Any Advice??!!

[Queencece]

Originally posted by James
Actually. What I meant is that it appears that your own self destructiveness killed the relationship.

There is no reason for the kids conversation to result in a fight. What were you thinking?

And why would you give him attitude showing your hurt and defensiveness when he is coming back and trying to have a sincere dialogue?

How does that help at alll? The scorched earth tactic in relationships is neither useful nor mature.

I think what AKA_Monet was alluding at the end of her post was wondering how mature you could be under pressure.

Whether you controlled your emotions or they controlled you, and whether or not if you were upset you could effectively behave and reason as if you were not.

This situation is not indicative of a failure of your relationship, or even of him, but rather your emotional control.

So it might be to his benefit that you revealed yourself to be easily moved to anger and bitterness over small matters.

At least thats what his friends should be telling him.

Maybe you should call and apologize.

I'm not going to call and apologize for anything because I didn't start this mess. When I told him that we should go our separate ways because of the "fight" over the wanting kids, he agreed and that was the end of it.

Now, I may be emotional because he said to me that he didn't want to invest time with me because we wanted separate things out of life. I may have reacted out of anger, but that was not to him. I didn't have an attitude until Friday night when we went out for one reason which is because he would be lying to me just to appease me because I know he wanted me back. He would be trying to say anything to accomplish that goal.

I'm sorry, but once I detect BULL I don't just let it slide. He was lying to me and I could tell. The relationship ended because he wasn't ready to grow up and/or face the fact that kids (which he did not want) would be coming up in the future. He said this out of his own mouth.

Anyway, I'm not going to sit around and wait for him to get it together and when he does realize that he needs to grow up regardless and wants to come back to me, it will be WAY TOO LATE!!!! I am better off without him!

And one more thing: He has the same temperment that I do when it comes to certain things. If anyone got loud, it was him being loud with me because he started this whole mess and his usual antics were not working so he was frustrated.

Q

[AKA_Monet]

Originally posted by James
Actually. What I meant is that it appears that your own self destructiveness killed the relationship.

There is no reason for the kids conversation to result in a fight. What were you thinking?

And why would you give him attitude showing your hurt and defensiveness when he is coming back and trying to have a sincere dialogue?

How does that help at alll? The scorched earth tactic in relationships is neither useful nor mature.

I think what AKA_Monet was alluding at the end of her post was wondering how mature you could be under pressure.

Whether you controlled your emotions or they controlled you, and whether or not if you were upset you could effectively behave and reason as if you were not.

This situation is not indicative of a failure of your relationship, or even of him, but rather your emotional control.

So it might be to his benefit that you revealed yourself to be easily moved to anger and bitterness over small matters.

At least thats what his friends should be telling him.

Maybe you should call and apologize.

Now James, you know as well as I, that according to this young lady's description, if we take it at "face value" and assume that what she is saying is accurate ('cuz there are always two sides to the story), that this young man she was seeing was hiding more than he was willing to allude to...

Most "experienced" folks tried to tell her to let it go... She has chosen not to...

So, as "experienced" folks who care, in a general sense, just have to watch this young lady go through whatever she has to go through to realize this young man and her are just not it...


I think both her responses and what happened is the "norm" for some people her age... Some of it is soooooo high school... Really...

What is the problem here is it sounds like this young man has something that happens to "adults"... And has a quasi-responsibility issue going on...

If it were me, now and not Queencece's age... I would want the full on facts... But right now, I am a "big girl" and can handle the facts--straight up, no chaser... I think that Queencece would have to determine is she is ready for the full on frontal assault if she continually pursues this matter...

[AKA_Monet]

Queencece~~~

Do not take these young men's advice lightly... They do know some things about life and relationships... And if you detailed to them exactly what is going on, they probably could call it just like I called it...

James' way is more blunt that most fellow's on the board with relationships... But he is usually on point in that regard... And I think he has some training in the field of relationships...

Rudey provides some comic relief to make you feel better about your situation... It is just his way... If you read what he writes, then laugh, you will find he pegged you and your situation pretty accurately... It is just his humorous good nature about him... And really, he's a big pushover, soft, warm-hearted teddy bear when it comes to this sort of thing So, just go with the flow...

Just like others are telling you--get out while you can...

Really, you have only invested a small piece of your heart... And it really wasn't stomped on and crapped all over... And the guy is letting you off--easy... But, if you let him keep playing you, then that just goes to show you, that your are his "playgirl"... And not the real deal...

I seriously doubt you are the "real deal" girl--or the Sunday girl he takes to Church (as my folks say)... And I KNOW he is probably playing you big time... That is what dudes do, after you curse they asses out for evading, lying or catching them on crap they know they did to you was wrong... Period...

Get out while you can...

[Queencece]

After Friday night, it was over! I was just trying to make sense of it. I no longer care, so I'm moving on.....

Q