Deltas I truly need ya'll help

[dzdst796]

Originally Posted by treblk

I just wanted to make this point. You are upset about the reaction of your ls's to your coming out and you wante them to welcome you with open arms, but here you stated that your own parents didn't want anything to do with you after you came out to them. Now, I'on know about anyone else, but if my parents are having a hard time with this, what would make me think my ls's would be different? Hang in there, because I am sure it is difficult for you.

I understand your point why should she expect to get support from strangers when she didn't get any from her family. I guess maybe she thought they would be more accepting. I just hope everything works out.

[Krisco]

I think that one of life's biggest misconceptions is assuming. As much as I know and love the fact that my sorority is based on CHRISTIAN principles, I refuse to judge people. If one of my pledge sisters had 'came out,' I would have accepted "her" choice to live that lifestyle, even if I don't understand it nor truly agree with. Its almost like the saying either you are against something or for it. I feel I get pulled in many situations, and this is one of them. As much as I disagree with that lifestyle and call myself a Christian, I KNOW FOR A FACT I would not throw you away like that...

When you decided to come out, you also decided to be cut off with certain people. That is just the nature of the unacceptance of homosexuality.

I guarantee you, at least one of your LS's wouldn't necessarily mind continuing the bonding process with you(as you know it continues after crossing), but she may then be ostracized by the rest as well. People are great at being followers. Even if they dislike your choices, I just don't agree with singling out a sister. We are all sinners. Anyone who just came through DELTA should know that.

I also am curious about why you choose Delta Sigma Theta. What were you looking for in this bond that could not be found elsewhere in life?

[Reds6]

Originally Posted by treblk

I just wanted to make this point. You are upset about the reaction of your ls's to your coming out and you wante them to welcome you with open arms, but here you stated that your own parents didn't want anything to do with you after you came out to them. Now, I'on know about anyone else, but if my parents are having a hard time with this, what would make me think my ls's would be different? Hang in there, because I am sure it is difficult for you.

Exactly! Something about the orginal post just doesn't sit right with me.

1. You said your CHECK was as good as theirs. Hmmm, maybe there was no bond.
2. You're parent's didn't accept you but you thought people you just met would.
3. You said it's hard coming out but had a girlfriend on campus, so technically weren't you already out?
4. Why the hell would you come on a board that you aren't to familiar with and have your first post be this again to a group of women you don't know? Why not PM a Soror on this site? Why not speak to the Soror that wrote your financial?
5. Why would any Soror call Nationals on this? Would you think that would better the realtionship?

Hey I don't care what you are and who you do it with, but I would have a problem with someone that I was in the trenches with, that I claim to have a bond with not disclose something that was so important on who they were to themselves. I have a feeling they are more pissed that you didn't tell them from the jump than that you are gay.

[Senusret I]

I don't understand why she was *supposed* to share her sexuality any other time than when she was ready to.

[Reds6]

Originally Posted by Senusret I

I don't understand why she was *supposed* to share her sexuality any other time than when she was ready to.

I don't think she has to share it. I just think it made her LS's wonder why she waited to share it, especially something that is so important to her. People feel deceived, when they are getting to know you and then find out something that is major to you in your own life and didn't share it? I don't care who she loves, but I would have the same question if I had a LS that told me she was married and had children after we crossed. I would wonder while we were bonding why didn't she share something so important to her with us. I think it wasn't shared before because she thought she wouldn't make line. I also question the validty of her post.

[tld221]

Originally Posted by Reds6

Exactly! Something about the orginal post just doesn't sit right with me.[LIST=1][*]You said your CHECK was as good as theirs. Hmmm, maybe there was no bond.
[*] You're parent's didn't accept you but you thought people you just met would.[*]You said it's hard coming out but had a girlfriend on campus, so technically weren't you already out?

was that first point in the original post? cause i see it was edited.

she couldve had a GF and not been out. makes sense to me.

