Son of AGDee's College Search Thread

[amIblue?]

Originally Posted by AGDee

1. If parents stopped what they were doing to answer their children's questions, IQs were higher
2. In households that had lots of books, IQs were higher.
3. In households where children saw parents reading for fun, IQs were higher.

Huzzah! I'm three for three! On to kindergarten!

[Munchkin03]

Originally Posted by AGDee

Just as I had this gut feeling that Hypo would end up at Barnard, I have the same gut feeling that Halostar will end up at either Oberlin or Kalamazoo. He really doesn't want to stray outside of easy visiting distance and both fit that bill. They both fit the bill of small school with an open minded and excelling student population.

As for child rearing... I don't really know. I did IQ test their dad before I married him (I was in grad school working on a master's in clinical psych at the tiime) so they had a good gene pool. I did reward the positive behaviors and punish the negative and, once they were in later elementary, didn't really challenge me on anything because they knew the limits and knew they would be enforced. My mom was their babysitter until she was too ill to do so anymore, but she always gave them educational toys and books, read books to them, watched educational shows with them, introduced them to a variety of topics (science, reading, etc) and shared HER love of everything- animals, astronomy, politics- with them. They've seen me and their dad go to grad school while working and raising them, which likely helped reinforce the importance of education. I encouraged them to follow their passions. Scouting organizations are fantastic and helped develop them. We always engaged in service activities (going through toys before Christmas to see what could be donated, park clean ups, etc.). Perhaps, more than anything- I raised them to value respect. The words "Shut up" were not allowed in my household. I have never said those words to them, they have never said them to me. Anger was sometimes expressed with yelling, but never included insults. It was geared toward behaviors, not personal characteristics. Most often, it was communicated calmly with talking points and it usually revolved around them leaving messes in the house.

I think, overall, they had parents and a grandma who really love to learn also. Whether this is genetic or environmental, I don't know. But they were curious as toddlers and we tried very hard to channel it appropriately without killing it. I don't agree with the term "Curiosity killed the cat." I think curiosity is healthy and a sign of intelligence. Before the Internet, I used to carry a note pad around with me to make a list of things I wanted to look up in the encyclopedia when I was at the library. I would just wonder things about the world and wanted answers. They are very much the same way, but have that information at their finger tips. There were always books- lots of books.

In grad school, in my Intelligence class (where I learned to administer IQ tests), we discussed a list of environmental things that correlate to higher IQs. There are a few that I remembered most and which I tried to make sure I followed were these:
1. If parents stopped what they were doing to answer their children's questions, IQs were higher
2. In households that had lots of books, IQs were higher.
3. In households where children saw parents reading for fun, IQs were higher.

I saw their strengths and encouraged them to use them. I saw their weaknesses and we have worked on them. I talked to them like adults and didn't dismiss their thoughts or ideas just because they were children.

They aren't perfect...lol.. they are far from perfect, but they have become very interesting people. Hypo was always fearless and took chances. Halo was afraid of everything, but is learning to push and challenge himself to get beyond his fears. In fact, he rode a bike for the first time in 11 years this week. He was afraid once the training wheels were off. At 17, he learned to ride a two wheeler. We celebrated that He is liking the freedom since we have three drivers and two cars this summer. Work and internships trump everything for car priority use so he has been without wheels a lot.

Sounds great! All of that stuff makes such a difference. So much of it is natural, though, that I fear that many people who weren't engaged as children will repeat the cycle.

I like Oberlin!

[agzg]

Originally Posted by AGDee

They aren't perfect...lol.. they are far from perfect, but they have become very interesting people. Hypo was always fearless and took chances. Halo was afraid of everything, but is learning to push and challenge himself to get beyond his fears. In fact, he rode a bike for the first time in 11 years this week. He was afraid once the training wheels were off. At 17, he learned to ride a two wheeler. We celebrated that He is liking the freedom since we have three drivers and two cars this summer. Work and internships trump everything for car priority use so he has been without wheels a lot.

Now that I've "known" you for almost 10 years, it's crazy to me that they're now a young man and young woman - you're right - they're both very interesting. I'm so glad that he's pushing himself to try new things.

Originally Posted by AGDee

Oh yeah... 15 months til my nest is empty. Wow!

You've got so much going on elsewhere you'll probably enjoy having them home for breaks but I'm proud of you for the hard work you've done to get here.

[madoug]

What event did he compete in at BPA Nationals? My D did advanced desktop publishing this year and last year she was on a team that present in Animation. She had a great time in Orlando although just one trip into a park.

