The ramblings of a single woman... (TFKA ...crying pink and green tears... - Page 3

sphinxpoet · #1 11-30-2000, 11:13 AM

Family!

Things are not as bad as they seem and now with the men popping up in the wood work it is all GOOD!!
Sphinxpoet

Miss. Mocha · #2 12-01-2000, 01:36 AM

Talaxe, don't believe everything that you read.

You can control your own destiny!

To All:
My own husband is a beautiful, tall, sexy, loving, giving, gracious, trustworthy, up standing, healthy, understanding, patient, wonderful, smart, hard working, reliable, dependable, blue-black brother, and he's a good daddy, too.
He is my prince, and yes, I am his princess (when my daughter isn't "blocking" (lol). I was not looking for a man when I found him, I was actually engaged to a LOSER when we met, but GOD was looking out for me.

There are wondereful black brothers out there. How do I know, because I have one... and guess what, he has a younger brother (23) whose almost as perfect as he is.

Keep searching and stay confident. Real black men love confident black women. Nobody wants to sit up with somebody who keeps crying "whoa is me."

In Love, Miss. Mocha

Talaxe · #3 11-30-2000, 02:33 PM

I'm very picky on the men I date. Remember how picky Matt was on the Real World, New Orleans? That's the extent of my pickiness as well. I don't have a preference for skin color, I go exclusively on personality and ambitions. For some reason I attract older married men, enough said.

Consider yourself blessed that you have a good black man, Miss Mocha. Many women in my family do not.

As for black women outnumbering black men as comparable mates, it's true. If a black man is in incarcerated, married, or homosexual, that's one less eligible black male. (for me, at least) US census data will show that we outnumber black men. When I get some time, I'll find the data.

Conskeeted19 · #4 11-30-2000, 02:44 PM

The sad monster use to visit me when my friends got married. I couldn't understand why it was never me saying I do. Like you guys, I too am a beautiful person inside and out. I have a lot to offer a man. This thing really bugged me until one day I was thinking about all of my friends who had gotton married. Just about all of them are divorced. I thought about how I held them when they cried. I thought about how I took a couple of them to the emergency room. I thought about how I've gotton up 2,3,4 o'clock in the morning to listen. I decided that I had the best seat in the house. Don't get me wrong I believe that marriage can be beautiful even through the bad times. I am just saying that we can desire a thing so badly and not be ready for it. I said earlier that that I have a lot to offer, but I also have alot to work on. For example, I have this thing with rejection. It almost kills me if I ask for something and be denied. If I suggest that we go to the movies and he says that tonight is not a good night. I'll never suggest it again. It could be that he's tired or doesn't have any money or in a bad mood. Nevertheless I see it as pure rejection. Can you picture the kind of marriage that I would have. I am working on that part of me. I have other baggage that I need to discard. The mate that God has for me could have baggage as well. If we got together now, we would be two infected people making a mess out of things. I've decided until God sees fit to bless me with my wonderful man,that I am going to continue to work on the areas that he reveals to me and pray much for whomever my strong,sexy, handsome, intelligent,GOOD THANG is.

Conskeeted19

You are the master of your own destiny!

[This message has been edited by Conskeeted19 (edited November 30, 2000).]

hamms2 · #5 11-30-2000, 03:07 PM

God has a plan for everyone. Don't worry if you're single because God is finding you the right man/woman. I am 19 years old, I have never even had a BOYFRIEND! I have never received a Valentine's Day gift,or even been on a real date. But I do know that I am a beautiful, independent, and intelligent young lady. I know that God is making me a stronger, smarter person right now by allowing me to observe others in their relationships so when the right man comes along I will know what to expect from a relationship.

Miss. Mocha · #6 11-30-2000, 04:21 PM

Maybe I'm jaded, or oblivious, but I don't consider myself lucky, I consider myself "normal".

I'm not doubting that the numbers between black males and females are disporportionate, but who says that YOU can't get one of those good ones? NOBODY!!! All I'm saying, all I'm saying is... Expect to get a good one! Know you're going to get a good one! Believe that your good one is out there!

There's a lot to be said for expectations. Bill Cosby says that when you expect something of somebody, you can change their lives. I believe it.

toocute · #7 12-02-2000, 01:48 AM

I didn't check the board yesterday and I see this thread is BLOWING UP

I would like to comment that as I read the posts it is wonderful to see that so many of us are being guided by the Faith that we have in Our Father. It's great to see that in young black men and women. It's a beautiful thing.

nikki25 · #8 12-01-2000, 06:04 PM

(I posted this in another topic area and thought I would re-post here given its relevance to the discussion here. It's long...but hopefully, it's a blessing to you)

The scriptural reference that was mentioned is: I Corinthians 7. I would highly recommend a review of this chapter for anyone interested in the topics of marriage, divorce, and singleness.

