The ramblings of a single woman... (TFKA ...crying pink and green tears...

[1savvydiva]

Originally posted by Steeltrap
(((((Soror Ideal08))))))

One of these days, you will find a man who deserves the wonder of you.

That was soooo sweet Steeltrap!

[CrimsonTide4]

Stop holding on to bullsh!t. . .it makes your hands stink and repels Mr. Right.

[1savvydiva]

Originally posted by Conskeeted7
It may be as AKA_Monet said that some ladies are really not ready for marriage and serious committment just yet. Just because friends and family members are in relationships doesn't mean that it's your time to be also. If you are praying for it, then know that the Lord answers prayers in HIS time not our time.

Right now, you may need to focus on other areas of your life that would be sacrificed if you were married. Marriage is a completely different lifestyle. Also, the Lord may be preparing your husband. He may not be ready for you.

My husband and I have known each other since we were 16. We dated at that time, but broke up when we graduated. Well, when we got back together years later, it was obvious that the Lord meant for us to be together. We got married 6 months after we started dating again. However, if we had married before or even stayed together we wouldn't have grown to become the people that we are today and were when we got married.

So, just be patient. The Lord has a plan for you and your life.

Although I'm single again, I just have to second what you said. I was listening to my Pastor on Sunday and he was speaking on this same situation...being impatient for your blessing. He was saying how in this day and age, everyone wants something instant...instant oatmeal, microwave, email, fax, etc... No one can wait anymore, and that's the essence of receiving your blessing, being able to wait with Faith and trusting God.
He said that some of us think we are so ready for the one, and we aren't. How many of us think that we were ready for the good job we have now when we graduated from high school. Yeah, we might think that life would have been easier if we could just get things quick...but HE knows that we would ruin it if we got it before it was time because we weren't ready for it. The same thing with relationships, I have to think...maybe I'm not ready for "the one", 'cause I'll just run him off with all my other issues right now anyway.

I guess it's hard, but we just have to patiently wait and know that what God has for us is for US. Since I have stopped putting so much emphasis in trying to get something to work that's obviously damaged beyond repair...I've been so much more settled. I guess that's why I didn't react as hysterical when P-Diddy dropped his bomb...oh well, it wasn't meant to be...I tried.

[iceandivy]

I feel you!

I had my son at 24, and the patience... oh lawd. It is hard.

I love him with all I have, and when I had him I had no intention of marrying anyone... let alone his dad. Please ladies... don't take a man up on his offer just because you are with child, or feel like you are getting old. My mom had me at 32, and my aunt had her first little angel at 40 - no husband. My son's grandma had her last child at 40. My friends are getting married all around me, and since marriage was never my lifelong dream, I have yet to get annoyed. My best friend got married this may... again... not annoyed. I know so many UNHAPPY married couples, and young divorced people, it is sad. Maybe that is why. I know some that LOOK happy... until they announce they are getting divorced.

Again I say PLEASE don't take a man up on his offer because you are lonely, feel like you are getting older, need kids and a family, or anything like that. I cringe when I think of what my life would have been like if I'd married my son's dad.

I want more kids an a husband would be nice too, but I may or may not have any more at 28 (28 on the 24th of this month). Either way, I know that I am a hot piece of woman candy, and I am the best thing that will happen to somebody (a husband or some more younguns)... When God says so.

Being divorced is often much harder than being single... And don't get me wrong, I am not saying that women don't need men. Lord knows we do! Just wait for the right one. It will be so worth it!

Originally posted by Miss. Mocha
Ideal08,

I just had to post. Having babies before you are 30 is not all it's cracked up to be. I know from experience. Not that motherhood isn't DIVINE!!! It is, but it can DIVINE later in life, too.


I had my daughter when I was 24. I wanted to have her "younger", because I really wanted to be able to relate to the "kid" things that she would do. To this day, I love that part. I love chasing my daughter down the hallway, trying to tickle her. I love hiding behind a door and jumping out saying a loud "BOO!!".

However, there are down sides. Sometimes, I don't have the patience that I would like to have with her. I feel that this is a lack of maturity on my part (I believe that maturity is a process, not a goal. I'm maturing more everyday). Sometimes, I feel like I'm a little too "girlfriend-esque" with her...if you know what I'm saying. My daughter, my husband and I are learning about life together. It's one way to go, but who can say it's the right way, or the only way, or the best way.

Girl, enjoy your 20s, and when that baby comes, you'll know first hand exactly what I'm rmabling about (LOL).


Miss. Mocha

[nikki1920]

I'm cosigning with the other single moms. I had my daughter at 21. It was a struggle b/c I was commuting to school full time, working part time, and decided to become a Zeta. Its also lonely b/c you cant just up and go hang with your girls or just be lazy for no reason. I wouldnt trade my daughter for anything, though.