[AGDee]

He qualified on open competitions. At regionals, he won for Parliamentary Procedure. At states, he won for Business Spelling. He had a classmate who did some sort of desktop publishing though- they had to make a calendar? That may not have been advanced. They had a great time in Orlando too!

[AGDee]

Thankfully, I'm out of the hospital in time for our visit to Oberlin tomorrow. If we'd had to cancel after he scheduled an interview, we'd have been very sad. I'm glad it is a small campus! Hypo is sad that she can't come along because she has to work. She asked me to take lots of pictures for her.

[AGDee]

My ex-husband decided to join us which was a little bit of a relief to me. I was concerned that my energy level wouldn't hold or I might have an issue and my son would be driving us home with me in the backseat of the car in pain and him feeling scared.

Going in, I should mention- My ex is all about "go to college to get a career in something specific" and I am all about "go to college to get an education and do something good with it in a career".

Oberlin- It was a busy visit day for them, being the day after a holiday. They split us into three tour groups for a 10 am tour. Our tour guide reminded me a lot of Halostar- similar interests, same majors he is interested in, very similar ECs. I knew Halo was getting a good vibe already. The tour was interesting and even though it started raining during the tour, the campus was beautiful. The dorm room they showed us was huge- easily twice the size of Hypo's room! The tour guide did say something about not going to college to get a job but for personal growth and I could see my ex-husband cringe. Everything on the tour was impressive from the environmental science building to the art museum and jazz building.

We got back from the tour and it was time for the interview. The interviewer found S in a busy lobby and he went for his interview. A housing/dining info session started while he was in the interview so my ex and I went to that and the interviewer brought S in after they were done. I was excited to hear how that interview went but had to wait until the housing session was done. He felt he connected well with the interviewer. They had discussions about his Eagle project and other ECs, The Great Gatsby (his summer reading for AP English), the Emergency Financial Manager situation in Michigan, and redistricting of congressional seats in our state. It sounds like it was a great interview, if S is judging correctly. He is well versed on those topics and passionate about those issues.

I was tired from the walking tour (after 3.5 days laying in a hospital bed and not able to eat real food other than eggs and yogurt- surprising how weak you get). Our plan was to find food and come back for the general admission info session. I told Halo and ex that I'd ask to see what kind of information we'd get from that last info session that we hadn't already heard and we could decide whether to stay or not. Halo said "it doesn't really matter what they say, I'm definitely applying here!" with much enthusiasm. My ex groaned out loud...lol. We decided to stay for the afternoon session.

We walked to the little downtown area- so cool! I love little downtown areas like that with all the local businesses. The only chain we saw was a Subway. We ate at a little cafe that had all organic, mostly locally produced foods and I was able to get eggs for lunch- a very good thing, although I had Ensure in the car in case I couldn't find food I could eat. Over lunch, the debate about 'type of school' and 'type of major' continued. We discussed finances. I shared with my ex how I'm doing it with Hypo and what I plan to do for Halo. He has not contributed a dime to anything but feeding them when they're with them for almost 4 years now because, well, he couldn't. He calmed down some after that discussion when he realized I had a plan in place. However, this debate will continue on and on until Halo has a career job, I think. When he was going on an on about the importance of a degree that gives direct professional career skills, I asked him how that had worked for both of us? He's unemployed again and I'm in a totally different field.

I think we could have skipped the 1:30 session. I was disappointed the same student who did our tour was the student in that session because we heard the same story over again. It would have been nice to have a different perspective too. It was just chance that we'd been in that tour group too though. There were some good questions from parents and I liked the answers I heard from the admissions counselor running the session.

We drove around the rest of little downtown Oberlin and headed home. Halo called Hypo (who was VERY sad she had to work and didn't get to see this school- she didn't know about Oberlin during her search and, although very happy at Barnard, would have loved Oberlin too for sure). The talks continued about what other colleges are on Halo's list and we've agreed to explore Bama and Notre Dame to please my ex. My brother lived in Alabama for a while, went to UNC Chapel Hill for grad school, and lived in the rural south for a couple decades. We're seeing him at the end of the month so we intend to talk with him about how well Halo would fit at a southern school. He will be able to give us insight.

We met a great family on the Oberlin tour who are from our area. The husband works for my former employer but in the same office complex where I currently work. His D is also very interested in Barnard so I talked with him about Barnard some and how great my D's experience has been. They have a D'14 and an S'15 so both kids are exploring these schools. There was also a family from Seattle in our tour group. I asked that mom how she came to explore Oberlin from Seattle and she said the professional college counselor they hired recommended it.

Overall, it was a great trip although I was totally exhausted when we got home. Then our power went out before I could post all this so I just went to bed.

