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  #31  
Old 07-16-2008, 10:19 AM
AU_ZTA86 AU_ZTA86 is offline
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Interesting - when I was in school, our chapter policy was that anyone with a 'No Rec' from an alumnae was cut after first round - no questions asked. Of course I wasn't Rush Chair or President so I don't know what went on behind the scenes.
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  #32  
Old 07-16-2008, 11:11 AM
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honeychile honeychile is offline
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Originally Posted by AU_ZTA86 View Post
Interesting - when I was in school, our chapter policy was that anyone with a 'No Rec' from an alumnae was cut after first round - no questions asked. Of course I wasn't Rush Chair or President so I don't know what went on behind the scenes.
I think most people are trying to avoid what may be considered membership selection. (my chapter did so, too)
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  #33  
Old 07-16-2008, 11:42 AM
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What? No gossipy reason for me? You're missing the point of this thread, Honeychile.
Well, when I was Rec Chair, we did have a few No Recs. One that I do know about was a PNM who had an abortion when very young.

Which brings me to another story: a woman nearby was getting recs together for her daughter, and a few of her acquaintances agreed to meet her and her daughter for lunch one day. They arrived at the restaurant, and the acquaintances gasped when they saw the daughter. DD had been shopping at the mall (for Recruitment clothing!) and had treated two of the ladies so rudely that they had been taken aback.

I have no idea if they No Recced her or not, but it IS a lesson to PNMs: those little old ladies at whom you flipped the bird or slammed the door on may be the same ladies who you may need for a Rec!
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  #34  
Old 07-16-2008, 11:50 AM
srmom srmom is offline
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I have an interesting one regarding a girl who decided to transfer colleges after freshman year and was going to rush at her new school as a sophomore.

I didn't write a no-rec for her, in fact, I recommended her, having known her and her family for years.

What happened was the alum group didn't let her rec go to the college.

Apparently, she had had an "interesting" year at her 1st college - sleeping her way through the guys, and that is why she was transferring. Of course, I didn't know any of this being apart from the situation. REALLY SAD because she was a sweet, intelligent girl who just went off the deep end - too much freedom that she didn't know how to handle, I guess.

I found out because I got thank you notes from the chapter for all the girls I had recommended except for her, so I contacted the alum club and they let me know.

Goes to show, reputations matter and follow you around wherever you go...
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  #35  
Old 07-16-2008, 12:13 PM
Jill1228 Jill1228 is offline
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Originally Posted by carnation View Post
And this was no overnight trip!It was a 3-week trip to 3 countries representing the Girl Scouts of the USA! When we dropped her off on the return trip, one of the other girls was literally crying in relief.

I almost forgot!!! This is the worst! We were landing in California and she said, "You know that ivory shop we were in in Hong Kong? Well, after y'all left, I went back and bought some and that suitcase over there is full of it." ILLEGAL IVORY! AAAAHHH!!! WE'RE ALL GOING TO GET ARRESTED!

We stepped up to customs--we were in uniform-- and the agents waved us through, saying ,"Girl Scouts! Like you're going to smuggle anything!"

And she asked for a Pi Phi rec....
Holy shite! She had some chutzpah! I can hear your thoughts as she asked for a rec:

"Honey, I got your rec RIGHT HERE"
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  #36  
Old 07-16-2008, 02:42 PM
breathesgelatin breathesgelatin is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by honeychile View Post
Well, when I was Rec Chair, we did have a few No Recs. One that I do know about was a PNM who had an abortion when very young.
Aww. This is awful to me on a couple of levels.

First of all, no one can really know this woman's real situation. A lot of times people who have abortions at very young ages are victims of incest or molestation or rape. And people on the outside might not necessarily know it was the case - it can still be a BOYFRIEND who rapes a young teenage girl.

My other point would be is that this is fundamentally her choice and perhaps in some respects a responsible decision, but I know a lot of people would disagree with me there. Whatever your view is, I doubt this young woman was proud of this situation and probably learned and matured a LOT from this decision.

