Be Careful

AOPiLaLa · #1 10-09-2001, 04:29 PM

Hey everyone--I wasn't sure where to post this but I think this is the right place. This is really more for the ladies that are already members of a GLO, but applies to all. I am right now in the middle of reading rush infractions from all different chapters over years past(I am a new recruitment advisor and they gave us anonoynmous real senario's of rush infractions) and there is one theme that keeps coming up. A good amount of the girls that have reported the rush infractions state "the girl made sure I knew I would be her little sister" or "she said she couldn't wait to see me on bid day". All of the members, when confronted with the infraction, made a point of saying that they had just wanted to girl to know how much they liked her and they were not speaking on behalf of the whole chapter and they didn't mean to hurt her when she didn't get a bid. So, this is my advice to everyone--BE SO CAREFUL WHAT YOU SAY! You may not think its dirty rushing or a rush infraction and you may think its a way to make sure a girl knows how much you like her, but it is HORRIBLE for the girl if she doesn't get a bid AND it gets you in trouble. I know in the heat of rush, things can slip out, but please just be careful!
I don't know if anyone else has an opinion on this or an actual experience, but I just thought I would post this. Thanks!

33girl · #2 10-09-2001, 07:45 PM

awesome post AOPiLaLa!!

You are so right.

It is so easy, to get caught up in the 'heat of the moment' and say things you didn't intend to....or think that surely everyone will see in a rushee what you do. Plus you have to consider that sometimes a girl going through rush will grab onto hope and ride it way too hard when you never intended that at all.

Something like "I really enjoyed spending time with you" might seem a little sterile, but if it keeps the rushee from getting false hopes up it's worth it.

MoxieGrrl · #3 10-09-2001, 08:26 PM

One of the things that my chapter always says is "I really hope to see you tomorrow night!" It isn't promising anything, and you are speaking for yourself.

SoCalGirl · #4 10-09-2001, 09:39 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by MoxieGrrl
One of the things that my chapter always says is "I really hope to see you tomorrow night!" It isn't promising anything, and you are speaking for yourself.

At the school I attended; UCSD, even that would be a rush infraction! So it definitely depends on the campus. Even "I hope I get to see you again" would be an infraction here.

Acceptable:
I enjoyed meeting you. I hope you enjoy the rest of rush. It was great getting to meet you.

Beryana · #5 10-09-2001, 09:40 PM

But, saying "I really hope to see you tomorrow night" is kind of implying that you will put her on your list to invite her back. It is more putting the choice in her court, but what happens if its taken the wrong way? What happens if she gets the list of houses she was invited back to and your house isn't on it? You may not think you're speaking for the whole chapter by saying that you hope to see her tomorrow night, but it can be interpreted that way---especially when a heart gets broken. . .

Sorry if this came off sounding harsh . . . .

AGDLynn · #6 10-09-2001, 10:44 PM

This reminds me of the country song, "What Part of No Don't You Understand?"

PNMs are so hyped up that sometimes they are interpreting words and actions completely different than the hyped rusher intended and vice versa. And that in a "normal" conversation under "normal" conditions, there wouldn't be such a misunderstanding. Unfortunately, that's why it's really a "rush"!

That's why treaties are written in French..less confusion! (At least that's what I remember from high school history class

LexiKD · #7 10-09-2001, 11:23 PM

We always stress to say I hope, not we hope...

I do think some PNMs feel like that is a promise and I have seen many a hearts broken becasue of it, but that should be covered by their Rho Chis.

Recruitment is a hard for both sides and sometimes you really feel like you hope to see her on Bid Day. I don't think you should hold back what you feel, the girl has got to understand that it is a lottery with so many PNMs and only so many spots for quota and not to mention I am not the chapter and the chapter votes not just me.

I think we underestimate the education level of the normal PNM. They come prepared and know what is going on now, not like when I went through.

justamom · #8 10-10-2001, 06:53 AM

For those that know, of course I have an opinion on this.

Try some variations of- I can't tell you how much I enjoyed meeting you today... I can't believe how much we have in common, you are so easy to talk to. Sincerely compliment her on the basis of YOUR experience with her.

A great example of a comment made to my daughter that let her know the RUSHER liked her was-It was so great meeting you, I know you will have a fantastic rush. It's also a comment that can give a girl an added boost of confidence.

The last night, when you are really trying to convey your feelings,
keep it simple. Put it in terms of HER decision. For example,
Whatever you decide, I want you to know how great it's been meeting and spending time with you. You can let them know you really like them if you, as an individual, speak from your heart.(Within acceptable boundries) Think of it like a date. You don't want some guy telling you "I'll call" when he has others in mind ahead of you. Respect them so that in the end, they will respect you and your organization.

maggieaxid · #9 10-10-2001, 08:56 AM

Its great that all of you want certain PNM's so much. However, AOTTLaLa is right, BE CAREFUL. When I was a Rho Chi, there were rush infractions filled against sorority members who gave PNM's hugs at parties, bc they weren't giving all the girls hugs to the PNM's this seemed like they were playing favorites!

OKsoonergirl · #10 10-19-2001, 07:50 AM

My personal rush experience involved a case of extreme false promises... the two girls that rushed me on pref day said verbatem, "We want you to know that we PROMISE we have a place for you here, I promise we will see you tomorrow," and I am confident i wasn't just reading into them as a wishful thinking rushee... I, of course, preffed them, I thought to myself how could i not pref them after they were so kind to me. Come bid day, however, i got my second choice. It really made me bitter for awhile about the whole process, and I wondered if i really wanted to be a part of something that can at times, such as in my case, be so misleading and flat out phony. I understand that a certain amount of shall we say excess bubliness is necessary during recruitment but to go to the extremes that i experienced in that house, in my opinion, is wrong. I did not report them but I know they would get in serious trouble if panhellenic or nationals were informed what went on.