I Need Help!

[JuliaNJ]

Originally Posted by kddani

That was kind of a jerk thing to do to your roommate/friend- you had tentative plans to go out with her then bailed to go hang out with people you barely know. I can see why she would feel alienated and upset. That's the absolute worst thing you can do is alienate and blow off your friends in favor of "new" friends.

Also, what on earth kind of music do you expect to be played in a mega-popular bar? Pop music is called that for a reason- it's popular. You can dance to Lady Gaga and Chris Brown.

It's good to hear that you're getting out of your comfort zone, but don't try to change into something or someone you're not. You'll never be happy, you won't keep the new friends and you'll lose the old friends. It's okay to make changes, but don't do a 180!

ETA: I don't mean to be so harsh, but I really felt for your roommate/friend when I read your post.

When I say "tentative" plans I mean that it's what we do every Thursday night and she just expected me to go like I always do. I think "tentative" is the wrong word actually. It's more "this is what we do every Thursday and will do every Thursday from now until we graduate." So I just told her I was going to do something else and she got upset. I don't think I was in the wrong at all (I think I have the right to go do something different) but I knew she was going to be upset. Oh well.

I knew that's what they were going to be playing at the bar. I expected it. I wasn't expecting to hear A Sunny Day in Glasgow. I put aside my own tastes just to have fun with these people. And I did.

I think if I go through with this... my friends who are my real friends are going to stick by my and understand. But my "friends" who are really superficial are going to be really nasty behind my back. So whatever, I'm going to do whatever I want.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by JuliaNJ

I put aside my own tastes just to have fun with these people.

Dude, if this is your mindset, you need to give this pursuit of Greek life up. Seriously. Martyrdom is so not attractive.

If your Greek system is really and truly so closed-minded that you feel like you had to go buy completely new clothes (to the point that your friends were when they saw you in the new duds) to hang out with its members, then honestly, I don't think it's a sytem that any of us on here would have wanted to be a part of. In the super insane big hair 80s, I occasionally went to the bar in a black turtleneck & jeans, straight hair, beatniked out. Because I could!! No one avoided me or didn't talk to me, they knew I was just having some fun with fashion. They knew that the next night, I might be there with my hair teased to high heavens, blue eyeshadow and a pink miniskirt. If you'd rather wear vintage clothes or all black or whatever, freaking WEAR THEM. Be yourself!!

"You are not your @#$%ing khakis." - Tyler Durden

[JuliaNJ]

Originally Posted by 33girl

Dude, if this is your mindset, you need to give this pursuit of Greek life up. Seriously. Martyrdom is so not attractive.

If your Greek system is really and truly so closed-minded that you feel like you had to go buy completely new clothes (to the point that your friends were when they saw you in the new duds) to hang out with its members, then honestly, I don't think it's a sytem that any of us on here would have wanted to be a part of. In the super insane big hair 80s, I occasionally went to the bar in a black turtleneck & jeans, straight hair, beatniked out. Because I could!! No one avoided me or didn't talk to me, they knew I was just having some fun with fashion. They knew that the next night, I might be there with my hair teased to high heavens, blue eyeshadow and a pink miniskirt. If you'd rather wear vintage clothes or all black or whatever, freaking WEAR THEM. Be yourself!!

"You are not your @#$%ing khakis." - Tyler Durden

The thing with this whole thing is that I'm having a hard time explaining... I'm trying to figure out who I am. And I think I'm starting to. I really want to start dressing like how I have been the past two days.

I'm never going to give up listening to the music I like, though. But I'm not going to let it definite me anymore.

[VandalSquirrel]

You remind me of someone I was best friends with all through junior high and high school, and how sanctimonious she came off (and why most of us stopped being her friend once we graduated). What you are saying how "I've never shopped at X and Y stores before" comes off rude. I haven't shopped their either, and I never will. I don't own any Lady Gaga but in the club (which I don't go to either) I'd jam to it.

It is almost like you have this farcical stereotype of sorority women and you have to try so hard to fit in with us, when you could just be yourself (though I'm not sure you're sure who that is) and still fit in. You're trying too hard and making it seem like it is a huge struggle and sacrifice for you, and trust that the sorority women will pick up on it.

We're not a homogenized monolith and a cult of personality, though there are trends at some schools that make us seem that way. The sooner you realize that and accept us as individuals, and yourself as you are, the happier you will be. If you're not comfortable with who you are, why should anyone else be?

I also suggest going to your campus counseling center because identity crises can be scary and you probably have crap going on in your life greater than sorority membership and how you definite yourself with clothes and music.

[AZTheta]

Originally Posted by VandalSquirrel

It is almost like you have this farcical stereotype of sorority women and you have to try so hard to fit in with us, when you could just be yourself (though I'm not sure you're sure who that is) and still fit in...

... If you're not comfortable with who you are, why should anyone else be?

I also suggest going to your campus counseling center because identity crises can be scary and you probably have crap going on in your life greater than sorority membership and how you definite yourself with clothes and music.

Very well put, VandalSquirrel.

I reiterate: a sorority is not a panacea for fixing what's going on inside.

Neither are Internet boards/forums.

again, good luck to you on your journey.

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by VandalSquirrel

You remind me of someone I was best friends with all through junior high and high school, and how sanctimonious she came off (and why most of us stopped being her friend once we graduated). What you are saying how "I've never shopped at X and Y stores before" comes off rude. I haven't shopped their either, and I never will. I don't own any Lady Gaga but in the club (which I don't go to either) I'd jam to it.

It is almost like you have this farcical stereotype of sorority women and you have to try so hard to fit in with us, when you could just be yourself (though I'm not sure you're sure who that is) and still fit in. You're trying too hard and making it seem like it is a huge struggle and sacrifice for you, and trust that the sorority women will pick up on it.

We're not a homogenized monolith and a cult of personality, though there are trends at some schools that make us seem that way. The sooner you realize that and accept us as individuals, and yourself as you are, the happier you will be. If you're not comfortable with who you are, why should anyone else be?

I also suggest going to your campus counseling center because identity crises can be scary and you probably have crap going on in your life greater than sorority membership and how you definite yourself with clothes and music.

Thank you.

[VandalSquirrel]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

Thank you.

I just noticed my spelling and grammar errors, giving up coffee is rough!

What's the RuPaul saying from Drag Race? "If you don't love yourself how in the hell are you going to love someone else?" same thing here.

[dreamseeker]

Originally Posted by JuliaNJ

I put aside my own tastes just to have fun with these people.

i have a HUGE problem with this statement. it just seems terrible. many of the ladies here have addressed it and i'd like to underscore what they've said; i am not in an NPC sorority and i want you to understand that regardless of that its really important that you pause and reconsider.

if you long to call a group of women your sisters, you should be able to be yourself and enjoy them. Now we can't even sit here and bash the orgs that you're interested in because you haven't shown them who you really are. is this a facade that you plan on keeping up? if you were to move into a house, would you trash all your clothes and hide your tastes? if you like what you're doing now that's all well and great but the problem with that is that you're doing it for other women and not for yourself. and by the very fact that you said you put aside your tastes means that you don't really enjoy it.

i'll stop here before I come off as too harsh. but i think you're doing yourself and the women a disservice by hiding your true self.