I wonder if the decision to No Rec this would still have been made if this young woman had put her baby up for adoption.

I really hate this kind of thing, and I don't think it's appropriate. I know every individual alum can do what they want, but I think this kind of thing is awful. It's a shaming type of behavior that makes people feel bad about getting pregnant in the first place, and drives them to have abortions.

/soapbox
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  #37  
Old 07-16-2008, 03:05 PM
catiebug catiebug is offline
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Best. Thread. Ever.

Makes me wonder - what would it take for Chuck Norris to "no rec" someone...
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  #38  
Old 07-16-2008, 03:13 PM
lyrelyre lyrelyre is offline
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Originally Posted by breathesgelatin View Post
I wonder if the decision to No Rec this would still have been made if this young woman had put her baby up for adoption.
I often wonder the opposite. When I've heard gossip about collegians wanting to release a girl immediately who had a baby in high school and placed the baby for adoption. I always think (and often say), "You know, if she had an abortion in high school we probably wouldn't even know about it."

It’s a double standard for the same “questionable” behavior. I place questionable in quotations because such a high percentage of high school students are sexually active, that I feel it’s like the pot calling the kettle black to judge a girl because she got caught.
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  #39  
Old 07-16-2008, 03:25 PM
Zillini Zillini is offline
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Originally Posted by breathesgelatin View Post
Aww. This is awful to me on a couple of levels.

First of all, no one can really know this woman's real situation. A lot of times people who have abortions at very young ages are victims of incest or molestation or rape. And people on the outside might not necessarily know it was the case - it can still be a BOYFRIEND who rapes a young teenage girl.

My other point would be is that this is fundamentally her choice and perhaps in some respects a responsible decision, but I know a lot of people would disagree with me there. Whatever your view is, I doubt this young woman was proud of this situation and probably learned and matured a LOT from this decision.

I wonder if the decision to No Rec this would still have been made if this young woman had put her baby up for adoption.

I really hate this kind of thing, and I don't think it's appropriate. I know every individual alum can do what they want, but I think this kind of thing is awful. It's a shaming type of behavior that makes people feel bad about getting pregnant in the first place, and drives them to have abortions.

/soapbox
I get what you are saying and agree.

However -- and I have nothing to back this up other than annecdotal experience -- the girl whose abortion winds up being public knowledge is often the girl who doesn't give a flip about her reputation anyways since she's running around with every guy in town. I have never received a No Rec solely for having an abortion. It's always been accompanied with trampy behavior.
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  #40  
Old 07-16-2008, 04:05 PM
Leslie Anne Leslie Anne is offline
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I've written one No-Rec in my life and it was one of the hardest things I've ever done. It was for my cousin...who also happens to be my God-daughter. (Oh, the guilt!)

She was such a sweet little kid but in her teen years she became an absolute nightmare. There wasn't anything scandalous; no criminal behavior or sexual escapades. She just became an unbelievable snob; an arrogant, rude, self-absorbed, brat. She started looking down on her former friends who didn't have "enough" money. She was completly incapable of any sense of loyalty, compassion or decency.

I had cut off any communication with her before she graduated from high school. When I found out where she was going to college I started to panic because I knew she would want to join a sorority and there was a KD chapter at her campus. I really agonized over writing a No-Rec but, in the end, I knew that I'd go ballistic if she became a KD. I really wasn't too thrilled with the thought of any NPC ending up with her. She simply lacked the ability to be a good sister.

What worried me was that she not only looked great on paper (good grades, cheerleader, lots of extra-curriculars) but she's a very pretty girl and it takes a little while to see her true character. I had a feeling she'd be highly sought-after.

After Recruitment, I was incredibly relieved to find out that she wasn't on KD's bid list. She did end up pledging another NPC though. About a year later I learned through the family grapevine that she actually never became an XYZ. She either depledged or they wised up and gave her the boot (probably the latter).
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  #41  
Old 07-16-2008, 04:16 PM
ThetaDancer ThetaDancer is offline
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Originally Posted by breathesgelatin View Post
Aww. This is awful to me on a couple of levels.

