For the ladies.. "Why aren't you married?"

[BlueReign]

I need to print this one out and tape it somewhere. Love the responses especially the one about bridal showers. If I ever get married again, I'm requesting that yall do not give me a shower. I don't care for babyshowers either.

Thanks Benzgirl!

Originally Posted by Benzgirl

I hate this question and I get it at least once each week.

My responses depend on my mood and who is asking. Here are some of them....

• "You now owe me $20 bucks." (I don't tell them why and really have no reason that I said it)
• "why should I, your marriage didn't last" (Only to someone I don't like)
• "I'm not a serial bride like you are" (ditto, and I did say it twice.)
• "So you are on marriage number 3 and you are 35 years old. You have used up my share of weddings."
• "Didn't you marry and divorce one of your ex-husbands twice?"
• "I hate silly games at bridal showers"
• "Is this a proposal?" (the guy must be worthly of this response)
• "I'm a liberal"
• "I'm impossible to live with" (there is a lot of truth to this answer)
• "I can't live on a schedule" (all truth)
• "I don't need to"
• "Why"
• "I plan to be a hermit after I retire" (I say that one all the time to my mother)
• "There is no room for anyone to move into my house" or "there is no closet space left" or "I have too much furniture to make room for anyone else" (all truth)

But, all I really want to say is, "none of your G. D. Biz"

[NinjaPoodle]

Originally Posted by TRSimon

Just what folks want to hear at the annual Christmas parties.... LOLOL....

Hey Soror!

[tld221]

I'm single.
I'm young.
I have no kids.
I have no desire to get married.

I dont want to take this thread too off-topic, but i never grew up with a desire to be married. My parents were married, and it wasnt exactly something to look forward to. And then they divorced, and that DEFINITELY wasn't something to look forward to. Of course there are very positive marriages that DO last til death do them part, but i dont know anyone who can testify.

and another thing, to be honest, i'm really bitter as a woman when it comes to marriage. I know infidelity is a two-way street, but if you vow to be this man's everything, through thick and thin and all of that... you give your whole LIFE and self to this one person - kids and all - and in return you get the shaft?

He gets to leave, start all over. I'm left to raise the kids and restore a life and home for them and myself, and still move on? Why would i set myself up for that?

So on the off-chance that i am asked "Why aren't you married?" my response is typically "I don't want to get married." Which opens a whole can of worms that i almost never feel like defending, because its always met with "oh, well you havent met the right one..."

well doesn't EVERYONE who gets married think they met the "right one," and then 52% of them realize they dont? i actually believe that 52% of people who divorce are the ones who have the courage to go through with the divorce legally. how many couples out there are legally married but aint ever been a couple, or stopped being one? or are separated? or have an arrangement?

as you can tell, i'm a cynic. but im also young, so maybe i have a few years of learning.

[DSTCHAOS]

I am surrounded by successful marriages, as well as marriages that lasted decades and ended in divorce.

Learn from these but do not allow what you learn to provide a self-fulfilling prophecy. The men and women in these situations are not you and the man you will be with. Take the general lessons but do not try to apply them too much to your life because they won't always apply.

Being cynical is okay if it keeps you realistic and conscious. Not if it scares potentials aways and gives you a huge chip on the shoulder that prevents you from having a successful marriage.

[NinjaPoodle]

Originally Posted by DSTCHAOS

I am surrounded by successful marriages, as well as marriages that lasted decades and ended in divorce.

Learn from these but do not allow what you learn to provide a self-fulfilling prophecy. The men and women in these situations are not you and the man you will be with. Take the general lessons but do not try to apply them too much to your life because they won't always apply.

Being cynical is okay if it keeps you realistic and conscious. Not if it scares potentials aways and gives you a huge chip on the shoulder that prevents you from having a successful marriage.

YES, YES, YES! You read my mind

[DSTCHAOS]

Originally Posted by NinjaPoodle

YES, YES, YES! You read my mind

Everyone has their own baggage. We deal with it, accordingly.

