To Wait or Not To Wait: That is the Question

[33girl]

Originally Posted by epchick

I guess I should have expected that LB's first marriage (yep he was married before, but no kids supposedly) lasted only 4 years. Maybe he kicks 'em to the curb before they get that big 5 year wedding.

LOL, that reminds me of Tom Cruise dumping Nicole Kidman a week (or maybe it was a month) before the 10 year anniversary/community property thing kicked in.

[MexicanMami0286]

I'm going through this right now. I got engaged about a month ago in Paris! But the problem with us right now is more than just money, but also includes distance and time.

I'm finishing up my first year of grad school, 8 hours away from him and he works full-time and lives at home. He'll be starting grad school in the fall and we'll be closer, but still 3.5 hours apart.

While we'd love to just get married "sooner than later" (in the words of my grandmother), we'd also like to have a nice ceremony. Nothing elaborate, but we literally have no money because of our current school situation. And with the distance, it seems weird to us to have a long-distance marriage rather than a long-distance relationship/engagement.

In any case, I finish my program in 2012, so we're considering either getting married then, while he finishes up his last year of the program. Neither of us would have saved any considerable sum toward the wedding by then, so we may just wait until 2013 when we've saved up a little for a really small ceremony. Or we'll have a courthouse wedding in 2012.

I'm not trying to have anything insanely crazy. (For some reason, my family thinks we're waiting so long to save up for a wedding extravaganza...nope).

I'm a budget queen and have already mapped out how to do dress, flowers, and venue pretty cheaply. Plus I have talented friends - musicians, DJs, all that jazz. Right now, it's just an issue of getting it all together and figuring out which will be the best for us in this long-haul engagement...

[Kappamd]

Originally Posted by MexicanMami0286

I'm going through this right now. I got engaged about a month ago in Paris! But the problem with us right now is more than just money, but also includes distance and time.

I'm finishing up my first year of grad school, 8 hours away from him and he works full-time and lives at home. He'll be starting grad school in the fall and we'll be closer, but still 3.5 hours apart.

While we'd love to just get married "sooner than later" (in the words of my grandmother), we'd also like to have a nice ceremony. Nothing elaborate, but we literally have no money because of our current school situation. And with the distance, it seems weird to us to have a long-distance marriage rather than a long-distance relationship/engagement.

In any case, I finish my program in 2012, so we're considering either getting married then, while he finishes up his last year of the program. Neither of us would have saved any considerable sum toward the wedding by then, so we may just wait until 2013 when we've saved up a little for a really small ceremony. Or we'll have a courthouse wedding in 2012.

I'm not trying to have anything insanely crazy. (For some reason, my family thinks we're waiting so long to save up for a wedding extravaganza...nope).

I'm a budget queen and have already mapped out how to do dress, flowers, and venue pretty cheaply. Plus I have talented friends - musicians, DJs, all that jazz. Right now, it's just an issue of getting it all together and figuring out which will be the best for us in this long-haul engagement...

First off, congrats!

Second, your situation sounds so familiar to mine. BF and I have been together for over five years, but unfortunately, our graduate studies have us separated by about 3 hours now. Were that not the case, I'm pretty sure we would be further along the engagement/marriage path. I know our families are disappointed that we are not "there" yet, but neither of us is thrilled with the fact that we will eventually have a long-distance engagement; we're flat-out not willing to have a long-distance marriage. When we do get to that point, we're going to be new graduates saddled with my student loan debt; there won't be a big elaborate wedding if it's up to us. And as much as I used to dream of that kind of wedding, I would give it up in a SECOND if it meant improving this whole situation. I know we'll both just be thrilled to finally be together, and to be beginning a new phase of our life together.

[honeychile]

I couldn't justify spending much more than $1k, if I was already paying off loans, or deeply in debt. I think some of the wedding shows on television right now are really showing some bad values (fyi - I made a typo at first and said sowing - how appropriate!).

There are so many ways to have a nice wedding and reception if you're willing to think it out and possibly compromise. And I'm not talking cash bars or cheez wiz on crackers. I've been to a wedding where they included every vendor from the bride's & groom's attire to each favor/dinner selection/wedding cake on an Advertising Page in the program (super tacky, IMHO, but points on creativity). One of the last weddings I attended was in a major country club in major landmark with two bands, major table decorations, everything gorgeous - but since it was held on a Friday, everything but the bride's dress was almost half price.

Think it out, and don't be so completely sold on one idea. My own ideas have changed several times over the years - given the choice between a dream wedding and a dream house, I'll take the house.

[MysticCat]

Originally Posted by MexicanMami0286

I'm going through this right now. I got engaged about a month ago in Paris!

