Nice Girls vs. Thugs
 

Is it just me or do a lot of Classy African American Women love to date thugs….. I just don’t understand it.
I was Dumbfounded when I heard about Bobby and Whitney…..But then again, I later found out, she really isn’t an angel herself……But to see Beyonce’ with Jay Z,,,,,,Brandy with Tyrees (sp?)…….and I almost dropped my dinner plate when I say my homegirl Vivica Fox with 50cents……I was like WHOA!!!!!!!!! I even read where Kelly from Destiny's Child saying that she wants a Hard THUG!!!!!
Man I don’t know why but I just feel that it’s sending a message to are young black men that in order for you to get women, you have to be a thug, gangsta, shot at 9 times, etc……. Maybe I am just over reacting, but what are your thoughts? It just saddens me that I feel like we don’t have any TRUE role models out there for our men…..And I don’t know what I am going to do when I start having children.

I feel you
 

Excellent post, Dable_ST1.

Now I want a nerd. A thug has no appeal for me, never has. ;) :D

I wish I could explain it. I think it has to do with the confidence that thugs project and the security the good girl feels. Or maybe it has to do with how these young ladies grow up.

Your right about one thing, it definately sends the wrong message to our young brothers. :( The funny thing about it is, if the nice girl wants to separate from that thug, she might find herself trapped in a situation that she can't handle. It's an unfortunate yet classic turn of events.

Can't we have both in one man????:confused:

I mean, can't we have a man that can handel himself on the street and the board room?
Is that too much to ask for?:confused:

That's how I feel.

That's what I got. :)

Point Well taken......
 

I agree with you on that....But how many of us ACTUALLY SEE these men in the Boardroom???? I Am not saying you can't have both,,,, but it would be nice to see BOTH sides...so our young black men can see that as well. When was the last time you seen 50 cents or Bobby Brown, etc.in the Board room? I know I know before you guyz say it...It's up to the parents, yeah, that's true. But I just wish we had more of a POSITIVE image out there for our black youth to see oppose to the *hard thug*.
I am just saying that if they could see BOTH sides, then I wouldn't have any beef. The only person that I can think of that has BOTH streets smarts ANNDDD can conduct a business meeting is Will Smith...I am sure that there are others (oh yeah and Puff too), but I feel we need more than just the few that we have.
My husband is a Business man, BUT can ALSO handle himself in the streets. ;)

Well dagnabbit that is what I need:(

Don't Forget Karl Kani.. man he was as rough as it gets.

Re: Point Well taken......
 

I agree with you 100%, however it's a sad state that we are in where the image of "thugs" out number "nice/good" guys. I have dated and know many positive black men who fit both persona ;) , however, they are not in the media's eye.

I do believe that there are men, behind the scenes, who work for all these artists you've mentioned, that the media should show, however they don't. Like in MTBII, their manager and lawyer, are buisness men, who have street sense and that is just ONE example. They are out there, we just need to find a way to bring them to the limelight.:rolleyes:

I gots me one of those too. :D :D

So!:rolleyes: :p :D

Well one of you lovely and INCREDIBLY smug sistas can explain to the rest of us why the thug part is so important to you then, lol.

:p

As for thugs- don't want one, don't need one. I am sure there are some men who are "thuggish" and also intelligent, but I have yet to meet any with whom I have the first thing in common. Men who walk around like they are still in the hood don't appeal to me on any level. I am not thuggish. I am not hood. I don't aspire to be. If that's what he feels represents him then we are not going to be talking.

I think that the thug appeal is what attracts a lot of women. Most of us have grown up "straight-laced" and dating a guy that is edgy and/or introduces us to another, more "risky" or daring, side of life is part of the appeal. With so much going around about being a "ride or die" chick, women are falling into that.

I also think it represents the "true" essence of what these women are when you take away their "diva" status.

I say that because my cousing, after receiving BOTH an MD and a PHD, proceeded to date and marry a straight GANGSTA. She is from Compton, like myself and basically said that she found other physicians, doctors, pocket protector types to be boring.

Now this former G is a very successful entrepreneur. I also think it has to do with lifestyle. I also think it has to do with "we don't know what these brothas are like behind closed doors. there may be just as much thug in the women as there is business mindedness in the men. Opposites attract but typically, there is probably more in common within their personalities that not. Dr. Dre's wife is totally opposite of what I think people would think she would be. She is very well spoken, dresses nice, and is a classy sistah, pretty much. That doesn't mean she doesn't get freaky in the bedroom, you know what I mean?

The public persona is not TRULY who most of these men are.

We also have to convey that to our children. What you see on videos, etc., is not who these folks are in their everyday lives. It's all just public persona and image.

Deltabrat wrote:
Opposites attract but typically, there is probably more in common within their personalities that not.


I think that opposites attract -- initially -- but ultimately people vibe best with those of like mind/spirit. Everyone has a natural curiosity about what's different. Factor in the emotional component inherent in relationship situations, and what's different can be even more attractive.

But we always return home. That's why we typically spend all our time trying to "change" the person to be more like we really wanted all along.

As to the examples presented, Vivica-50 cent (I'm still trippin' off that one) those are high-profile, Hollywood-type situations with a whole different set of dynamics most of us don't normally have to deal with in relationships anyway.