I Corinthians 7: 8-9 (NIV)reads: Now to the unmarried and the widow I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

Your singleness is important to God. For when you are single, your attention can be solely on the Lord and fellowship with him. It is important for single women (myself included) to remember that in the divine order of things, God must be first. Why? Because His name is Jealous (Exodus 34:14).

When you are able to have an intimate relationship with the Father, and submit to Him, then you will be positioned to bear the fruit of the Spirit--including love(Galations 5:22), and will be more able to willingly
submit (Ephesians 5: 22) to your authorities--including your earthly husband.

Check out the Word of God on the unmarried:
"I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord's affairs--how he can please the Lord. But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world--how he can please his wife---and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord's affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world--how she can please her husband. I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way to undivided devotion to the Lord." (I Corinthians 7: 32-35)

Now, what the apostle, Paul, was talking about here isn't about choosing one lifestyle (being married or single) over another. What he is saying is that there is a right order. The right order is God first....and remember that in Matthew 6:33, it is written "Seek ye first the kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well." What are "these things"? They are all other desires of your heart. Put God first. Allow Him to order your life.

Remember, as a believer, you are to be holy. In Colossians 3: 2-6 it says: " Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God....Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your eartly nature: sexual immortality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry. Because of these, the wrath of God is coming...[so you must be rid of such things and] put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator" God really wants you to be a woman/man in relationship with Him first. That's why He wants you to be holy, and have your mind focused on Him. When you do that (through reading His Holy Word), and remain submitted to God in prayer, then you will understand the answers to the questions you've posed.

Allow God to become your first love. Why? Because He loved you first. (I John 4:19). Once you do that,you'll be blessed in "all things" beyond belief.

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I will bless the Lord at ALL times His praise shall continually be in my mouth. (Psalms 34:1, KJV)

Sweetsista · #9 12-03-2000, 07:53 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Miss. Mocha:

There are wondereful black brothers out there. How do I know, because I have one... and guess what, he has a younger brother (23) whose almost as perfect as he is.

Hey Miss Mocha! Your hubby has a little bro? I'll be 21 soon! You think you could hook a sista up? lol

Anyway, I just wanted to say that I'm just like Ms. Ideal08. I too am involved with one of those off and on relationships, and I'm frankly getting quite tired of it. It's just kinda hard to let go when I don't have anyone else to turn to or any other options. Is that selfish of me?

Anyway, good luck ladies in your quests for love! I'll be praying for you all!

-Sweetsista

AKA_Monet · #10 12-05-2000, 12:54 AM

Eh, y'all, I'm kinda one of the older ones in here... I'm tryin' to be funny here so bare with me

To my gwirlllfriends unda 30--Life starts after 30!!! WHY would you wanna rush all of this commitment thang with marriage, a car, a house and 2.1 kids sooooo fast when, it's like ya hit 30, and you know the 7 year itch hits around that time!!! I'm havin' sooooo much fun now than I ever had back when I was 19!!!

All of my friends that married early 20's--DIVORCED!!! Or havin' WAAAAYYYY to many marital problems. And let me tell ya, if you think a wedding costs!!! Wait 'till you havta divorce the punk MF... And it ain't over 'nother woman--NOOOOOO!!! It's 'cuz the only way you knew there was a problem was when the Marshalls came to your house and put a tax lien and foreclosed on it, 'cuz the idiot didn't put your mortgage check in the mail with a stamp and now he's arrested and you gotta bail his ass out!!! Happened to a friend of mine--33 yrs old and she has to sit thru this sh--!!!

Oh, no. It's like Destiny's Child " All the Independent Women--throw yo hand's up in the air"!!! I gotta house, I gotta a car. Yeah, I might want kids, but do I havta deal with skrait up stupidity??? Jus' dumbsh--!!! NOOO, not all bruhs are like that. It's easier to fling it, than to deal wit' Whitewater, if you know what I mean--'specially when no pre nup was signed... Then, you don't have bad credit, alimony payments, bankruptcy and other sh-- that I cannot tell you how many of my early marriers friends havta deal with right now...

Yeah, the bruh works hard, but dayum, ain't no amount of hours of work by the both of y'all are gonna get those mortgage principles down even with DiTech refinancing...

And let me tell you 'bout the kids issue... Yea, yo husband may make sho nuf cash that you really don't havta put your degree in action, so you "pop" out a few kids and with the allowance he "kindly" gives you, you buy mainly stuff for the kids. But just one day, you in Kmart/Walmart and you like that patio set that you've been eyeing for a year and half and now it goes on sale and you get it--All hell breaks loose. Then he gotta go take your allowance and buy the most expensive PDA with a DVD on it at the Sharper Image and call it a Christmas gift to himself... And the kids ran outta diapers...

Ugh, I tell you. I ain't havin' it. I'd rather be mired by myself and wallow in my own self pity while I eat the entire Ben and Jerry's that I bought from Trader Joe's, then sleep for the entire weekend, channel surfin' foreva and a day in my PJ's that I've worn for more than 48 hours... And I don't havta comb my hair and put on that $2000 Neroli Gown that he liked--which will come off in 20 seconds anyway...

