Nice guys finish last....

[TigerGirl52]

Originally posted by KABillyMac
No, but if I ever saw either of my ex's stuck in a snow bank with their new men i would probably stop and help em like the moron that I am.

No sweetheart...that's called being a gentleman!!!!! There's not enough of those left in the world.

Allison

[KSigkid]

Originally posted by James
1. "That guy" the nice guy cause he is secretly afraid of not being nice. ITs his strategy for being liked. This is the most common type of nice guy, and the one that gets dumped on, and the one the girls described as annoying.

2. The "ethically nice" guy. This is the most rare. He does The Right Thing because its the right thing. Not because he is afraid you won't like him or he is overly worried what you think. He'll treat you like a princess and at the same time will not put up with your shit.

I gotta go with this one...in my opinion, I'm an ethically nice guy, and it's the way to go - yeah, treat the girl like a princess, and be an absolute gentleman to her, because that's the way it's supposed to be. If she takes advantage of it though, don't take that shit, because there will always be others who appreciate it for what it is.

[lifesaver]

Ok, so I called and we went to dinner last night. Ran by school to check on something, then went back to my place. She initiated "THE" conversation about us. I was like, "Egad that came from nowhere" But it was a good thing. I just played it way cool and told her that I wasnt looing for a relationship, but friendship with benefits and if soemthing developed outta that then cool. She seemed to agree. being of the freshman mindset that she is I coulda then told her we were gonna smear ourselves with motor oil and pop-tarts and run naked across campus and she woulda gone for it. So it was cool.

Then (god this is so tacky, and a first for open discussion on GC)

<lifesaver takes a moment to put on a little Frankie Valli, Can't Take My Eyes Off Of You, and then, *bow chicka bow wow*>

We bang like a screen door in a hurricane.

OK, what can I say? I am a nice guy, but I am still a GUY. I can only hold out for so long. Come on people, I 'm not made of STONE! Geez.

<llifesaver now accepting high-fives from the guys on here, james, KSigRC, KSig kid, KABM, cory, alumwhocares, Tom, etc>

[IowaHawkeye]

Originally posted by lifesaver
We bang like a screen door in a hurricane.

hahahaha, that great, i love it!

can't i slap you high-five, i'm a glad, i'm proud of you, you got some ass

[AOIIAngel]

Woo hoo! Lifesaver got some!!

[James]

And if she figures out that you post on here and reads that comment it will be the last ass you get from her .

But good for you . . . now the test is whether she comes back for more . . .

However, a word to the wise for the boys:

If a girl is initiating "the talk" she is usually looking for an answer of committment or something, or at least the promise of a promise for future committment . . .

So what you do is turn the tables back on her with the questions: "Where do YOU think this is going? Or "where would you like us to be at?"

Or you can load the question with, its so early in the relationship don't you think you should still keep some of your options open.

And then you can have a little fun with her because most women won't go out on a limb that early (even though they brought "the talk" into it) and will probably say something like "we should still see others" but she won't necessarily believe that (remember she's the one that brought up "the talk".).

So you reply, "oh ok, actually I really like you and enjoy spending time with you, and I kind of saw the relationship getting serious, but now that you say that I am convinced you are right, we should definitely keep our options open. I mean I wasn't thinking that before, but now that I think it through, after what you said, it definitely seems best . . for a while at least."

That puts the onus back on her leaves you guiltless for keeping the relationship casual. She'll blame herself . And if she changes her tune and suddenly wants to back pedal, you just keep repeating, "no, I think you were right the first time".

[KABillyMac]

Oustanding. Yall back up and give this man some room. If she thought the motor oil and pop tarts was good wait till he hits her up with the turkey baster and crisco idea. Cant drop all the secrets on the first night.

[AOIIAngel]

Turkey baster and Crisco......


I don't think I even WANT to know!!

[KSigkid]

Originally posted by lifesaver

We bang like a screen door in a hurricane.