AP scores are up this morning and are higher than I thought they'd be- 2 5s and a 4. Halo will be thrilled when he wakes up. Few kids from our school ever get 5s. I don't know of any from Hypo's class.

TLDR: Halo loved Oberlin, his dad hated it, I loved it. We're agreeing to explore a few more schools (Notre Dame, Bama, Northwestern) to appease my ex. My ex thinks he should go to a school with wide name recognition or a business school and he hasn't heard of Oberlin or Wash U. Halo pointed out to his dad that he only recognizes schools with big football programs.

[AZTheta]

Dee, thankful that you are out of the hospital and healing.

Oberlin - wow. It's been on my radar since I was a HS Freshman and that was when God was a baby. I'm with you, the purpose of an education is to develop the mind and the ability to think. The career will then follow.

[Munchkin03]

Originally Posted by AGDee

TLDR: Halo loved Oberlin, his dad hated it, I loved it. We're agreeing to explore a few more schools (Notre Dame, Bama, Northwestern) to appease my ex. My ex thinks he should go to a school with wide name recognition or a business school and he hasn't heard of Oberlin or Wash U. Halo pointed out to his dad that he only recognizes schools with big football programs.

Surprised that your ex hadnt heard of Wash U. It's pretty highly regarded in this area, for kids who may not be interested in staying on the east coast.

So glad Halo loved Oberlin! I wonder if the buzz around it has increased due to lena Dunham. My first post-school apartment was with a bunch of Oberlin grads--all different careers and backgrounds. Like my alma mater but a bit more quirky and renegade.

[DeltaBetaBaby]

Originally Posted by Munchkin03

Surprised that your ex hadnt heard of Wash U. It's pretty highly regarded in this area, for kids who may not be interested in staying on the east coast.

So glad Halo loved Oberlin! I wonder if the buzz around it has increased due to lena Dunham. My first post-school apartment was with a bunch of Oberlin grads--all different careers and backgrounds. Like my alma mater but a bit more quirky and renegade.

Wash U. is a big name for hiring in the Chicago area.

[Benzgirl]

Originally Posted by AGDee

The dorm room they showed us was huge- easily twice the size of Hypo's room!

This made me laugh. The difference in the cost of any housing between Manhattan and Lorain county is night and day. My niece lives in a dinky apartment on Wall Street and her rent is more than my mortgage for a 4 bedroom house.

[Munchkin03]

Originally Posted by Benzgirl

This made me laugh. The difference in the cost of any housing between Manhattan and Lorain county is night and day. My niece lives in a dinky apartment on Wall Street and her rent is more than my mortgage for a 4 bedroom house.

Pretty much! I refuse to tell my parents how much I pay for rent.

[AGDee]

Halo started filling out the Common App today. Yikes!

Current list of colleges to apply to: (may change based on visits to Northwestern and Brown)

Albion College (Albion, MI)
Kalamazoo College (Kalamazoo, MI)
University of Michigan (Ann Arbor, MI)
Oberlin (Oberlin, OH)
Northwestern (Evanston, IL)
Brown (Providence, RI)

His list is shorter than Hypo's was. So far, he doesn't want to add any to the list. He'll definitely get into the first 3. I think he'll probably get into Oberlin. The last two are just a crap shoot for anybody.

He'll be shopping for supplies for his Eagle project next week and hopes to finish the project over the following two weekends.

Tennis starts on August 14th. He'll be playing varsity this year.

Visits to Brown and Northwestern will happen in October, probably, after tennis season ends. I visited Brown with Hypo over Labor Day and it was move in weekend and that just wasn't a great time to visit. We couldn't get an official tour or anything. I believe he might apply to Brown Early Decision if he really likes it there. Then we'll hope it's a flat out acceptance or rejection and not a deferral.

[Munchkin03]

Munchkin03 likes this.

Another bad weekend to visit will be homecoming/family weekend, which are both in October. Maybe even the same weekend?

[PhoenixAzul]

Your ex is wrong. Oberlin has great recognition in my neck of the woods, and Wash U does as well (also highly regarded in the museum field, for what its worth...very good art history programs).

I think that You and Halo are on the right track. It's no good to go to a place with "name recognition" or do a major "for a job" if you're just going to be miserable for four years and your entire working career.

When I decided on Otterbein, I had been accepted to "better" (read: bigger and more name rec) colleges...but they all felt alien and sad, not like a community. I wouldn't have had half the opportunities (to be greek, to be involved, to grow) at some of the others. When you're home, you know it...not to make this sound even more like Greek recruitment.