Are we open to women with children?

[cuteASAbug]

Originally Posted by Green+White

Did the OP ask if you wanted to babysit/accomodate people's kids? I think not. She asked if we were open to women with children.

DROP IT

It obviously depends on the chapter and the campus culture. Not only did one of our chapters have a member who has a daughter, that girl was also president of her chapter. Obviously, if you have a strong enough support system and good time management skills, it can be done. With that said, I have to be honest and say that if the decision were up to me, I don't think that I would vote to give a bid to a girl who was pregnant or had children.

[MellySK]

Originally Posted by sageofages

I am going to jump into this one.

I am a sorority woman who joined Phi Mu as a 20 year old single mother. My daughter had a father who was active in her life, I just decided he was not going to be active in my life. That being said...

It was a HARD decision for my chapter sisters. I accepted their faith in my membership and promised to be the very best Phi Mu I could be. I think I have worked at it well. I have been an active, involved member for over 26 years!

My daughter came to some things when I was a collegiate chapter member. She did eat lunch with us at times and go to basketball games wearing a future Phi Mu shirt at times. She did help us "paint the rock" (for anyone who attended Wright State University) some days. Some days she stayed at home because quite honestly, I needed adult time too!

She did not attend chapter meetings, she did not attend all the parties. She did not attend any ritual.

The bottom line is the committment of the member, to all the aspects required. Motherhood, sisterhood, studenthood.

that had to be a great experience for your daughter, and it sounds like you knew exactly where to draw the line. I have to ask - you mentioned this was 26 years ago, IS your daughter a phi mu?

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by sageofages

My daughter came to some things when I was a collegiate chapter member. She did eat lunch with us at times and go to basketball games wearing a future Phi Mu shirt at times. She did help us "paint the rock" (for anyone who attended Wright State University) some days. Some days she stayed at home because quite honestly, I needed adult time too!

See and I think this type of activity is fine for a kid to attend. You made adequate arrangements for your kid when you had things to go to that weren't appropriate for her (like meetings).

[sageofages]

Originally Posted by MellySK

that had to be a great experience for your daughter, and it sounds like you knew exactly where to draw the line. I have to ask - you mentioned this was 26 years ago, IS your daughter a phi mu?

Not YET.

Out of High School my daughter (now 28) decided that college was not the path for her at that time. She started college this year (finally..happy mommie dance) because she realizes after working as a one on one associate at our local middle school with special ed students, that she really would love to be a special education teacher for middle school students. ("I didn't realize I could like doing something like working with that age group so much")

When she graduates, I will nominate her for AI. The college she is attending now does not have a Phi Mu chapter.

On a fun note....when my oldest son was about 2.5 he spent quite a bit of time with me at the chapter house while I was the adviser (yes the girls loved him). I needed to be really hands on with the chapter during a rough patch. It worked out well for him to eat lunch with me while I was there meeting with chapter members. We spent so much time there, he told me one day *he* was going to grow up to be a Phi Mu. I did tell him "No, you are going to grow and *marry* a Phi Mu".

[MellySK]

Originally Posted by sageofages

Not YET.

Out of High School my daughter (now 28) decided that college was not the path for her at that time. She started college this year (finally..happy mommie dance) because she realizes after working as a one on one associate at our local middle school with special ed students, that she really would love to be a special education teacher for middle school students. ("I didn't realize I could like doing something like working with that age group so much")

When she graduates, I will nominate her for AI. The college she is attending now does not have a Phi Mu chapter.

On a fun note....when my oldest son was about 2.5 he spent quite a bit of time with me at the chapter house while I was the adviser (yes the girls loved him). I needed to be really hands on with the chapter during a rough patch. It worked out well for him to eat lunch with me while I was there meeting with chapter members. We spent so much time there, he told me one day *he* was going to grow up to be a Phi Mu. I did tell him "No, you are going to grow and *marry* a Phi Mu".

aww, that's adorable! and good for your daughter going into special ed, it's such a demanding and rewarding field. A few of my good friends have entered that field - so difficult, but they love every moment!

