Disappointed mom

[CougarGrad]

Originally Posted by Army Wife'79

Your Greek letters down here are like the difference in driving a Mercedes or a old rusted out jalopy. For 99% of the posters on this thread they may as well be in Happy Rainbow Pony Land if they think it's not like this. Yes, unfortuately a stigma is placed on the "Mom" who, Bless her heart, couldn't even see to it that her D got into the right group. Women have stopped attending Junior League and charity functions after an unsuccessful rush for their daughters. I've only been here 2 years but I've overhead enough at social functions to realize there is Greek and there is "Southern Greeks".

"Right" group?

"Unsuccessful" rush?

It sounds like her daughter is happy and has the potential to thrive in her new sisterhood. That seems right and successful.

[Jen]

But you all know there are mom's exactly like this here, even if this is a sockpuppet post.

[kddani]

Originally Posted by Jen

But you all know there are mom's exactly like this here, even if this is a sockpuppet post.

Seriously. Even if she's not real, there are plenty of women like her on GC. Who knows, some of which may have already posted in this thread....

[Elephant Walk]

It's like giving birth to a future serial killer...

[FSUZeta]

mom, your daughter made a decision that suited her and i believe you said that she is happy. i hope that you will be happy with her. send her a box of her sorority goodies and become an active supporter of your daughter and her chapter. maybe she will be the turning point for her chapter making a come back.

when i was an undergrad at florida state, an absolutely stunning girl came thru recruitment. she had it all-looks, personality, grades, activities and was so sweet-every chapter wanted her on their bid list. she had recs. to all the chapters and we all did our best to convince her that our chapter was the one she should join.

every round, she had more invitations than she could accept. she was definately in the drivers seat.

she was a double legacy to a chapter that was struggling. for pref. she attended parties at the two most competitive chapters on campus and at her legacy chapter. she chose to list her legacy chapter first. everyone on campus was stunned! it is my belief that this began her chapters long road back to an admirable place on campus. it took a while, but nowadays this chapter pledges quota and is above campus total. it has been a long time since her chapter has been the butt of cruel jokes.

this young woman served her chapter in many leadership positions, got involved on campus(before that, few members joined any other orgs.)& won recognition for her academics.she set the example for her sisters and they followed suit. to my knowledge, she never regretted her decision. to those of us on the outside, she always appeared happy and proud of her chapter. maybe your daughter will do the same for her chapter.

[APhiAnna]

I will be honest and say that my chapter is a strong one on our campus. We pledge the PNMs we want, socialize with the "top" fraternities, raise lots of money for our philanthropy, high grades, high activities, "moves and shakers", etc. If I wasn't a legacy it is very doubtful I would have received a bid because I am pretty different from many of the sisters, but I still connect with them and have a good time.

On the other hand there is a woman who we pledged at one point who was the biological sister of an older active. She does not even come close to fitting in and I think her sorority experience has been incredibly discouraging. She has the most incredible socials...yet she doesn't attend because she doesn't feel comfortable with the girls OR the guys. Her pledge sisters are "movers and shakers" (to use your term)...but it is a moot point because she just does not have anything in common with them. She has all the "social status" on campus she needs...but she honestly could care less about that because she has had such little fun in her sorority.

She is an incredible woman and we were excited to pledge her based on her grades, her stunning activities, her fun personality, etc. But in the end, even though she has incredible morals and a strong personality, she just does not fit in and hates her sorority. I honestly think the only reason she is still in it is because of her sister's pressure to finish it out.

The point is is that she would THRIVE at so many of the chapters at our campus. What if that was your daughter? The girl in the chapter who struggles to even make small-talk with her sisters, all the while knowing there are other sororities where she would have multiple best friends? I feel so bad for this girl and I always make it a point to include her on the rare occasions when she comes to the house, but even then I know I'm not her favorite person...we just don't click.

