What to tell a girl who didn't get a bid

[PM_Mama00]

Originally Posted by OTW

Okay, now this absolutely absurd. Show me where these large Southern campus ladies gets shocked at how her campus does rush? If anything, the ladies who posted here showed some concern at her rush booklet/insert because it could possibly be going against NPC policies.

The consensus I got from this thread was:

a) Have a Rho Chi comfort her -- it's their job.
b) Membership selection is private, period. End of story.

(Fine, we didn't know that she didn't know what a Rho Chi was, but now she knows and knowing is half the battle)

If anything, recruitment at MY school is probably more similar to her campus than yours... so please don't paint us all with the same brush. THANKS.

I didn't mean just in this thread, I meant in general. I had flashbacks of the conversation about wearing jeans to rush and all those other fun ones. I've met girls from her chapter (don't remember them, it was at a fundraiser given by her org from my campus) and I've heard a little about their Greek system since they're only an hour or so from mine.

[GDIfly]

Originally Posted by jessicaelaine

wow thanks for being a bitch for no reason. what you said really helped.... show me how i didn't look closely at spell check. rolf lol brb lamo !!!11!!1!!!11!!!!1eleven!!

LOL You misspelled "definitely" as "defiantly?" I actually thought you were encouraging a PNM without a bid to be defiant.
Now I can't decide whether advising defiance or completely destroying the word 'definitely' is funnier.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by jessicaelaine

no kidding, thats why i posted this. because i need advice about giving advice. i can't exactly offer comforting words to a girl i don't like. and looking at how the votes went for her, neither will many other girls in my sorority. am i supposed to tell her "well, you cheated on your boyfriend with the boyfriend of one of our sisters who then broke up with that sister for you. you're also fake and hyprocritcal and change your personality and opinion depending on who you talk to." i'm telling you i know for sure this girl is going to approch one of us, so not telling her anything is not an option. thanks for your help.

Just tell her:

"I'm sorry, but our membership selection process is confidential. We aren't allowed to discuss why someone was chosen or not chosen with anyone, even with those new members who DID receive bids."

That's all anyone EVER needs to hear about why they were chosen or not chosen. Period.

Oh, and to everyone who's saying "make the Rho Chi do it" I think the OP's Greek system is relatively small and doesn't have formal rush/Rho Chis.

[summer_gphib]

Just a side note... you may want to check your online booklet for errors. NPC is the National Panhellenic Conference, not the National Pan-Hellenic Conference. I'm not trying to be nit picky, but you should know that.

I'm far from a perfect speller, but that is a pretty big mistake.

[GDIfly]

Originally Posted by summer_gphib

NPC is the National Panhellenic Confernece, not the National Pan-Hellenic Conference. I'm not trying to be nit picky, but you should know that.

i'm loling. I'm sure one day someone will get it right.

[PhoenixAzul]

Holy relevant thread, batman.

I'm a Rho Chi this year, and today was preference signing. Since it's 5 pm and I haven't gotten a call from Panhel, I'm assuming all of my girls are matched and sorted in some way (thank you, God!). But what we told the girls before they went to signing was,

"look girls, we want you all to be sisters to someone. But unfortunately, it doesn't always work out, for various reasons (quota, bid lists, human error, zodiac sign, whatever). We encourage you to try again next year, and to get involved on campus and to remain friends with girls you've met through this process. If you need to yell at someone or vent or need a cup of coffee, give us a call and we'll be there. Whole day is clear for you. "

It sucks. I should know. I didn't get invited to final party, and I got "the call" on bid day. But I received a supplemental bid (sort of a snap bid), to the sorority of my dreams. It does work out, it does happen. It does hurt. No one ever said it would be easy.

I think that perhaps girls would be better served by a disclaimer in the pre-rush literature about the realities of not getting a bid, alternative options, why girls cannot discuss membership selection, etc.

[mccoyred]

Originally Posted by summer_gphib

Just a side note... you may want to check your online booklet for errors. NPC is the National Panhellenic Conference, not the National Pan-Hellenic Conference. I'm not trying to be nit picky, but you should know that.

I'm far from a perfect speller, but that is a pretty big mistake.

NPC vs NPHC >>> BIG difference

[tunatartare]

If you really don't know what to say to her to make the situation better, then just don't say anything at all. I get the feeling from this thread that Greek Life isn't exactly do or die in your school and this girl had plenty of opportunities to make friends and have a social life without your sorority. Give her some time to cool off and she might not even care that she didn't get a bid and could forget all about you.