Society needs to STFU. Being a wife or a mother doesnt make you any better of a woman than those who aren't.

Re: husband hunting. I knew my child's father was not meant to be my husband. I thought that my ex was.. that turned out to be false also. At this point last year, I was a mess. I was depressed b/c that relationship was faltering. After we ended it (nastily), I sat down and cried for a WEEK. I spent New Year's at home, crying, with my daughter trying to cheer me up. On January 5, I sat down, opened my heart and PRAYED. I prayed for more patience, more understanding, more strength and more love. A month and a half later, I met my current boyfriend. By April, we were serious. I met his family on Thanksgiving. Being with him has required more patience, understanding, strength and love than I ever knew I had. We argue. We fuss. We've gone three days without speaking to each other. But this relationship has done a lot for me. It's brought be back to the church. Its stregthened my ideas of what I will NOT tolerate in a man. Its shown me that I am worthy of unconditional love.

I'm getting married ONCE. Period. I'd rather wait until I was 50, if need be, to get married to the man God sends for me, than get married tomorrow, and be divorced within 5 years.

GRITS: girl, get out and meet other people. Dont let this one man block your blessings. That is not fair to you. If it is meant to be, he will find his way to you.

Sorry if this sounds like I was rambling. lol

[sphinxpoet]

Originally posted by nikki1920
I'm getting married ONCE. Period. I'd rather wait until I was 50, if need be, to get married to the man God sends for me, than get married tomorrow, and be divorced within 5 years.

GRITS: girl, get out and meet other people. Dont let this one man block your blessings. That is not fair to you. If it is meant to be, he will find his way to you.

Sorry if this sounds like I was rambling. lol

You were hardly rambling you actually made a strong and wonderful comment.

[Conskeeted7]

I think it's also important to acknowledge that you never know what is going on in the homes and hearts of all these people you admire. Whether it be a married couple or a man you desire, they can be like night and day when they are out of your sight. The situations they are dealing with could be worse than anything you could have ever imagined. Would you just throw yourself on that person if you knew that?

Also, marriage is work. It is a serious committment and a full time job. I LOVE being married and I can honestly say that our relationship is great, but with marriage, you have both good and bad days. I mean, it's takes a lot of effort on BOTH parts to make it work.

People really underestimate the trials that marriage can put you through. Your relationship will be tested like never before. It takes some true strength to have a lasting marriage. My husband and I have been through A LOT. My friends always tell me how they wish they were married like me, but I know that none of them could have handled the things we've been through.

So, please be patient ladies. I cannot stress it enough. When the Lord says that you are ready, nothing will keep you from your prince. But you don't have to go around trying to make every frog you meet your prince in the meanwhile.

[AKA_Monet]

I know I really prayed a LOOOONNNNGGGG time regarding my relationship status. I saw many of the friends getting married--some in reverse (kids, then marriage and I ain't talking about uh-ohs pregnancies--more like, I took the ovulation test and I am fertile...). And I started to think that doing that sort of thing was the way to a man's heart... Then it was many of my single parent friends that forced me to see that for me, "getting married in reverse" is not the way to go... It was the way I was reared (spoiled rotten) that would not make me a "prime candidate" to start doing such a thing...

So then I prayed to "let go and let God"... I surrendered to His will. Biblically, the stories that come to mind are Sarah, Hannah and Elizabeth--all were old women when they had their children... And Biblically, Paul writes in Corinthians or Colassians (sorry, I get mixed up sometimes), what God requires of folks in marriage. Paul's gist was: There is no commandment for marriage, but if you all cain't take your hands off each other and must be around each other 24/7, then you all need to get married... But, when you get married, you are now devoted to your spouse, you cain't do all the things you're s'pose to be doing for God... You must be dedicated to your spouse...

Read it if that is your forte...

Also, irregardless of what you say, your funds get mixed up with his--and that in and of itself is about "being equally yoked"... If he's a spend thrift and your a saver... Y'all better sign a pre-nup or something in writing... 'Cuz yo taxes are jacked either way... 'Specially if you all own a house...

Also, do you really believe that one ought to marry his or her "soulmate"? Do we really just have one? Or do we have many at a given "stage" in our lives?

My husband told me skrait up that I was NOT his soulmate. That his soulmate gave him up for somebody else...

In fact, I told him before we were married that all these "silly women" that hurt him before, he has to move on, they did not want him and here is someone that LOVES the splendor of you right here, right now...

For me, the time limit worked... I told him, 3 months and he needs to tell me where our "ship" is going... If he doesn't, I don't have a problem moving on... Been there, do that, gotta T-shirt... And I can pack my suitcase at a moment's notice and jet... He said it was too much pressure... He bitched and moaned... But in the end, he was the one that came up with the eloping idea--not me... He was the one that got all the maritial paperwork in order--not me... So his dedication and commitment to me rang true...

