sorority advice needed
 

So I have a few questions. I apologize if any of these things have been asked before however I am new to this site and seeking some info.
1st thing I rushed this fall quarter at my university for 4 different Pan-Hellenic sororities. On the first day of rush week I was not invited back by anyone. I requested to know why and the reason I was given is because I’m older (27) and upper classman and because I am a mom. So my question would be is there a rule about having moms in a sorority and if so I am curious if anyone is able to tell me why?
Second question being that I can't be part of any group because I am a mom I want to start my own sorority on campus for moms. I have done a lot of research on this and the rules would be the same as any other sorority only difference is no one would be discriminated against. In my research I have only found two other sororities that were started for moms ever. I tried contacting both of them and one never responded and one has dissolved. I know I need to speak to someone on my campus that runs the Greek affrications as well as the student leadership at my school. But before I speak to anyone I want to go in with a game plan. So I guess my question is what steps I need to take to do this. Do I have to be associated at a national level? How do I get funding? How do I recruit members? How do I come up with colors and symbols and philanthropy ect? How do I come up with fees? How do I decide how rushing and pledging works? How many members must I have in order to call ourselves a sorority? Sorry so many questions but any help I can be given is appreciated.

There is a long-running thread on Greek Chat called, "Before You Found a New Sorority." You might want to take a look at it.

http://www.greekchat.com/gcforums/sh...ad.php?t=93174

My strong suggestion would be to investigate community sororities such as Beta Sigma Phi. Google "community sorority" for other GLO's.

Unfortunately, in virtually all cases, if you don't join a sorority in your late teens, you give up any chance of doing so. And if you weren't IN college at 18, that unfortunately doesn't change that. While membership is for a lifetime and the nature of membership changes with age, level of involvement and geography, at the collegiate level it is a social group first and foremost. And the 19-22 year old members have the responsibility in toto of choosing who they want in their club. And if they don't want someone who seems really old to them, that is their prerogrative.

My suggestion for you is to look at Miss Cherry Pie's thread, and go the way she did. There are social sororities that would not "discriminate" based on your age (the child part is probably secondary to your age), and that's where I would focus your efforts. But as she has mentioned, you won't be having formals or date parties. It's a different kind of organization and you have to choose to be happy with that.

If you are a mom and a student, I can't imagine that you would have the time for sorority membership.

This! This situation never came up on my campus during my collegiate years, so I don't actually know what the outcome would have been for any of the chapters here. However, in my personal opinion, I think that a mother would have more important things to spend THAT much time and money on. My school had really low dues [all inclusive $585], and it might not seem like a lot of time on the surface but it really is. Are there perhaps other groups you can join, such as Junior League*, church groups, or service groups?

*Disclaimer- I have no experience with Junior League other than hearing about it on this board.

^^^ Ditto. We ALL understand the desire to be a part of a sisterhood, to have those special bonds with other women. BUT, if your school is a traditional 4 year university (meaning, not a commuter school with lots of older non-traditional students), then honestly.... I don't know why you would want to join a traditional NPC group. Do you want to hang out with 18-22 year olds? Do you want to be involved with the drama associated with that age group? Do you want to go to fraternity mixers and hang out with drunk young obnoxious students? Would you have the means to afford the financial obligations of a sorority? (We're talking potentially thousands of dollars your first year). Who would watch your child when you have chapter meetings at 8pm, or new member education sessions at 9 pm (both hypothetical)? What would you do if your child has a school event or big soccer game at the same time there is a mandatory sorority event? The difference in years between 27 and 18-22 doesn't seem like much, but the maturity level is worlds apart. Greek membership is like having a part time job, or even a full time job in some instances. Could you handle being a full time student, a real life job (if you have one), the "job" of being a sister as well as successfully being a mom? When I was 27, I had a full time job, a full time husband, a house and 2 small kids. No way would I have been interested in traditional undergraduate Greek membership at that point in my life. It doesn't matter how much those 4 groups may have liked you as a person. They know in their heart of hearts that you would not be a good fit for membership simply because of where you are in your life. The same rule applies for those who aren't invited back due to grade issues. (Granted I'm speculating here, because I'm not privvy to the membership criteria to those 4 groups). I'm sure there have been mothers who have gone greek before. But those cases should be considered the exceptions, not the norm.

As for starting your own sorority for mothers, read that link above. Keep in mind there has to be a demand for it at your campus or in your general geographic area. It wouldn't be just "your" sorority. Then figure out how WHY it must be a greek letter group, and not just a local MOPS group (or something of the sort). If you're looking for a way to get involved, look into other service groups as well as clubs that are related to your major.

I'm sorry you're disappointed with the outcome of your recruitment. How you overcome and deal with disappointment is what defines your character.

