Getting pregnant before marriage - Page 8

ADPiShannan · #**106** 05-04-2006, 01:35 PM

My husbands cousin J was just out of HS going to college to study aero engineering and he came home that fall in Sept to see his family and gf and ended up getting her pregnant. Their family is VERY wealthyand very respected in the community and they were VERY mad.

I can't speak for the gf at all because I like her alot, but a lot of the family say she did it on purpose because she didnt like to take birth control. They said she did it because she was still at home taking classes at the community college while the bf was 6 hours away at college, enjoying life and she wanted to keep him so she got pregnant. My hubbys sister thought for a while the baby wasnt even their cousins.

Lets say this all happened last year, well two Septs ago because the baby will be 1 this August and they LOVE that baby to pieces. I will say it screwed up everything. She is adorable and everyone now loves her and its not her fault, but the gf made the cousin feel so bad and he was so upset about the situation he failed all this classes because he couldnt concentrate and missed his finals and ended up moving back home to his parents. Now he works full time and takes classes at the community college and is taking care of the baby and his gf. The gf dropped out of school and doesnt work.

Her family all got pregnant before they were out of HS so I think she thought thats what its suppose to be like. She had a friend that had that happen to their senior year and she kept saying to her bf I want a baby.....

I honestly think if he would have stayed at college and didnt get pregnant, they wouldnt be together still... I feel for them and I love the both and the baby, but it messed their whole future up because of it. I just hope they both make something out of the situation. She is talking marriage now.....

I think it is totally fine to have a baby but not be married. While I only know of my hubbys cousin that this happened to, I think its fine if you are a adult and love someone and get pregnant. I think if you can afford it and know the responsibility, more power to you.... People have babies without a partner even so its fine... I think if you are still young it may be a problem because you get into something you may not be ready for. Thats a chance you take when you have sex though.

Every situation is different. I think its fine. I know the religion I was rasied in says you shouldnt even have sex before marriage so that is their views, but everyone should be allowed to live their lives how they want to.

AlphaFrog · #**107** 05-04-2006, 01:46 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by ADPiShannan

I think it is totally fine to have a baby but not be pregnant.

How exactly does this work?? It's not ok when the girl is pregnant, but after she has the baby, it's all fine??

ETA: Ok, it now makes more sense.

AlphaFrog · #**108** 05-04-2006, 02:04 PM

I just found an article discussing the drop in teen pregnancy. It's interesting to say the least

:

MSN Article

The best part:
"Since one man's sperm rarely has to race that of another man to the finish, things like speed and volume are less important in human sperm than in other animals, permitting a certain amount of atrophy among humans. "

valkyrie · #**109** 05-04-2006, 02:32 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by AlphaFrog
The best part:
"Since one man's sperm rarely has to race that of another man to the finish, things like speed and volume are less important in human sperm than in other animals, permitting a certain amount of atrophy among humans. "

This is why it is so important for us as women to have sex with as many men as possible. It is a service we can provide that benefits all of humanity. Step up that sperm, boys!

Kevin · #**110** 05-04-2006, 02:34 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by ADPiShannan
I can't speak for the gf at all because I like her alot, but a lot of the family say she did it on purpose because she didnt like to take birth control. They said she did it because she was still at home taking classes at the community college while the bf was 6 hours away at college, enjoying life and she wanted to keep him so she got pregnant. My hubbys sister thought for a while the baby wasnt even their cousins.

So what you're saying is that she had the baby to hold on to a boy she really liked. That's extremely selfish. It's unbelieveable that someone would bring another human being into the world for such a reason, but I know it happens all of the time.

ADPiShannan · #**111** 05-04-2006, 03:37 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by ktsnake
So what you're saying is that she had the baby to hold on to a boy she really liked. That's extremely selfish. It's unbelieveable that someone would bring another human being into the world for such a reason, but I know it happens all of the time.

Its the truth. As much as she wont come out and say it, it is. She told me over christmas she is going to get him to marry her. She said there is no way they will be apart. Strange but true how some people think.

