Nice Girls vs. Thugs - Page 3

DableST_1 · #1 09-05-2003, 04:52 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by brickhouse492
But for me it comes down to this: here I am, going to various formal events for school, church, etc. How's it going to look if I walk in with this "G unit", go hard, pants-dragging somebody on my arm? Not only that but our men are examples to our children. Next thing you know, my son is going to insist on wearing his hat on backwards talking about "thug 4 life, you better recognize!" People judge us by the company we keep. I haven't even accomplished half of my desired goals. I don't want to be condemned before I have even had the opportunity to present myself.

Nerd's are back in style

VERY WELL SAID!!!!!

prayerfull · #2 09-09-2003, 12:09 PM

I agree with many of the posts about needing someone with some "street credibility". I can't hang with a hardcore thug...nor am I tryin' to roll with Lester Jenkins III. Heck, I need something to swerve with.

It's like this...I can be a stubborn, spoiled brat at times. I grew up very sheltered and probably have no street credibility of my own. I may as well walk away from a fight, 'cause I probably get my tail whupped. As a matter of fact, it was my husband who - back then - came and pulled that chick off of me who was beating my behind down. Granted, I got in a couple of good scratches, but had he not been there I would have been tore up.

My husband is a college educated man with about 40% thug in him. He's always had thug-friends - ones that have remained thuggish into their 30's. My husband grew out of all that mess many years ago, but he still knows what's up.

Even better, with me being spoiled and stubborn, I have to have a man with some kind of thug mentality to keep me in check. Heck, I'd walk all over some little soft, nerdy dude. I'd have him up at dawn cleaning, mowing the lawn and picking up after me.

exquizit · #3 09-09-2003, 12:12 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by prayerfull

Even better, with me being spoiled and stubborn, I have to have a man with some kind of thug mentality to keep me in check. Heck, I'd walk all over some little soft, nerdy dude. I'd have him up at dawn cleaning, mowing the lawn and picking up after me.

I love the way you put that!

Steeltrap · #4 09-09-2003, 12:20 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by prayerfull
I agree with many of the posts about needing someone with some "street credibility". I can't hang with a hardcore thug...nor am I tryin' to roll with Lester Jenkins III. Heck, I need something to swerve with.

It's like this...I can be a stubborn, spoiled brat at times. I grew up very sheltered and probably have no street credibility of my own. I may as well walk away from a fight, 'cause I probably get my tail whupped. As a matter of fact, it was my husband who - back then - came and pulled that chick off of me who was beating my behind down. Granted, I got in a couple of good scratches, but had he not been there I would have been tore up.

My husband is a college educated man with about 40% thug in him. He's always had thug-friends - ones that have remained thuggish into their 30's. My husband grew out of all that mess many years ago, but he still knows what's up.

Even better, with me being spoiled and stubborn, I have to have a man with some kind of thug mentality to keep me in check. Heck, I'd walk all over some little soft, nerdy dude. I'd have him up at dawn cleaning, mowing the lawn and picking up after me.

Why do you think I want a soft, nerdy dude anyway?

You haven't seen spoiled and stubborn...

treblk · #5 09-09-2003, 12:22 PM

I have to agree with what everyone is saying. For me, it has never been about the pants sagging, wearing a damn jersey to everything thang

can't put 2 sentences together to make a word talking..that just doesn't appeal to me..however..the confidence that exudes out of some men..now that's what's up

I think that it's just about knowing how to handel yourself with confidence. I mean, look at all of us. WE are all educated and if need be, if someone, something gave us the cause to go there, WE all got our getto suits in our back pocket and we are able to pull it out with the quickness. Never leave home with out it.

brickhouse492 · #6 09-09-2003, 01:12 PM

PaaaaaAh Hahahaahah. I can't stop laughing. Heee hee haah. I know alot of people like that. Young, educated, divas and princesses - but don't get on their bad side!

Honeykiss1974 · #7 09-09-2003, 01:37 PM

My definition of a thug: Pants hangin down with the underwear showing, ghetto talking, dirty looking, always wanna fight, blinged out, FUBU wearing-type guy.

As for me...NO THANKS!!!

My boyfriend is probably considered a "Nerd" (*lol*). He doesn't do any of the following listed above and is interested in computers and electronics. But that doesn't mean he's spineless or wimpy. Not at all!!! And goodness knows that I am spoiled (let him tell it

), but he doesn't let me get awat with ish!

Neither him nor I was"raised in the streets" so street credibility means nothing to us.

Just remember ladies, there are more than two types of brothas out there!

