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  #1  
Old 06-13-2008, 03:34 AM
glamorbomb glamorbomb is offline
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Advice for a fellow Sister (very long!)

Hi

I wrote a post that included information that was completely unnecessary so it's been edited- all I'm going to say is that I had a not-so-hot collegiate experience, but despite that...

I am looking to somehow get back involved after a hiatus and am wondering what alumnae life is like, if it is even worth it to join my alumnae chapter and just some general support from fellow sisters far and wide. I still love ABC and everything it stands for... I just wish something good could've come from the entire experience. I sort of feel like my entire experience was a bust and I hate feeling that way because I truly love my Sorority and everything it stands for. Despite my less than wonderful experiences, I'm still dying to find the sisterhood that I joined for.

Any words any of you might have would be very welcome.

Thanks!
Chrissy

If you want to know the details (that I originally had posted and have since removed), PM me and I'll share my story with you

Note of advice: Do not make posts when you are tired. You start babbling and become completely incoherent and make yourself look ridiculous! :P

Last edited by glamorbomb; 06-13-2008 at 08:32 PM. Reason: My original post was terrible :D
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  #2  
Old 06-13-2008, 09:08 AM
nittanyalum nittanyalum is offline
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I'm an alum of a GLO, and I'm not quoting your post because I'm strongly recommending you edit it. I'm sorry you had a tough time in undergrad, that's always a shame, but if your goal here is to learn how to become involved as an alum in a new area, putting your chapter (though unnamed, just reflects on the whole sorority now) on blast to basically vent isn't necessary on an internet forum. If you were looking for advice on how to still deal with that situation, that might be one thing, but you don't even live in the same state as your home chapter anymore. If you want to get re-involved as an alum, just find a local club (does the nat'l website have a listing or something?) and just get in touch. If you want to eventually share your story in person with the other alums in your new area, that's fine, but I'm not sure what doing it on the www does for you right now. Look forward to what you can experience as an alum if it's important for you, but you have to let the other stuff go if you want to move on and enjoy your GLO now.

Last edited by KSUViolet06; 06-13-2008 at 03:24 PM.
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  #3  
Old 06-13-2008, 09:56 AM
33girl 33girl is offline
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To be quite frank, it sounds as though what you suffered in college was complete culture shock. The East Coast and West Coast are very different - plus it sounds like you were raised fairly upper middle class - and if you were a deb and got into a chapter that was filled with girls who DIDN'T have that kind of upbringing, it's going to be hard to fit in. Not to mention the fact that you were older than many of the sisters.

As far as the situation with the sister you moved in with, I'm guessing you don't mean into the house? It sounds as though you took what was an off-campus, out-of-house roommate situation and turned it into a sorority situation. This was not the best course of action and I can understand why other sisters may have been upset that you made it a sorority issue, rather than trying to work it out with your roommate on your own.

I would contact your sorority's national office and see if you can get in touch with an alumnae chapter. If there are several in your area, you may have the option of joining the one that suits you best.

Good luck.
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  #4  
Old 06-13-2008, 02:34 PM
KSUViolet06 KSUViolet06 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 33girl View Post

I would contact your sorority's national office and see if you can get in touch with an alumnae chapter. If there are several in your area, you may have the option of joining the one that suits you best.

Good luck.


You've been given very good advice above. I strongly suggest following it.

Something to think about:

Even without the sorority name, you've provided enough personal info for someone to figure out who you are. The internet is a very public place and not the best place for this sort of thing.

While some of the actions of your sisters were not the greatest, to "air" them out on a message board instead of in person/via email/etc is not the best thing to do. When you took your vows to your particular sorority, you ultimately agreed to respect those women (regardless of whether you like them), and part of that includes addressing your concerns with them appropriately--not in public on a message board.

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Last edited by KSUViolet06; 06-13-2008 at 03:48 PM.
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  #5  
Old 06-13-2008, 05:54 PM
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While I love my chapter sisters dearly and see them very often, over the years since becoming alum I've grown closer with sisters who weren't from my area. My sisterhood circle got 10x bigger when I became an alum.

If you truly love your sorority, let go of the past and get involved with an alum chapter. It's likely these sisters don't know anything about your collegiate experience, so there's no need to bring in that baggage. You're no good to your sorority and your sorority is no good to you if you choose to continue to sit in that shit.

Like that old saying goes, "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."
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  #6  
Old 06-13-2008, 05:56 PM
LadyLonghorn LadyLonghorn is offline
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And there are always at least two sides to every story. For instance, I am totally seeing your sisters' perspective on your missing rush practice because you felt your preparations to shack with your boyfriend were more important than your sisterhood.

