People that you would NOT recommend.

[AOII Angel]

Originally Posted by chitownxo

I wrote my one and only No Rec last year.

I taught CCD (Religious Ed) for many years, and consequently I've written a lot of recs for former students. About 5 years ago, I had the world's biggest trouble maker in my class. On the surface, she seemed like a nice girl. In reality, though - woah. Spoke out of turn, got up and walked out of class, and stole from one of her classmate's purses (class was at Mass, and she asked the Aide for permission to go back to the room. The Aide agreed, followed her, and nailed her). The kicker is that I caught her cheating on our Confirmation test. Needless to say, she wasn't confirmed.

From what I heard and saw, 4 years didn't improve her any. While she has good grades and decent activities, she still has a problem with her mouth, and often "forgets" to pay for items she takes home from the mall. Last spring I get a call from her mom who says her darling daughter wants me to write her a XO Rec. I agreed. I just didn't tell her I'd be writing a No Rec rather than a positive one.

I'm wondering how her mother could think you would write a good rec considering you flunked her out of catachism class?!

[chitownxo]

Originally Posted by AOII Angel

I'm wondering how her mother could think you would write a good rec considering you flunked her out of catachism class?!

No one in that family is too bright. I guess she thought that since I've written recs for other people....

You have to work pretty hard to get booted from CCD, not to mention flunking the Confirmation test. We do everything but force feed them the answers, and some of the questions are softballs (eg "What is the name of our Parish?"). We're not talking brain surgery here.

She didn't get a bid last year, so she's gearing up for try #2.

[barnard1897]

Even if CCD Flunkie gets lucky enough to pledge this time, I'd hate to be her NM educator--gotta wonder how she'll do on those quizzes.

What is the name of our chapter? _______________

[LionTamer]

Coming from a school (Penn State) that doesn't rely heavily on recs, and a sorority that doesn't have the same huge national alum network that other, larger sororities do, I have very little experience with recs (either writing them or using them), and I'm of two minds about them.

On one hand, getting "no" recs might have saved us from one of two psychos. But probably not; sociopaths can be great "social engineers".

On the other hand, one PNM had been a year behind me in high school, and was a total stoner. Not a bad girl, no arrest record, just a dirty jeans, band-t-shirt and too-much-eyeliner stoner. She looked really cute at rush, though, and she approached me and told me she had "changed a lot" since then. Since I completely understood what boredom could drive you to do, I said nothing, she was a big hit with everyone, and became a really stellar member of the sorority and ended up as a successful lawyer.

It would have sucked if someone from our town had written a "no" rec just because the PNM was bored in high school. Plus she had the HS grades to make it to Main Campus her freshman year. Also, keep in mind that it was the same years portrayed in "Dazed and Confused" and "That Seventies Show", so the entire culture was different back then. (Yikes -- did I really just date myself like that?)

[SWTXBelle]

It's always a tough call - sometimes the stellar "perfect" pnm goes off the rails during college, and sometimes a diamond in the rough in high school turns into a wonderful member. If only we had a crystal ball! (Of course, I think some credit for the latter should go to the GLO)

[Fleur de Lis]

You have to be really careful about no-recs. When I was Alumnae Reference Chair, there was a PNM who asked me to write her a rec. I made some calls, and an alumna (who was known for being very judgmental) told me not to recommend her because she wore black nail polish and black clothes in the 8th grade. Um, no. I spoke to the PNM myself and wrote a basic rec for her. The chapter can decide if they want to take her or not.

Another time that year, an alumna was willing to write a lot of recs for women in a certain high school, with one exception. She said this girl was trouble and not a woman of character. So I called the recruitment advisor at her school and relayed this information. She said there was a girl in the chapter rooting for her, so I let it go. I had done my part to give them a heads' up, but it is the chapter's decision.

If there was truly a TERROR going through recruitment (the stories here definitely qualify!) I would call the recruitment advisor. People can change, but there is a difference between being emo and going out of your way to be disrespectful and break the rules. People don't change that much over one summer.

[breathesgelatin]

Originally Posted by Fleur de Lis

I made some calls, and an alumna (who was known for being very judgmental) told me not to recommend her because she wore black nail polish and black clothes in the 8th grade.

LOL! If this were acceptable, I would have had no-recs out the wazoo! (Not that I actually had any when I went through recruitment.) I went through a very goth phase in 8th grade (which was long over by sophomore/junior year of HS.)

[UGAalum94]

Originally Posted by Fleur de Lis

You have to be really careful about no-recs. When I was Alumnae Reference Chair, there was a PNM who asked me to write her a rec. I made some calls, and an alumna (who was known for being very judgmental) told me not to recommend her because she wore black nail polish and black clothes in the 8th grade. Um, no. I spoke to the PNM myself and wrote a basic rec for her. The chapter can decide if they want to take her or not.

Another time that year, an alumna was willing to write a lot of recs for women in a certain high school, with one exception. She said this girl was trouble and not a woman of character. So I called the recruitment advisor at her school and relayed this information. She said there was a girl in the chapter rooting for her, so I let it go. I had done my part to give them a heads' up, but it is the chapter's decision.

If there was truly a TERROR going through recruitment (the stories here definitely qualify!) I would call the recruitment advisor. People can change, but there is a difference between being emo and going out of your way to be disrespectful and break the rules. People don't change that much over one summer.

Yeah, I've wondered about this too. If you've ever read recommendation or evaluation forms for a big group of people especially over a period of time, you notice that some evaluators/recommenders are just way more critical and way more certain about their own opinion about people than others. (I'm thinking of school club stuff here, so you have a limited number of people filling them out and notice patterns.)

Unless it was something really extreme or really likely to put the chapter at risk, I'd be hesitant to no rec, and that seems to be the case for most of the people posting. But having seen how critical some people are, I wonder if they'd be pretty casual about assuming that black nail polish actually was a valid reason to no rec a person four years later.