and maybe because the OP's parents didnt react so well she THOUGHT her LSs would be better about it since they havent known her all her life. in example, one of my residents was out to me but not to her best friends. they came to visit that weekend and she was supposedly going to come out to them that weekend. did i know this? nope. so im talking to the friends about the resident's girlfriend and whatnot, and the looks on the friends' faces was like "what are you talking about?"

the friends cut their visit short and i felt really horrible cause i mistakenly outed her. everyone in the dorm was like "ok, you like girls, fine." her best friends from home, not so much.

yes, i also question why she waited until she crossed to come out. but, i will agree with Rashid on the "supposed to share her sexuality" at the "right time." since we always compare seeking membership to a job interview... would you tell the person you were interviewing that you were gay? or on the final interview? or your first day of work? had she worn her sexuality on her sleeve, that couldve affected her membership or not. in no way am i saying it shouldve, but let's be honest, not everyone is down for the count, especially from what it sounds like on the OP's campus. mind you this is kinda weird to me cause NYU is kind of a gay central - people who were way in the back of the closet at home came bursting out freshman year, and then some who took all 4 years to do.

anyway, who knows, its up to the individual and especially at 18, 19 (assuming the age of the OP) i'm not surprised that she was still in the closet. you dont know who to trust or what not, and being in limbo of child and adult, there isnt exactly any "adult" to run to tell people on.

[Reds6]

Originally Posted by tld221

was that first point in the original post? cause i see it was edited.

she couldve had a GF and not been out. makes sense to me.

and maybe because the OP's parents didnt react so well she THOUGHT her LSs would be better about it since they havent known her all her life. in example, one of my residents was out to me but not to her best friends. they came to visit that weekend and she was supposedly going to come out to them that weekend. did i know this? nope. so im talking to the friends about the resident's girlfriend and whatnot, and the looks on the friends' faces was like "what are you talking about?"

the friends cut their visit short and i felt really horrible cause i mistakenly outed her. everyone in the dorm was like "ok, you like girls, fine." her best friends from home, not so much.

yes, i also question why she waited until she crossed to come out. but, i will agree with Rashid on the "supposed to share her sexuality" at the "right time." since we always compare seeking membership to a job interview... would you tell the person you were interviewing that you were gay? or on the final interview? or your first day of work? had she worn her sexuality on her sleeve, that couldve affected her membership or not. in no way am i saying it shouldve, but let's be honest, not everyone is down for the count, especially from what it sounds like on the OP's campus. mind you this is kinda weird to me cause NYU is kind of a gay central - people who were way in the back of the closet at home came bursting out freshman year, and then some who took all 4 years to do.

anyway, who knows, its up to the individual and especially at 18, 19 (assuming the age of the OP) i'm not surprised that she was still in the closet. you dont know who to trust or what not, and being in limbo of child and adult, there isnt exactly any "adult" to run to tell people on.

It's the person's right to come out whenever they feel comfortable. But she stated she had a girlfriend on campus, and didn't want her LS's to find out by seeing her or someone seeing her at a gay bar. So that makes me wonder how in was she . Again why not disclose it to your LS's while on line, if it is such a major part of her life. Why feel the need to tell them at all. Just like you wouldn't anounce you were Hetro, why announce you are gay? Just show up to an event with your SO, no matter what your orientation.

[laylo]

Originally Posted by treblk

I just wanted to make this point. You are upset about the reaction of your ls's to your coming out and you wante them to welcome you with open arms, but here you stated that your own parents didn't want anything to do with you after you came out to them. Now, I'on know about anyone else, but if my parents are having a hard time with this, what would make me think my ls's would be different? Hang in there, because I am sure it is difficult for you.

If/When you lost your virginity, would/did you tell your girlfriends or your parents? If you'd gotten pregnant in highschool or college, wouldn't your girlfriends' reactions have been much better than your mom's?

[dzdst796]

I know I would not have disclosed it prior to being selected for membership, but I also know that I would have waited or tried to strike up a discussion about the subject to see what the reaction was prior to telling folks. Depending on the situation you might not establish the bond with your line sister(s) until well after the process is over. I know that is how it was for me. One thing that must be kept in perspective just because you are on line with someone does not automatically mean that you will be friends(and I use that word loosely).
In the big scheme of things this situation should make you stronger and next time you will check out the situation before sharing such personal information.