Although you are in a different location now, from what I know of alumnae life, eventually someone will know someone who knows you and your story. And it may very well include only the perspective of your chapter sisters. That's something you will need to be prepared for.
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  #7  
Old 06-13-2008, 05:58 PM
DSTCHAOS DSTCHAOS is offline
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Originally Posted by OTW View Post
While I love my chapter sisters dearly and see them very often, over the years since becoming alum I've grown closer with sisters who weren't from my area. My sisterhood circle got 10x bigger when I became an alum.
Same here. As far as I'm concerned, that's how it usually is when you're in national GLOs and are honoring a lifetime commitment. Especially if you relocate.
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  #8  
Old 06-13-2008, 07:03 PM
AOII Angel AOII Angel is offline
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It doesn't sound like you want advice as much as you want validation. Sorry your sisters didn't support you when you were depressed. Just remember that college girls aren't trained psychologists and may not know how to handle such information. If they were really as cruel to you as you make it sound, then forget your chapter and make a fresh start with more mature women in your alumnae chapter. I suspect, however, that your version of the story is tainted by a lot of hurt feelings. Maybe they didn't mean things the way you took them. Maybe you came off as someone who didn't want to participate. In the end, it's water under the bridge. If you keep harping forever about this experience, you'll miss out on opportunities to really experience lifelong sisterhood with ABC.
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  #9  
Old 06-13-2008, 07:59 PM
glamorbomb glamorbomb is offline
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While I completely understand what most of the responses are saying, I suppose I didn't articulate myself very well so I'll attempt to do that now.

The point of my post was to say that I had had a very difficult time in my collegiate years and was wondering what life as an alumna was like- if it was even worth it, etc. The only reason why I made the post so detailed and full of information (that was not intended to make my Sorority look bad but to explain what I had been through) was simply to chronicle WHY I had such a hard time in my collegiate years. I also think it's important to note that I did say I loved (and love) my Sorority. I even respect my sisters despite how I feel I was treated by them, because I know it can't be easy to understand someone who was going through what I went through at the time! I also think it's important to note that due to my perspective on the situation I made it appear that I felt I was blameless- I know that is not the case because my reclusive nature pushed them away when I was going through my depression, but I don't think that the blame for my experience should be pinned on me, either, considering how active I was when I first joined before my Depression kicked in. Again, my story is exactly that- my story, from my point of view, and that's all.

It is not about needing validation (I never said I was always in the right or that they treated me unfairly- it was more just the fact that they didn't understand what I was going through so they didn't understand why I was so reclusive) or me just whining and I apologize if that's the way it came across. I'm simply just wanting support from other women- regardless of whether they've been through my situation or not. It is hard to get over your past experiences to look forward to the years as an alumna when the only sorority experience you've had wasn't what you expected, so the advice I was looking for was whether or not you think that after an experience like this if being an active alumna is worth it!

I hope that cleared things up a bit- and I've reminded myself that making long posts at 3:30am is probably not a good idea :P

So to those of you who got the point of my post and responded accordingly, thank you for the advice. I really appreciate it and have taken it to heart.

Last edited by glamorbomb; 06-13-2008 at 08:19 PM.
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  #10  
Old 06-13-2008, 08:11 PM
AOII Angel AOII Angel is offline
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I wasn't trying to chastize you, glamorbomb! You ask if alumnae involvement is worth it. It depends on what you want out of the experience. It is very different than collegiate life. You don't have all of the myriad responsibilities like rush and weekly chapter meeting. You can be as involved or uninvolved as you want. In the end, you get out of the experience what you put into it. To get the experience you want out of it, first decide what that experience is...in detail. Then, do everything you can to make that desire a reality. Sometimes, what you want is not a program currently available, but most chapters are willing to try new things to improve their programming to supply members with their needs.
It sounds like things got a little out of control while you were a collegiate. Forgive them for not being what you needed at the time. In the future, you may be able to help a sister in that same position you were in and show what it is to be a sister to a person in emotional distress. In the end, give it a try...if you don't like it, you can just walk away. There is nothing to lose.
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  #11  
Old 06-13-2008, 08:18 PM
KSUViolet06 KSUViolet06 is offline
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As far as alumna life being worth it: Absolutely.

The sorority is for a lifetime. If everyone took their negative experiences from college and decided to never get involved again, there would be no alumna chapters because I can guarantee that not one girl on this board had a totally perfect, storybook collegiate experience. Your alumna years are FAR longer than the 4 you spent in college, so it is important to get into a place where you can move on and get involved without carrying the hurt of what happened to you in college.