You can have you cake and eat it too!

djjukebox · #8 09-09-2003, 02:19 PM

"I've been gone for a minute now I'm back with the jump-off."

Maybe its time for me to offer my perspective on this. Honestly, I can see both sides of the situation.

Some Black Women do give black men an extremely hard time when it comes to relationships. Some Brothers have to jump through a helluva lot of hoops loops and garbage to even get some sort of response out of you guys sometimes. We understand you've been hurt, we understand you are probably skeptical of our motives, but the fact of the matter is ALL BLACK MEN ARE NOT THE SAME! We are not all out to get your money/sex/your car/life/(fill in any other idea you may have). We do not all have secret lives filled with other women/men/kids/families. We are not all Dogs/H%#s/Trifling/ No Good/Dirty Bastards. Alot of us genuinely want someone to love/cherish/kiss/hold/caress/believe in/support/treat like a queen.

Alot of the grief we catch comes from experiences that you've had in the past. Musiq hit the nail on the head when he said "I'm not to blame/for the pain/that was caused/by previous cats/who had your heart before me/"
I know it is very hard to get over someone that did you DIRTY (Believe ME I KNOW), but the solution to that problem is not making the next man pay for that man's mistakes. One foul turn DOES NOT DESERVE ANOTHER! Thats part of that baggage that some black women have been said to carry around. When you carry so much baggage it only serves to slow you down and hold you back.

Now, thats not to say that we as brothers aren't at fault to a certain degree. Alot of the $hit talking is warranted . . . . . IN SOME CASES. Alot of Men ARE WOMANIZERS. Some of us are TRIFLING. Many of us are unmotivated, shiftless, sorry negroes with no ambition or drive to do anything other than sit on our collective A$$e$ and talk about women/cars/Playstation 2/women/sex/weed/liquor/did I mention women?/draws/"the man"/Music Videos/women/Trina's A$$/their "glory days"/throwback jerseys/and . . . . . women. STOP BEING TRIFLING PEOPLE! Its time for us all to grow up. The reason they call it "game" and people "players" is because everybody is playing. GROW UP PEOPLE!

*NOW LADIES .. FOR THE "QUES"tion of the day*

Why is it that the sorry, drug dealing, loser, wannabe thug can get a strong woman to stand by his side and put up with his garbage/cheating/and leaching ways, but the ambitious entrepreneur with aspirations of going to law school and starting his own corporation who is working two/three jobs but doesn't have the fly whip on spinnin' 20's cause he's investing in his future trying to better himself can't find a woman to even go get a cup of coffee with? Or better yet, have a Sister stand by his side while he's building his lagacy? Ladies, tell me how this sounds? *these are just situations that are out there.. Nothing I've written is 100% how it is.*

Shelacious · #9 09-09-2003, 03:54 PM

I have never been interested in thugs. I have always liked confident men, which is not the equivalent of a thug. I have always liked men who were clear about the value of the relationship and treated it as such. I also like men who are flexible enough to know when male assertiveness is appropriate (sometimes) and when it is not (most of the time) and when it is time to be kind and patient (most of the time).

When I was younger, I also used also say I didn't want a "doormat" so he wouldn't get run over. What I have since realized is that there are VERY FEW men who will let you do just any old thing to them. Whether they say something about it immediately or not, they will let you know, by word or by action eventually, that your isht will not be tolerated. Now, I LOVE those guys who let me slide with stuff rather than riding me all the time: it creates peace and in no way diminishes my respect for them.

ClassyLady · #10 09-09-2003, 04:46 PM

Although my boyfriend does fit the physical description of a thug that some have given, I have never considered him as such. He does wear baggy jeans, Tims, and jerseys all the time, but he is also a college student in his early twenties. This is the basic uniform fo rmen his age and in his situation. If he were knocking on forty, I might have to reconsider.

To answer the question, I don't want a thug in any way, shape or form. When someone says "thug," I think of a weed smoking, forty ounce drinking, foul mouthed man with little ambition and most likely an illegal job. That is not at all appealing to me. I do, however, want a man with confidence and street smarts. By street smarts, I mean the ability to read other people, to handle sticky situations with the least amount of drama and hassle, and to be able to defend me physically if the situation ever arises. I have to be able to know that my man can knock someone out for me if it comes down to it. (Thank the Lord that Boyfriend has a black belt).

UpPinkies · #11 09-09-2003, 06:17 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Honeykiss1974
My definition of a thug: Pants hangin down with the underwear showing, ghetto talking, dirty looking, always wanna fight, blinged out, FUBU wearing-type guy.

As for me...NO THANKS!!!