And I love hearing about legacies that work out well, my lil sister's mother was a Sigma K and it was great to talk to her and invite her as a suprise to initiation My mother is jealous because two of her best friends are Sigma Kappas, one is even in my family tree, but she is not greek, so she yells at us for feeling left out

[Cane94G8r97]

I had a pledge sister who was a single mom. She had gotten married and divorced very early in life and went to college a little later than the rest of us did. She had the MOST ADORABLE 3 year old daughter! SHe never brought her to any chapter meetings, parties or rituals. She very much tried to keep both sides of her life seperate. In fact, there were times when we said, please brign your daughter to such xyz function, its at a park and she will have fun or we are all going bowling, we think your daughter will have a blast. THe mom (sister) ended up being an incredible active member and took on various leadership roles throughout her time in college.

Now 15 years later, the daughter pledged ZTA! I can tell you that many of us from our pledge class lived and breathed the daughter's recruitment until we received the call that she had received (and accepted) a bid. Here is the touch question... is it dirty rushing if the daughter was only 3 at the time?

So, yes, I do believe that Greek organizations can be open to having moms as traditional collegiate member is the college and/or chapter environment is accepting as well as the member being accepting of the college/chapter atmosphere. It is definitley a 2 way street!

[AOII Angel]

We didn't have any non-traditional students in my chapter...it was not common for the campus either. I only know of one Phi Mu who stayed active once getting married the year after she pledged. I only knew about this because her mother was an active AOII alum. We didn't really keep up too closely to the happenings in other chapters! One member of another chapter (which I will not name) did raise a few eyebrows. She was the mother of two and an older student who had gotten married when her boyfriend shipped out for the first gulf war (this was when i was in high school so when she pledged during my junior or senior year, she was quite a bit older than the other sorority women on campus.) Her age was not the factor that raised eyebrows. Her parents were raising her children while she kicked up her heels in college a hundred miles away. Sorry...I can't understand choosing to have a sorority experience over raising your own children.

[AlphaFrog]

Originally Posted by AOII Angel

Her parents were raising her children while she kicked up her heels in college a hundred miles away. Sorry...I can't understand choosing to have a sorority experience over raising your own children.

If she's that immature, it might be for the best. Look at Britney...she's rasing her own kids, but I wouldn't call her a better parent because of it.

[sageofages]

Originally Posted by Cane94G8r97

Now 15 years later, the daughter pledged ZTA! I can tell you that many of us from our pledge class lived and breathed the daughter's recruitment until we received the call that she had received (and accepted) a bid. Here is the touch question... is it dirty rushing if the daughter was only 3 at the time?

So, yes, I do believe that Greek organizations can be open to having moms as traditional collegiate member is the college and/or chapter environment is accepting as well as the member being accepting of the college/chapter atmosphere. It is definitley a 2 way street!

I don't think it is dirty rushing....remember I tell all my "sisters"....an effective rush *begins* at home! I rush my daughters, I rush my nieces, I rush my cousins (who are all younger than me), I rush my neighbors, I rush teens at my church. I tell them all "Go Greek for sure, and if you can go Phi Mu" I am careful when it is during recruitment and they are actually making their choices to avoid any problems.

When my youngest daughter was in Middle School, we would stop by any Phi Mu house along our way for a tour. One time we took a peek at the new floor being laid at the Purdue U chapter. I said "hopefully, one day you might live here" She said "what if they don't want me" I said "their loss then, you will find the right place, we can hope it is with Phi Mu". She is in her second year of nursing school (no greeks there) and when she finishes with her BSN, I will nominate her for AI as well.

[chitownxo]

This happened in my chapter, with a little bit of a twist. We knew she was older than the rest of the sisters, but that never was a major issue. She made every event, was very involved, and was just a terrific new member. You'd never know she had two kids living with her...because she never told us. We didn't find out until the fall after she became an active, and it was never a big deal to most of us. Some people think she should have mentioned it, but the majority believed it was her business. I think she was afraid that if she mentioned the kids, she wouldn't have received a bid. I like to think we would have still given her a bid had we known about the kids.

[sarasmile]

I will preface my comments by saying that I am a mom myself. (Though I didn't get married and have children until several years after my undergraduate experience was over.)

I will also note for the record here that I have not yet read the original thread that apparently inspired this one, so my comments are entirely my own opinion in general...not referenced to any other situation which may have blown up on there recently.

