Courthouse Ceremony then "Real" Wedding?

[AKA_Monet]

For what it's worth, it is more important to work on your MARRIAGE than that huge shindig IMHO. My husband and I did what we did because my mother had a lapse of psychosis once my now husband proposed to me. She wanted all this fanciful affair with crazy lunacy, then move it to where my grandmother lives. And to tell you the truth, my husband and I did not want all that...

What I was hoping for was a Las Vegas Chapel of Happiness wedding with a Black Elvis and motown singers to walk me down the aisle with sheebop, doowah... Welp, did not get that... And my husband is too introverted to do something that wild...

What we wound up doing, is the JP. Then something respectable for the families--but that was a big mistake overall. The issue was if I did it in my hometown, there'd be fools that would show up randomly uninvited. My husband moved around, so his hometownage is unclear. And because I did not know anyone where we current reside, locations, nice places, dresses, flowers were too difficult...

Do I regret the way we did it. Hayle no. It's a story of a lifetime. And yeah, the second thing could have been done a better way, but welp, you live and learn. If we last to our Golden where we'd be in our 80's, let's have the shindig on the moon, then!!!

[alum]

Originally Posted by Army Wife'79

Alum, I think in "our day" it was easier to hide b/c computers weren't invented yet (in the sense they all talk to each other) so you could get married in NY and then have a big wedding in another state. We filed our own paperwork with the county in CO but now I've heard the minister etc. files it. If I were going to do a secret wedding, I'd do it across state lines in case they print it in the local papers. (and pick a town with no friends/relatives).

I'm sure you're right about the technology issue. Both official weddings did not take place in the state where the civil ceremonies occurred for these couples.

[DSTRen13]

If you do go ahead and get married now with a big ceremony later, do not wait until later to change your name. There are time limits on that (which vary depending on where you are and which particular agency you're dealing with --- since there are only about a hundred places you have to change it, and they all have different rules and requirements ...). If you wait too long, you'll have to go to court for a legal name change, instead of getting to do it the "easy" way.

[SthrnZeta]

Originally Posted by DSTRen13

If you do go ahead and get married now with a big ceremony later, do not wait until later to change your name. There are time limits on that (which vary depending on where you are and which particular agency you're dealing with --- since there are only about a hundred places you have to change it, and they all have different rules and requirements ...). If you wait too long, you'll have to go to court for a legal name change, instead of getting to do it the "easy" way.

I didn't even think about that, I just heard it's easy if it's for marriage reasons. Thanks!!

I think I'm just trying to find a happy medium of not making this a bigger deal than it is but also recognizing this as the real wedding it will be. He's ok with doing rings, name changing, etc. but I think he'd rather downplay some of that stuff if possible and make it more about the paperwork and if the name change stuff is easier done right away, then by all means I'll make it easier on myself.

[DSTRen13]

Originally Posted by SthrnZeta

I didn't even think about that, I just heard it's easy if it's for marriage reasons. Thanks!!

I think I'm just trying to find a happy medium of not making this a bigger deal than it is but also recognizing this as the real wedding it will be. He's ok with doing rings, name changing, etc. but I think he'd rather downplay some of that stuff if possible and make it more about the paperwork and if the name change stuff is easier done right away, then by all means I'll make it easier on myself.

You can always legally change your name but still go by your maiden name socially. (Plenty of people have their legal name changed but still use their maiden name for a business persona or some other such thing.)

[SthrnZeta]

Just an update - we talked at length about it (as much as you can on a satellite phone) and decided ultimately we'd like to be more traditional so the courthouse wedding is off! The big day is 9-6-09 (booked the venues today). Thanks for all the support though, it gave me a lot to think about and I appreciated everyone's opinions. {{{GC}}}

[KSUViolet06]

Glad to know you figured something out that works for both of you. How does this work out in terms of heath insurance and what not (I know that was something that you were concerned about)?

[SthrnZeta]

J gets out of the Army officially in April and will be home in January so it's not like we'd have those benefits for very long anyway. Ultimately we decided that maybe getting married for strictly financial reasons wasn't such a good idea (I mean, duh, we're in love with each other, not each other's bank accounts and benefits) and his parents really wanted us to follow a more traditional path. In the end, I think we'll be happier with this scenario

[alum]

No stop-loss for his branch?

[SthrnZeta]

Originally Posted by alum

No stop-loss for his branch?

Having just come home in January with an ETS date 3 months later in April, I don't see how they'd stop-loss him... ArmyWife, correct me if I'm wrong.

[Army Wife'79]

My 2 phrases for Army life are:
"Never say never" and "the truth changes". So, what is factual today may not be factual tomorrow or next April. Military life is very fluid and changes constantly, which can drive a person totally bonkers. Don't stress over it. Just live day to day and when he takes off his uniform you will know he's out. Until then, keep in the back of your head that nothing is certain until he has that form in his hand and drives off Post.
(I know guys who were set to retire, took post retirement jobs, then were not allowed to retire).