9 Charged after girl kills herself over bullying

[UGAalum94]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

Maybe my parents were more kick-ass but they never completely relinquished control over my outcomes to other adults.

Parents need to remember that they have more of a vested interest in their child's well-being than the school and cops ever do. Don't sit back and wait. That might require going to the school for an early lunch break, putting your child in a self-defense program, or taking the kid to a new school (I wouldn't want my kid in a school full of adult idiots, anyway).

Yep.

And I sort of see what DeepImpact is saying as well, which, I think, is that kids themselves should be prepared to do what they can to avoid continuing victimization or extending that victimization to suicide. The bullied kid is in no way to blame, but the bullied kid can be taught how and helped to cope.

I apologize if someone has already pointed this out, but we've got to remember that the actions that are taken, laws passed, etc, are still going to be implemented in the very imperfect world of the public schools, and that we need to adjust our expectations accordingly.

I think it's important to serve notice to schools that they are legally obligated to address this behavior, just as it was apparently important to make them realize they had to protect kids form sexual harassment by other students. But you know that this is going to lead to a lot of messy situations when schools are going to seem to be overreaching into students' personal lives, overreacting, etc, applying misguided zero tolerance rules, whatever.

Just as Dr. Phil noted about her own experience, sometimes bullying is not as clear cut as it appears to have been in this high profile cases. Sometimes the bullied kid is also a bully. It's likely to be a huge non-instructional time-suck for the schools to handle it, but apparently a necessary one.

[Prettyface08]

Originally Posted by srmom

http://cbs11tv.com/local/school.bull...2.1601141.html

Here is a case where the boy "manned up" and dealt with it, everyone doing the appropriate thing, talked to his parents, parents talked to administrators, etc. yet the shithead bullies still didn't stop until the kid ended up in the emergency room with a torn rectum from a wedgie.

Parents wanted kids punished by school, not enough response, so they went to the cops. What was the punishment? Supervised counseling

Boy, that's gonna show them.

As to the situation with this poor girl who committed suicide and the 9 bullies.

I wonder how the parents of the bullies are feeling now? From things I've read online, these kids had horrific facebook pages, with one of the girls brother's status saying, "N****** suck, White Power!" Lovely. Real paragons of virtue, these ones.

Regardless of the eventual punishment, be it jail time or "supervised counseling", these kids lives are ruined. In this day and age of Google, with your history following you forever, they'll be plenty punished when they cannot repair their reputations, or get a job.

Were their names published? Just wondering, because if not, how will they be punished by their reputation or by not getting a job. If it isn't on their records or in their background checks how will people know them from a can of paint?

[Ch2tf]

Originally Posted by Prettyface08

Were their names published? Just wondering, because if not, how will they be punished by their reputation or by not getting a job. If it isn't on their records or in their background checks how will people know them from a can of paint?

Yes, some of their names have been published, I believe 6/9 at the very least.

[Prettyface08]

Originally Posted by Ch2tf

Yes, some of their names have been published, I believe 6/9 at the very least.

Ok, then that makes sense. I wasn't sure that they had published names.

[deepimpact2]

Originally Posted by srmom

http://cbs11tv.com/local/school.bull...2.1601141.html

Here is a case where the boy "manned up" and dealt with it, everyone doing the appropriate thing, talked to his parents, parents talked to administrators, etc. yet the shithead bullies still didn't stop until the kid ended up in the emergency room with a torn rectum from a wedgie.

.

We must be reading two different articles. I see nothing that shows the boy manned up. it appears he was just in the locker room and got a wedgie.

[srmom]

We must be reading two different articles. I see nothing that shows the boy manned up. it appears he was just in the locker room and got a wedgie.

When I said he "manned up" I was referring to this:

"Our family lives with this every night," says LaDonna Keeling from North Richland Hills "What keeps me strong is he's strong."

And the fact that he didn't commit suicide, which in some posts seems to be alluded to as not "manning up".

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by srmom

When I said he "manned up" I was referring to this:



And the fact that he didn't commit suicide, which in some posts seems to be alluded to as not "manning up".

emergency room wedgie > suicide

I don't see how what you posted contrasts what they were saying regarding strength in any way (I don't agree with the use of "manning up" but I see their general point). The boy is strong with help from his family (the family shouldn't wait for HIS strength to be strong FOR him) and he will get past this painful wedgie. He couldn't get past suicide.

[srmom]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

emergency room wedgie > suicide

I don't see how what you posted contrasts what they were saying regarding strength in any way (I don't agree with the use of "manning up" but I see their general point). The boy is strong with help from his family (the family shouldn't wait for HIS strength to be strong FOR him) and he will get past this painful wedgie. He couldn't get past suicide.

Absolutely. But, from reading this thread, there are some who have IMO "blamed" the girl who hanged herself for not "manning up". Others have said, and not just in this thread but on other blogs and message boards, that the parents should have done more, but in some cases (like the article I posted and in NUMEROUS websites about bullying) the parents HAVE done everything, short of selling their house and moving to another city, to try to stop the bullying, by going to school administrators and teachers and advising them of the problems, to no avail.

This kid's school supposedly has a "zero tolerance policy" for bullying, but even after the parents had complained, nothing was done. It isn't until someone is actually hurt - as in the torn rectum (it may have been from a wedgie, but geesus, does belittling HOW he ended up having to have his bottom sewed back up somehow make it okay??) that something is done.

