best wishes with your pursuit!

[knight_shadow]

Originally Posted by greekdee

If I was speaking to you, my tone of voice would be very kind, so don't take this wrong -- but please don't use the word "frat" when communicating with this guy (or any for that matter.) Fraternity is the correct way to refer to a guy's Greek organization and many are offended by the term "frat." Might be more of a southern thing; I'm not sure but it is something to be aware of. Just a heads up! Best wishes with your pursuit!

Many groups are not offended by the use of the word frat. I know we've discussed this 4.2 million times on this site.

[MysticCat]

Originally Posted by knight_shadow

Many groups are not offended by the use of the word frat. I know we've discussed this 4.2 million times on this site.

At least she did say "many are offended," and more importantly, she didn't invoke the Idiotic-Analogy-That-Shall-Not-Be-Named.

But it is good advice, especially somewhere like Auburn, I'd think. No one is going to be offended by "fraternity," so why risk it by using "frat" unless you're sure it won't cause offense?

[HannahXO]

Also a girl, but IMO, contacting this guy would be very weird.

Get into Auburn first. Then start thinking about rush, but don't start ruling out or deciding on fraternities before you actually meet the guys that are currently in them.

[knight_shadow]

Originally Posted by MysticCat

At least he did say "many are offended," and more importantly, he didn't invoke the Idiotic-Analogy-That-Shall-Not-Be-Named.

But it is good advice, especially somewhere like Auburn, I'd think. No one is going to be offended by "fraternity," so why risk it by using "frat" unless you're sure it won't cause offense?

True, and I wouldn't have said anything if it weren't for:

Originally Posted by greekdee

(or any for that matter.) Fraternity is the correct way to refer to a guy's Greek organization

[MysticCat]

Originally Posted by knight_shadow

True, and I wouldn't have said anything if it weren't for:

Very valid point. It's also worth reminding people (again) that the idea of "frat" being offensive is a fairly recent thing.

But back to the OP's original question, if I were the guy you're talking about, I'd find it very weird, to say the least. I wouldn't do it, at least not out of the blue.

The only thing I'll add is to slow down on picking which fraternities you might be interested in, and don't place too much emphasis on who's considered "Top 5." Sure, the websites can be helpful in getting a feel for the groups, and rankings may be more important to some than to others, but the bottom line is whether you mesh with the other guys, and you won't know that until you meet them.

Your top fraternity is the one where you fit best.

[greekdee]

You're right -- not all are offended but I have no idea which ones are and which ones aren't. At a competitive SEC school in Alabama, I'd say play it safe. As MysticCat said, nobody will be offended by fraternity. They might be by frat...and as for the well known analogy, I know several young men heading into recruitment this fall and they have been given that little tid bit of "wisdom" more times than they can count. Ugh. If people insist on giving an analogy, I wish they'd at least come up with a new one. My husband says that one has been around at least as long as when he pledged back in the 70's.

[FSUZeta]

what if you spoke with the college placement officer, the dean or the guidance officer(which ever one would be the most appropriate) at your prep school and ask them if any students from your prep school went to auburn that you could contact?(okay, i know that you found this guy already, but if you contact him on your own it very well might appear stalkerish and ruin any chances you might have with that fraternity). if the prep school alum. has kept in touch, the person you speak to at your school will most likely encourage you to contact him, at which point you no longer appear stalkerish. your initial contact could go something like this:

you: hey prep school alum. my name is ______ and i will be a senior at prep school this upcoming school year. i am very interested in auburn university and college placement officer at prep school recommended that i contact you to learn more about the university. what was your experience at auburn like? did you feel that prep school prepared you well for the auburn curriculum? what activities were you involved in at auburn?

him: hello _____. i loved auburn. yes i did feel that i was well prepared for college. auburn is a great school that offers a lot of activities for students to get involved in. I was in ______, ______ and ABC fraternity. i could highly recommend greek life. have you thought about going greek?

if he answers you in anyway like the conversation above, you can then ask him more detailed questions about greek life in general and his fraternity in particular.

hopefully he will feel the old school ties, and will answer you back. if he does not, just drop it and plan on going to any preview activities that auburn might hold. have you contacted or visited at auburn yet? if not, get on their list, so that you get info. from them.