[CutiePie2000]

Originally Posted by jessicaelaine

It's "any times a sorority elects to only take a specific amount of New Members a semester and has to make a hard decision. In these cases a girl should defiantly try again by coming to continuous open bidding events she is invited to and participating in recruitment the following semester. Sometimes, however, many members do not feel a perspective fits in well with the sorority and feels she would thrive in another sorority on campus."

I think you mean to say that a girl should "definitely" try again, not "defiantly".

Anyone who would display a "defiant" attitude during rush, can pretty much forget getting a bid at any campus, anywhere, much less on their SECOND attempt at rush.

In other words, make sure that document is double checked, tripled checked and quadruple checked for mispelled words. Not only does poor spelling look unprofessional, but in this case, the meaning of the mispelled word is completely different from what you'd intended.

[texas*princess]

I don't want to sound like the Spelling/Grammar President of the World, but there are a TON of incorrect spellings on the website.

The way the booklet is worded can be misleading.

First of all on the "HOW TO JOIN" page, the first sentence in Step 2 makes it sound like bids are automatic. At least if I were a person who didn't go to a big greek school and knew nothing of greek life I think "This is the official invitation you will receive to join the sorority" makes it sound like every woman who makes it past the foyer of the house will receive one.

If you absolutely must have a booklet on "HOW TO JOIN" Step 3 should say "your" new member pin

Step 3 compares a pinning ceremony to a pledging period. Maybe I'm reading that wrong. Additionally, it says "You are a complete sister with the same respect and all rights of an active member without the ability to vote in meetings" Unless DPhiE does things different (which is a possibility) most NPCs new members are not technically "full sisters" because they have not yet gone through initiation. Being part of ritual is a right of an active member in good standing and women in the new member period are not usually able to see that until they are initiated.

Step 5: says they go through initation and become "a full sister!" but Step 3 says they are "full sisters"

If you continue to distribute a booklet, I think it should be revised so that it is not misleading.

Additionally, like others have said, there should not be a reason to add in a "why you didn't get in" section because really, that's none of their business. If they ask you directly, just go with what others have said and tell them that membershp selection is private.

[LPIDelta]

Originally Posted by texas*princess

Maybe I'm reading that wrong. Additionally, it says "You are a complete sister with the same respect and all rights of an active member without the ability to vote in meetings" Unless DPhiE does things different (which is a possibility) most NPCs new members are not technically "full sisters" because they have not yet gone through initiation. Being part of ritual is a right of an active member in good standing and women in the new member period are not usually able to see that until they are initiated.

DPhiEs philosophy has been that new members are members--and so we allow new members to participate in teams and meetings and begin contributing to the sorority right away--with the exception of voting, attending ritual etc. We try to remove the hierarchy of membership by philosophically putting new members on the same playing field as active sisters. I agree with you--how its written is a little confusing.

[CutiePie2000]

They should say "How to be INVITED to join", not "How to Join". Nothing is for certain, people!!

[texas*princess]

Originally Posted by Heather17

DPhiEs philosophy has been that new members are members--and so we allow new members to participate in teams and meetings and begin contributing to the sorority right away--with the exception of voting, attending ritual etc. We try to remove the hierarchy of membership by philosophically putting new members on the same playing field as active sisters. I agree with you--how its written is a little confusing.

I totally agree and I'm sure that is how most all (if not all) NPCs are now run

The wording could be misleading... especially to people who might not know a lot about greek life. Based on previous posts it sounds like that is a lot of people

[Miss{BooperDoo}]

As someone who plans on rushing next Spring, I would most definitely be misled by the pamphlet. I'm going to be transferring from a small northern (why I'm so naive about sororities) school to a big southern school. I don't think there should be any explanation as to WHY you were not extended a bid. Is knowing going to change something? No. Will it honestly make the person feel any better? Not likely. It would probably make them obsess over it so that if they did rush again, that's all they focused on. I know that if I'm not asked to join, it won't be the end of the world. To some it might be. But the most you can do is (as has been said previously) tell them that the selection process is private. If someone is going to throw a temper tantrum because they didn't get into the sorority of their choosing... its not your job to be their mother and wipe their nose and give them the "everybody's a winner" speech. If they can't control themselves in a situation such as this...they have much bigger things to worry about.

Hope that was helpful...

[Eleutheria]

We have three NPC sororities at my school, and recruitment isn't exactly run as well as it should be. I was given a bid to a sorority, but because of the whole matching process, my bid card was lost in the shuffle, and I got bumped. In retrospect, it turned out to be much better for me to be non-greek. I joined Alpha Phi Omega instead, and have gotten a lot more out of it than had I joined a sorority. Quite honestly, if a group isn't going to give you a bid you DON'T WANT TO BE part of that group.