I don't think that being a parent is something that would work on the vast majority of traditional campuses. The sorority experience at a traditional campus is demanding and in my experience (at my own campus)/observation (at campuses I work with now)...being a parent would conflict with those obligations.

Could it work at a non-traditional campus? Sure. But there is a fine line to walk. I absolutely agree that there are events that are just not appropriate to bring children to (chapter meetings, ritual events, etc) and if a member couldn't comply with that, then perhaps undergraduate sorority membership simply isn't for her.

Its different as an alumnae member, because a large number of us do have children and events are planned taking family/career obligations into consideration. The average undergraduate chapter plans their events around the schedules of the typical undergraduate student, as well they should.

Bottom line is that it has to be a case-by-case decision taking into consideration the campus involved and also the potential member involved. But if you ask me honestly would I have been open to accepting a woman with children for membership into my particular chapter while I was an undergraduate member? My honest answer would have been...no. It just wouldn't have flown on my campus. (And if the chapters I advise now came to me and asked me my opinion, I'd probably discourage it...but again, I mostly advise at traditional campuses.)

[AOII Angel]

Originally Posted by AlphaFrog

If she's that immature, it might be for the best. Look at Britney...she's rasing her own kids, but I wouldn't call her a better parent because of it.

Is Britney raising her kids? I thought her nannies were raising them! As much as she's been covering every tabloid lately, there is no way she is spending any quality time with them.

[AOII Angel]

Originally Posted by sarasmile

I will preface my comments by saying that I am a mom myself. (Though I didn't get married and have children until several years after my undergraduate experience was over.)

I will also note for the record here that I have not yet read the original thread that apparently inspired this one, so my comments are entirely my own opinion in general...not referenced to any other situation which may have blown up on there recently.

I don't think that being a parent is something that would work on the vast majority of traditional campuses. The sorority experience at a traditional campus is demanding and in my experience (at my own campus)/observation (at campuses I work with now)...being a parent would conflict with those obligations.

Could it work at a non-traditional campus? Sure. But there is a fine line to walk. I absolutely agree that there are events that are just not appropriate to bring children to (chapter meetings, ritual events, etc) and if a member couldn't comply with that, then perhaps undergraduate sorority membership simply isn't for her.

Its different as an alumnae member, because a large number of us do have children and events are planned taking family/career obligations into consideration. The average undergraduate chapter plans their events around the schedules of the typical undergraduate student, as well they should.

Bottom line is that it has to be a case-by-case decision taking into consideration the campus involved and also the potential member involved. But if you ask me honestly would I have been open to accepting a woman with children for membership into my particular chapter while I was an undergraduate member? My honest answer would have been...no. It just wouldn't have flown on my campus. (And if the chapters I advise now came to me and asked me my opinion, I'd probably discourage it...but again, I mostly advise at traditional campuses.)

I think that is a really honest and realistic answer. Unless a PNM can make it clear that all of her ducks are in a row, so to speak, why should a chapter trust that she would be able to juggle the myriad responsibilites involved in going to school, working, raising children, paying dues and being an active sister in a collegiate chapter? In most chapters, they can't take the risk on just anyone. If they make a mistake and the girl drops or is completely inactive, they're one member down, when for many chapters, every member counts.

[LatinaAlumna]

Originally Posted by AlphaFrog

but I also wouldn't have had a problem with terminating her membership should it become a conflict.

Now that part, I would have a problem with...but really, I'd have a problem with any sister who tried to terminate her membership.

To be honest, I don't even think we CAN terminate membership. I've never heard of anyone even try, but we're only 21 years old.

[AGDee]

The majority of the women in my alumnae club have children. We have a rule that no children attend meetings unless 1) They are an infant and being nursed or 2) It's a family/kids event and all are invited. I guess at one point, some women were bringing their kids and they would all hang out with the other kids, but the women in the chapter realized that they needed some time to NOT be Mom and the alumnae club was that time. Truth be told, we all need some "girl" time .. no husbands, no kids, just our sisters.

Sometimes there are opportunities for our children who are older to babysit for one of the sisters' kids who are younger and that works out nicely.