STILL SO VERY HOPEFUL!

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by ladygreek

^^^ Interesting response. Over half of our last line (alumnae) had babies or toddlers during the process. Some were single parents. Interestingly enough they shared sitters, etc. Now they are active in the chapter and no one seems to be neglecting their children.

We also know there are (college age and nontraditional student) undergraduate men and women with children (married and unmarried) who are initiated into NPHC orgs.

When there aren't policies prohibiting these types of things, that means it is up to the chapters and individuals involved.

[ladygreek]

Exactly

[rhoyaltempest]

Originally Posted by Spinderella

Been away for quite a long time, living life and doing me but.....

Precious Diva 88, here is my very humble opinion. I too was a 'hopeful' and didn't make grad chapter. I am married with 2 kids. Trust when I say, the lifelong commitment of being a member should never conflict with your priority to take care of your child.

I ask you, first, who is caring for your child when you are at all these events trying to make yourself known?

Second, if you are granted this wish, who will care for your child when you are in the process?

Third, who will keep your child if you become a neophyte and are busy running around to your committee meetings and all? As an outsider looking in, a committed member COULD be out of the home in the evenings atleast 2-3 times a week before AND after becoming a member.

In the chapters in MY neck of the woods, providing childcare for members, who are working in the name of Delta, has definitely not seemed to be a priority.

If it is sisterhood you are craving, like most mommies do, reconnect with other mother-friends and make yourself content. Being away from your son during his formative years, is not worth the sacrifice. I have witnessed women who left thier kids home alone to go off and handle business for the organization, and no one ever seemed to care that these women were mothers. No one ever asked, 'Hey, I know you are single, where are the kids?' All that mattered was accomplishing the business of the chapter.

Delta will have been around for 100 years in 2013. You have made it with out the organization this long AND THEY HAVE MADE IT WITHOUT YOU; consider that you can wait until after your child is out of the house and is self sufficient.

Good Luck and be a mother first.

As you said, you are on the outside looking in. Many members have children and being active in the sorority does not cause them to neglect their children. Everyone has different schedules and committments so the amount of time that can be devoted to the sorority is different for each individual. There is no set time requirement for members. If you have small children (neo or not), many would not volunteer to run around and be at events 2-3 times a week; the same is true for others that are very busy with other top priorities like starting their own business. Also, there are many ways to contribute to your chapter/sorority that will not cause you to be away from home too often; such as mailing/e-mailing letters or invites, maintaining the chapter website, working on the chapter newsletter, submitting articles to the sorority magazine, calling shut in and elderly sorors, etc. etc. etc.

Of course if you are single and don't have any children or have older children, you will be able to do more but everyone that is truly committed contributes in some way and what they are able to do varies at different times in their lives due to different life changes and events. One does not have to wait until their children are grown and out of the house to join...LOL! Don't we make time for other things, time for ourselves (which mommies definitely need), even though we have children? Working for and enjoying the sorority is fulfilling for many. Many mothers and wives cherish this time and some even consider this a part of their "me" time, which we all need. No one asks anyone to devote all or even most of their time to the sorority; that would be absurd and unrealistic for most. Those who do that are choosing to do that. If members are neglecting their children for the sorority, they should reevaluate their priorities and put them in order. It is absolutely possible to do it all and not neglect anyone or anything in your life that is important.

[jojapeach]

Originally Posted by Spinderella

I have witnessed women who left thier kids home alone to go off and handle business for the organization, and no one ever seemed to care that these women were mothers. No one ever asked, 'Hey, I know you are single, where are the kids?' All that mattered was accomplishing the business of the chapter.

Sorority business is like any other business - except it's done from the heart. When you go to your workplace, no one's going to ask you each day about your childcare because most normal people know how to handle their personal business in addition to the business at hand. The same holds true in a sorority, church auxillary, etc. Each woman knows how much of themselves they will give to their priorities, but I don't know mothers that completely abandon their children in the name of XYZ, and no one would ask that.

I 100% agree with SoRHOr rhoyaltempest above. It's all about choices and prioritizing. I've actually seen a baby or two in chapter meetings and committee meetings in the past. No one blinks an eye at a mother balancing her family and sorority.

Originally Posted by Spinderella

I ask you, first, who is caring for your child when you are at all these events trying to make yourself known?

Second, if you are granted this wish, who will care for your child when you are in the process?

Third, who will keep your child if you become a neophyte and are busy running around to your committee meetings and all? As an outsider looking in, a committed member COULD be out of the home in the evenings atleast 2-3 times a week before AND after becoming a member.

More choices. We had an interest who made herself known to sorors by attending one of our biggest programs with her daughter. It was an event especially for kids, so it was perfect. She's now a chapter officer. I believe every D9 sorority has at least one event like that. It is not impossible for a mother to manage her time properly while pursuing a sorority and then becoming involved as a member.

[mccoyred]

While I agree with your ultimate conclusion, and even the questions that one should ask themselves, I disagree with your ASSumptions. You have NO IDEA what types of arrangements are being made. Everyone must assign their own priorities based on their unique situation.

Originally Posted by Spinderella

Been away for quite a long time, living life and doing me but.....