First of all, no one can really know this woman's real situation. A lot of times people who have abortions at very young ages are victims of incest or molestation or rape. And people on the outside might not necessarily know it was the case - it can still be a BOYFRIEND who rapes a young teenage girl.

My other point would be is that this is fundamentally her choice and perhaps in some respects a responsible decision, but I know a lot of people would disagree with me there. Whatever your view is, I doubt this young woman was proud of this situation and probably learned and matured a LOT from this decision.

I wonder if the decision to No Rec this would still have been made if this young woman had put her baby up for adoption.

I really hate this kind of thing, and I don't think it's appropriate. I know every individual alum can do what they want, but I think this kind of thing is awful. It's a shaming type of behavior that makes people feel bad about getting pregnant in the first place, and drives them to have abortions.

/soapbox
Extremely well written and it deserves to be repeated.

Issues related to health and such just seem so completely private to me, and even if I knew someone's personal situation like that I would never repeat it, not even on such a form.
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  #42  
Old 07-16-2008, 04:24 PM
Leslie Anne Leslie Anne is offline
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Originally Posted by ThetaDancer View Post
Issues related to health and such just seem so completely private to me, and even if I knew someone's personal situation like that I would never repeat it, not even on such a form.
Co-sign on that!
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  #43  
Old 07-16-2008, 06:52 PM
UGAalum94 UGAalum94 is offline
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Originally Posted by breathesgelatin View Post
Aww. This is awful to me on a couple of levels.

First of all, no one can really know this woman's real situation. A lot of times people who have abortions at very young ages are victims of incest or molestation or rape. And people on the outside might not necessarily know it was the case - it can still be a BOYFRIEND who rapes a young teenage girl.

My other point would be is that this is fundamentally her choice and perhaps in some respects a responsible decision, but I know a lot of people would disagree with me there. Whatever your view is, I doubt this young woman was proud of this situation and probably learned and matured a LOT from this decision.

I wonder if the decision to No Rec this would still have been made if this young woman had put her baby up for adoption.

I really hate this kind of thing, and I don't think it's appropriate. I know every individual alum can do what they want, but I think this kind of thing is awful. It's a shaming type of behavior that makes people feel bad about getting pregnant in the first place, and drives them to have abortions.

/soapbox
I am generally more pro-life than pro-choice, but I'm not trying to take this thread in the direction of a conversation on abortion. We've done that before a lot of other places.

But, I think Zillini is on to something about the issue being general reputation maybe more than the act itself.

I suspect there are a lot of people [ETA: okay, maybe not a lot who would no rec, but a lot who would mention it and some who would No Rec] who would write a no-rec for a girl that had a baby, probably just as many or more as the girl who people knew had the abortion.

I suspect any knowledge that alumnae have of a high school girl's sexual activity or the consequences thereof puts the PNM at risk for a no rec. That may not be fair and maybe it's something we should be more mindful of, but I think it IS the way it works.

This is another one of those cases where I think more recent alumnae might not come down as hard, but I'm betting young moms and girls who are known in the community for having had abortions probably don't have great recruitments most places where recs are a factor.

ETA: Hypocrisy kind of drives me crazy too, but when you're dealing with things as ethereal as hometown reputation or being pleased to have someone wear your badge, things are going to get icky.

Last edited by UGAalum94; 07-16-2008 at 07:05 PM.
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  #44  
Old 07-16-2008, 07:03 PM
SmartBlondeGPhB SmartBlondeGPhB is offline
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Originally Posted by ThetaDancer View Post
Extremely well written and it deserves to be repeated.

Issues related to health and such just seem so completely private to me, and even if I knew someone's personal situation like that I would never repeat it, not even on such a form.
Exactly!
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  #45  
Old 07-16-2008, 07:05 PM
SmartBlondeGPhB SmartBlondeGPhB is offline
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I've written a no rec for one person and it was due to an alumna of another org telling me about the woman and what she did.
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