What teachers really want to tell parents.

[ASTalumna06]

Originally Posted by SWTXBelle

Teacher - adult
student - child

Teachers can be wrong, but the odds of you being called in for something a teacher isn't 100% sure about are pretty slim - parental meetings are a major pain, requiring paperwork, dealing with the administration, not to mention the stress. 99% of teachers aren't going to go through the hassle if it isn't a serious problem, and if they don't know what they saw. You as a parent should have already talked to your child about the incident/behavior before you go into the meeting. If you were meeting with me, your child would not be at the meeting. Parents need to partner with teachers, not regard them as the enemy.

The problem isn't parents who listen to their children and come in willing to hear the teacher; the problem is the parents who will not even entertain the idea that their little snowflake could do anything wrong. The problem is parents who come in openly hostile. You think our pretty princess entitled pnms come out of nowhere? Those apples aren't falling far from the trees.

Exactly! And we've all come across these parents.. the ones who won't say a word while their kids climb all over the seats at restaurants or kick the seats on an airplane (I believe there's an entire thread somewhere talking about this exact thing), the ones who wouldn't discipline their kids even if their lives depended on it, and the ones who view everyone who tells their kids to behave as being in the wrong.

This article doesn't say that all parents are crazy and ridiculous.. only that there are a large number of them who don't understand that teachers have to deal with their kids for most of the day.

Originally Posted by SWTXBelle

I would also add - if you are not sure about the details, ASK. Also, it's nice if the parent will acknowledge the behavior is wrong. Parent - "Throwing things and not obeying the teacher is unacceptable. Is there any particular time when he throws things, or is he throwing them at someone?" - Teacher - "He does it towards the end of class and he throws them at Billy." Parent - "I will speak to him and make sure he understands he is not to throw anything. He did tell me he finishes his projects early - maybe if he can be given some clean-up duties to help you, or an extra project that will keep him busy. Can you move him so he will not be sitting near Billy?"

THIS!!!!!

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

Ex: A friend of mine's daughter who had a teacher who labeled her as having autism and needing to be placed in the classroom with children with intensive special needs. It raised an eyebrow with her as the only delays the child had were speech related. She consulted some other specialists who tested her and determined that it was a hearing issue causing her not to speak. Not autism as the teacher strongly suggested.

So I agree that it's normal and healthy to seek out multiple opinions.

Medical diagnoses are a completely different thing. This definitely deserves a second (and possibly third) opinion.

And in response to a part of the article:

And parents, you know, it's OK for your child to get in trouble sometimes. It builds character and teaches life lessons. As teachers, we are vexed by those parents who stand in the way of those lessons; we call them helicopter parents because they want to swoop in and save their child every time something goes wrong. If we give a child a 79 on a project, then that is what the child deserves. Don't set up a time to meet with me to negotiate extra credit for an 80. It's a 79, regardless of whether you think it should be a B+.
This one may be hard to accept, but you shouldn't assume that because your child makes straight A's that he/she is getting a good education. The truth is, a lot of times it's the bad teachers who give the easiest grades, because they know by giving good grades everyone will leave them alone. Parents will say, "My child has a great teacher! He made all A's this year!"
Wow. Come on now. In all honesty, it's usually the best teachers who are giving the lowest grades, because they are raising expectations. Yet, when your children receive low scores you want to complain and head to the principal's office.
Please, take a step back and get a good look at the landscape. Before you challenge those low grades you feel the teacher has "given" your child, you might need to realize your child "earned" those grades and that the teacher you are complaining about is actually the one that is providing the best education.

I'm not saying that all teachers who give high grades are bad teachers, or the ones who give low grades are great teachers, but...

The best teacher I had was my 5th grade teacher. While many of my fellow 5th-graders were excited because they had the "easy" teacher, the rest of us struggled (and I use that term loosely now) through the year. Looking back, however, even just a year or two after that, I realized that there's a reason to be a bit harder on students. Thinking that every student is a precious snowflake, and should be handed every little thing in life, in many situations, sets them up for disaster.

[Drolefille]

eta - And the attitude being expressed by some on this thread to teachers? Absolutely what the article is addressing. Teachers are not the enemy.

Where is that attitude in this thread? Because I just reskimmed the whole thread and found no one unilaterally talking smack about teachers and pretty much everyone agrees to some extent with the premise, just disagrees about the tone, or the degree of the article/conversation.

So... please cite your references SWTXBelle.

Also, you want cookies for being both teacher and a parent? There's no way that your views as a parent are influenced by your role as a teacher, right?

[SWTXBelle]

Literally, I have 5 minutes before I head out the door to teach. Sweet irony . . .

Drole - While I could post everything I found to be hostile, I suspect that you would then disagree, and this could go on and on. It goes back to the whole "tone" thing in some cases - in others it goes back to the lack of respect given to teachers and their training, which leads me to . . .