AKA_Monet · #**112** 05-05-2006, 03:48 AM

Rudey,

I am still trying to understand why you are worried about "trashy trailer" monkey wrench hoes down in Souf Centrow when you'd never date that kind of woman in the first place?

I guess I'm a little lost on the concept?

The other issue is why sleep with an a$$wipe luser and have his baby when you know you all ain't gonna be together?

But a young lady explained to me that many times, a fool "entices" a woman with "little self-esteem" at first. Wham bam thank you ma'am, then loves and leaves her... Then 9 months later, a baby comes home... The love between mother and baby is so powerful that mother's instinct automatically turns on and propelling the woman to all that she can do to ensure survival of her offspring, no matter what it takes... Unless she's a drug addict. Then that's another case...

But smart women get pregnant all the time... That's how a lot of my over 30 year old friends got their man to marry them...

And Ktsnake, I do find it rather selfish on behalf of some of these women...

But there are just reams and reams of other peoples situations that go beyond comprehension.

Is marriage obsolete? I don't think so. Is it fashionable? Hayle no. It is very hard work and kids today do not want to take that kinna time to make it work. So it makes it luxury in the end.

I almost nearing my 3 year anniversary... No kids - different story on that one.

But all I can say is that I've learn about myself more than anything else over these past 3 years.

ASUADPi · #**113** 05-05-2006, 09:54 AM

I have to say I think it (getting pregnant before marriage) can be attibuted to how you were raised.

A friend of mine, from elementary school, barely graduated high school. She wasn't encouraged to go to college. Her whole goal in life was to get married and have lots of babies. This is because that is what her parents did. They got married young and immediately got pregnant. She knew no better (and now she is reeping the difficulties of her choices).

Plus, if you're mom was a teen (or unmarried) and all your sisters (cousins, female relatives) did the same thing, chances are you are going to follow in the same path, because that's all you know. You only know having kids when your young or unmarried.

Just my thoughts and opinions.

Kevin · #**114** 05-05-2006, 10:48 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by ASUADPi
I have to say I think it (getting pregnant before marriage) can be attibuted to how you were raised.

So as Rudey would have said -- trailer trash?

Quote:

A friend of mine, from elementary school, barely graduated high school. She wasn't encouraged to go to college. Her whole goal in life was to get married and have lots of babies. This is because that is what her parents did. They got married young and immediately got pregnant. She knew no better (and now she is reeping the difficulties of her choices).

That pretty much reinforces my assumption.

Quote:

Plus, if you're mom was a teen (or unmarried) and all your sisters (cousins, female relatives) did the same thing, chances are you are going to follow in the same path, because that's all you know. You only know having kids when your young or unmarried.

That certainly doesn't make it any more right or less selfish. One cannot blame their own choices on the choices their parents made. Does it take a heck of a lot of book smarts to come to the conclusion that babies are hard work, they cost a lot of money, and there's no way in Hades that a baby will ever make a relationship work.

I mentioned above that I'm working while in law school in a firm that handles a lot of these family cases. I could give tell some amazing stories of how these trailer trashers work the DHS system, WIC, TANF, etc. They have these kids so that they can sit on the couch all day eating bon bons paid for by you, me, and daddy's child support payments.

-- and don't screw with their custody situation, or they'll go find the baddest public defender money can't by and put daddy even further into debt because he actually has a j-o-b and can't get a free lawyer.

One such 'lil mama we're working with has been pregnant, or trying to get that way since HS. Has one child with our client, and is working on another. The girl's about 18...

Oh, and her new hubby has been accused (not convicted) of child molestation several times. Her pro-bono lawyers have been filing all kinds of BS because they know dad (who does manual labor for a living and is borrowing a load of money to do this) is going to tap out eventually.

It's pretty sad stuff what these women get away with.

Rudey · #**115** 05-05-2006, 02:09 PM

Well Monet, I don't want a girl putting pinholes in my condoms you know?

