sorority advice needed

[Hartofsec]

Originally Posted by MaggieXi

One question lingers for me with all these recent postings by late 20 somethings (and it seems we've had quite a few lately): WHY do you want to joint an organization where the majority of women are 5-10 years your junior? Take away the letters, take away what you see in the media - Why a collegiate social sorority?

Is it for sisterhood? Philanthropy? Leadership? Similar ideals or values? There are THOUSANDS of organizations out there that provide the same or extremely similar experiences for women your age, such as Junior League, Beta Sigma Phi, religous organizations, philanthropic organizations, mommy groups, MeetUp groups, Quarter Life Crisis Groups, etc. Your university may also have a group for older students as well.

^Amen.


I just don't understand the purpose of forming a sorority on campus specifically for older non-traditional students with children. I can understand forming a club or group, perhaps, and certainly the desire to have contact with other mothers on campus who have similar interests, but I cannot see how being initiated into a Greek organization, or wearing Greek letters, further legitimizes or is necessary for that experience.


When my children were small, I would have considered selection and initiation into Mu Omicron Mu, in order to get together with other moms, just silly.


We were all initiated into that group when our children were born.


ETA: There actually is a MOM sorority -- just googled (after posting) to check. It does not appear to be recognized by a national org:

http://www.angelfire.com/ab9/mo0/

[33girl]

Originally Posted by MaggieXi

MeetUp groups

I know you were just throwing things out there, but good GOD, MeetUp Groups do not even belong in this conversation.

Rather than saying "you should do this or this or that" (although I'm sure that the Junior League would REALLY appreciate having some of these posters ask them about membership [this is sarcasm]) let's just agree to say:

"Remember when you were in elementary school, and read all those books about girls going to camp, and you wanted to go, and you never got to? You got over it. Remember when you watched The Facts Of Life in junior high, and you wanted to go to boarding school, and you never got to? You got over it. THIS IS LIKE THAT. No, you won't find a substitute that is exactly the same, but you will get over it."

It's pretty ridiculous of us to say that you can find the same bonds or experiences in any of these other activities that you can in a sorority. If that were true, we would have joined them in the first place. They would have been cheaper, for starters.

[Hartofsec]

Originally Posted by 33girl

It's pretty ridiculous of us to say that you can find the same bonds or experiences in any of these other activities that you can in a sorority. If that were true, we would have joined them in the first place. They would have been cheaper, for starters.

Well, not necessarily. No one will even sponsor a candidate for Junior League, for instance, until the candidate is 25 (here anyway). The ages of provisional members really wouldn't be suited to someone younger. And plenty of bonds are formed among those in a provisional class -- the provisional period is far lengthier than the pledge period of a sorority.

Which is kind of the point of what a lot of people have tried to say on this thread -- the OP's age and situation in life might be better suited to a group that is beyond the campus social sorority set.

Just using JL as an example, but IMO it seems ridiculous to suggest that a young woman cannot have similar experiences, form bonds, and make life-long friends without pasting Greek letters on the group.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by Hartofsec

Well, not necessarily. No one will even sponsor a candidate for Junior League, for instance, until the candidate is 25 (here anyway). The ages of provisional members really wouldn't be suited to someone younger. And plenty of bonds are formed among those in a provisional class -- the provisional period is far lengthier than the pledge period of a sorority.

Which is kind of the point of what a lot of people have tried to say on this thread -- the OP's age and situation in life might be better suited to a group that is beyond the campus social sorority set.

Just using JL as an example, but IMO it seems ridiculous to suggest that a young woman cannot have similar experiences, form bonds, and make life-long friends without pasting Greek letters on the group.

Similar =/= same.

My point is that we just need to stop throwing things like JL at posters like they're consolation prizes. It's disrespectful. The posters need to work through "I'll never be in a collegiate sorority" before they can get to "I want to be in Junior League."

[Old_Row]

Originally Posted by 33girl

Similar =/= same.

My point is that we just need to stop throwing things like JL at posters like they're consolation prizes. It's disrespectful. The posters need to work through "I'll never be in a collegiate sorority" before they can get to "I want to be in Junior League."

Not only that but in some places getting into the Junior League is just as competitive as getting into a sorority.

[Hartofsec]

Originally Posted by 33girl

Similar =/= same.

