How Moms Should Treat Their Legacy Daughters

[honeychile]

Originally Posted by Low C Sharp

Here's a hypothetical. Suppose that quota at SEC U is 75, and XYZ, an old, established group, has 80 legacy PNMs. Say that 10 of them genuinely don't meet the XYZ standard, and maybe 5, though qualified, can be expected to choose a different group at prefs. If XYZ keeps all the remaining legacies, that would be 65/75 in its pledge class. We often hear "We can't take them all" or "The whole class would be legacies!"

I don't have a dog in the race, I'm just curious: why not have a class of mostly legacies, if they are qualified? Is it a sense that this would impair the diversity of the class? Are chapters worried about being perceived as exclusive and unfair (would that really be a bad thing at SEC U?)?

Same question, part 2: what if XYZ is a low-to-middle group at SEC U? Then does it make sense to take a mostly-legacy class?

I would explain how this works (as both scenarios do happen often in the SEC), but it's membership selection information. Sorry!

[KSUViolet06]

Yeah. I had the opportunity to talk to some advisors from chapters who deal with this kind of thing all the time. They say you wouldn't believe some of the things that come from parents' mouths over the phone during recruitment when they are upset.

I get that there is hurt involved when your kid is cut, but it's important for alumnae to remember that the active (whom you just ripped a new one over the phone) is YOUR sister and she deserves to be spoken to like a human being.

And also, you might just want to continue involvement at some point.

It is really difficult to continue involvement after the entire chapter knows that you said "Well that's ok because this chapter has become nothing but a chapter full of skanks and I wouldn't want my Becky to be part of this chapter anyway!!!"

Embarrassing.

[BeeBee23]

I actually just read a TON of comments regarding this on the ADPi facebook page. Basically a bunch of moms are expressing their now "hate" for ADPi because their precious daughters were cut from the ADPi chapter during recruitment and no longer will support ADPi in any way and are demanding explanations. It's ridiculous! I think there is a huge generation gap going on and that mom's arent understanding (or remembering or refusing to remember) that membership selection cannot be told to them, and it's nothing against them or their daughter that they were cut.

Whoever runs the ADPi page politely responded with the "too many legacies to meet quota" only to be attacked by the moms saying it's a silly excuse.

I wish there was a way to help them understand about how the system works in today's times. ADPi has published articles regarding these issues, but moms seem to disregard it until their baby girl gets cut and then all hell breaks loose! It's just sad to see these grown women bashing their sorority and trying to encourage PNMs not to pledge ADPi because "legacies aren't treated fairly."

[33girl]

Originally Posted by BeeBee23

I actually just read a TON of comments regarding this on the ADPi facebook page. Basically a bunch of moms are expressing their now "hate" for ADPi because their precious daughters were cut from the ADPi chapter during recruitment and no longer will support ADPi in any way and are demanding explanations. It's ridiculous! I think there is a huge generation gap going on and that mom's arent understanding (or remembering or refusing to remember) that membership selection cannot be told to them, and it's nothing against them or their daughter that they were cut.

Whoever runs the ADPi page politely responded with the "too many legacies to meet quota" only to be attacked by the moms saying it's a silly excuse.

I wish there was a way to help them understand about how the system works in today's times. ADPi has published articles regarding these issues, but moms seem to disregard it until their baby girl gets cut and then all hell breaks loose! It's just sad to see these grown women bashing their sorority and trying to encourage PNMs not to pledge ADPi because "legacies aren't treated fairly."

I just had to go check that out, and some of those moms obviously have no idea what "quota" and "total" are. Oh and the one whose daughter joined another group, and then dropped out? "We backed her 100% joining the other group" my foot.

That whole discussion needs to go on "Oh @$#* my mom joined Facebook" or whatever that site is called.

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by 33girl

That whole discussion needs to go on "Oh @$#* my mom joined Facebook" or whatever that site is called.

I had to check this out.

Geez, you make an announcement about an elelctronic RIF or something inane and that's what it turns into?

One particular woman (the "my daughter had 15-20 recs" lady") makes me want to stab my eyeballs out everytime I read one of her comments.

[OHNOITSJESS]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

One particular woman (the "my daughter had 15-20 recs" lady") makes me want to stab my eyeballs out everytime I read one of her comments.

I agree. and I'm not familiar with the NPC and recs but isn't 15-20 recs a bit of overkill (i'm assuming she meant they were all ADPi recs)?
What about the "I just hope that they attend a college that the ADPi chapter is worth pledging!" lady? Way to disrespect your own sisters.

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by 33girl

I just had to go check that out, and some of those moms obviously have no idea what "quota" and "total" are.

Yes.

Example:

"So many outstanding women go through and yet quota is set SO LOW that they have no chance at getting a bid."

Um, what?

I would really like to know where some of these people's kids go to school.

I mean, the whole "more legacies than spots" thing is really only present at a SMALL handful of schools.

I'd like to think that all of our orgs make a good effort to pledge legacies whenever possible.

If you were an ADPi alumna and you read this FB thread thing, you seriously would think that your daughter had no chance in hell of getting a bid to ADPi as a legacy (and that ADPi had some sort of secret vendetta against them). Sheesh.

[bakd]

Originally Posted by BeeBee23

I actually just read a TON of comments regarding this on the ADPi facebook page. Basically a bunch of moms are expressing their now "hate" for ADPi because their precious daughters were cut from the ADPi chapter during recruitment and no longer will support ADPi in any way and are demanding explanations. It's ridiculous! I think there is a huge generation gap going on and that mom's arent understanding (or remembering or refusing to remember) that membership selection cannot be told to them, and it's nothing against them or their daughter that they were cut.

