I Need Help!

[JuliaNJ]

I just came back from dinner with people from Alpha Sigma Tau. I had a really good time.

I obviously knew the girl I had a class with. The other two girls I recognized but didn't know. They're all juniors like me. They were definitely a lot more girly girly than me. But they were really friendly and welcoming. They were really happy to hear that I was interested. None of them brought up my newspaper column, which was a relief. They also said that I had an "interesting" style about me, which I took as a compliment. I told her that I was thinking about changing it up a bit to be more "normal." They laughed when I said that and said that they thought it was weird that I said something about them being "normal."

One of the girls went on a school trip last year to Appalachia in order to do a Habitat for Humanity type of thing.

I told them about what I'm going through, about how I want to make a change in my life and I thought that joining a sorority might be what I'm looking for. They asked me a little bit about that, and I told them the same kinds of things that I've written on here. They told me that one of the best parts about being in a sorority was that you always had someone not too far away you could talk to. And you also could reach out to alumni fairly easy to help out if you need anything. I thought this was really intriguing, because most of my friends are in my year. I don't know too many "older" people (like five years older than me) who can help me out and give me advice and stuff. I think that might be a big help.

It was definitely a relief to not hear about Vampire Weekend for a change.

A few of my friends were at dinner at the same time. One of them asked me why I was sitting with them. I couldn't tell her the real reason since I'm not sure of it yet, so I said I had to go over class work with the girl I did know.

I know that it's not going to be the solution to everything but it could be a nice change of pace and could make my college experience better. They were really nice and welcoming and not what I thought at all.

If it's not for me, then it's not for me. But I'm definitely getting more interested in this. These girls were really sweet and the type of people I'd like to get to know better.

[33girl]

By the way it's Alpha THETA Alpha (not Alpha Tau Alpha) which is an agriculture group. Just saying is all.

[tld221]

i smell a recruitment thread in the making. well, more of a really prolonged, real-time COB-type recruitment thread.

[navane]

Originally Posted by tld221

you know?! i was like DMB, seriously? though they are pretty timeless, between the music choice, and clothes description, i was like, can someone turn down the Nirvana on this post?

LOL!!

.....Kelly

[CougarGrad]

You've been given such good advice in this thread that I won't offer any more, but I wanted to say that, however this story ends, I wish you luck!

[JuliaNJ]

What a weird two/three days I've had.

On Wednesday night, I wasn't feeling well at all. But I still went out with the girls from the local sorority. We left about 9:30, went to this one bar that was pretty dead. So there was a lot of talking and it didn't go as well as the first time I talked to them. I felt a little out of place and the like. I was dressed how I normally dress but everyone else, naturally, looked at least a little different than I did. I just didn't click at all.

On Thursday afternoon, I ran into the one girl I kinda know who is in AST. She said that a few of them were going out that night (to this giant bar downtown that gets like hundreds of people that I've avoided like the plague) and asked if I wanted to go. I said that I did, figuring why not give it a try.

This time, I decided to try a little different strategy. I have a really easy schedule on Thursday so I went to the big mall outside of town. They have a Forever21 and an Urban Outfitters there. I've never bought a single item of clothing from either place before. I don't even know if I've ever stepped foot in any of those places before, actually.

But I decided that I wanted to dress a little differently than I usually do. I bought a bunch of tanks and dresses. I spent more on clothes yesterday than I think I ever have before in my entire life.

So, I was going to meet them at 10. I started getting ready a little earlier and wore this ruffled tank over jeans. Something I've never worn before in my life. My one roommate (we live in an apartment with two other girls) saw me and flinched. She never saw me in anything like that and asked me where I got that. So I told her and she kind was a little taken aback. Then she asked me what I was up to and I told her who I was hanging out with.

I've been good friends with her since like the first week of freshman year. I wouldn't say she's one of my best friends but we're still fairly close. We had tentative plans to go out last night to see her boyfriend's band but I told her that I was going to do something else. She was pretty upset when I told her where I was going. I told her that one of the girls I knew from class and she was really nice and everything. But she was still a little weird by it.