Precious Diva 88, here is my very humble opinion. I too was a 'hopeful' and didn't make grad chapter. I am married with 2 kids. Trust when I say, the lifelong commitment of being a member should never conflict with your priority to take care of your child.

I ask you, first, who is caring for your child when you are at all these events trying to make yourself known?

Second, if you are granted this wish, who will care for your child when you are in the process?

Third, who will keep your child if you become a neophyte and are busy running around to your committee meetings and all? As an outsider looking in, a committed member COULD be out of the home in the evenings atleast 2-3 times a week before AND after becoming a member.

In the chapters in MY neck of the woods, providing childcare for members, who are working in the name of Delta, has definitely not seemed to be a priority.

If it is sisterhood you are craving, like most mommies do, reconnect with other mother-friends and make yourself content. Being away from your son during his formative years, is not worth the sacrifice. I have witnessed women who left thier kids home alone to go off and handle business for the organization, and no one ever seemed to care that these women were mothers. No one ever asked, 'Hey, I know you are single, where are the kids?' All that mattered was accomplishing the business of the chapter.

Delta will have been around for 100 years in 2013. You have made it with out the organization this long AND THEY HAVE MADE IT WITHOUT YOU; consider that you can wait until after your child is out of the house and is self sufficient.

Good Luck and be a mother first.

[treblk]

I'm I wrong to ask non members of Delta and NPHC not to give their opinions..is it wrong? I just wanna know

[dreamseeker]

Originally Posted by treblk

I'm I wrong to ask non members of Delta and NPHC not to give their opinions..is it wrong? I just wanna know

nope. you wouldn't be.

[ladygreek]

Originally Posted by treblk

I'm I wrong to ask non members of Delta and NPHC not to give their opinions..is it wrong? I just wanna know

Nope. Membership has its privileges.

[Spinderella]

Originally Posted by treblk

I'm I wrong to ask non members of Delta and NPHC not to give their opinions..is it wrong? I just wanna know

Its the internet. Opinions run rampant, no matter the source.

[ladygreek]

Originally Posted by Spinderella

Its the internet. Opinions run rampant, no matter the source.

Well they shouldn't when you are not the recipient of the question and know nothing about the workings of the orgs to which the subject pertains.

[libramunoz]

Originally Posted by Spinderella

Its the internet. Opinions run rampant, no matter the source.

Let me do you a favor by telling you this one thing--and remember, unlike you, I have a clue---

SHUT to the UP!

[dreamseeker]

Originally Posted by Spinderella

Its the internet. Opinions run rampant, no matter the source.

wow. just because its the internet folks feel that they can forget about deference and respect.

i hope u never become a Delta just for that.

ETA

Originally Posted by libramunoz

Let me do you a favor by telling you this one thing--and remember, unlike you, I have a clue---

SHUT to the UP!

lol!! you kill me. and it rhymes too. i didn't refresh when i came to this message; had i seen that you already did all that i'd have kept my unnecessary two cents. lmao

[libramunoz]

Better yet Spin, let me spell things out for you so that you have an rampant opinion--even on the internet!
S= speaking out of turn when nobody asked you too.
H= having the need to type when you're clueless about the situation
U= understanding that this has nothing to do with you
T= typing without thinking

U= undulating constant nonsense and thinking you're right
P= posing as someone with sense whose about to be embarrassed

What's this all spell--do yourself a favor and Shut Up now because you're embarrassing yourself.

[Spinderella]

Originally Posted by libramunoz

Better yet Spin, let me spell things out for you so that you have an rampant opinion--even on the internet!
S= speaking out of turn when nobody asked you too.
H= having the need to type when you're clueless about the situation
U= understanding that this has nothing to do with you
T= typing without thinking

U= undulating constant nonsense and thinking you're right
P= posing as someone with sense whose about to be embarrassed

What's this all spell--do yourself a favor and Shut Up now because you're embarrassing yourself.

Wow, real Script's Howard material. Excellent.

[Spinderella]

Originally Posted by PreciousDiva88

Hello ladies, i need some advice..well these past couple of years i have been so very intrested in Delta Sigma Theta ive attended parties, participated in the annual summer program jabberwock, made life longs friends with girls who are now Deltas through different events, particiapted in many community service orgs. and i held a position in my universitys Student Government, but all of that had to stop because i became pregnant with a beautiful baby boy..now that my son is a little older ive decided to return to school but i still want to persue my dream of becoming a Delta, so i wanted to know can i still pledge even though i have a baby, or will it be a bad look for me trying to pledge and i have a baby? Any advice will be helpful Thanks in advance

Will it be a bad look for me trying to pledge and i have a baby?

That is the question. The thread barely addressed the question until I offered my observations and opinions about childcare and the commitments of pursuing membership. Until that point, all that was said was a bunch of back and forth that had nothing to do with the child in the original question.

But perhaps, the short answer I could give, is for the area I am in, having a child is NOT a bad look, because to the women I dealt with, the child was a non-entity. Issues related to children were considered an excuse that needed to be worked out.

Deference, I know what it means, but on this, there was no real discussion to defer an opinion to, since the issue of the child was not addressed.

I have no counter opinion to those who thought I should not have said anything at all, so you can say I have exercised 'deference'. I was not speaking to you; I was speaking to the originator of the thread. I told her the same thing I would tell an aspirant in 'real' life.

That. Is. All.