[OOhsoflyDELTA#9]

my line was mad close during our process and I know I didn't share ever imtimate detail of my life with my LSs...from what I've witnessed "coming out" is extremely difficult and it was probably after she crossed when she truly felt comfortable enough to disclose that information...as for putting it out there before hand, I didn't put it out there that I was a single parent or "older" when I was trying to get selected...sometimes less is more when you know people will judge you on something about your life...in my opinion as long as she hasn't or will not do anything that reflects negatively on our sorority I could care less about who she chooses to love...her LSs are the ones who need to be clowned, not her...and being teased at a probate or whatever and thats cool with her sands...wow...I'm not even 5 yet and I guess things have changed since I came through...maybe its not the norm but Ima ride for mine and that would not have gone down without some problems...oh well Soror keep your head up and let the haters hate...remember the fact that unfortunate as it is, every Delta is your soror but not your friend...I'll keep you in my prayers.

[DSTCHAOS]

Originally Posted by OOhsoflyDELTA#9

I didn't put it out there that I was a single parent or "older" when I was trying to get selected...sometimes less is more when you know people will judge you on something about your life

This all goes to show how things vary from chapter and line.

You would've never been able to keep the fact that you're a single parent or "older" a secret when you were trying to be selected in my chapter. It's not that people would've used that against you but it wouldn't have been a secret you could've kept.

[OOhsoflyDELTA#9]

^^^^^^yeah I guess it can vary but I attended a mostly commuter
20,000+ student school....I never lived on campus...I was at every program and public community service project and was seen being active on campus...as far as my age, it never came up because I believe I looked younger then I was at the time and it was just assumed that I was in the normal age range of most interests...I can remember being an interest and this one other young lady always started her answers to questions at programs "well I'm 29 and...blah, blah, blah" I would think to myself "why does your age matter? These members are only like 20 to 23"..I'm saying all this to say that I wouldn't have lied if asked but I just didn't volunteer the information...I let my sincere interest and my transcript/community service do what it do..(or did)...

[dzdst796]

Originally Posted by OOhsoflyDELTA#9

my line was mad close during our process and I know I didn't share ever imtimate detail of my life with my LSs...from what I've witnessed "coming out" is extremely difficult and it was probably after she crossed when she truly felt comfortable enough to disclose that information...as for putting it out there before hand, I didn't put it out there that I was a single parent or "older" when I was trying to get selected...sometimes less is more when you know people will judge you on something about your life...in my opinion as long as she hasn't or will not do anything that reflects negatively on our sorority I could care less about who she chooses to love...her LSs are the ones who need to be clowned, not her...and being teased at a probate or whatever and thats cool with her sands...wow...I'm not even 5 yet and I guess things have changed since I came through...maybe its not the norm but Ima ride for mine and that would not have gone down without some problems...oh well Soror keep your head up and let the haters hate...remember the fact that unfortunate as it is, every Delta is your soror but not your friend...I'll keep you in my prayers.

I agree with you Soror. One thing my prophytes (Reds6) always told us was to handle chapter business in private. I love all of my line sisters, but we don't all get along. There is one who we really don't care much for eachother but you better believe I am not going to let anyone embarass her or call her out. I'm with you I ride for mine too and always will. I couldn't be a prophyte for this line because I would be clowning all of them.

[DSTKellie]

It doesn't make a difference if you came 'out' before, after, during or at anytime of you process. I still think their reaction was PISS POOR! There is a way to disagree with someone's lifestyle without being mean or nasty. You are the VICTIM here! I don't care if were a super close line or not this behavior would not be cool in any situation. Again the best be with you. Do you, love yourself and don't let the drama keep you down.

[MeezDiscreet]

Originally Posted by DSTCHAOS

This all goes to show how things vary from chapter and line.

You would've never been able to keep the fact that you're a single parent or "older" a secret when you were trying to be selected in my chapter. It's not that people would've used that against you but it wouldn't have been a secret you could've kept.

Same here