So I went out with the AST girls. We were at their apartment for a bit first, then we went downtown to the bar.

It was exactly what I'd thought it would be like. It was a little more frat than I'm used to. And the DJ was playing stuff like Lady Gaga and Chris Brown.

I really bit my tongue and made a concerted efford to just ignore the music and have fun. And I really did. I had a drink or two, danced, talked, etc. It was a really good time. I definitely felt like this is what I've been looking for.

I wore something like I did last night. I met a few of my friends for breakfast. My roommate was already there and told people who I went out last night. Her boyfriend (who I don't really like) was there and said something about it. No one else really cared but were joking about whether or not I was going to join a sorority. I just laughed it off.

But I really think I'm interested in rushing next semester.

[kddani]

That was kind of a jerk thing to do to your roommate/friend- you had tentative plans to go out with her then bailed to go hang out with people you barely know. I can see why she would feel alienated and upset. That's the absolute worst thing you can do is alienate and blow off your friends in favor of "new" friends.

Also, what on earth kind of music do you expect to be played in a mega-popular bar? Pop music is called that for a reason- it's popular. You can dance to Lady Gaga and Chris Brown.

It's good to hear that you're getting out of your comfort zone, but don't try to change into something or someone you're not. You'll never be happy, you won't keep the new friends and you'll lose the old friends. It's okay to make changes, but don't do a 180!

ETA: I don't mean to be so harsh, but I really felt for your roommate/friend when I read your post.

[JuliaNJ]

Originally Posted by kddani

That was kind of a jerk thing to do to your roommate/friend- you had tentative plans to go out with her then bailed to go hang out with people you barely know. I can see why she would feel alienated and upset. That's the absolute worst thing you can do is alienate and blow off your friends in favor of "new" friends.

Also, what on earth kind of music do you expect to be played in a mega-popular bar? Pop music is called that for a reason- it's popular. You can dance to Lady Gaga and Chris Brown.

It's good to hear that you're getting out of your comfort zone, but don't try to change into something or someone you're not. You'll never be happy, you won't keep the new friends and you'll lose the old friends. It's okay to make changes, but don't do a 180!

ETA: I don't mean to be so harsh, but I really felt for your roommate/friend when I read your post.

When I say "tentative" plans I mean that it's what we do every Thursday night and she just expected me to go like I always do. I think "tentative" is the wrong word actually. It's more "this is what we do every Thursday and will do every Thursday from now until we graduate." So I just told her I was going to do something else and she got upset. I don't think I was in the wrong at all (I think I have the right to go do something different) but I knew she was going to be upset. Oh well.

I knew that's what they were going to be playing at the bar. I expected it. I wasn't expecting to hear A Sunny Day in Glasgow. I put aside my own tastes just to have fun with these people. And I did.

I think if I go through with this... my friends who are my real friends are going to stick by my and understand. But my "friends" who are really superficial are going to be really nasty behind my back. So whatever, I'm going to do whatever I want.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by JuliaNJ

I put aside my own tastes just to have fun with these people.

Dude, if this is your mindset, you need to give this pursuit of Greek life up. Seriously. Martyrdom is so not attractive.

If your Greek system is really and truly so closed-minded that you feel like you had to go buy completely new clothes (to the point that your friends were when they saw you in the new duds) to hang out with its members, then honestly, I don't think it's a sytem that any of us on here would have wanted to be a part of. In the super insane big hair 80s, I occasionally went to the bar in a black turtleneck & jeans, straight hair, beatniked out. Because I could!! No one avoided me or didn't talk to me, they knew I was just having some fun with fashion. They knew that the next night, I might be there with my hair teased to high heavens, blue eyeshadow and a pink miniskirt. If you'd rather wear vintage clothes or all black or whatever, freaking WEAR THEM. Be yourself!!

