living together before marriage: opinions?

[fantASTic]

Originally Posted by AlphaFrog

Hon, we covered that 3 pages ago.

Obviously. But it seemed like the general consensus was that living together causes divorces, which is NOT necessarily true. Hence, the link, to show that just because two things are linked together does not make it a cause and effect.

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by SECdomination

I usually assume no one agrees with me on things like this.

I think I'm with you on this, though my reasons are based on alot of factors besides religious ones.

[DSTCHAOS]

Originally Posted by fantASTic

Obviously. But it seemed like the general consensus was that living together causes divorces, which is NOT necessarily true. Hence, the link, to show that just because two things are linked together does not make it a cause and effect.

No one said it "causes" divorce. At least not people who can think nonlinearly.

The statement was made that couples that cohabitate are more likely to not get married and divorce when they do get married.

The wording is extremely important because it conveys a difference between correlation, increased likelihood, and causation. Since correlation is not causation.

[GeekyPenguin]

Originally Posted by AlphaFrog

Fixed that for you.

EW AlphaFrog, not before marriage.

[GeekyPenguin]

Originally Posted by Kevin

That bastard.

At this point, I believe that all of the stuff in my prenup would probably be considered separate property anyhow.

We conservatives are terrific at increasing our assets. All I can tell you to do is be careful. You're probably screwed anyhow. Good luck with finals.

Well, he'll always want my sweet government benefits if I get a PD job, so I guess I have that going for me.

And we live in a community property state so I'll just commingle all our stuff to make sure I get half!

[PrettyBoy]

Originally Posted by SECdomination

Haha, I figured. I meant that we agreed on not living with the girlfriend. Because I somehow have managed to have a moral belief system circa 1850s, I usually assume no one agrees with me on things like this.

If your morals go back to the 1850s, then I agree with you 100%. I'm like that too, but when you get a man and a woman who are attracted to each other in the same room, a mistake is bound to happen. There's a verse in the Bible that talks about this, but that's another topic. That verse is so true and right to the point. But yeah, I agree with you 100%.

[PrettyBoy]

Originally Posted by Knoxstudent

I'm in agreement with you and Pretty Boy.

That makes three of us out of how many? lol. I think since we're living in a different time now, things have gotten so out of wack. It seems like serious relationships and staying married are a thing of the past. I think everyone is pretty much into their careers now, and I don't think anything is wrong with that, but I guess it's hard to concentrate on both. Whenever I get into a discussion with people on my morals, people go as if I'm the one with the problem. Back in the day it would be the other way around. Sleeping around and the FWB thing has always been there, even in the 1850s, but it was no where near as bad as it is now. I don't understand why people do it. Something is definitely wrong. I just don't think living together makes things any better, but this is the way it is now. This was unheard of in the past.

[nittanyalum]

Here are some interesting statistics (census figures published in 2004): http://www.census.gov/Press-Release/...ds/003118.html

[PrettyBoy]

Originally Posted by nittanyalum

Here are some interesting statistics (census figures published in 2004): http://www.census.gov/Press-Release/...ds/003118.html

I'm pretty surprised at those figures.

[AlphaFrog]

Originally Posted by fantASTic

Obviously. But it seemed like the general consensus was that living together causes divorces, which is NOT necessarily true. Hence, the link, to show that just because two things are linked together does not make it a cause and effect.

No, actually that IS NOT the consensus. Try actually reading it next time.

Originally Posted by AlphaFrog

I'm sure you realize this, but I have a feeling that the statistics have less to do with the actual act of moving in together, and more to do with the values, expectations, and attitudes of those who move in together.

Originally Posted by KSig RC

There are myriad problems with these studies, mostly because the correlation is about as far from the causation as you can get - and ironically, everything I've read is about the opposite of Drole's point, in that those who don't live together are also those philosophically opposed to divorce, or determined to "fight through" when others might feel a split is the best option.

However, I think Drole is exactly right in the YMMV portion - really, most opinions here are based on anecdotes, single personal experiences or remembering really good/bad things that happened to one or two people (selection bias). I don't think either solution is better than the other in general, and unfortunately I'm not sure there is a good way to tell which camp you'll be in until far after the point where you make a decision.

Personally, I think I would prefer to live with someone - I would doubt that it would occlude my desire to marry that individual because we're "practically married" and I feel like any smart scientist would prefer a test run. I'd like to know that person can handle space issues without resorting to an entirely different building, and I would prefer to get any money issues sorted out while the accounts are still split (or kids are involved), among other things. I also can't think of one good reason why couples that live together first would divorce any more than those who do not other than personal issues, at least not at the rate studies suggest - however, the studies are there, and I can completely understand why others would not, and I could also see myself adding to the statistic should things go wrong.

Originally Posted by MysticCat

Without question. I haven't seen a study that really examines "why" -- just that the bald statistic is that marriages where the couple lived together prior to marriage or more likely to end in divorce than those where the couple did not live together. Personally, I have a suspicion that KSig is right:


As to this:

the one other hypothesis I have heard is that couples who live together before marriage may carry over from the cohabitation into the marriage a feeling of "well, one of us can just move out if it gets to that." Granted, that may be very close if not connected to the personal issues you mention.