People that you would NOT recommend.

[honeychile]

Originally Posted by UGAalum94

What? No gossipy reason for me? You're missing the point of this thread, Honeychile.

Well, when I was Rec Chair, we did have a few No Recs. One that I do know about was a PNM who had an abortion when very young.

Which brings me to another story: a woman nearby was getting recs together for her daughter, and a few of her acquaintances agreed to meet her and her daughter for lunch one day. They arrived at the restaurant, and the acquaintances gasped when they saw the daughter. DD had been shopping at the mall (for Recruitment clothing!) and had treated two of the ladies so rudely that they had been taken aback.

I have no idea if they No Recced her or not, but it IS a lesson to PNMs: those little old ladies at whom you flipped the bird or slammed the door on may be the same ladies who you may need for a Rec!

[breathesgelatin]

Originally Posted by honeychile

Well, when I was Rec Chair, we did have a few No Recs. One that I do know about was a PNM who had an abortion when very young.

Aww. This is awful to me on a couple of levels.

First of all, no one can really know this woman's real situation. A lot of times people who have abortions at very young ages are victims of incest or molestation or rape. And people on the outside might not necessarily know it was the case - it can still be a BOYFRIEND who rapes a young teenage girl.

My other point would be is that this is fundamentally her choice and perhaps in some respects a responsible decision, but I know a lot of people would disagree with me there. Whatever your view is, I doubt this young woman was proud of this situation and probably learned and matured a LOT from this decision.

I wonder if the decision to No Rec this would still have been made if this young woman had put her baby up for adoption.

I really hate this kind of thing, and I don't think it's appropriate. I know every individual alum can do what they want, but I think this kind of thing is awful. It's a shaming type of behavior that makes people feel bad about getting pregnant in the first place, and drives them to have abortions.

/soapbox

[catiebug]

Best. Thread. Ever.

Makes me wonder - what would it take for Chuck Norris to "no rec" someone...

[lyrelyre]

Originally Posted by breathesgelatin

I wonder if the decision to No Rec this would still have been made if this young woman had put her baby up for adoption.

I often wonder the opposite. When I've heard gossip about collegians wanting to release a girl immediately who had a baby in high school and placed the baby for adoption. I always think (and often say), "You know, if she had an abortion in high school we probably wouldn't even know about it."

It’s a double standard for the same “questionable” behavior. I place questionable in quotations because such a high percentage of high school students are sexually active, that I feel it’s like the pot calling the kettle black to judge a girl because she got caught.

[Leslie Anne]

I've written one No-Rec in my life and it was one of the hardest things I've ever done. It was for my cousin...who also happens to be my God-daughter. (Oh, the guilt!)

She was such a sweet little kid but in her teen years she became an absolute nightmare. There wasn't anything scandalous; no criminal behavior or sexual escapades. She just became an unbelievable snob; an arrogant, rude, self-absorbed, brat. She started looking down on her former friends who didn't have "enough" money. She was completly incapable of any sense of loyalty, compassion or decency.

I had cut off any communication with her before she graduated from high school. When I found out where she was going to college I started to panic because I knew she would want to join a sorority and there was a KD chapter at her campus. I really agonized over writing a No-Rec but, in the end, I knew that I'd go ballistic if she became a KD. I really wasn't too thrilled with the thought of any NPC ending up with her. She simply lacked the ability to be a good sister.

What worried me was that she not only looked great on paper (good grades, cheerleader, lots of extra-curriculars) but she's a very pretty girl and it takes a little while to see her true character. I had a feeling she'd be highly sought-after.

After Recruitment, I was incredibly relieved to find out that she wasn't on KD's bid list. She did end up pledging another NPC though. About a year later I learned through the family grapevine that she actually never became an XYZ. She either depledged or they wised up and gave her the boot (probably the latter).

[Zillini]

Originally Posted by breathesgelatin

Aww. This is awful to me on a couple of levels.

First of all, no one can really know this woman's real situation. A lot of times people who have abortions at very young ages are victims of incest or molestation or rape. And people on the outside might not necessarily know it was the case - it can still be a BOYFRIEND who rapes a young teenage girl.

My other point would be is that this is fundamentally her choice and perhaps in some respects a responsible decision, but I know a lot of people would disagree with me there. Whatever your view is, I doubt this young woman was proud of this situation and probably learned and matured a LOT from this decision.

I wonder if the decision to No Rec this would still have been made if this young woman had put her baby up for adoption.

I really hate this kind of thing, and I don't think it's appropriate. I know every individual alum can do what they want, but I think this kind of thing is awful. It's a shaming type of behavior that makes people feel bad about getting pregnant in the first place, and drives them to have abortions.

/soapbox

I get what you are saying and agree.

