sorority advice needed

[MaggieXi]

One question lingers for me with all these recent postings by late 20 somethings (and it seems we've had quite a few lately): WHY do you want to joint an organization where the majority of women are 5-10 years your junior? Take away the letters, take away what you see in the media - Why a collegiate social sorority?

Is it for sisterhood? Philanthropy? Leadership? Similar ideals or values? There are THOUSANDS of organizations out there that provide the same or extremely similar experiences for women your age, such as Junior League, Beta Sigma Phi, religous organizations, philanthropic organizations, mommy groups, MeetUp groups, Quarter Life Crisis Groups, etc. Your university may also have a group for older students as well.

The reality of the situation is that by the time you are 25, obtaining membership in a collegiate social sorority ship has most likely sailed. Sure you can say "I know of someone who joined when they were 27", but those are very few and far between. And if you say "OMG, I know 10 people on my campus who are 30 and got bids", well then, the sororities just did not choose you for membership. You were not discriminated against because of your age or being a mom. They simply liked someone else more than they liked you. It's like dating - sometimes their just not that into you.

[Hartofsec]

Originally Posted by MaggieXi

One question lingers for me with all these recent postings by late 20 somethings (and it seems we've had quite a few lately): WHY do you want to joint an organization where the majority of women are 5-10 years your junior? Take away the letters, take away what you see in the media - Why a collegiate social sorority?

Is it for sisterhood? Philanthropy? Leadership? Similar ideals or values? There are THOUSANDS of organizations out there that provide the same or extremely similar experiences for women your age, such as Junior League, Beta Sigma Phi, religous organizations, philanthropic organizations, mommy groups, MeetUp groups, Quarter Life Crisis Groups, etc. Your university may also have a group for older students as well.

^Amen.


I just don't understand the purpose of forming a sorority on campus specifically for older non-traditional students with children. I can understand forming a club or group, perhaps, and certainly the desire to have contact with other mothers on campus who have similar interests, but I cannot see how being initiated into a Greek organization, or wearing Greek letters, further legitimizes or is necessary for that experience.


When my children were small, I would have considered selection and initiation into Mu Omicron Mu, in order to get together with other moms, just silly.


We were all initiated into that group when our children were born.


ETA: There actually is a MOM sorority -- just googled (after posting) to check. It does not appear to be recognized by a national org:

http://www.angelfire.com/ab9/mo0/

[33girl]

Originally Posted by MaggieXi

MeetUp groups

I know you were just throwing things out there, but good GOD, MeetUp Groups do not even belong in this conversation.

Rather than saying "you should do this or this or that" (although I'm sure that the Junior League would REALLY appreciate having some of these posters ask them about membership [this is sarcasm]) let's just agree to say:

"Remember when you were in elementary school, and read all those books about girls going to camp, and you wanted to go, and you never got to? You got over it. Remember when you watched The Facts Of Life in junior high, and you wanted to go to boarding school, and you never got to? You got over it. THIS IS LIKE THAT. No, you won't find a substitute that is exactly the same, but you will get over it."

It's pretty ridiculous of us to say that you can find the same bonds or experiences in any of these other activities that you can in a sorority. If that were true, we would have joined them in the first place. They would have been cheaper, for starters.

[Hartofsec]

Originally Posted by 33girl

It's pretty ridiculous of us to say that you can find the same bonds or experiences in any of these other activities that you can in a sorority. If that were true, we would have joined them in the first place. They would have been cheaper, for starters.

Well, not necessarily. No one will even sponsor a candidate for Junior League, for instance, until the candidate is 25 (here anyway). The ages of provisional members really wouldn't be suited to someone younger. And plenty of bonds are formed among those in a provisional class -- the provisional period is far lengthier than the pledge period of a sorority.

Which is kind of the point of what a lot of people have tried to say on this thread -- the OP's age and situation in life might be better suited to a group that is beyond the campus social sorority set.

Just using JL as an example, but IMO it seems ridiculous to suggest that a young woman cannot have similar experiences, form bonds, and make life-long friends without pasting Greek letters on the group.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by Hartofsec

Well, not necessarily. No one will even sponsor a candidate for Junior League, for instance, until the candidate is 25 (here anyway). The ages of provisional members really wouldn't be suited to someone younger. And plenty of bonds are formed among those in a provisional class -- the provisional period is far lengthier than the pledge period of a sorority.

Which is kind of the point of what a lot of people have tried to say on this thread -- the OP's age and situation in life might be better suited to a group that is beyond the campus social sorority set.

Just using JL as an example, but IMO it seems ridiculous to suggest that a young woman cannot have similar experiences, form bonds, and make life-long friends without pasting Greek letters on the group.

Similar =/= same.

My point is that we just need to stop throwing things like JL at posters like they're consolation prizes. It's disrespectful. The posters need to work through "I'll never be in a collegiate sorority" before they can get to "I want to be in Junior League."

[Old_Row]

Originally Posted by 33girl

Similar =/= same.

My point is that we just need to stop throwing things like JL at posters like they're consolation prizes. It's disrespectful. The posters need to work through "I'll never be in a collegiate sorority" before they can get to "I want to be in Junior League."

Not only that but in some places getting into the Junior League is just as competitive as getting into a sorority.

[Hartofsec]

Originally Posted by 33girl

Similar =/= same.