Dr. Phil - While somewhat tongue in cheek, my comment about parents' perspective goes to the idea that it's an us/them situation. Most teachers I know are parents; most parents I know are not teachers. So teachers have an insight into the parents' position and roles that most parents do not have about teachers. The education I was speaking of was the education of teachers, not education in general. While you might question a doctor, you would not deny him/her the fact that he/she has devoted a great deal of time, money and effort into his profession. He/she is trained and has knowledge you do not. Why is it that you (and much of society) will not give teachers credit for their chosen profession? I too have spent much of my adult life learning to educate. It is an on-going process. The same people who will gleefully tell posters to "Stay in his/her lane!" if they start to discuss a subject in which they have no personal knowledge will have no problem assuming that teachers have no special insight, knowledge or training about education. The whole "every situation is different thing"? REALLY? Thanks for that insight. But we are talking in general terms about the things that are constant, not those that vary.

All I've advocated is a relationship of mutual respect; parents respect teachers and their profession, and teachers recognize that parents have a unique insight and knowledge about their children. If my advocating a non-adversarial relationship between parents and teachers as they partner to teach the student is wrong in your opinion, um, okay.

Off to teach Comp. 1301.

[SWTXBelle]

Originally Posted by Drolefille

Also, you want cookies for being both teacher and a parent? There's no way that your views as a parent are influenced by your role as a teacher, right?

No, I don't want a cookie. I would like recognition of the fact that yes, my parenting is influenced by the fact I'm a teacher and guess what? My teaching is influenced by the fact that I am a parent. In both cases, it is to the good. I don't have to pretend to walk a mile in a parent's shoes - I've DONE IT. I have sat on the other side of the table as the parent of 4, ranging from a certified genius to a special needs child. You bet your stale cookie that makes me more empathetic and knowledgeable about what that parent is going through. I know the nerves, tension, fear, desire to help and frustration that accompany having to meet with a teacher. I know the overwhelming love and support of a parent. I know the concern and desire to enable a child to succeed. It makes me a BETTER teacher; teaching makes me a BETTER parent. But you can just thank God you've never had to subject your children to the horror that would be having me as a teacher; praise Jesus you've never had to sit across the table from me as we tried to address your child's problems.

[katydidKD]

Originally Posted by SWTXBelle

No, I don't want a cookie. I would like recognition of the fact that yes, my parenting is influenced by the fact I'm a teacher and guess what? My teaching is influenced by the fact that I am a parent. In both cases, it is to the good. I don't have to pretend to walk a mile in a parent's shoes - I've DONE IT. I have sat on the other side of the table as the parent of 4, ranging from a certified genius to a special needs child. You bet your stale cookie that makes me more empathetic and knowledgeable about what that parent is going through. I know the nerves, tension, fear, desire to help and frustration that accompany having to meet with a teacher. I know the overwhelming love and support of a parent. I know the concern and desire to enable a child to succeed. It makes me a BETTER teacher; teaching makes me a BETTER parent. But you can just thank God you've never had to subject your children to the horror that would be having me as a teacher; praise Jesus you've never had to sit across the table from me as we tried to address your child's problems.

this is why i said "im not going to argue" when DF tried to start shit with me. some people are just determined to bitch. not worth pleasing them.

[KSig RC]

Originally Posted by katydidKD

this is why i said "im not going to argue" when DF tried to start shit with me. some people are just determined to bitch. not worth pleasing them.

You compared questioning a teacher to questioning a doctor. That's borderline insane behavior.

Unless you'd like teachers to be subject to malpractice suits? I do enjoy money ...

[SWTXBelle]

Originally Posted by KSig RC

You compared questioning a teacher to questioning a doctor. That's borderline insane behavior.

Unless you'd like teachers to be subject to malpractice suits? I do enjoy money ...

It's an ANALOGY. Argument by analogy can indeed be a fallacy, but in this case the points of comparison do make a larger point about expectations of educated professionals.

And I recall a preschool last year being sued for the educational equivalent of malpractice in New York.

[katydidKD]

Originally Posted by KSig RC

You compared questioning a teacher to questioning a doctor. That's borderline insane behavior.

Unless you'd like teachers to be subject to malpractice suits? I do enjoy money ...

now you're taking the analogy ridiculously out of context. I am saying that teachers are professionals and should be treated as such, just like you'd treat your doctor or lawyer. I just dont care to hear DF moan on and on. Like many other people.

[Just interested]

I enjoyed the article. As a an educator for 38 years I've seen a little bit of everything.

Kids are kids and are pretty much the same as they were 1st day I stepped in the classroom until the day I retired.
Parents, however, and their attitudes toward their children have changed and this worries me. Parents need to allow their children to fail, not always be 1st, not always win a prize and use this as a teachable moment. How to deal with the disappointments that come about with just living. Time will tell what will happen to these kids as they become adults but I see major disappointment about life in general.
I have a good friend who is an assistant dean at a major university and she shared with me about the rise in parents actually contacting her about their "child's" grades at the college level and even challenging their admission to the graduate programs.

Just my 2cents

[BetteDavisEyes]

Originally Posted by Just interested

Parents need to allow their children to fail, not always be 1st, not always win a prize and use this as a teachable moment. How to deal with the disappointments that come about with just living. Time will tell what will happen to these kids as they become adults but I see major disappointment about life in general.