Please be happy that your daughter is somewhere where there are women she gets along with and has fun with. Even if you are a troll I understand this is a prevalent attitude (not just in the South) and wanted to throw my 2 cents in.

[nittanyalum]

Originally Posted by APhiAnna

I will be honest and say that my chapter is a strong one on our campus. We pledge the PNMs we want, socialize with the "top" fraternities, raise lots of money for our philanthropy, high grades, high activities, "moves and shakers", etc. If I wasn't a legacy it is very doubtful I would have received a bid because I am pretty different from many of the sisters, but I still connect with them and have a good time.

On the other hand there is a woman who we pledged at one point who was the biological sister of an older active. She does not even come close to fitting in and I think her sorority experience has been incredibly discouraging. She has the most incredible socials...yet she doesn't attend because she doesn't feel comfortable with the girls OR the guys. Her pledge sisters are "movers and shakers" (to use your term)...but it is a moot point because she just does not have anything in common with them. She has all the "social status" on campus she needs...but she honestly could care less about that because she has had such little fun in her sorority.

She is an incredible woman and we were excited to pledge her based on her grades, her stunning activities, her fun personality, etc. But in the end, even though she has incredible morals and a strong personality, she just does not fit in and hates her sorority. I honestly think the only reason she is still in it is because of her sister's pressure to finish it out.

The point is is that she would THRIVE at so many of the chapters at our campus. What if that was your daughter? The girl in the chapter who struggles to even make small-talk with her sisters, all the while knowing there are other sororities where she would have multiple best friends? I feel so bad for this girl and I always make it a point to include her on the rare occasions when she comes to the house, but even then I know I'm not her favorite person...we just don't click.

Please be happy that your daughter is somewhere where there are women she gets along with and has fun with. Even if you are a troll I understand this is a prevalent attitude (not just in the South) and wanted to throw my 2 cents in.

This is a GREAT post.

[rufio]

<insert outraged comment here>

[sail100]

I simply want my daughter to have the same kinds of wonderful experiences and memories I did, and I think she would definitely be shortchanging herself in this organization. I'm even afraid that they may close this chapter down in a few years if their numbers don't improve. That would be a terrible thing to go through.

Yes this is the South, and some posters get it. It is really impossible to explain to those who don't live here. I remember going through rush in the 80's and how my roommate's best friend got cut from her legacy house and eventually was released from all houses. Her mother got countless condolence calls from her sorority alumnae as well as from her friends in other sororities.

I suspect she may be aware of the limited opportunities she may have in this house, but I think I need to make sure she is fully aware before committing to this. Her happiness at receiving a bit may be coloring her judgment.Despite what many of you think, I did send her the requisite sorority goody basket on bid day, and tried to be happy for her. I have not made tacky or hurtful comments to her.

I have received some very kind PM's, and for that I am grateful. They have given me some things to think about and have put some issues in perspective.

[Jen]

Originally Posted by sail100

I simply want my daughter to have the same kinds of wonderful experiences and memories I did

How do you know she won't? How do you know anything about what your daughter will make her experience? You can't know until it's happened. You are looking at her experience in terms of YOUR life, YOUR requirements to be happy, YOUR personality and YOUR longing for the old days.

I suspect she may be aware of the limited opportunities she may have in this house, but I think I need to make sure she is fully aware before committing to this. Her happiness at receiving a bit may be coloring her judgment. Despite what many of you think, I did send her the requisite sorority goody basket on bid day, and tried to be happy for her. I have not made tacky or hurtful comments to her.

Do you not think she doesn't know how you feel? Do you think you're really that good at hiding your true feelings? On some level, she knows you're disappointed. There's a good chance she feels like she's disappointed you as a daughter if she knows how focused on being "the best" you are. The limitations you think she is feeling may be ones you're putting on her rather than ones the Greek system or her new sorority are.

What if she really loves where she is, but she knows you're upset about it? What if she's the type of person to depledge her group just to make you happy, be a good daughter, and in the process, makes herself completely miserable? Is that really what you want for her?

