sorority advice needed

[MysticCat]

Originally Posted by Hartofsec

Just using JL as an example, but IMO it seems ridiculous to suggest that a young woman cannot have similar experiences, form bonds, and make life-long friends without pasting Greek letters on the group.

I don't think anyone has suggested these things. What 33girl is saying is that however great those similar experiences, bonds and life-long friendships are -- and they can be really great -- they are still different in some ways from the experiences, bonds and friendships formed within a sorority or fraternity. Not worse, not better, just different. Not different in every way, but not the same in every way either.

Seems accurate to me.

[misscherrypie]

Junior League isn't an organization that I'd recommend to a full time college student, non traditional aged or not.

The disconnect between the life stage that most full time students are in and the life stage that I've noticed the majority of Junior League members are in is too great, IMO.

[Old_Row]

Originally Posted by 33girl

Similar =/= same.

My point is that we just need to stop throwing things like JL at posters like they're consolation prizes. It's disrespectful. The posters need to work through "I'll never be in a collegiate sorority" before they can get to "I want to be in Junior League."

Not only that but in some places getting into the Junior League is just as competitive as getting into a sorority.

[Hartofsec]

Originally Posted by 33girl

Similar =/= same.

My point is that we just need to stop throwing things like JL at posters like they're consolation prizes. It's disrespectful. The posters need to work through "I'll never be in a collegiate sorority" before they can get to "I want to be in Junior League."

Being a non-traditional 27-year-old student with children is not the same as being an 18-22 year-old collegiate.

Being older with children is not a consolation prize to being younger, single, and childless, but it is a different place in life.

My point is that we need to stop implying that posters will never, ever, have what "we" have, in terms of bonding and forming life-long friendships, just because "we" have a Greek affiliation and they do not.

It's disrespectful, and IMO, just an erroneous assumption.

[misscherrypie]

Different kinds of organizations = different kinds of experiences.

I just leave it at that.

[MaggieXi]

Originally Posted by misscherrypie

Different kinds of organizations = different kinds of experiences.

I just leave it at that.

misscherrypie - Out of curiosity, and possibly a way to direct others in a similar situation that you are in, why did you want to join a sorority over other organizations?

[Hartofsec]

Originally Posted by misscherrypie

Junior League isn't an organization that I'd recommend to a full time college student, non traditional aged or not.

The disconnect between the life stage that most full time students are in and the life stage that I've noticed the majority of Junior League members are in is too great, IMO.

I think the "disconnect between the life stages" is the point that posters have tried to make to PNMs who are in their late 20s.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by Hartofsec

My point is that we need to stop implying that posters will never, ever, have what "we" have, in terms of bonding and forming life-long friendships, just because "we" have a Greek affiliation and they do not.

It's disrespectful, and IMO, just an erroneous assumption.

But they won't. That doesn't mean they won't have something just as good, if not even better, as far as they're concerned. I won't ever have the same bonds that people who went to boarding school together had. That doesn't mean I don't have things in my life just as good or better. Do you understand what I'm saying? MC seemed to get it. Or are you being willfully obtuse?

And OR is so right about the Junior League being just as, if not more competitive than a sorority in some places. That's why I kind of inwardly chortle when people suggest it (i.e. if you thought sorority rush was full of rejectment, you ain't seen NOTHING yet).

[MysticCat]

Originally Posted by Hartofsec

My point is that we need to stop implying that posters will never, ever, have what "we" have, in terms of bonding and forming life-long friendships, just because "we" have a Greek affiliation and they do not.

No one has implied that.

Originally Posted by Hartofsec

It's disrespectful, and IMO, just an erroneous assumption.

It's only disrespectful and an erroneous assumption if one assumes that by saying someone else's experiences are different one is saying that they are inferior. Again, no one has said that marvelous bonds and life-long friendships can't be formed without being Greek. I'd hazard a guess that we all know from personal experience that's far from the truth.

But I know that the bonds and friendships I have that arose in different contexts -- childhood, college, camp, fraternity, law school, neighborhood, church, work, etc. -- differ in some noticeable ways because the experiences in which those bonds and friendships were formed, and sometimes even the reasons they were formed, differ. There's nothing at all disrespectful about acknowledging that.

Often, what posters like the OP were looking for is the "College Greek Experience." Nevermind that that experience can have many different forms -- what matters is that the posters have in their mind an image of what that experience is, and most likely the main parts of that image are the things that make GLOs different from other organizations. It may include formals or mixers, or "the house," or candlepasses, or being part of a national organizations whose members consider each other "sisters," or having bigs and littles, or ritual and secret meanings of words and symbols, or, yes, even wearing letters and being able to say "I am an ΑΒΓ." When these posters realize that the experience they wanted isn't going to happen for them, the loss of what they hoped to experience is what they're mourning.

Of course there are many other ways in which they can form bonds and friendships just as strong (or stronger) as can be found in GLOs. But what seems disrespectful to me is ignore the loss these posters are feeling. As 33girl says, often those feelings need to be resolved before one is ready to move on to other possibilities. Otherwise, one risks imposing the expectations of the "College Greek Experience" on other great organizations that not only can't meet those expectations but shouldn't be expected to. More disappointment is often the result.