In my classroom, students earn incentives for good behavior, perfect attendance & returning homework completed for a certain number of weeks in a row. I have a class treasure box that the kids can choose a prize from when they've earned their rewards. Many times I've gotten angry emails, letters and calls from parents furious because their child did not get one of the prizes in my class. From Day 1, I have told parents what my expectations are. I went over them again during Back to School Night. I am rapidly learning that many parents want their snowflake to be the exception to my rules. I don't think so. They can complain and whine to the principal all they want but I'm not changing my rules and expecations for anyone.

These helicopter parents need to get a clue. They want their kid to earn rewards without actually doing the work needed to earn them in the first place.

[ASTalumna06]

Originally Posted by BetteDavisEyes

In my classroom, students earn incentives for good behavior, perfect attendance & returning homework completed for a certain number of weeks in a row. I have a class treasure box that the kids can choose a prize from when they've earned their rewards. Many times I've gotten angry emails, letters and calls from parents furious because their child did not get one of the prizes in my class. From Day 1, I have told parents what my expectations are. I went over them again during Back to School Night. I am rapidly learning that many parents want their snowflake to be the exception to my rules. I don't think so. They can complain and whine to the principal all they want but I'm not changing my rules and expecations for anyone.

These helicopter parents need to get a clue. They want their kid to earn rewards without actually doing the work needed to earn them in the first place.

I remember when I was in first grade, my teacher emphasized how important spelling was, and always tested us regarding this, even in small ways throughout the entire year. She told us on day 1 that there would be 4 major spelling tests over the course of the school year, and whoever received 100% would receive a special prize after each test.

I received 100% on 3 different occasions, and I remember the big prize that was offered twice was a stuffed animal in a balloon (which was pretty cool at the time!). As far as I know, there was never any issue with it.

I have many friends who are teachers now, and they tell me that they're afraid to praise the good kids and reward them with anything because of how parents will react. One of them gave out candy when students did well on a test, and supposedly a kid went home crying (after he got one of the lowesr scores in the class), and the mother requested to have a meeting, and proceeded to bitch out my friend, because she excluded the kids who didn't do well.

[rhoyaltempest]

We can go back and forth all day over who's at fault but I think we all know that the article is not talking about those parents that have some sense and have respect for teachers. And of course there are some "bad" teachers out there, but the article is talking about those parents (and unfortunately this group is growing more now than ever) who are out of control when it comes to their kids and have little to no respect for teachers. I have seen/heard it all and taught 13 years ago so things have been going down hill for a while (also I called parents on the phone; we didn't use email). From students being out of control and disrespecting teachers to parents trying to fight teachers without having any details. It has been out of control for a long time and it's getting worse. The children are getting worse to deal with and the parents are getting worse to deal with...see the connection? Where I taught, teachers spent much of their class time telling a child to sit down and shut up (not in those exact words) instead of teaching the day's lesson. The bottom line, no discipline at home coupled with parents who have little respect for teachers equals teachers having to be babysitters and disciplinarians all day. With the low pay (especially in school districts that need teachers urgently) and politics, more and more teachers are jumping ship now more than ever and this will continue unless we make some changes as a society.

[SWTXBelle]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

I did not say that every situation is different so find another reason to try to be a smartass.

You are stuck in what you feel and what you have to say. That proves my point even more.

I stand corrected - you did not say every situation is different: you said

Originally Posted by DrPhil

Due to the no one-size-fits-all statement that I made previously,

So please - instead of "every situation is different" insert "no one-size-fits-all". Whew! Glad to clarify THAT.

And as to being "stuck" - I've decided that you are determined to misconstrue anything I write, so I'll just bow to the inevitable and say I apologize in 12 different positions for thinking that my 20+ years as a parent and as an educator gave me any special insight to what may have prompted the article or how to improve parent/teacher communication.

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by Just interested

and even challenging their admission to the graduate programs.

Just my 2cents

I've HEARD of heli-parenting extending beyond undergrad, but I thought this was just myth? This really happens?

Like, there is a such thing as a law school/med school heli-mom?

I really don't know what I'd do if a grad school classmate told me "Yeah Dr. Whatever wasn't going to let me into that section of Special Ed Research, but my mom called and she got him to let me in."

[GammaPhi88]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

I've HEARD of heli-parenting extending beyond undergrad, but I thought this was just myth? This really happens?

Like, there is a such thing as a law school/med school heli-mom?

I really don't know what I'd do if a grad school classmate told me "Yeah Dr. Whatever wasn't going to let me into that section of Special Ed Research, but my mom called and she got him to let me in."

Oh, there is. I haven't witnessed them personally at my own law school, as most people I've met are wonderful and self-reliant adults, but I've heard stories from the admissions people. Apparently, they get all sorts of nasty e-mails from parents when they reject a student, and to them, this is reinforcement that they made the correct choice. Who wants a lawyer who's mom will call and yell at you when you sue them for malpractice? I'd be mortified if my parents called the law school or one of my professors about anything...I'm 23 next week and capable of that myself!