[33girl]

Are you a dude? You're awfully bubbly.

[OPhiAGinger]

Originally Posted by MysticCat

Sure, the websites can be helpful in getting a feel for the groups, and rankings may be more important to some than to others, but the bottom line is whether you mesh with the other guys, and you won't know that until you meet them.

Exactly. Basing so much on the appeal of the website is not the way to go. They might have a brilliant website designer, but you're not selecting a lifetime affiliation to a website. The OP needs to actually meet the brothers to know whether he feels comfortable with them.

[TSteven]

Originally Posted by HannahXO

Also a girl, but IMO, contacting this guy would be very weird.

Get into Auburn first. Then start thinking about rush, but don't start ruling out or deciding on fraternities before you actually meet the guys that are currently in them.

At the bolded. Some chapters at Auburn – as well as other chapters at other colleges – often begin “rushing” men during their senior year of high school. Often there may be official and unofficial parties and or events lined up where high school seniors may be invited. As such, “getting your name out there” as interested may be important to receiving an invite to a party. And potentially receiving a bid to more formal rush events down the line. And hopefully, a bid.

Originally Posted by FSUZeta

what if you spoke with the college placement officer, the dean or the guidance officer (whichever one would be the most appropriate) at your prep school and ask them if any students from your prep school went to auburn that you could contact?(okay, i know that you found this guy already, but if you contact him on your own it very well might appear stalkerish and ruin any chances you might have with that fraternity). if the prep school alum. has kept in touch, the person you speak to at your school will most likely encourage you to contact him, at which point you no longer appear stalkerish. your initial contact could go something like this:

you: hey prep school alum. my name is ______ and i will be a senior at prep school this upcoming school year. i am very interested in auburn university and college placement officer at prep school recommended that i contact you to learn more about the university. what was your experience at auburn like? did you feel that prep school prepared you well for the auburn curriculum? what activities were you involved in at auburn?

him: hello _____. i loved auburn. yes i did feel that i was well prepared for college. auburn is a great school that offers a lot of activities for students to get involved in. I was in ______, ______ and ABC fraternity. i could highly recommend greek life. have you thought about going greek?

if he answers you in anyway like the conversation above, you can then ask him more detailed questions about greek life in general and his fraternity in particular.

hopefully he will feel the old school ties, and will answer you back. if he does not, just drop it and plan on going to any preview activities that auburn might hold. have you contacted or visited at auburn yet? if not, get on their list, so that you get info. from them.

Like.

Originally Posted by MysticCat

But it is good advice, especially somewhere like Auburn, I'd think. No one is going to be offended by "fraternity," so why risk it by using "frat" unless you're sure it won't cause offense?

Originally Posted by MysticCat

It's also worth reminding people (again) that the idea of "frat" being offensive is a fairly recent thing.

I would also suggest that even during rush (recruitment), if a member uses “frat”, the rushee should continue to use “fraternity”. Sometimes, the member may be “testing” the rushee about his usage. Same may apply to shortening the fraternity name. Unless you know for sure the person you are speaking with will not be offended by it, don’t shorten the fraternity's name.

Originally Posted by MysticCat

The only thing I'll add is to slow down on picking which fraternities you might be interested in, and don't place too much emphasis on who's considered "Top 5." Sure, the websites can be helpful in getting a feel for the groups, and rankings may be more important to some than to others, but the bottom line is whether you mesh with the other guys, and you won't know that until you meet them.

Your top fraternity is the one where you fit best.

As such, perhaps at the start of next spring semester (i.e. end of your senior year in high school) you might want to contact the Auburn Greek Life office and sign up for rush. Unless things changes, many Auburn fraternities have Summer Rush events. And often, pledge classes may be decided before the Fall term even starts. So be sure to get your name out there as interested.

Simply put, it can be hard to be invited to rush events – where you meet the members - if a chapter does not know you are interested. Or have any contact information.

[southerngent111]

ok, so i know in theory my original post sounds kind of "stalkerish," but all I really wanna do is ask this guy some questions specifically about the fraternity he was in. that's it.

would is really be that weird if i did that? i mean, from what I know about him, he seems like a pretty cool guy.. i dunno i feel like he may respond nicely to my email.

either way, give me some more opinions! hah