<llifesaver now accepting high-fives from the guys on here, james, KSigRC, KSig kid, KABM, cory, alumwhocares, Tom, etc>

Haha - wow.

That is the first time i've ever heard that term, that is one of the funniest things I've heard in a while.

[KillarneyRose]

Originally posted by James

If a girl is initiating "the talk" she is usually looking for an answer of committment or something, or at least the promise of a promise for future committment . . .

James, James, James....that is a gross generalization! We have discussed this before! When a girl initiates "the talk" (and by "the talk" I am assuming that you are refering to the "what we are to each other and where is this heading talk"), it can also mean (and often DOES mean) "Ok, at this moment I am physically attracted to you but I don't want a relationship out of this so I need to know if you're going to turn into a stalker tomorrow morning"

You make us (women) out to be these lilly-livered, needy things just waiting for Mr. Right to put a lavalier around our neck or a ring on our finger, but in this day and age I would be willing to bet that is not the case!

DISCLAIMER - James, I think you just haven't met your match yet but when you do, watch out!

[volgirl2376]

Originally posted by lifesaver
I know this topic has been BRIEFLY touched on in the past, but I wanna discuss it further;

Why is it women say they want a "nice guy" but only respect the guys that treat them like $hit? (dont play dumb, we've all seen it and it seems to work - cause they get interested and stick around)

Seriously, all the ladies I know whine about wanting a "nice guy" but only fall for the jerks and a$$ holes. Those guys will treat them like crap and they stick around for it. dunno.....

Well let me be the girl to say I love nice guys....and the only time I do go out with jerks is because they trick me into thinking they are nice hence why I am on strike from dating!

If you are truly a nice guy, in the end you will win a girls heart!

[AggieDZ]

OH NO!!!

OK, I'm still in school and remember all too vividly what it's like to be a freshman girl very much interested, in a the charming, handsome, older boy, and I really hope you're "reading" this girl right lifesaver!

While others who've posted have legit perspectives on what she may be wanting, no one has mentioned this side:

I guess a lot of this depends on her "history", but it really sounds to me like any *young* girl who *ASKS* "wanna *try* sex?" is really saying: "if I let you have sex with me, will you like me enough to date me, 'cause I REALLY like you, and maybe this is what you're expecting/used to and maybe this will make me seem exciting/desireable enough for you to stick around......."

Now, it seems to me, that if the girl were the ready & rarin' tigress type she definitely wouldn't have ASKED. Maybe not jumped your bones per se, but at least have "shown you the way home"

THEN the next date, brings up the "US" talk? Dude she really digs your azz! But, also really doesn't want to be a HO (ie. this girl isn't the gratuitus sex type, no matter what she ends up letting herself do to "get" you) and at the same time might not think she'll have a chance with you if she doesn't perform.

As far as her not beating down your door to tell you how much she wants to be the mother of your children, or as you put it "let you know she's interested"..... Dude, if you were a GIRL who initiated the sexual advancement and got "shot down" (you're from Texas right?, things really ARE different as far as that kind of thing works here & conservative south in general), would YOU want to be all over the guy the next time you see him? No way! You wouldn' want him to think you're one of "those girls". Especially if you liked him. Plus, if you really believe she wasn't ready (YOU SAID IT), she was probably playin a little defensive ego recovery.

She wouldn't have even brought up the "US" talk if she didn't want there to be one (of some kind)..... Not with the way she handled the sex situation. But here's the deal. The way you answered her sex question.... Well, my friend THAT's why you got the "US" question. You told her that you'd like to wait until you knew each other better etc..... Well THAT implys a "future" of some sort (however short-lived). Her reply wasn't out of nowhere.

I really hate being a killjoy, I promise. Please, you've got to believe me on this one.... But, if here you've got this girl hooked (thinkin your "so sweet for wanting to take it slow")*HELLO NICE GUY*, then turns the tables and says you just want to try the "friends with benefits, but maybe something might work out" (I call BULLSHIT!!)*HELLO ASSHOLE*. Well, what's a girl to do? You just told her that you expect benefits, if there's even to be a friendly relationship. So, she caved.