You have to trust her to make the decision that is right for her - REGARDLESS of what it is. If she decides to stay and the chapter is closed in a year or two and she's upset over it - HER problem.

If she gets initiated then realizes she's miserable - HER problem.

She has all the information she needs to make her decision on her own.

[MaggieXi]

I preface this by saying I have limited knowledge to know or understand what it must be like for someone who is going through recruitment in the highly competitive universities in the south. However, that being said, if the OP knew where the daughter was going to school, knew she was going through recruitment, knew or had a reasonable belief that this could be the outcome, why didn't the OP do everything in her power to prepare her daughter for recruitment? And/or prepare herself (the OP) for this type of outcome?
I'm not talking about buying new clothes, or wearing make-up or getting nails done, I'm talking about investing in a little panhellenic spirit and education.

BTW - if I were OP's daughter and stumbled upon this thread I would be mortified and furious! Even worse would be if someone from OP's daughter's new chapter were to find this and confront her about it.

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by MaggieXi

BTW - if I were OP's daughter and stumbled upon this thread I would be mortified and furious! Even worse would be if someone from OP's daughter's new chapter were to find this and confront her about it.

Seriously. If I found out that my mom were that concerned about the sorority I joined, I'd be mortified.

[ZTAMich]

Originally Posted by sail100

I have received some very kind PM's, and for that I am grateful. They have given me some things to think about and have put some issues in perspective.

And yet none of those people are here in this thread to offer any kind words. Fishy.

[kappalove17]

Wow...I think people need to be nicer. She's not the worst mom in the world. Bad moms don't care. This woman clearly does care, maybe a little TOO much. Since I am originally from the south, I can understand the situation. Luckily I go to school elsewhere and didn't have to deal with quite so much pressure. I can honestly understand being embarrassed, but only because, lets face it- we ALL think our sorority is the best. If I had a daughter and the kappa chapter at her school cut her, I would be heartbroken too. I think this mom means well, but is having a little trouble letting go. And maybe she is concerned because she knows her daughter well and thinks she would be better off elsewhere. If this girl were really socially awkward, I dont know that any mom would pressure them to join a sorority...

to the OP: A family friend's daughter went through recruitment at FSU this year, and we thought she'd have an easy time. She's smart, adorable, athletic, and very funny. She's a legacy to a top notch sorority on campus, and she had recs to several of the chapters as well.

I was shocked to find out that she had been dropped by almost all chapters by the first couple days, and only preffed one. The sorority is probably what most would call one of the more "unpopular" sororities on campus, and we were all very disappointed for her- until we saw how much she loved this group of girls. She is having a great time, and has absolutely no fear wearing letters and telling everyone of her pride to her sorority. It may not be what we wanted for her, but it ended up being the perfect fit. So if you feel its your duty to make sure she knows the commitment she's making, I'm all for that!! Not enough people realize when they initiate into a sorority, its for life. But if she seems satisfied with her choice, the only thing you can do is be happy for her. And when your friends ask what she joined, DO NOT lie or avoid the subject...just tell them how much she's enjoying herself.

[violetpretty]

Originally Posted by kappalove17

Wow...I think people need to be nicer.

I'm just going to chuckle at the impending comments you'll get for this.

Originally Posted by kappalove17

She's not the worst mom in the world. Bad moms don't care. This woman clearly does care, maybe a little TOO much.

That's your opinion. I think overinvolvement and trying to live vicariously can be just as damaging as moms who "don't care", just in very different ways.

Originally Posted by kappalove17

I was shocked to find out that she had been dropped by almost all chapters by the first couple days, and only preffed one. The sorority is probably what most would call one of the more "unpopular" sororities on campus, and we were all very disappointed for her- until we saw how much she loved this group of girls. She is having a great time, and has absolutely no fear wearing letters and telling everyone of her pride to her sorority.

Unlike the OP, you decided that you could be happy for this girl when you saw that she was happy. That's how it should be.