Disappointed mom

[paulam]

...and the award goes to...Sail100! If your daughter had a choice to pref another mother, Joan Crawford or you, I would hope she would choose the other one as her first choice. At least Joan Crawford made no pretense of actually loving her daughter. The child was important only insofar as she advanced her mother's reputation, social standing and career. Your daughter's choices in life as an adult are not yours to make and if others judge you badly for the choices she makes, then it's their problem, not yours. How insecure you must be to have to depend on others' opinions to have a good opinion of yourself. Most of us outgrow that in high school.

I live in the south and yes, sororities are important but they are not the be all, end all. This sorority giving your daughter a chance to finally blossom out from under you is the best thing that could have happened to her. By the time she graduates, she will become a wonderful, lovely, active and confident young woman. Will you still feel ashamed of the choice she made?

Paula M
Sigma Delta Tau
Patre Multi Spes Una
One Hope of Many People

[Buttonz]

Originally Posted by paulam

...and the award goes to...Sail100! If your daughter had a choice to pref another mother, Joan Crawford or you, I would hope she would choose the other one as her first choice. At least Joan Crawford made no pretense of actually loving her daughter. The child was important only insofar as she advanced her mother's reputation, social standing and career. Your daughter's choices in life as an adult are not yours to make and if others judge you badly for the choices she makes, then it's their problem, not yours. How insecure you must be to have to depend on others' opinions to have a good opinion of yourself. Most of us outgrow that in high school.

I live in the south and yes, sororities are important but they are not the be all, end all. This sorority giving your daughter a chance to finally blossom out from under you is the best thing that could have happened to her. By the time she graduates, she will become a wonderful, lovely, active and confident young woman. Will you still feel ashamed of the choice she made?

Paula M
Sigma Delta Tau
Patre Multi Spes Una
One Hope of Many People

Paula,

I knew there was a reason I was proud to call you my sister. This post just shows me some of it.

[KSUViolet06]

Ok. so this is apparently a common sentiment in the South.

At what point does a mom let go though? I mean, at what point does mom say "this is not my life, it's hers and she can do what she pleases?"

Do Southern moms whose kids don't join "top tier" chapters spend their whole lives dwelling on it and being embarrassed?

These are serious questions. I've only even lived in California and Ohio, so I'm reasonably clueless about this sort of mother/daughter dynamic when it comes to sorority life. I've heard of moms being upset when maybe daughter doesn't get into Harvard, but even they get over it--and I just don't see sorority life as important enough to dwell on like this.

[Munchkin03]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

At what point does a mom let go though? I mean, at what point does mom say "this is not my life, it's hers and she can do what she pleases?"

It depends...ever heard of Momzillas? In some areas of the country, it's sororities. Others, it's sports like cheerleading, gymnastics, and figure-skating.

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

Do Southern moms whose kids don't join "top tier" chapters spend their whole lives dwelling on it and being embarrassed?

Some of them do, others don't. It depends on the specific town and how prominent they are within them.

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

These are serious questions. I've only even lived in California and Ohio, so I'm reasonably clueless about this sort of mother/daughter dynamic when it comes to sorority life. I've heard of moms being upset when maybe daughter doesn't get into Harvard, but even they get over it--and I just don't see sorority life as important enough to dwell on like this.

But, and this is something I only understand because of where I grew up, for some mothers, THIS IS THEIR HARVARD. In some circles, what sorority you joined at Fillintheblank U. dictates what their friends are going to be like, who they marry, and what their lives will be like as adults. I'm not saying that this is right, but this mentality is very real.

I won't lie, there are organizations that I might recoil if my daughter were to join, but I'd try my hardest to get over it. It may be harder, however, depending on the organization.

[UGAalum94]

Originally Posted by Munchkin03

Some of them do, others don't. It depends on the specific town and how prominent they are within them.

But I tend to think the more authentically prominent you are, the less it matters. It's the social climbers who will be heartbroken.

Originally Posted by Munchkin03

But, and this is something I only understand because of where I grew up, for some mothers, THIS IS THEIR HARVARD. In some circles, what sorority you joined at Fillintheblank U. dictates what their friends are going to be like, who they marry, and what their lives will be like as adults. I'm not saying that this is right, but this mentality is very real.

This may partially true, but I don't think that if your family already had the status, your GLO changes your fate.

I think family status often affects a girl's rush and if you expect to meet your spouse at college, which sorority you are in may affect which guys you meet. But for a girl from a family with high status, especially one with a bunch of brothers like the OP, I doubt it's going to matter that much.

[Munchkin03]

Originally Posted by UGAalum94

But I tend to think the more authentically prominent you are, the less it matters. It's the social climbers who will be heartbroken.



This may partially true, but I don't think that if your family already had the status, your GLO changes your fate.

I think family status often affects a girls rush and if you expect to meet your spouse at college, which sorority you are in may affect which guys you meet. But for a girl from a family with high status, especially one with a bunch of brothers like the OP, I doubt it's going to matter that much.

This is why I said the crucial qualifier, "in some circles ."

[UGAalum94]

Originally Posted by Munchkin03

This is why I said the crucial qualifier, "in some circles ."

I just didn't want people to take away that it was the most socially prominent circles. It's the circles that still need a whole lot of external validation who are most bummed.

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by Munchkin03

It depends...ever heard of Momzillas? In some areas of the country, it's sororities. Others, it's sports like cheerleading, gymnastics, and figure-skating.

My mom coached cheerleading in the fast, so I do kind of understand this. She dealt with Momzillas on a fairly regular basis.

Originally Posted by Munchkin03

For some mothers, THIS IS THEIR HARVARD. In some circles, what sorority you joined at Fillintheblank U. dictates what their friends are going to be like, who they marry, and what their lives will be like as adults. I'm not saying that this is right, but this mentality is very real.

I see.

[UGAalum94]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

Ok. so this is apparently a common sentiment in the South.

At what point does a mom let go though? I mean, at what point does mom say "this is not my life, it's hers and she can do what she pleases?"

Do Southern moms whose kids don't join "top tier" chapters spend their whole lives dwelling on it and being embarrassed?

These are serious questions. I've only even lived in California and Ohio, so I'm reasonably clueless about this sort of mother/daughter dynamic when it comes to sorority life. I've heard of moms being upset when maybe daughter doesn't get into Harvard, but even they get over it--and I just don't see sorority life as important enough to dwell on like this.

It is not a common sentiment in the south. In the south, the reputations of college chapters may play big in hometowns, but it's not normal or common for mothers to want daughters to drop chapters that the daughters are apparently happy in.

I think it's common or normal for mom's to feel disappointed when their daughters don't end up in the chapters that they want, but not to do what this mom is doing in terms of debating whether to encourage her daughter to drop before initiation.

It would be far more common for everyone to appreciate that mother and daughter might be disappointed, but to admire them more for supporting the chapter who actually wanted to offer membership to the girl.

Seriously, I've never seen a case in real life in which a mom remained ashamed of her daughter's chapter months after bid day.