Most people are so afraid of being hurt or disappointed. After they've scared all the potentials away and ruined enough relationships, they say "there are no good men/women out here" or "God meant for me to be unmarried (which is possible however it often isn't)."

[rhoyaltempest]

Originally Posted by DSTCHAOS

Everyone has their own baggage. We deal with it, accordingly.

Most people are so afraid of being hurt or disappointed. After they've scared all the potentials away and ruined enough relationships, they say "there are no good men/women out here" or "God meant for me to be unmarried (which is possible however it often isn't)."

This is sooooo true. When I decided that God didn't mean for me to get married, that's when I found my mate (or my mate found me) and it was just around the time that I was really starting to get used to the idea of not getting married. So I truly believe now that when God is ready, he will send you someone just for you. Until that time, live life to the fullest and work on becoming the best you that you can be. You should be a whole and complete person before you marry another whole and complete person anyway so if you have things to work on (and most of us do), maybe this is the reason you are still single.

[Dionysus]

Originally Posted by tld221

I'm single.
I'm young.
I have no kids.
I have no desire to get married.

Originally Posted by tld221

maybe "bitter" is a harsh word.

i agree with most of what yall have said. and honestly, IF the right person comes along and im feeling it, sure, break out wedding bells. and i dont base my decision of not wanting to be married on just my parents' failed marriage, but off other marriages - grandparents, uncles, cousins, family friends, etc. its hard to imagine a happy marriage for myself because i didnt grow up around it. in similar fashion, i cant see myself having children and enjoying it because ive never seen any joy from parents that i know. it always seems more like a job than a joy, a burden rather than a blessing.

Once again, we are ---->here<------

I would like to add that I find the concept of marriage itself unappealing, even if they are successful. I cannot IMAGINE staying with ONE person for REST of my life! I would die of boredom, or do a hell a lot of cheating.

[DSTCHAOS]

She's the one who called herself bitter as a woman when it comes to marriage and a cynic.

I guess she would know herself better than anyone else would.

[tld221]

Originally Posted by DSTCHAOS

She's the one who called herself bitter as a woman when it comes to marriage and a cynic.

I guess she would know herself better than anyone else would.

maybe "bitter" is a harsh word.

i agree with most of what yall have said. and honestly, IF the right person comes along and im feeling it, sure, break out wedding bells. and i dont base my decision of not wanting to be married on just my parents' failed marriage, but off other marriages - grandparents, uncles, cousins, family friends, etc. its hard to imagine a happy marriage for myself because i didnt grow up around it. in similar fashion, i cant see myself having children and enjoying it because ive never seen any joy from parents that i know. it always seems more like a job than a joy, a burden rather than a blessing.

Soror BlueReign is right -

Women feel like they don't have to put up with stuff to keep a roof over their heads so they don't.

my mother aside, ive never had to depend on anyone - a man or otherwise - to support me. and i dont mean that in a "im a strong independent woman so there!" way, but i've always done things by myself or for others. sure, i know there are a few things a man can do for me that i cant but really i been starring/directing/producing/writing my own show. why share those royalties when i could possibly get duped?

take a chance on love? pshaw. whatever man. im not convinced.

[neosoul]

I usually just keep drinking whatever alcoholic beverage is in my hand and give them a blank look... they walk away after 3 mins

[aideclaire]

Originally Posted by neosoul

I usually just keep drinking whatever alcoholic beverage is in my hand and give them a blank look... they walk away after 3 mins

right.

[Benzgirl]

I didn't get any $20 bills today or have to give any snarky comments, which meant no one asked. Merry Christmas!

[ntrestednsgr]

I am not married, because I refuse to ask. I figure when he's good and ready to do more than size me for a ring he will ask. The funny thing about my situation is his mom thinks that all women who are 13 to 45 who are not married and have no children are losers. <===This was my Happy New Year tip.

[NiaX]

I tell guys "I am single by choice. I am waiting to be found". Then guys ask am I bitter... then I cut the conversation.