However -- and I have nothing to back this up other than annecdotal experience -- the girl whose abortion winds up being public knowledge is often the girl who doesn't give a flip about her reputation anyways since she's running around with every guy in town. I have never received a No Rec solely for having an abortion. It's always been accompanied with trampy behavior.

[ThetaDancer]

Originally Posted by breathesgelatin

Aww. This is awful to me on a couple of levels.

First of all, no one can really know this woman's real situation. A lot of times people who have abortions at very young ages are victims of incest or molestation or rape. And people on the outside might not necessarily know it was the case - it can still be a BOYFRIEND who rapes a young teenage girl.

My other point would be is that this is fundamentally her choice and perhaps in some respects a responsible decision, but I know a lot of people would disagree with me there. Whatever your view is, I doubt this young woman was proud of this situation and probably learned and matured a LOT from this decision.

I wonder if the decision to No Rec this would still have been made if this young woman had put her baby up for adoption.

I really hate this kind of thing, and I don't think it's appropriate. I know every individual alum can do what they want, but I think this kind of thing is awful. It's a shaming type of behavior that makes people feel bad about getting pregnant in the first place, and drives them to have abortions.

/soapbox

Extremely well written and it deserves to be repeated.

Issues related to health and such just seem so completely private to me, and even if I knew someone's personal situation like that I would never repeat it, not even on such a form.

[Leslie Anne]

Originally Posted by ThetaDancer

Issues related to health and such just seem so completely private to me, and even if I knew someone's personal situation like that I would never repeat it, not even on such a form.

Co-sign on that!

[SmartBlondeGPhB]

Originally Posted by ThetaDancer

Extremely well written and it deserves to be repeated.

Issues related to health and such just seem so completely private to me, and even if I knew someone's personal situation like that I would never repeat it, not even on such a form.

Exactly!

[SmartBlondeGPhB]

I've written a no rec for one person and it was due to an alumna of another org telling me about the woman and what she did.

[SWTXBelle]

I knew of a lovely pnm - drop-dead GORGEOUS, good grades - who became pregnant by her long-term boyfriend, had the baby and gave it up for adoption. Some chapters at my school cut her. I proudly wrote her a glowing recommendation - here was a woman who faced a moral dilemma, and took the difficult steps necessary to maintain her integrity and finish with her graduating class. I'm proud to call her my sister - she's now happily married with two children. Her baby would be early 20s now - think of the joy she brought that family.

[UGAalum94]

Originally Posted by SWTXBelle

I knew of a lovely pnm - drop-dead GORGEOUS, good grades - who became pregnant by her long-term boyfriend, had the baby and gave it up for adoption. Some chapters at my school cut her. I proudly wrote her a glowing recommendation - here was a woman who faced a moral dilemma, and took the difficult steps necessary to maintain her integrity and finish with her graduating class. I'm proud to call her my sister - she's now happily married with two children. Her baby would be early 20s now - think of the joy she brought that family.

No doubt. I'd like to think I'd do the same, and I'm pretty sure that I would not "no rec" someone in similar circumstance.

However, I think I'd make a chapter aware that a young women was raising the child herself had she elected to, not because there's anything wrong with that, but because her commitment to the chapter was likely to be different than that of other PNMs.

I'm not saying that I would put a negative spin on it, but I would include the information.

I think in the pregnancy cases we're discussing, so much of it just depends on the character of the PNM.

[UGAalum94]

Originally Posted by ThetaDancer

Issues related to health and such just seem so completely private to me, and even if I knew someone's personal situation like that I would never repeat it, not even on such a form.

And certainly, if these issues were private, they'd be likely to remain so for most of us.

I doubt many people want to repeat any potentially negative private information that they learned through confidential sources or because of close friendships with the person involved, especially information unlikely to have any affect on the chapter overall.

[VandalSquirrel]

I guess I need to elaborate. I didn't write on the form why I didn't recommend the woman, and I wasn't contacted about her either. It is likely that she had made her feelings about certain chapters known when she was hanging with the fratties, and even if she wasn't saying it to or about those women, saying nasty things about other chapters as a PNM is a really tacky move.

There were also some other circumstances that likely affected her recruitment but I would only speak of my personal interaction.

[UGAalum94]

Originally Posted by VandalSquirrel

I guess I need to elaborate. I didn't write on the form why I didn't recommend the woman, and I wasn't contacted about her either. It is likely that she had made her feelings about certain chapters known when she was hanging with the fratties, and even if she wasn't saying it to or about those women, saying nasty things about other chapters as a PNM is a really tacky move.

There were also some other circumstances that likely affected her recruitment but I would only speak of my personal interaction.

Generally, if a person was bad mouthing a chapter around campus, I wouldn't think you'd need to say on the form why you didn't recommend her.