Whoever runs the ADPi page politely responded with the "too many legacies to meet quota" only to be attacked by the moms saying it's a silly excuse.

I wish there was a way to help them understand about how the system works in today's times. ADPi has published articles regarding these issues, but moms seem to disregard it until their baby girl gets cut and then all hell breaks loose! It's just sad to see these grown women bashing their sorority and trying to encourage PNMs not to pledge ADPi because "legacies aren't treated fairly."

Or could it possibly be because it is true, and they have some perspective on that fact.

Remember, many of these current alumna moms are from roughly the years 1980 - 1986 and they virtually "saved" the Greek system.

Chapters during that time frame were closing right and left, and the popularity that the sororities have now is a direct result of the efforts of that annoying alumna from 30 years ago.

[Nanners52674]

Originally Posted by bakd

Or could it possibly be because it is true, and they have some perspective on that fact.

Remember, many of these current alumna moms are from roughly the years 1980 - 1986 and they virtually "saved" the Greek system.

Chapters during that time frame were closing right and left, and the popularity that the sororities have now is a direct result of the efforts of that annoying alumna from 30 years ago.

[bakd]

Originally Posted by Nanners52674

Really, an eyeroll?

Why are legacies seen as the enemy? I just don't get it.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by bakd

Really, an eyeroll?

Why are legacies seen as the enemy? I just don't get it.

Where on EARTH did you get that?

Sorority members want to give legacies a good look and hope that they'll find someone who would be a good sister, and if not, they hope she'll find a loving sorority home with another group. In huge rushes, it is hard to give ANYONE as much time as you want. Giving a legacy "extra time" may amount to 10 minutes of extra time. It sucks, but the only other way to do it would be to make rush last for a semester. Focusing only on legacies and not paying attention to any of the other rushees isn't fair to anyone.

The eyeroll is for those moms who feel their daughters are ENTITLED to membership, even if they are a horrible fit for the chapter, even if the daughter herself would be miserable in the chapter.

[ChioLu]

Originally Posted by bakd

I think that the actives should take MOST of the qualified legacies. Simple. If they want to set a limit and rank them, fine, but I think those statistics should be released.

There are many reasons a inter/national HQ wouldn't (or couldn't) put a quota on the # of legacies each chapter had to pledge. Talk about chapters resenting their headquarters! It would be a nightmare for HQ dealing with chapters going "rogue"!

Of the 7 women in my family who went Greek, only 2 are in the same sorority. I am happy my legacy houses didn't continue inviting me back due to legacy status -- I LOVE WHERE I LANDED. It would have been confusing (during a stressful recruitment): Do I go where my heart leads me or do should I be an XYZ because my [insert relative] was in the same house?

You said your daughter is happy where she is.
Excellent.
That's the outcome you should hope for no matter what sorority she is in.

And remember, your future grandaughter will be a legacy of 2 GLOs.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by bakd

Or could it possibly be because it is true, and they have some perspective on that fact.

Remember, many of these current alumna moms are from roughly the years 1980 - 1986 and they virtually "saved" the Greek system.

Chapters during that time frame were closing right and left, and the popularity that the sororities have now is a direct result of the efforts of that annoying alumna from 30 years ago.

I was in a chapter in the latter part of those years, and I assure you that even when Greek life was in the toilet, there were STILL girls who got cut.

Why a mom would want her daughter to be chosen just because she's her daughter, I honestly don't understand. I love my parents with all my heart, but God was it good to get away to college where I was something other than "Dad33's daughter" or "Mom33's little girl."

[ComradesTrue]

Originally Posted by bakd

Or could it possibly be because it is true, and they have some perspective on that fact.

Remember, many of these current alumna moms are from roughly the years 1980 - 1986 and they virtually "saved" the Greek system.

Chapters during that time frame were closing right and left, and the popularity that the sororities have now is a direct result of the efforts of that annoying alumna from 25 years ago.

Because what is true? That [insert sorority here] doesn't value the legacy relationship?

My experience is that all organizations, including the aforementioned ADPi, value that relationship. However, when 150 legacies are going through recruitment and quota will be in the 60s, what does the 1980s generation recommend that their chapters do?

And please don't interpret this a generation bash. I pledged in 1992, so right on the heels on these moms. Their membership is certainly valued.

My organization has been shouting from the treetops about the legacy number quandary. However, my first-hand experience has been that the moms who protest the most are the ones who have been least involved in their organization for the past 10-15 years. I cast no judgment on their lack of involvement- we women can only do so much- but to not be involved and THEN bash the current ways that things are done is quite disrespectful and uninformed.

[bakd]

Originally Posted by ComradesTrue

Because what is true? That [insert sorority here] doesn't value the legacy relationship?

My experience is that all organizations, including the aforementioned ADPi, value that relationship. However, when 150 legacies are going through recruitment and quota will be in the 60s, what does the 1980s generation recommend that their chapters do?

And please don't interpret this a generation bash. I pledged in 1992, so right on the heels on these moms. Their membership is certainly valued.

My organization has been shouting from the treetops about the legacy number quandary. However, my first-hand experience has been that the moms who protest the most are the ones who have been least involved in their organization for the past 10-15 years. I cast no judgment on their lack of involvement- we women can only do so much- but to not be involved and THEN bash the current ways that things are done is quite disrespectful and uninformed.

I think that if the national organizations would release some actual stats about how many legacies went through, etc. many alumna could come to grips with those facts. As it is, the numbers are never named, they only say that "at some larger campuses the # of legacies is larger than quota..." Yet, later when we see the bid day pictures - we only see a handful of legacies. It just sounds like hooey.