Our relationship has its challenges. We don't know each other as much as folks who have dated and married over a time course. But my own mother said you can be married to a man for over 40 something years and still not know anything...

And what Nikki1920 said: Both my husband and I told each other that we are only getting married ONCE... And if 2 people do not feel that way or have different life experiences, then--it is about the "equally yoked" deal again. My husband and I are two peas in a pod, it sickening! But we may still be honeymooning... However, sometimes, we get sick of each other. We're not use to each other's idiosyncracies... It is a tough job...

Lemme just say this, if you force marriage onto an unwilling participant and it is not God's will for your life--or The Universe does not have that plan or direction for your path, you are going against and WILL be fighting an uphill battle. That is why, I waited--even though I kicked and screamed, I still waited...

DUDE, I dated an M.D. that worshipped the "eggs shells" I walked on and I gave him up, completely!!! So, in reality, I coulda had the princess diaries wedding of the planet... But I strongly felt that the more costly the wedding, the quicker the divorce...

At any rate, you don't want to get married to some fool who'd steal all your money, rape all your time, wastes your youth and does not enrich your soul... Life is way too short for fouled up maritial relationships. If you ain't clear with yourself, how do you really expect to be clear in any maritial relationship with somebody else? If you choose to walk into a jacked up mess that requires you to have a Ph.D. in psychology, then that is your perogative... But, why put your blood pressure up and die of a heart attack because the person you love decided to withdraw all the $$$ from the bank and go to God-knows-where with the stripper... I know of someone who is going thru that mess right now...

And it is waaaayyyy tooo difficult when you start adding children into the mix... Ask yourself, do you really want that kind of responsibility???

[AKA_Monet]

Lemme tell you all "blessed single folk":

Do you really want to fight over whose family you spend Christmas with?

I am crying pink and green tears because SOME people at the last minute get on MY case for being "inconsiderate of their parental rights" toward her son...

Yes, that's right. The MIL...

First, we barely scraped enough cash to fly across the dayum US only to be stripped searched at the airport and all our gifts practically stolen, 'cuz SHE's upset that we decided that we could not afford to come 8 hours on a plane away...

Second, after I tell her and email her what our plans would be when we got there and I tell her this 3 weeks ago , I hear nothing... The plan was to spend part of Christmas day with her, and then spend the rest with my almost 90 year old grandmother and all 10 of my aunts, uncles and cousins...

Whereas, she only will have her other son and her niece and her niece's husband--I have not met them, but I will when we get there...

And it ain't like my family is exclusive--we're like, "The More the Merrier" and I totally invited my ILs to come... Who would want to be in the kitchen all day on Christmas--I thought... But I guess I was wrong... And because of who my Grandmother is, she will have mega food laid out for her by the next door college cafeteria... My MIL would not have to cook!!! So I thought--I know my mom would be happy if she didn't have to do anything in anybody's kitchen on Christmas Day... But this MIL woman...

Third, I talk to my MIL last night and NOW she has to trip... Saying that I am dominating over my husband. That he has already met my Grandmother. That I am not allowing my husband has not spent ANY time with his OWN family--like I am really not a part of it... And as his mother, she should take precedence over my family--that is her right--given the fact that my husband and I did not have the kind of marriage ceremony that was HER fuggin' example of "formal"...

Just plain BULLISHT!!!

Anyhow, the kind of person that I am is that I want to keep the peace and I had to break a promise to my almost 90 year old Grandmother to spend "part" of Christmas with her, and tell her, I must spend it ALL with my ILs... I broke my Grandmother's heart when I told her... And now, I do not know WHAT I can do...

I will see my Grandmother, 'cuz I ain't flying 8 hours on a plane and NOT see her, but it will havta be a couple of days after Christmas...

My own mother is sort of hurt 'cuz I'm not spending the Holidays with her--but she has already gone thru "married child division" with my brother and his wife and gotten over it... And I really cannot speak to my mom about it 'cuz she is going thru a tough time with the loss of her brother... That is just foul of me to dump on her while she is grieving...

And my dad is like, I shoulda stood up to this woman... I shoulda said these are the plans...

And my husband is like, he didn't know what his mother had fathomed in her mind... And it is not like my husband was pissed off when I spoke to him about the visiting schedule...

And I'm like, why am I flying across the country at this time of year anyways... I really am not gonna have fun. Giving the fact that I'll be M.S.'ing--rather than PMS'ing that I am doing now...

So single ladies, just glad with your blessing of "solitude" during this season, because you could be crying now by being divided...

[abaici]

I don't know about anyone else, but that makes me feel happy to be single.

My parents never have that issue. My mother has to literally FORCE my father to call/visit his family.