[AOII Angel]

33girl and MC are absolutely right. Trying slight of hand tricks to replace collegiate Greek life with Junior League or other service organizations when a PNM has been dreaming about the traditional social sorority experience is just a set up for more disappointment. Let kallyssasmommy come to terms with the idea that she's not going to have the traditional college experience before pushing her to other organizations. She won't be a good member for them until she is there for the right reasons with reasonable expectations.

To the OP, making a new organization isn't so easy as advertising that you are there. The organizations that are here today were founded by groups of women. If you can find a group of women of like mind, you might have a chance, but honestly, this ship has sailed for you...and that's okay. You can have a fulfilling collegiate experience without joining an NPC group.

[ree-Xi]

Originally Posted by misscherrypie

You know what, I'm remembering something(s) that happened when I was eighteen.



I didn't go to college right after High School, but did live and work in a dorm situation for about eighteen months after Graduation. Holy cannoli! Twenty women in one large attic between the ages of 18 and 23....I was too young and naive to "get" what the 22 and 23 year olds were doing...and they did their thing and we girls around our age would do ours. I made friends with the eighteen and nineteen year olds who were around, and the older girls would give me the heebee jeebies when they'd want to hang out with us younger girls. It was a "Hello....they're OLD! They don't get us....GO AWAY!"

There was this RA who was 26, and the way she'd always come up to us and say "Let's hang out! There's this coffee shop in town that you HAVE to go to!" made us want to run for the hills. We wanted to go hiking, and go camping and do our own thing and we thought that she was extremely creepy for wanting to hang out with us.

Looking back on that (hadn't thought of those times in....ten years....), I can see clearly how the women in the NPC groups on campus saw me, at twenty-eight wanting to hang out with them.

Tres Creepy.

Kallyssasmommy, I hope that my story didn't offend you.....but think back to when you were eighteen. Did you honestly want to spend an inordinate amount of time with someone who was twenty-six, twenty-seven or twenty-eight when you were that age? Perhaps this offers a bit of insight.

Huh?? For the past month, you've been mooning and complaining that the collegiate Greeks didn't want you, and two days later, you've suddenly "seen the light"????

[Hartofsec]

Originally Posted by 33girl

And OR is so right about the Junior League being just as, if not more competitive than a sorority in some places. That's why I kind of inwardly chortle when people suggest it (i.e. if you thought sorority rush was full of rejectment, you ain't seen NOTHING yet).

OR doesn't have any experience with Junior League here. She is way too young to be sponsored.

33girl, are you speaking from an experience of being rejected from Junior League, or just repeating what you have heard? If you are just repeating what you have heard, then you are just perpetuating Junior League Tent Talk.

Chill folks -- I used Junior League as an example, as I noted, of a group and opportunity to bond with and form friendships with women beyond college. I'm not suggesting that everyone rush out to locate sponsors. Though I doubt that Junior Leagues everywhere are as snobby as reputed to be or as depicted in movies (sound familiar?) -- but I can only respond from my own experience.

[misscherrypie]

Originally Posted by ree-Xi

Huh?? For the past month, you've been mooning and complaining that the collegiate Greeks didn't want you, and two days later, you've suddenly "seen the light"????

Actually taking the time to consider how I and my friends felt at eighteen (because like all of us, I've been there) when older women were interested in spending time with us and comparing that how (in all likelihood) others felt when I went through recruitment a few months ago can serve as a major kick in the backside. Hindsight is always 20/20.

I was invited to join my hometown Junior League as a provisional member when I was 21, after a friend of my Mother's indicated to the group that I might be a very nice potential member. Attended several events in member's homes, chatted, learned about and gained a healthy respect for the organization. I declined the invitation, because in my heart of hearts, I knew that wasn't the right fit for me at the time. I also would have been the youngest by about seven years if I'd decided to join, and that prospect felt a bit strange.

No harm, no foul.

[Hartofsec]

Originally Posted by MysticCat

But what seems disrespectful to me is ignore the loss these posters are feeling. As 33girl says, often those feelings need to be resolved before one is ready to move on to other possibilities.

I agree with much of what you wrote, but I don't feel that anyone is ignoring the loss some of these posters are feeling.

Luckily, a few days ago, 33girl advised MissCherryPie, to seek therapy and join a non-traditional student's group asap. So it seems these feelings have been duly acknowledged -- even accompanied by a suggestion of what to do next -- ASAP, in fact.

Not delivered in an especially sensitive fashion, but I don’t disagree with the suggestion.

We can split hairs all we wish on similarities/differences of relationships formed in this or that organization. Two girls in the same chapter will not even have the same experience. Like every other experience in life, it is what you make of it.

[AOII Angel]

Originally Posted by Hartofsec

OR doesn't have any experience with Junior League here. She is way too young to be sponsored.

33girl, are you speaking from an experience of being rejected from Junior League, or just repeating what you have heard? If you are just repeating what you have heard, then you are just perpetuating Junior League Tent Talk.

Chill folks -- I used Junior League as an example, as I noted, of a group and opportunity to bond with and form friendships with women beyond college. I'm not suggesting that everyone rush out to locate sponsors. Though I doubt that Junior Leagues everywhere are as snobby as reputed to be or as depicted in movies (sound familiar?) -- but I can only respond from my own experience.

From a close personal friend's experience after she was already a member of Junior League in one city in the north, when she moved back south, she was not made to feel welcome. Yeah, it depends on the JL.