"You are not your @#$%ing khakis." - Tyler Durden

[JuliaNJ]

Originally Posted by 33girl

Dude, if this is your mindset, you need to give this pursuit of Greek life up. Seriously. Martyrdom is so not attractive.

If your Greek system is really and truly so closed-minded that you feel like you had to go buy completely new clothes (to the point that your friends were when they saw you in the new duds) to hang out with its members, then honestly, I don't think it's a sytem that any of us on here would have wanted to be a part of. In the super insane big hair 80s, I occasionally went to the bar in a black turtleneck & jeans, straight hair, beatniked out. Because I could!! No one avoided me or didn't talk to me, they knew I was just having some fun with fashion. They knew that the next night, I might be there with my hair teased to high heavens, blue eyeshadow and a pink miniskirt. If you'd rather wear vintage clothes or all black or whatever, freaking WEAR THEM. Be yourself!!

"You are not your @#$%ing khakis." - Tyler Durden

The thing with this whole thing is that I'm having a hard time explaining... I'm trying to figure out who I am. And I think I'm starting to. I really want to start dressing like how I have been the past two days.

I'm never going to give up listening to the music I like, though. But I'm not going to let it definite me anymore.

[VandalSquirrel]

You remind me of someone I was best friends with all through junior high and high school, and how sanctimonious she came off (and why most of us stopped being her friend once we graduated). What you are saying how "I've never shopped at X and Y stores before" comes off rude. I haven't shopped their either, and I never will. I don't own any Lady Gaga but in the club (which I don't go to either) I'd jam to it.

It is almost like you have this farcical stereotype of sorority women and you have to try so hard to fit in with us, when you could just be yourself (though I'm not sure you're sure who that is) and still fit in. You're trying too hard and making it seem like it is a huge struggle and sacrifice for you, and trust that the sorority women will pick up on it.

We're not a homogenized monolith and a cult of personality, though there are trends at some schools that make us seem that way. The sooner you realize that and accept us as individuals, and yourself as you are, the happier you will be. If you're not comfortable with who you are, why should anyone else be?

I also suggest going to your campus counseling center because identity crises can be scary and you probably have crap going on in your life greater than sorority membership and how you definite yourself with clothes and music.

[Shellfish]

I still detect the scent of troll. It sounds like OP is just waiting for sorority members on GC to chime in on how great it is that she's embracing these types of clothes and social situations, when actually we all have our own preferences. And I never knew of anyone who wanted to change their style who made a big public crisis over it. They just started dressing differently or, usually, created a look that combined various aspects they liked. You can do that, you know.

Seriously, life is not like a Venn diagram where the circles never intersect.

[VandalSquirrel]

Originally Posted by Shellfish

I still detect the scent of troll. It sounds like OP is just waiting for sorority members on GC to chime in on how great it is that she's embracing these types of clothes and social situations, when actually we all have our own preferences. And I never knew of anyone who wanted to change their style who made a big public crisis over it. They just started dressing differently or, usually, created a look that combined various aspects they liked. You can do that, you know.

Seriously, life is not like a Venn diagram where the circles never intersect.

I thought troll as well but enough information was given that it wasn't hard to figure out the school and go from there. If this person is a troll they are impersonating someone with enough detail, which is way creepy.

[AlphaFrog]

Is it just me, or is ATA's corresponding secretary wearing a bag from the bookstore as a shirt??

[ree-Xi]

Originally Posted by ree-Xi

I'm starting to wonder if this is for real...

Every post reads like a different cliche - from a "Dear Abby" letter, to any after school special or "Mean Girls" type movie where the girl from the "other side of the cafeteria" tires to change who she is to fit in somewhere while facing dissent from her previous group, to any crappy stereotypical sorority movie made.

Every post is practically an episode in and of itself, where the OP creates a dilemma, describes her experience, then how she has resolved the issue. Nope, still not buying it.