My point is that we just need to stop throwing things like JL at posters like they're consolation prizes. It's disrespectful. The posters need to work through "I'll never be in a collegiate sorority" before they can get to "I want to be in Junior League."

Being a non-traditional 27-year-old student with children is not the same as being an 18-22 year-old collegiate.

Being older with children is not a consolation prize to being younger, single, and childless, but it is a different place in life.

My point is that we need to stop implying that posters will never, ever, have what "we" have, in terms of bonding and forming life-long friendships, just because "we" have a Greek affiliation and they do not.

It's disrespectful, and IMO, just an erroneous assumption.

[MysticCat]

Originally Posted by Hartofsec

Just using JL as an example, but IMO it seems ridiculous to suggest that a young woman cannot have similar experiences, form bonds, and make life-long friends without pasting Greek letters on the group.

I don't think anyone has suggested these things. What 33girl is saying is that however great those similar experiences, bonds and life-long friendships are -- and they can be really great -- they are still different in some ways from the experiences, bonds and friendships formed within a sorority or fraternity. Not worse, not better, just different. Not different in every way, but not the same in every way either.

Seems accurate to me.

[MaggieXi]

I'm not saying you can find the same bonds - but you can find similar intentions. There are other avenues out there. You can make great friends, you can find a cause to work towards in other groups that are out there. This is what these women are "saying that is what they want" in their posts (Even though I think they are truly seeking what they see on TV). Little do they know - that is not sorority life, even if we tell them 100x.

And I belong to two meetup groups and I have met some wonderful women that have become very good friends, and we have volunteered together, raised money together and our kids play together. So yes, it is a viable option for some people.

[33girl]

That's wonderful that it has worked for you. But it's not the SAME as sorority membership. I have friends that I've known the past half dozen years that are some of the best friends I've ever had. But it's not the SAME as the relationship with my sorority sisters. One is not on a "higher plane" than the other, it's just different.

Rather than throwing out options that vary WIDELY from place to place (just like college campuses do) I think we should just say "I'm sorry it didn't work out for you at your school" and let it go at that. Suggestions from people who already have what you want are awfully cold comfort.

[misscherrypie]

Junior League isn't an organization that I'd recommend to a full time college student, non traditional aged or not.

The disconnect between the life stage that most full time students are in and the life stage that I've noticed the majority of Junior League members are in is too great, IMO.

[Hartofsec]

Originally Posted by misscherrypie

Junior League isn't an organization that I'd recommend to a full time college student, non traditional aged or not.

The disconnect between the life stage that most full time students are in and the life stage that I've noticed the majority of Junior League members are in is too great, IMO.

I think the "disconnect between the life stages" is the point that posters have tried to make to PNMs who are in their late 20s.

[misscherrypie]

Different kinds of organizations = different kinds of experiences.

I just leave it at that.

[MaggieXi]

Originally Posted by misscherrypie

Different kinds of organizations = different kinds of experiences.

I just leave it at that.

misscherrypie - Out of curiosity, and possibly a way to direct others in a similar situation that you are in, why did you want to join a sorority over other organizations?

[AOII Angel]

33girl and MC are absolutely right. Trying slight of hand tricks to replace collegiate Greek life with Junior League or other service organizations when a PNM has been dreaming about the traditional social sorority experience is just a set up for more disappointment. Let kallyssasmommy come to terms with the idea that she's not going to have the traditional college experience before pushing her to other organizations. She won't be a good member for them until she is there for the right reasons with reasonable expectations.

To the OP, making a new organization isn't so easy as advertising that you are there. The organizations that are here today were founded by groups of women. If you can find a group of women of like mind, you might have a chance, but honestly, this ship has sailed for you...and that's okay. You can have a fulfilling collegiate experience without joining an NPC group.

[misscherrypie]

I've met with a counselor this morning (sorry for running off!) and I hope that this will signal the beginning of something new.

To answer the question upthread about why Greek and not another organization:

I wanted to socialize, and grow with others who were in the same stage in life (full-time school) at the same time, engage in community service, be an example to others, and would be able to make connections with others across the country and the World after college who also shared the same bond, history, rituals and traditions.

Those were my reasons for wanting to be part of a sorority that had a Collegiate presence. Others may have their own reasons.