What to tell overconfident PNMs

[LAblondeGPhi]

Originally Posted by BraveMaroon

One of my colleagues was telling me his daughter will be going to an SEC school with a notoriously tough recruitment. I asked if she was going to rush (as I would have offered to write a rec) and he said, "Yeah, she's going to be an XYZ".

I warned him that it wasn't that simple, and he explained that his mother was an XYZ, that he has a cousin in the XYZ National HQ, and that his daughter's BFF from HS has a sister who is an XYZ at this school. He said, "She has it locked down."

Well, OK then. I'll just mosey along...

Overconfident parents breed overconfident PNMs.

Originally Posted by carnation

I was at a high school recently and overheard a student saying that she would be rushing at Auburn. I said, "Do you have your recommendations in line?" and she replied dismissively, "Oh, no. I'm a legacy to 7 sororities."

OK, chica. You're out-of-state, I bet you're not a true legacy to 7, and there are probably at least 800 drop-dead-gorgeous girls rushing and you are at the other end of that spectrum, I fear. I hope a sorority is looking for a PNM with a high GPA.

We should get GreekChat pamphlets printed to hand out to these folks. I'm thinking something with a snazzy title like "So You're Going Through Recruitment at an SEC School: Why You're Not a Special Snowflake and How You Can Avoid Total Heartbreak"

[HQWest]

Originally Posted by carnation

I was at a high school recently and overheard a student saying that she would be rushing at Auburn. I said, "Do you have your recommendations in line?" and she replied dismissively, "Oh, no. I'm a legacy to 7 sororities."

OK, chica. You're out-of-state, I bet you're not a true legacy to 7, and there are probably at least 800 drop-dead-gorgeous girls rushing and you are at the other end of that spectrum, I fear. I hope a sorority is looking for a PNM with a high GPA.

Maybe she has six older sisters and her mom was Greek?

[carnation]

Originally Posted by carnation

I was at a high school recently and overheard a student saying that she would be rushing at Auburn. I said, "Do you have your recommendations in line?" and she replied dismissively, "Oh, no. I'm a legacy to 7 sororities."

OK, chica. You're out-of-state, I bet you're not a true legacy to 7, and there are probably at least 800 drop-dead-gorgeous girls rushing and you are at the other end of that spectrum, I fear. I hope a sorority is looking for a PNM with a high GPA.

I do have an update on this one. I got the school bid list when it came out and her name was not on it.

[FSUZeta]

Originally Posted by BraveMaroon

One of my colleagues was telling me his daughter will be going to an SEC school with a notoriously tough recruitment. I asked if she was going to rush (as I would have offered to write a rec) and he said, "Yeah, she's going to be an XYZ".

I warned him that it wasn't that simple, and he explained that his mother was an XYZ, that he has a cousin in the XYZ National HQ, and that his daughter's BFF from HS has a sister who is an XYZ at this school. He said, "She has it locked down."

Well, OK then. I'll just mosey along...

Overconfident parents breed overconfident PNMs.

About 8 years ago I had this exact same conversation with my son's basketball coach. Almost verbatim. So I was anxious to spy baby sister's name in the published bid list. I have been checking every year since that rush, and guess what? Baby sister's name has not appeared. Baby sister should be about 27 now.

[carnation]

Originally Posted by BraveMaroon

One of my colleagues was telling me his daughter will be going to an SEC school with a notoriously tough recruitment. I asked if she was going to rush (as I would have offered to write a rec) and he said, "Yeah, she's going to be an XYZ".

I warned him that it wasn't that simple, and he explained that his mother was an XYZ, that he has a cousin in the XYZ National HQ, and that his daughter's BFF from HS has a sister who is an XYZ at this school. He said, "She has it locked down."

Well, OK then. I'll just mosey along...

Overconfident parents breed overconfident PNMs.

What happened with this girl?

[ChioLu]

I've had someone say something similiar to me. My response was, "Think about how devasted your daughter will be if your perfect scenario DOESN'T happen. If you were interviewing at 6 different companies and knew someone at every single company, would you NOT get a referral from every single person?"

If an overconfident PNM says this, I respond with "If you have a test in a very difficult class, would you NOT study??? Because at "fill in the blank SEC school", there are 1200 women going thru Recruitment who all think they are going to have the perfect recruitment. Like a tough test, if you don't prepare, you're going to FLUNK. Do you really want to flunk Recruitment when you probably only have ONE SHOT??? Do you want to go through 4 years of college without being Greek? If you have done all you can to have a great resume for college, do the same for Recruitment if you want to be Greek."
(And then I get off my soapbox.)