[Ideal08]

Originally posted by Steeltrap
(((((Soror Ideal08))))))

One of these days, you will find a man who deserves the wonder of you.

Soror, I just saw this! Thank you so much!!!!!

I am in better spirits about singlehood. I'm no longer trying to rush into anything with my "friend." I am going to be patient and do me in the meantime. But I have to admit, I miss him like crazy (Natalie Cole runnin' thru my head).

[Jorrie96]

Hi All,

Please excuse me for the long posting but I just have to vent for a moment. Where, oh where, can I find a single, good brother (in North Carolina) who isn't bothered by the fact that I've done well?

My last boyfriend and I started out at about the same pay rate and over three years we both applied for two promotions. He got neither and I got them both. Our salaries went from about the same to my salary being almost three times his. This freaked him out as he said he made him feel less like a man.

I've talked to some of my male friends about this and they confirmed that this can be a definite issue in a relationship and that some guys find a self-sufficient woman intimadating.

I own my home and have a nice car but I NEVER mention those things now when I meet someone. I shouldn't have to downplay the things I've earned but I've come to learn that it may not be such a bad idea.

Has anyone heard of the club in New York that requires a bio in order to become a member? The men and women have to meet certain criteria (income level, education, no kids or something like that..don't remember all of the story). At first I thought it was a horrible idea but now it sort of makes sense.

And in case some people are wondering I HONESTLY could care less how much he makes or what he drives (where he lives is a different story...he shouldn't still be living with Mom if he is still in his 30's ) ..I just want someone who genuinely cares about me and values my company.

Has anyone else run into this? I feel like I'm running out of ideas on where to meet people and as 31 creeps upon me I worry about this more and more.

<Sigh> Maybe it is just me (yes, I have thought about that too!)

Again, I apologize for the rant but sometimes the world seems to be all coupled up and I feel totally left out

PS I'm serious about knowing someone in NC. If you do drop me a line

[RBL]

Originally posted by Jorrie96
Hi All,

Please excuse me for the long posting but I just have to vent for a moment. Where, oh where, can I find a single, good brother (in North Carolina) who isn't bothered by the fact that I've done well?

My last boyfriend and I started out at about the same pay rate and over three years we both applied for two promotions. He got neither and I got them both. Our salaries went from about the same to my salary being almost three times his. This freaked him out as he said he made him feel less like a man.

I've talked to some of my male friends about this and they confirmed that this can be a definite issue in a relationship and that some guys find a self-sufficient woman intimadating.

I own my home and have a nice car but I NEVER mention those things now when I meet someone. I shouldn't have to downplay the things I've earned but I've come to learn that it may not be such a bad idea.

Has anyone heard of the club in New York that requires a bio in order to become a member? The men and women have to meet certain criteria (income level, education, no kids or something like that..don't remember all of the story). At first I thought it was a horrible idea but now it sort of makes sense.

And in case some people are wondering I HONESTLY could care less how much he makes or what he drives (where he lives is a different story...he shouldn't still be living with Mom if he is still in his 30's ) ..I just want someone who genuinely cares about me and values my company.

Has anyone else run into this? I feel like I'm running out of ideas on where to meet people and as 31 creeps upon me I worry about this more and more.

<Sigh> Maybe it is just me (yes, I have thought about that too!)

Again, I apologize for the rant but sometimes the world seems to be all coupled up and I feel totally left out

PS I'm serious about knowing someone in NC. If you do drop me a line

Where are you in NC? I might know some fellas?

[pointNclick]

Amen to that Soror! I am 33 and I am in no way near marriage. I ended a 5 year relationship last year. At an age where my friends are married, getting married, have kids, etc., I am "without." And you know what, it is all good.

I have used this time to know me, love me, and get my house in order. Yes I too would like a companion and my compliment- but I would rather be patient and cautious of whom I choose to let into my life instead of rushing.

I have seen to many women hold on to a "piece" of man because they could not bare being alone. Not a good route to go. Cuz I tell you what, I really do cherish my freedom right now and I won't be miserable just to say I have somebody.

There is someone out there for all of us. It is just a matter of time and a matter of patience. When the time is right, you REALLy will know. I truly believe that.

pNc

Originally posted by Discogoddess
Y'all! Calm down! Ain't nobody an old maid at 25, 26, 29...40! When you are in your groove, things may fall in place (in terms of choosing, not finding a husband), but being anxious won't help a thing. I got married at 29 1/2 years, but believe me, if it hadn't felt right, I would have been more than happy to wait until it was, either with him or someone else. Rejoice in your freedom and concentrate on being your best self...

[Jorrie96]

I'm in Raleigh so if you know someone send them my way
I've been single for a while and I did take some time and have enjoyed working on me. But I'm ready to get back into the dating scene and it has changed so much!