My point is that we just need to stop throwing things like JL at posters like they're consolation prizes. It's disrespectful. The posters need to work through "I'll never be in a collegiate sorority" before they can get to "I want to be in Junior League."

Being a non-traditional 27-year-old student with children is not the same as being an 18-22 year-old collegiate.

Being older with children is not a consolation prize to being younger, single, and childless, but it is a different place in life.

My point is that we need to stop implying that posters will never, ever, have what "we" have, in terms of bonding and forming life-long friendships, just because "we" have a Greek affiliation and they do not.

It's disrespectful, and IMO, just an erroneous assumption.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by Hartofsec

My point is that we need to stop implying that posters will never, ever, have what "we" have, in terms of bonding and forming life-long friendships, just because "we" have a Greek affiliation and they do not.

It's disrespectful, and IMO, just an erroneous assumption.

But they won't. That doesn't mean they won't have something just as good, if not even better, as far as they're concerned. I won't ever have the same bonds that people who went to boarding school together had. That doesn't mean I don't have things in my life just as good or better. Do you understand what I'm saying? MC seemed to get it. Or are you being willfully obtuse?

And OR is so right about the Junior League being just as, if not more competitive than a sorority in some places. That's why I kind of inwardly chortle when people suggest it (i.e. if you thought sorority rush was full of rejectment, you ain't seen NOTHING yet).

[Hartofsec]

Originally Posted by 33girl

And OR is so right about the Junior League being just as, if not more competitive than a sorority in some places. That's why I kind of inwardly chortle when people suggest it (i.e. if you thought sorority rush was full of rejectment, you ain't seen NOTHING yet).

OR doesn't have any experience with Junior League here. She is way too young to be sponsored.

33girl, are you speaking from an experience of being rejected from Junior League, or just repeating what you have heard? If you are just repeating what you have heard, then you are just perpetuating Junior League Tent Talk.

Chill folks -- I used Junior League as an example, as I noted, of a group and opportunity to bond with and form friendships with women beyond college. I'm not suggesting that everyone rush out to locate sponsors. Though I doubt that Junior Leagues everywhere are as snobby as reputed to be or as depicted in movies (sound familiar?) -- but I can only respond from my own experience.

[MysticCat]

Originally Posted by Hartofsec

My point is that we need to stop implying that posters will never, ever, have what "we" have, in terms of bonding and forming life-long friendships, just because "we" have a Greek affiliation and they do not.

No one has implied that.

Originally Posted by Hartofsec

It's disrespectful, and IMO, just an erroneous assumption.

It's only disrespectful and an erroneous assumption if one assumes that by saying someone else's experiences are different one is saying that they are inferior. Again, no one has said that marvelous bonds and life-long friendships can't be formed without being Greek. I'd hazard a guess that we all know from personal experience that's far from the truth.

But I know that the bonds and friendships I have that arose in different contexts -- childhood, college, camp, fraternity, law school, neighborhood, church, work, etc. -- differ in some noticeable ways because the experiences in which those bonds and friendships were formed, and sometimes even the reasons they were formed, differ. There's nothing at all disrespectful about acknowledging that.

Often, what posters like the OP were looking for is the "College Greek Experience." Nevermind that that experience can have many different forms -- what matters is that the posters have in their mind an image of what that experience is, and most likely the main parts of that image are the things that make GLOs different from other organizations. It may include formals or mixers, or "the house," or candlepasses, or being part of a national organizations whose members consider each other "sisters," or having bigs and littles, or ritual and secret meanings of words and symbols, or, yes, even wearing letters and being able to say "I am an ΑΒΓ." When these posters realize that the experience they wanted isn't going to happen for them, the loss of what they hoped to experience is what they're mourning.

Of course there are many other ways in which they can form bonds and friendships just as strong (or stronger) as can be found in GLOs. But what seems disrespectful to me is ignore the loss these posters are feeling. As 33girl says, often those feelings need to be resolved before one is ready to move on to other possibilities. Otherwise, one risks imposing the expectations of the "College Greek Experience" on other great organizations that not only can't meet those expectations but shouldn't be expected to. More disappointment is often the result.

[Hartofsec]

Originally Posted by MysticCat

But what seems disrespectful to me is ignore the loss these posters are feeling. As 33girl says, often those feelings need to be resolved before one is ready to move on to other possibilities.

I agree with much of what you wrote, but I don't feel that anyone is ignoring the loss some of these posters are feeling.

Luckily, a few days ago, 33girl advised MissCherryPie, to seek therapy and join a non-traditional student's group asap. So it seems these feelings have been duly acknowledged -- even accompanied by a suggestion of what to do next -- ASAP, in fact.

Not delivered in an especially sensitive fashion, but I don’t disagree with the suggestion.

We can split hairs all we wish on similarities/differences of relationships formed in this or that organization. Two girls in the same chapter will not even have the same experience. Like every other experience in life, it is what you make of it.

[MysticCat]

Originally Posted by Hartofsec

Just using JL as an example, but IMO it seems ridiculous to suggest that a young woman cannot have similar experiences, form bonds, and make life-long friends without pasting Greek letters on the group.

I don't think anyone has suggested these things. What 33girl is saying is that however great those similar experiences, bonds and life-long friendships are -- and they can be really great -- they are still different in some ways from the experiences, bonds and friendships formed within a sorority or fraternity. Not worse, not better, just different. Not different in every way, but not the same in every way either.

Seems accurate to me.