[ConfettiCupcake]

My cousin is a year younger than me and she is going to Alabama in the fall and is dead set on being in a sorority but is totally clueless and won't listen to anything I have to say because she says I have never been through recruitment on the sister side just as a pnm. I tried to remind her that SHE has not even been through as a pnm so I still think I have a little bit of awesome advice, but she just won't listen. This is going to be a disaster. She already has "favorites" and knows that she'll "find the perfect sorority". When I try to tell her about something called mutual selection she won't listen and thinks her middle of the pack grades will be fine.

This will be a slow-motion train wreck.

[AnchorAlumna]

Originally Posted by ConfettiCupcake

My cousin is a year younger than me and she is going to Alabama in the fall and is dead set on being in a sorority but is totally clueless and won't listen to anything I have to say because she says I have never been through recruitment on the sister side just as a pnm. I tried to remind her that SHE has not even been through as a pnm so I still think I have a little bit of awesome advice, but she just won't listen. This is going to be a disaster. She already has "favorites" and knows that she'll "find the perfect sorority". When I try to tell her about something called mutual selection she won't listen and thinks her middle of the pack grades will be fine.

This will be a slow-motion train wreck.

Did she go to preview weekend?
That's puzzling that she won't listen to you. I've found that PNMs listen a lot more closely to current college students than us silly ancient alumnae who know nothing of modern ways.

[Sciencewoman]

Is she getting recs at least?

[ConfettiCupcake]

She did attend the preview weekend and I guess it went well. We don't do that at my school and I'm sort of glad because that is where she came up with her favorites. I didn't really have any preconceived notions about favorites when I went through recruitment and it seemed like it was easier that way (even though I would never call that week easy!!!)

My mom has talked to my aunt about the importance of recs and will probably end up helping my cousin make sure she has them. Mom also sent my aunt a copy of my resume so my cousin can use it as a template. I have sent her a link to this site to get more advice but she is one confident girl and I doubt she'll do much listening!

Now I see what you all go through trying to get people to listen for their own sake!!!

[pinksequins]

CC, as you alluded (trainwreck), there is a lot with your cousin over which you have no control. You kindly offered both your resume and your insights. All through life there will be relatives, friends and co-workers who will not heed advice and must learn the hard way. This may be one of them unfortunately. For your hip pocket, a good turn of phrase instead of "I told you so" is "I am not surprised".

Good luck to all the mentors!

[AOII Angel]

Originally Posted by pinksequins

CC, as you alluded (trainwreck), there is a lot with your cousin over which you have no control. You kindly offered both your resume and your insights. All through life there will be relatives, friends and co-workers who will not heed advice and must learn the hard way. This may be one of them unfortunately. For your hip pocket, a good turn of phrase instead of "I told you so" is "I am not surprised".

Good luck to all the mentors!

I totally agree. This won't be the last time you know better but someone won't listen. My family actually calls me for medical advice for my ailing grandmother then doesn't take any of it. I'm the only physician in the family. It's frustrating, but they live in Louisiana and I live in CA. There isn't much I can do. Hope for the best.

[AZTheta]

Originally Posted by pinksequins

For your hip pocket, a good turn of phrase instead of "I told you so" is "I am not surprised".

Thanks for this - I get a lot of pleasure out of saying "I told you so" inside my head, and I suspect it shows on my face. I shall practice "I am not surprised" with the appropriate intonation and facial expression.

[pinksequins]

I may have to be using it myself next week. : )

I have those thought clouds and the facial expressions too! But with practice, I have gotten a lot of mileage out of that little phrase (though inside I really want to say "SRSLY??!!").

: )

[OldOleMiss]

Groan- didn't know where else to share and this thread seemed appropriate enough-and need to vent--- a friend of mine contacted me about a month ago-- daughter will be a freshman at Alabama. She asked if I would write a rec. and give them some "recruitment advice"- this girl is not only OOS but northern OOS (NJ) AND has ZERO greek family connections-- of course I said I would be happy to help and told her what daughter needed to get me (and other writers) for the rec.

Friend JUST called me and after thanking me profusely for the offer to help told me that after preview weekend Daughter has been invited to SEVERAL teas- so she thinks they are ---direct quote "good to go on the whole rush thing"-- end quote.... OMG- can I just slap her?? I tried my best to explain to her that recs are still going to be needed, etc.. etc... but friend didn't want to hear any of it. I can only HOPE she comes to her senses soon or she is going to have one very upset daughter on her hands.... I talked until I was blue- and finally hung up with a "good luck, let me know if she changes her mind"-- UGH! some people just need to have sense slapped into them......