In this family's case they took it to the police and the kids were sentenced to "supervised counseling" Obviously, that's not much punishment. I bet those kids laughed out loud when that's what they were told their "punishment" was going to be.

From the article, the expert says:

Dr. Wendy Middlemiss is an expert on bullying from the University of North Texas in Denton, she says if there's no punishment, there's no learning. "It's certainly not punishment there is nothing that would necessarily in the short run discourage a child from engaging in that type of behavior again."

How is "supervised counseling" punishment to 16 year old boys?

[deepimpact2]

Originally Posted by srmom

Absolutely. But, from reading this thread, there are some who have IMO "blamed" the girl who hanged herself for not "manning up". Others have said, and not just in this thread but on other blogs and message boards, that the parents should have done more, but in some cases (like the article I posted and in NUMEROUS websites about bullying) the parents HAVE done everything, short of selling their house and moving to another city, to try to stop the bullying, by going to school administrators and teachers and advising them of the problems, to no avail.

This kid's school supposedly has a "zero tolerance policy" for bullying, but even after the parents had complained, nothing was done. It isn't until someone is actually hurt - as in the torn rectum (it may have been from a wedgie, but geesus, does belittling HOW he ended up having to have his bottom sewed back up somehow make it okay??) that something is done.

The parents DO have some blame. They weren't aggressive enough. sometimes when issues like this arise, parents have to "show out" in order to see something happen.

[Prettyface08]

Originally Posted by deepimpact2

The parents DO have some blame. They weren't aggressive enough. sometimes when issues like this arise, parents have to "show out" in order to see something happen.

THIS would be my mom. She doesn't play those games.

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by srmom

Absolutely. But, from reading this thread, there are some who have IMO "blamed" the girl who hanged herself for not "manning up". Others have said, and not just in this thread but on other blogs and message boards, that the parents should have done more, but in some cases (like the article I posted and in NUMEROUS websites about bullying) the parents HAVE done everything, short of selling their house and moving to another city, to try to stop the bullying, by going to school administrators and teachers and advising them of the problems, to no avail.

The parents didn't do everything they could do. They knew about it and more could have been done instead of, as I said before, relinquishing their child's outcome to the inadequate adults and stupid children at the school. Another instance of hindsight is 20/20.

Originally Posted by srmom

This kid's school supposedly has a "zero tolerance policy" for bullying, but even after the parents had complained, nothing was done. It isn't until someone is actually hurt - as in the torn rectum (it may have been from a wedgie, but geesus, does belittling HOW he ended up having to have his bottom sewed back up somehow make it okay??) that something is done.

If all the parents did was complain and wait, they didn't do nearly enough. I wager that most of these kids have inadequate coping skills because their parents have provided inadequate coping mechanisms. Kids are a reflection of their environments.

If the parents went to the police, that's all well and good but they shouldn't have trusted that the police would follow through? Since when do people trust the police to do more than enforce the law at the surface level?

I'm not blaming the victims so much as acknowledging personal decisions and encouraging people to do better with their children. We can't predict and control the actions of other kids. We have more control over what happens in our homes in preparation for what our kids may face in this crazy world. Inner city and minority kids have been taught about this crazy world for generations in order to teach about aspirations-and-disappointments as well as to buffer the effects of social strains and mental/emotional disorders. It's about time that other kids are raised to put the rose colored glasses down so they can know what to do when someone says "fuck you."

[deepimpact2]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

The parents didn't do everything they could do. They knew about it and more could have been done instead of, as I said before, relinquishing their child's outcome to the inadequate adults and stupid children at the school. Another instance of hindsight is 20/20.


If all the parents did was complain and wait, they didn't do nearly enough. I wager that most of these kids have inadequate coping skills because their parents have provided inadequate coping mechanisms. Kids are a reflection of their environments.

If the parents went to the police, that's all well and good but they shouldn't have trusted that the police would follow through? Since when do people trust the police to do more than enforce the law at the surface level?

I'm not blaming the victims so much as acknowledging personal decisions and encouraging people to do better with their children. We can't predict and control the actions of other kids. We have more control over what happens in our homes in preparation for what our kids may face in this crazy world. Inner city and minority kids have been taught about this crazy world for generations in order to teach about aspirations-and-disappointments as well as to buffer the effects of social strains and mental/emotional disorders. It's about time that other kids are raised to put the rose colored glasses down so they can know what to do when someone says "fuck you."

well said. I especially agree with the part in bold.

[Ch2tf]

Originally Posted by srmom

And the fact that he didn't commit suicide, which in some posts seems to be alluded to as not "manning up".

"Manning up" isn't about not committing suicide, but about taking appropriate steps to deal with the situation.

[deepimpact2]

Originally Posted by srmom

When I said he "manned up" I was referring to this:



And the fact that he didn't commit suicide, which in some posts seems to be alluded to as not "manning up".

No. That's not what I meant about manning up. Sounds like he just took it without standing up for himself.

[srmom]

Were their names published? Just wondering, because if not, how will they be punished by their reputation or by not getting a job. If it isn't on their records or in their background checks how will people know them from a can of paint?

Not only are their names being published, but pictures, and if you google the names, links to numerous discussions of their facebook pages, their families' facebook pages, their athletic accomplishments and stats, their school awards, etc, etc.

In this day and age, once your name is out there in cyberspace, you are forever known, and if what is out there is negative, you will forever be carrying that baggage around.

I'm sure they didn't think of that as they were hurling insults, posting nasty things, and throwing Red Bull cans at her.