Lifesaver, I've really liked ya buddy.... But something ain't right here. If you've not really had the "time" for dating in the past, (did you really not have time for the friends with benefits type of thing you offered to this girl?), and now suddenly when you're abt. to graduate you start looking to date only to end up with "friends with benefits?" I don't get it. It really sounds like you're kinda confused abt. what you're looking for too. I've got plenty of guy friends who are bonafide, sworn-in, dedicated skirt chasers who, once they get near graduation, balk a little and think, well, maybe they missed something by not trying the steady thing while they're still in college. The ones who don't realize this is the case end up with a really confused ex-fling. I have, though known a few to really realize that they want to try something special and end up with great loves out of the deal..... I guess I just can't peg which one you are. Do you know either?

[justamom]

AggieDZ-very interesting post. Incredible insight to a confusing and potentially painful (for SOMEbody) situation.

lifesaver, are you listening?

I think you're the "GOOD GUY"!

[PKTSU01]

Listen To AggieDZ on this one everyone. THAT is the voice of experience and knowledge right there.

I wish I knew what I know now back when i was making mistakes in college with both younger and older women, I could have avoided hurt on both ends. The worst thing to have is miscommunication. God forbid you get into a situation where you aren't on the wrong page you could have what I call the "Jerry Maguire Syndrome". Ya know, you really do LIKE someone, but she LOVES you, and thinks you feel the same. The worst thing that any guy (or girl) can do is wake up the next morning and realize that last night was a mistake. Not necessarily cause you are now a "ho", but because now you have to deal with the repercussions and emotions that come with having sex that was a mistake.

As far as the friend with benefits thing goes, well, I'm not really sure you can "find' yourself in the situation even when you are looking for a relationship. The bottom line on that one is, if you liked the girl enough to want a relationship in the first place, the hooking up part wouldn't have happened so quick, it would have waited until it actually meant something.

This is where I have no pity for people when they say they legitimately "want" a relationship, yet don't have the self control to keep their dick in their pants. EVEN if the girl was the one to initiate the action...if she was younger, and inexperienced, and worst of all, unsure of herself with you, you took advantage, plain and simple. Women are real delicate and all when they are getting into these types of experiences for the first time. Now, while i wouldn't call the guy an asshole for finding himself in this situation, i would say that he F*$(#d up. All isn't lost, cause if he is legitimately a good guy, the issue won't ever come up again, cause he will know better. That happened to me freshman year and I felt like shit, i couldn't even talk to the girl for two months. Since then, I've learned to communicate better and be upfront and honest about what you really want from her. if it's only ass that's fine, just make sure she's on the same page. But if all you want is ass, even when you know she wants more, and still take advantage of the situation, well, there's no excuse on that one.

Of course, don't think I'm passing judgement on any one person or anything like that. if there is a guy who has messed up in the past, it was me, but at least I learned from it. No excuse not to. That's what separates a legitimate "good guy" who messed up from a guy who has the potential to be decent, but has poor judgement.

[twinstars]

Originally posted by AggieDZ
OH NO!!!

I guess a lot of this depends on her "history", but it really sounds to me like any *young* girl who *ASKS* "wanna *try* sex?" is really saying: "if I let you have sex with me, will you like me enough to date me, 'cause I REALLY like you, and maybe this is what you're expecting/used to and maybe this will make me seem exciting/desireable enough for you to stick around......."

I totally agree that this is what the freshman girl was thinking. I'm a Junior in college, and even though the Freshmen are only 2 years younger, there is a huge gap in "life experience" and knowledge of how college relationships work between 1st term freshmen and Junior and Senior guys. It's completely true, every older college girl can name some "older guy" that they had a huge crush on freshman year... then they hooked up with him... and they didn't end up dating the way she had hoped. It is a common experience among my female friends.