As we graduate, so begins the alumna experience in our lives and we start all over. Everything in alumna life is so much different than life as a collegian. You will meet new people, do different things, and serve the sorority on many new levels that you could not while in college.

It really is a fresh start. I encourage you to make the fresh start and contact your nearest alumna chapter. You'll be glad you did.
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Last edited by KSUViolet06; 06-13-2008 at 08:59 PM.
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  #12  
Old 06-13-2008, 09:39 PM
DZRose DZRose is offline
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I too didn't have that great of an undergraduate experience which is the precise reason I became involved on an alumnae level. I have gotten so much more after graduation than while still in college.

But being active as an alumnae shouldn't have anything to do with your experience in college, especially if you don't even live in that area anymore. If you love your sorority, be involved and leave all that baggage at the door.
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  #13  
Old 06-14-2008, 09:07 AM
Zillini Zillini is offline
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Glamorbomb, maybe my story will help you get an idea of what benefits being an alum can offer. My college sorority experience was quite different than yours. I had a great time. I was a typical, random, average member, somewhat apathetic, never held an office, showed up to the required events/meetings (sometimes unhappily b/c it was mandatory) and certainly attended every party. After I graduated I didn't think much about my sorority aside from keeping in touch with some close friends. I didn't see the big picture, the "lifelong commitment" thing was lost on me.

Fast forward, my Hubby and I moved to the Deep South for his job. I didn't know a soul in about a 300 mile radius. I was commuting an hour each way to/from work and barely had the chance to meet my neighbors. At that time Hubby was traveling a lot with his new job and I was plain old lonely.

One day I got an invitation to an alum tea at the local chapter of my sorority house. (They'd gotten my address from Inat'l when I'd sent in my change of address form for the magazine.) I decided to go thinking it would be a nice way to meet some local women. Little did I know it ended up being a recruitment function for the House Corporation. I agreed to join for social reasons more than anything else.

I got to know these wonderful women and slowly it dawned on me that these were more than just friends, they were indeed my sisters. It didn't matter to them that I had gone to another school in a different part of the country. They embraced me. When my daughter was born with severe complications, they supported me and comforted me.

Later the Chapter needed a Financial Advisor and I somehow got drafted not having a clue what it meant. I discovered the Chapter was having financial problems. I put in a lot of hard work with the Treasurer and other officers over that year and we managed to put them back on solid financial footing. That next year I was asked to become the Chapter Advisor and have been doing so ever since.

During that initial time I realized these collegians needed me or someone like me. They needed someone to help them sort through their problems and would stand behind them when facing difficult situations. They needed a mentor. I've come to realize I needed them too. With my daughter's disabilities and health complications, I unexpectedly became a stay at home mom. I needed an outlet from the stress at home. I can't fix my daughter's problems, but I can fix a whole lot of sorority related problems. This may sound odd, but I truly believe these girls helped keep me sane.

I don't know exactly when it dawned on me "This is what my sorority is really all about. This is what they meant by a lifelong commitment." But I get it now and I try to show my collegians what that means. It's rather funny to me. I've been advising for so long and am so committed that many of my girls assume I was born wearing letters, held every office as an active and have been "RAH-RAH-YEAH-SORORITY!" all my life. They are shocked to hear this wasn't the case. When they hear my story I often see them look at our org from a new perspective.

I'm 1,000 times more committed to my org as a whole and my girls in particular than I ever imagined. My biggest regret is I didn't get it back in my college days. I do now and that's what matters. There is an upside though. I think it's made me a better advisor because I can relate to those random, average, apathetic members. Been there, done that.

Last edited by Zillini; 06-15-2008 at 08:52 AM.
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  #14  
Old 06-14-2008, 01:20 PM
lauralaylin lauralaylin is offline
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Well, I don't know what your problems were in your undergrad chapter, but from my experience, the drama decreases 100 fold once you graduate. I've been an extremely active alum (never crossed my mind not to be!), and I've enjoyed it a lot more than my undergrad experience. Most of my best sister friends are not from my undergraduate chapter, but I have a ton of them. Everyone is so supportive and friendly and welcoming. I've now lived in a few different states, and in each place the alum chapter has really helped me adjust to life in a totally new area where I knew no one. I highly suggest you give it a try, you have nothing to lose and everything to gain.
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  #15  
Old 06-14-2008, 10:38 PM
gee_ess gee_ess is offline
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I just have to give snaps to all of the wonderful responses to the OP. However, I think we should sticky Zillini's post - very powerful, well-written, and spot-on.
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