[QUOTE=kallyssasmommy]I have done a lot of research on this and the rules would be the same as any other sorority only difference is no one would be discriminated against. In my research I have only found two other sororities that were started for moms ever. I tried contacting both of them and one never responded and one has dissolved. [/QUOTE=kallyssasmommy]

Consider some reasons why the one sorority dissolved.
Can you imagine being in a room with 10+women and 10+ babies/children and trying to get something accomplished? I can't imagine writing a Constitution with that sort of chaos.

Kids won't be allowed at meetings? Ok then imagine all the "sorry I can't be there... Kid's sick, can't find sitter, we have Kindermusik class then, it's school play night, ETC.

Being a member is time-consuming and financially stressful, let alone being a charter member.
I am an alum and am only required to be at meetings ~3hrs/month but when we schedule our meetings I still have to look at my nephew's schedule first. I can't imagine having to juggle a 3 year old's schedule with socials, recruitment, and weekly meetings.

Sororities do not "discriminate" against mothers. We do know how much time and energy it takes to live up to the commitments of a Greek organization. They did not want you to get in over your head, both time-wise and financially. Most organizations are limited in how many members we can have at any one time. We choose members that we believe can handle the requirements.

This is also the reason that the groups that you found for mothers are not active & thriving.

Dumb question, but wouldn't this one discriminate against those with no kids, since you said it would be a "moms only" sorority?

Point of clarification: sororities discriminate each and every time they choose one rushee over another. It's member selection.

Really, you don't WANT to be in a traditional collegiate NPC sorority. There is no way-back machine that will allow you to live the 18 year old sorority girl life, no matter how much you would like there to be. Your only alternative is to find a grown up alternative, and there are multitudes of those.

I would have to agree with ColdInCanada11's advice, that your next step might be making connections with Junior League members, as most all of their members are moms, and have to make other arrangements for child care while volunteering for their projects. I'm so sorry that GLO membership didn't work out for you. I was, and am a GLO alumna member, but discovered that many of my contemporaries in Junior League weren't in GLO's, and we all felt it was a very rewarding, as well as bonding experience.

BOY Oh Boy do I have alot to say in responce to everyone. I was just asking questions for help and feel like I was a little attacked and judged. MissCherryPie thank you for your great advice and for being supportive of what I am trying to do. Blue Skies thank you I will deff being checking that out. AmIBLue you don't know my situation so please don't judge me I am very good at time management and it takes a strong women to be able to do it all but trust me I make it work and could and still can handle anything time wise thrown my way. ColdinCanada11 I do not know what junior league is and as far as money goes yes there are other things I can spend my money on but my daughter is very well taken care of I pay for school by myself and all my bills are payed and never once been late. So finance wise I could have and still can afford it without taking away from any other responsibiltys. Irishlake my school is a commuter school with people of all different age groups. And for me its not about being around 18-20 year olds it doesnt matter someones age in this world their are oppuntunties to be friends with and learn something from people of all ages. I know your just asking questions but I feel like I am being super judged. Yes I can afford it yes i can make the time without taking away from other commitments and responbilties. If anything being a mom is an advantage because I know time management I know commitment I know what it means to be the women who as ive said before does it all. As a mom I take on ten jobs at once daily taking on an 11th I could do it. When you want something bad enough you find a way. btw I agree with this complety How you overcome and deal with disappointment is what defines your character. Tpa85 kids would be allowed at some meetings as there were in the soriety for moms that was started at the other school. I do not know why they dissolved so I can't speak on that but as Ive stated many times I know juggling things would be hard but its not undoable. Thetalady I do believe I was discriminated against because I wasn't even given a chance to show that I could handle it all. The soroity that was started before for moms lasted for a few years and although small in members it did thrive I know this because Iv'e done some reasearch why it disvolved tho I do not know. AnotherKD no such thing as dumb questions. I never said it would be only for moms if you go back and read what I said it says I would not discrimante against anyone. Yes it would be primarly for moms but if non moms wanted to join they would be more then welcome. Dubasis your right I don't want to be a part of a traditional soroity. I don't want to be part of something where girls are judgmental and discriminate against people. That is why I want to start my own where people are lifted up regaudrless of their situation. And how dare you suggest I try a grown up alertnative I take that kinda offensive even if you had no bad intentions behind it. ElvisLover Like I asked ColdinCanada11 I am not sure what junior leagues are. To all those who said they were sorry this didn't work me thank you for that. I just want to do something to be involved and support other women in a sisterhood. I feel like most of you as well as the girls who didn't accept me as a member view being a mom and being older as a bad thing. When it doesn't have to be that way. As I mentioned before being a mom can be benefical and being older only means I have maturity and maybe theres something i could bring to the table and teach and inspire the younger girls. I just wanted a chance. but being I didn't get that I want to start my own group and with the help of greek members on here or not it's something i plan on trying to proceed with because I believe all women should have the chance to experince bonding and a sisterhood.

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