Is there a nice way to....

[FSUZeta]

thanks to all those who replied. i forgot i had asked the question!!

to the gcer who asked, my daughter is finishing her freshman year of college. centaur, you've got the right daughter(i only have one)

my daughter is pretty savvy and i think that she will figure out the appropriate way to deal with this potential sticky situation. she is not dreaming that he meant his invitation as a date-he has had a crush on her since school started. i just wondered if anyone had ever come up with the definative answer-i guess there is not one.

[OneTimeSBX]

i had this happen once. while we were at dinner i said "you know, i'm so glad i have friends like you that i can hang out with." it worked! turns out he did have a thing for me but my statement to him was so genuine and nice, we are still friends to this day.

[Scandia]

Be careful with saying "thank you for being such a good friend". If the person is obsessed with you and unhealthy, it can and will be misinterpreted. Most people will get the hint- especially when said as "we work so great as friends" or the sort. But some won't.

[James]

This is just a general observation on your posts, but you seem to have really bad luck in meeting people.

You seem to consistantly meet the bottom feeders among the population. You need to totally change your circle of acquaintances. Raise the quality of your friends. Lose the friends you have now.

Originally Posted by Scandia

Be careful with saying "thank you for being such a good friend". If the person is obsessed with you and unhealthy, it can and will be misinterpreted. Most people will get the hint- especially when said as "we work so great as friends" or the sort. But some won't.

[AlphaFrog]

Originally Posted by James

This is just a general observation on your posts, but you seem to have really bad luck in meeting people.

You seem to consistantly meet the bottom feeders among the population. You need to totally change your circle of acquaintances. Raise the quality of your friends. Lose the friends you have now.

Hence, why she should not be giving dating advice. Period.

[kddani]

Originally Posted by AlphaFrog

There are a few of us who have posted on this thread who are married or otherwise in successful relationships. Then you have those who are posting who meet people on the internet and/or constantly whine about their love life (or lack thereof) on GC. Whose advice do you think she should take?

It's like Rob said about the bumperstickers, for some people, giving advice about D&R is just useless.

While I agree with you in regards to some posters (one or two in particular), just because someone is married does not mean that they are in a "successful" relationship and thus are the only ones who should give dating advice. a) if you're married, you've been out of the dating pool for awhile and b) a married person could be in a miserable, dysfunctional marriage and thus may not exactly be qualified in advising other people how to find good relationships

[JWithers]

Originally Posted by kddani

While I agree with you in regards to some posters (one or two in particular), just because someone is married does not mean that they are in a "successful" relationship and thus are the only ones who should give dating advice. a) if you're married, you've been out of the dating pool for awhile and b) a married person could be in a miserable, dysfunctional marriage and thus may not exactly be qualified in advising other people how to find good relationships

ITA. I am in a happy marriage, but have been out of the 'pool' long enough that I would be kind of lost if I had to get back in.

I agree with PP that she should she go, (after all, it's only coffee) and if she senses any vibes, she could very kindly let him know how glad she is to have a friend like him. It isn't leading him on, since she really doesn't know his true intentions anyway. And if he is interested in more and is disappointed, that is sad, but at least she will have done the honest and kind thing.

(BTW, that's how I met my husband, and ended up falling in love with him anyway! )

[Sadness]

Well the point is that she already agreed: so all she can do is to go, pay for herself and mention how good friends they are

[cheerfulgreek]

Originally Posted by kddani

While I agree with you in regards to some posters (one or two in particular), just because someone is married does not mean that they are in a "successful" relationship and thus are the only ones who should give dating advice. a) if you're married, you've been out of the dating pool for awhile and b) a married person could be in a miserable, dysfunctional marriage and thus may not exactly be qualified in advising other people how to find good relationships

I agree.

[Scandia]

James- well, that was ONE case a very long time ago what I am referring to. Most other people I have met have been fine per se and respectful. I am just highlighting that case in order to make a point.

You are right in that everyone needs to keep his or her standards high. Lowering them just to have somebody is NOT worth it.

[AlphaFrog]

Originally Posted by kddani

While I agree with you in regards to some posters (one or two in particular), just because someone is married does not mean that they are in a "successful" relationship and thus are the only ones who should give dating advice. a) if you're married, you've been out of the dating pool for awhile and b) a married person could be in a miserable, dysfunctional marriage and thus may not exactly be qualified in advising other people how to find good relationships

I totally agree, and I was really just making the point that if you self-admittedly have a horrible time at relationships, you shouldn't be giving others advice. There were already plenty of people who replied to this thread who are in successful relationships, be it married or otherwise.