My boyfriend is probably considered a "Nerd" (*lol*). He doesn't do any of the following listed above and is interested in computers and electronics. But that doesn't mean he's spineless or wimpy. Not at all!!! And goodness knows that I am spoiled (let him tell it ), but he doesn't let me get awat with ish!

Neither him nor I was"raised in the streets" so street credibility means nothing to us.

Just remember ladies, there are more than two types of brothas out there! You can have you cake and eat it too!

I was not "raised in the streets" so I have no street credibility.

I believe some good girls date thugs, so they can have a man who is "respected".

The biggest male influence in my life has been my father, so I have found characterics in him that I would like in a mate and trust me he does not have ounce of thug in him. But through his career, community service, and his service to our church, people respect him. So, I know our AA males can find respect through other means some just may not know how.

djjukebox · #12 09-10-2003, 10:35 AM

*NOW LADIES .. FOR THE "QUES"tion of the day*

Why is it that the sorry, drug dealing, loser, wannabe thug can get a strong woman to stand by his side and put up with his garbage/cheating/and leaching ways, but the ambitious entrepreneur with aspirations of going to law school and starting his own corporation who is working two/three jobs but doesn't have the fly whip on spinnin' 20's cause he's investing in his future trying to better himself can't find a woman to even go get a cup of coffee with? Or better yet, have a Sister stand by his side while he's building his lagacy?

Every situation is different with every relationship pair. Love makes us hang in there with some partners a lil' longer than we should.

Koss28 · #13 09-10-2003, 10:48 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by djjukebox
*NOW LADIES .. FOR THE "QUES"tion of the day*

Why is it that the sorry, drug dealing, loser, wannabe thug can get a strong woman to stand by his side and put up with his garbage/cheating/and leaching ways, but the ambitious entrepreneur with aspirations of going to law school and starting his own corporation who is working two/three jobs but doesn't have the fly whip on spinnin' 20's cause he's investing in his future trying to better himself can't find a woman to even go get a cup of coffee with? Or better yet, have a Sister stand by his side while he's building his lagacy?

Every situation is different with every relationship pair. Love makes us hang in there with some partners a lil' longer than we should.

You beat me to the punch. I can't wait to hear a response to this one.

lovelyivy84 · #14 09-10-2003, 11:08 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by djjukebox
*NOW LADIES .. FOR THE "QUES"tion of the day*

Why is it that the sorry, drug dealing, loser, wannabe thug can get a strong woman to stand by his side and put up with his garbage/cheating/and leaching ways, but the ambitious entrepreneur with aspirations of going to law school and starting his own corporation who is working two/three jobs but doesn't have the fly whip on spinnin' 20's cause he's investing in his future trying to better himself can't find a woman to even go get a cup of coffee with? Or better yet, have a Sister stand by his side while he's building his lagacy?

I would answer but I really don't know. I have NEVER been interested even remotely in that type of man.

That said, just beause a brotha sounds real good on paper and is doing all the right things doesn't mean that there will be a spark. For ME there has to be a challenge on the mental level. He has to get my humour, dish it out as well as take it, and be able to KEEP UP!

A lot of the brothas I meet who are lovely, upright respectful young men are dead boring and waaaaay too satisfied with themselves. Many of them can ONLY talk about the work they do, as if they think that's the only thing going on in their lives that could POSSIBLY interest me. I sincerely hope for their sake that it's not! I mean be proud of your accomplishments, but have a sense of humor about it all too- taking yourself TOO seriously is a real turn off for me.

And that's not even touching the physical level.

taylaur_2000 · #15 09-10-2003, 11:18 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by djjukebox
*NOW LADIES .. FOR THE "QUES"tion of the day*

Why is it that the sorry, drug dealing, loser, wannabe thug can get a strong woman to stand by his side and put up with his garbage/cheating/and leaching ways, but the ambitious entrepreneur with aspirations of going to law school and starting his own corporation who is working two/three jobs but doesn't have the fly whip on spinnin' 20's cause he's investing in his future trying to better himself can't find a woman to even go get a cup of coffee with? Or better yet, have a Sister stand by his side while he's building his lagacy?

Every situation is different with every relationship pair. Love makes us hang in there with some partners a lil' longer than we should.

You pose an interesting question. Not all women are looking for a man driving on spinners. Me personally, I can't understand why someone would invest so much money on wheels when they live in a box, but that's another thread

To your point, it seems as if we, educated men and women, are looking for the same thing. I guess it's a matter of getting like minded individuals together. I'm sure you have run across some women who can only see what's in front of them instead of looking for a person who may not have the "bling bling" now, but is working towards that end. Keep the faith and good luck with building your legacy.