Congrats and best wishes!!

[MexicanMami0286]

Originally Posted by Kappamd

First off, congrats!

Second, your situation sounds so familiar to mine. BF and I have been together for over five years, but unfortunately, our graduate studies have us separated by about 3 hours now. Were that not the case, I'm pretty sure we would be further along the engagement/marriage path. I know our families are disappointed that we are not "there" yet, but neither of us is thrilled with the fact that we will eventually have a long-distance engagement; we're flat-out not willing to have a long-distance marriage. When we do get to that point, we're going to be new graduates saddled with my student loan debt; there won't be a big elaborate wedding if it's up to us. And as much as I used to dream of that kind of wedding, I would give it up in a SECOND if it meant improving this whole situation. I know we'll both just be thrilled to finally be together, and to be beginning a new phase of our life together.

Originally Posted by MysticCat

Congrats and best wishes!!

Thank you!

[christiangirl]

One of my old co-workers is getting married soon. Her fiance gave her a HUGE ring. She doesn't know how big but my guess would be at least 1.5-2 carats. It's literally a boulder. They are having a big, blowout wedding with a guest count of 400 and, even though they're having trouble paying for it, they aren't willing to downsize. She told me the two of them had considered selling her ring to help pay for the wedding and then he'd buy her another smaller one later.

I'm sure you can all guess what went through my head and, I just wanna know, am I the only one who thought that?

[Little32]

Originally Posted by christiangirl

One of my old co-workers is getting married soon. Her fiance gave her a HUGE ring. She doesn't know how big but my guess would be at least 1.5-2 carats. It's literally a boulder. They are having a big, blowout wedding with a guest count of 400 and, even though they're having trouble paying for it, they aren't willing to downsize. She told me the two of them had considered selling her ring to help pay for the wedding and then he'd buy her another smaller one later.

I'm sure you can all guess what went through my head and, I just wanna know, am I the only one who thought that?

You were thinking, selling that CZ probably won't pay for much?

[I.A.S.K.]

Originally Posted by Little32

You were thinking, selling that CZ probably won't pay for much?

And I died lol @ this!

[ree-Xi]

Your wedding day is over so quickly. Why put off your MARRIAGE just so you can throw away "a lot more money" on a party?

If you want a small reception, then only invite those people who you want to be there. If you want to elope and/or not have a reception, then do that.

I don't get this post.

ETA: if your focus is only on the day and the size of the party, then maybe you SHOULD wait. There are much more important things in life, and you don't seem ready to deal with them. Marriage is not a fairy tale.

[ASTalumna06]

Originally Posted by ree-Xi

Your wedding day is over so quickly. Why put off your MARRIAGE just so you can throw away "a lot more money" on a party?

First of all, this comment made me think of a Friends episode...

Chandler: "Well, come on, I’ve been saving this money for six years and I kinda had some of it earmarked for the future, not just for a party."
Monica: "This is the most special day of our lives."
Chandler: "No, I realize that honey, but I’m not gonna spend all of the money on one party."
Monica: "Honey, umm I-I love you, but umm, if you call our wedding a party one more time, you may not get invited."



And one of the Postsecrets today reads:

"I wish people would spend as much time on their marriages as they spend on their wedding"

[Animate]

Originally Posted by ASTalumna06

First of all, this comment made me think of a Friends episode...

Chandler: "Well, come on, I’ve been saving this money for six years and I kinda had some of it earmarked for the future, not just for a party."
Monica: "This is the most special day of our lives."
Chandler: "No, I realize that honey, but I’m not gonna spend all of the money on one party."
Monica: "Honey, umm I-I love you, but umm, if you call our wedding a party one more time, you may not get invited."



And one of the Postsecrets today reads:

"I wish people would spend as much time on their marriages as they spend on their wedding"

HA! I remember that episode too. That quote is spot on too. Spending a ridiculous amount of money on one day is absurd to me. I'm all for a nice wedding and reception but I find that so many women have this big fairy tale thing in their head that has no cost and then once they start seeing how much things cost...THEY STILL TRY TO MAKE THE FAIRY TALE HAPPEN!

[Kevin]

I do quite a bit of work in divorce, and my unscientific and anecdotal observation is this: The more expensive and extravagant the wedding, the shorter the marriage.

[honeychile]

Originally Posted by Kevin

I do quite a bit of work in divorce, and my unscientific and anecdotal observation is this: The more expensive and extravagant the wedding, the shorter the marriage.

Speaks the truth.

[jdrama]

Originally Posted by Kevin

I do quite a bit of work in divorce, and my unscientific and anecdotal observation is this: The more expensive and extravagant the wedding, the shorter the marriage.

I believe this.