Yeah, it's a lonely life, but you don't havta to act like it, in order to LIVE it and LOVE it!!!

Ideal08 · #11 12-05-2000, 09:45 AM

Soror AKA_Monet, I just had to say I LOVED your post!!!!!!! LOVED IT!!! It definitely gave me a new perspective. I'm tellin' yall, I went to DC for the weekend, had some nice sisterly relations, a couple dates... it was just very refreshing. But I think the thing that has given me a totally new attitude about this whole dating/marriage thing (and yall are probably gonna trip offa this one) was the movie American Beauty. After seeing that, I decided that life was too short for this mess, and I wanna have fun. So later for all my depression!!!

soror6 · #12 12-05-2000, 10:24 PM

Hey, Ladies!
I knew this was going to be a hot topic! I have been a professional bridesmaid for years!

Since I am a Delta, I have more Red and White Taffeta gowns than I am willing to admit to!

I don't want to make this too long, so...
I am a nice, funny, attractive, sister with two BA's, and 2 languages under my belt. I also just started my own business - www.greekuniversity.com

. Furthermore, I am not married, and it really is not a big deal to me-anymore. I used to ask myself all of the same questions about why I was not married yet-did I mention I am 29?-until I talked to my pastor about it. She told me 2 things. First, what you think about, you bring about. Hmm, pretty interesting. Her point was, if you spend alot of time and energy on the issue of not having a partner, you won't have one. Your minds' first priority is to prove you right, so watch what you think and say!
Second, Nothing just happens, everything happens just! OOH! Like that one!

In other words, you are exactly where you are supposed to be! Nothing is wrong with where you are right now-including your marital status. You are in a learning experience that helps prepare you for what happens to you in the future!
I didn't believe any of this at first, because I was frustrated with a breakup I went through with my High School sweetheart. We dated for 6 years, and broke up right after I pledged. Once I got to a point that I was comfortable with myself, and knew that things in my life would evolve like they were supposed to, guess who I bumped into? The ex! He is a Kappa who pledged at another school, but crossed on the same day that I did!

We became friends, got to know the new people that we had become, and now we are together again-7years later!

The minute I stopped obsessing about it is the minute everything changed! I know the same will happen for all of you! You are all beautiful, educated women who will have someone to love you the same wonderful way you love yourself! I know a few good men too, so let me know!

Truly sisterly,
Jennifer
DST-Spring '91 Anchor Club!!

"Open your mind and receive!"

soror6 · #13 12-05-2000, 10:25 PM

Hey, Ladies!
I knew this was going to be a hot topic! I have been a professional bridesmaid for years!

Since I am a Delta, I have more Red and White Taffeta gowns than I am willing to admit to!

I don't want to make this too long, so...
I am a nice, funny, attractive, sister with two BA's, and 2 languages under my belt. Furthermore, I am not married, and it really is not a big deal to me-anymore. I used to ask myself all of the same questions about why I was not married yet-did I mention I am 29?-until I talked to my pastor about it. She told me 2 things. First, what you think about, you bring about. Hmm, pretty interesting. Her point was, if you spend alot of time and energy on the issue of not having a partner, you won't have one. Your minds' first priority is to prove you right, so watch what you think and say!
Second, Nothing just happens, everything happens just! OOH! Like that one!

In other words, you are exactly where you are supposed to be! Nothing is wrong with where you are right now-including your marital status. You are in a learning experience that helps prepare you for what happens to you in the future!
I didn't believe any of this at first, because I was frustrated with a breakup I went through with my High School sweetheart. We dated for 6 years, and broke up right after I pledged. Once I got to a point that I was comfortable with myself, and knew that things in my life would evolve like they were supposed to, guess who I bumped into? The ex! He is a Kappa who pledged at another school, but crossed on the same day that I did!

We became friends, got to know the new people that we had become, and now we are together again-7years later!

The minute I stopped obsessing about it is the minute everything changed! I know the same will happen for all of you! You are all beautiful, educated women who will have someone to love you the same wonderful way you love yourself! I know a few good men too, so let me know!

Truly sisterly,
Jennifer
DST-Spring '91 Anchor Club!!

"Open your mind and receive!"

AKA2D '91 · #14 12-05-2000, 11:10 PM

LOL...

I like the way you added your site to your post!

I guess sista got to get the word out some kind of way!

Good luck with your venture and your relationship!

nikki25 · #15 12-06-2000, 10:49 PM

I liked the information that your pastor passed on about where we are in this lifetime. Truly, when we begin to worry, it really questions the "god-ness" and "all-knowing" characteristics of God. For in Phillipians 4:6 it says: "Do not be anxious about anything, but in EVERYTHING, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, prsent your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus" So why worry, when you can have peace?

Sounds like Soror6 surrendered to God's will and timing, and it sounds like she's better off for it.

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I will bless the Lord at ALL times His praise shall continually be in my mouth. (Psalms 34:1, KJV)