People that you would NOT recommend.

[UGAalum94]

Originally Posted by ThetaDancer

Issues related to health and such just seem so completely private to me, and even if I knew someone's personal situation like that I would never repeat it, not even on such a form.

And certainly, if these issues were private, they'd be likely to remain so for most of us.

I doubt many people want to repeat any potentially negative private information that they learned through confidential sources or because of close friendships with the person involved, especially information unlikely to have any affect on the chapter overall.

[VandalSquirrel]

I guess I need to elaborate. I didn't write on the form why I didn't recommend the woman, and I wasn't contacted about her either. It is likely that she had made her feelings about certain chapters known when she was hanging with the fratties, and even if she wasn't saying it to or about those women, saying nasty things about other chapters as a PNM is a really tacky move.

There were also some other circumstances that likely affected her recruitment but I would only speak of my personal interaction.

[UGAalum94]

Originally Posted by VandalSquirrel

I guess I need to elaborate. I didn't write on the form why I didn't recommend the woman, and I wasn't contacted about her either. It is likely that she had made her feelings about certain chapters known when she was hanging with the fratties, and even if she wasn't saying it to or about those women, saying nasty things about other chapters as a PNM is a really tacky move.

There were also some other circumstances that likely affected her recruitment but I would only speak of my personal interaction.

Generally, if a person was bad mouthing a chapter around campus, I wouldn't think you'd need to say on the form why you didn't recommend her.

[chitownxo]

I wrote my one and only No Rec last year.

I taught CCD (Religious Ed) for many years, and consequently I've written a lot of recs for former students. About 5 years ago, I had the world's biggest trouble maker in my class. On the surface, she seemed like a nice girl. In reality, though - woah. Spoke out of turn, got up and walked out of class, and stole from one of her classmate's purses (class was at Mass, and she asked the Aide for permission to go back to the room. The Aide agreed, followed her, and nailed her). The kicker is that I caught her cheating on our Confirmation test. Needless to say, she wasn't confirmed.

From what I heard and saw, 4 years didn't improve her any. While she has good grades and decent activities, she still has a problem with her mouth, and often "forgets" to pay for items she takes home from the mall. Last spring I get a call from her mom who says her darling daughter wants me to write her a XO Rec. I agreed. I just didn't tell her I'd be writing a No Rec rather than a positive one.

[UGAalum94]

Originally Posted by chitownxo

I wrote my one and only No Rec last year.

I taught CCD (Religious Ed) for many years, and consequently I've written a lot of recs for former students. About 5 years ago, I had the world's biggest trouble maker in my class. On the surface, she seemed like a nice girl. In reality, though - woah. Spoke out of turn, got up and walked out of class, and stole from one of her classmate's purses (class was at Mass, and she asked the Aide for permission to go back to the room. The Aide agreed, followed her, and nailed her). The kicker is that I caught her cheating on our Confirmation test. Needless to say, she wasn't confirmed.

From what I heard and saw, 4 years didn't improve her any. While she has good grades and decent activities, she still has a problem with her mouth, and often "forgets" to pay for items she takes home from the mall. Last spring I get a call from her mom who says her darling daughter wants me to write her a XO Rec. I agreed. I just didn't tell her I'd be writing a No Rec rather than a positive one.

Wicked. Who knew you could flunk out of confirmation classes?

[tld221]

^^^ i hoped she failed Religious Ed too for stealing!

sidenote: what happens if you dont get confirmed? you wait til you pass?

[barnard1897]

Is nothing sacred? First it's the CCD classmates' purses, and next thing you know, the chapter petty cash is gone. Glad to know she's not a Chi O, but I'd die if she ended up in another house!

[honeychile]

Originally Posted by breathesgelatin

Aww. This is awful to me on a couple of levels.

First of all, no one can really know this woman's real situation. A lot of times people who have abortions at very young ages are victims of incest or molestation or rape. And people on the outside might not necessarily know it was the case - it can still be a BOYFRIEND who rapes a young teenage girl.

My other point would be is that this is fundamentally her choice and perhaps in some respects a responsible decision, but I know a lot of people would disagree with me there. Whatever your view is, I doubt this young woman was proud of this situation and probably learned and matured a LOT from this decision.

I wonder if the decision to No Rec this would still have been made if this young woman had put her baby up for adoption.

I really hate this kind of thing, and I don't think it's appropriate. I know every individual alum can do what they want, but I think this kind of thing is awful. It's a shaming type of behavior that makes people feel bad about getting pregnant in the first place, and drives them to have abortions.

/soapbox

I'm still mad at myself for not questioning the woman HOW she knew about the abortion. As much as I'm pro-life, I like to think that I wouldn't No Rec a PNM based solely on one mistake she made, no matter how bad.