And what if my buddy brings around a girl like that to my wine and cheese black tie affairs? I'd be mortified because if I wanted to sleep with my buddy's girl, all I'd have to choose from is trailer trash at that point

-Rudey

Quote:

Originally posted by AKA_Monet
Rudey,

I am still trying to understand why you are worried about "trashy trailer" monkey wrench hoes down in Souf Centrow when you'd never date that kind of woman in the first place?

I guess I'm a little lost on the concept?

The other issue is why sleep with an a$$wipe luser and have his baby when you know you all ain't gonna be together?

But a young lady explained to me that many times, a fool "entices" a woman with "little self-esteem" at first. Wham bam thank you ma'am, then loves and leaves her... Then 9 months later, a baby comes home... The love between mother and baby is so powerful that mother's instinct automatically turns on and propelling the woman to all that she can do to ensure survival of her offspring, no matter what it takes... Unless she's a drug addict. Then that's another case...

But smart women get pregnant all the time... That's how a lot of my over 30 year old friends got their man to marry them...

And Ktsnake, I do find it rather selfish on behalf of some of these women...

But there are just reams and reams of other peoples situations that go beyond comprehension.

Is marriage obsolete? I don't think so. Is it fashionable? Hayle no. It is very hard work and kids today do not want to take that kinna time to make it work. So it makes it luxury in the end.

I almost nearing my 3 year anniversary... No kids - different story on that one.

But all I can say is that I've learn about myself more than anything else over these past 3 years.

AKA_Monet · #**116** 05-05-2006, 03:42 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Rudey
Well Monet, I don't want a girl putting pinholes in my condoms you know?

And what if my buddy brings around a girl like that to my wine and cheese black tie affairs? I'd be mortified because if I wanted to sleep with my buddy's girl, all I'd have to choose from is trailer trash at that point

-Rudey

Dude!

You admit to inviting hoes to your kinna parties? You pimping it like that?

I mean, if you tryin' to be the playa pimp, you'd be slappin' a ho... 'Cuz that's the only thing these biatches understand... There ain't no such thing as a "good girl ho"... Once a ho, always a ho...

There ain't no mortification with hoes showin' up, they know what they gotta do when you allow them to be on the track...

teena · #**117** 05-07-2006, 07:45 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by AKA_Monet
Dude!

You admit to inviting hoes to your kinna parties? You pimping it like that?

I mean, if you tryin' to be the playa pimp, you'd be slappin' a ho... 'Cuz that's the only thing these biatches understand... There ain't no such thing as a "good girl ho"... Once a ho, always a ho...

There ain't no mortification with hoes showin' up, they know what they gotta do when you allow them to be on the track...

YOU.ARE.SO.GANSTA!!!!!!

Being bilingual is the best.

KSUViolet06 · #**118** 05-22-2006, 02:05 PM

I have a relative that got pregnant in HS. The child's father was a fast food worker, so he wasn't much help.
She went to accelerated HS and graduated early.

She worked 2 jobs for 4 years to support herself and her baby while going to school and living in crappy apartments.

She graduates this May with a BS in Nursing and will be a neonatal nurse at Barberton Hospital.

christiangirl · #**119** 05-22-2006, 03:31 PM

I'll keep it brief, since everybody else wrote novels and I can't seem to finish them all.

No, getting pregnant before marriage doesn't make you trashy. I don't believe anyone should have sex before they are married, but going against that doesn't make you some horrible trailer trash. I don't think getting pregnant is the issue, it's pre-marital sex period. Why blast the ones who get pregnant? For every girl who gets pregnant before she's married, there are 49 more who did the same deed, but their stomachs are still flat, so they got away with it.

kddani · #**120** 05-22-2006, 03:34 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by christiangirl
Why blast the ones who get pregnant? For every girl who gets pregnant before she's married, there are 49 more who did the same deed, but their stomachs are still flat, so they got away with it.

Because the majority of people who visit this message board very likely don't agree with your viewpoint.