There was sweet revenge on both sides of the coin in this case: the PNM became a member of another fine sorority, and eventually became their President. On the other hand, she also was a well-known "frat rat", so maybe the alumna knew of what she spoke. We'll never know - and nor should we.

[AOII Angel]

Originally Posted by chitownxo

I wrote my one and only No Rec last year.

I taught CCD (Religious Ed) for many years, and consequently I've written a lot of recs for former students. About 5 years ago, I had the world's biggest trouble maker in my class. On the surface, she seemed like a nice girl. In reality, though - woah. Spoke out of turn, got up and walked out of class, and stole from one of her classmate's purses (class was at Mass, and she asked the Aide for permission to go back to the room. The Aide agreed, followed her, and nailed her). The kicker is that I caught her cheating on our Confirmation test. Needless to say, she wasn't confirmed.

From what I heard and saw, 4 years didn't improve her any. While she has good grades and decent activities, she still has a problem with her mouth, and often "forgets" to pay for items she takes home from the mall. Last spring I get a call from her mom who says her darling daughter wants me to write her a XO Rec. I agreed. I just didn't tell her I'd be writing a No Rec rather than a positive one.

I'm wondering how her mother could think you would write a good rec considering you flunked her out of catachism class?!

[SWTXBelle]

I knew of a lovely pnm - drop-dead GORGEOUS, good grades - who became pregnant by her long-term boyfriend, had the baby and gave it up for adoption. Some chapters at my school cut her. I proudly wrote her a glowing recommendation - here was a woman who faced a moral dilemma, and took the difficult steps necessary to maintain her integrity and finish with her graduating class. I'm proud to call her my sister - she's now happily married with two children. Her baby would be early 20s now - think of the joy she brought that family.

[UGAalum94]

Originally Posted by SWTXBelle

I knew of a lovely pnm - drop-dead GORGEOUS, good grades - who became pregnant by her long-term boyfriend, had the baby and gave it up for adoption. Some chapters at my school cut her. I proudly wrote her a glowing recommendation - here was a woman who faced a moral dilemma, and took the difficult steps necessary to maintain her integrity and finish with her graduating class. I'm proud to call her my sister - she's now happily married with two children. Her baby would be early 20s now - think of the joy she brought that family.

No doubt. I'd like to think I'd do the same, and I'm pretty sure that I would not "no rec" someone in similar circumstance.

However, I think I'd make a chapter aware that a young women was raising the child herself had she elected to, not because there's anything wrong with that, but because her commitment to the chapter was likely to be different than that of other PNMs.

I'm not saying that I would put a negative spin on it, but I would include the information.

I think in the pregnancy cases we're discussing, so much of it just depends on the character of the PNM.

[chitownxo]

Originally Posted by AOII Angel

I'm wondering how her mother could think you would write a good rec considering you flunked her out of catachism class?!

No one in that family is too bright. I guess she thought that since I've written recs for other people....

You have to work pretty hard to get booted from CCD, not to mention flunking the Confirmation test. We do everything but force feed them the answers, and some of the questions are softballs (eg "What is the name of our Parish?"). We're not talking brain surgery here.

She didn't get a bid last year, so she's gearing up for try #2.

[barnard1897]

Even if CCD Flunkie gets lucky enough to pledge this time, I'd hate to be her NM educator--gotta wonder how she'll do on those quizzes.

What is the name of our chapter? _______________

[LionTamer]

Coming from a school (Penn State) that doesn't rely heavily on recs, and a sorority that doesn't have the same huge national alum network that other, larger sororities do, I have very little experience with recs (either writing them or using them), and I'm of two minds about them.

On one hand, getting "no" recs might have saved us from one of two psychos. But probably not; sociopaths can be great "social engineers".

On the other hand, one PNM had been a year behind me in high school, and was a total stoner. Not a bad girl, no arrest record, just a dirty jeans, band-t-shirt and too-much-eyeliner stoner. She looked really cute at rush, though, and she approached me and told me she had "changed a lot" since then. Since I completely understood what boredom could drive you to do, I said nothing, she was a big hit with everyone, and became a really stellar member of the sorority and ended up as a successful lawyer.

It would have sucked if someone from our town had written a "no" rec just because the PNM was bored in high school. Plus she had the HS grades to make it to Main Campus her freshman year. Also, keep in mind that it was the same years portrayed in "Dazed and Confused" and "That Seventies Show", so the entire culture was different back then. (Yikes -- did I really just date myself like that?)

[SWTXBelle]

It's always a tough call - sometimes the stellar "perfect" pnm goes off the rails during college, and sometimes a diamond in the rough in high school turns into a wonderful member. If only we had a crystal ball! (Of course, I think some credit for the latter should go to the GLO)