To Wait or Not To Wait: That is the Question

[MexicanMami0286]

I'm going through this right now. I got engaged about a month ago in Paris! But the problem with us right now is more than just money, but also includes distance and time.

I'm finishing up my first year of grad school, 8 hours away from him and he works full-time and lives at home. He'll be starting grad school in the fall and we'll be closer, but still 3.5 hours apart.

While we'd love to just get married "sooner than later" (in the words of my grandmother), we'd also like to have a nice ceremony. Nothing elaborate, but we literally have no money because of our current school situation. And with the distance, it seems weird to us to have a long-distance marriage rather than a long-distance relationship/engagement.

In any case, I finish my program in 2012, so we're considering either getting married then, while he finishes up his last year of the program. Neither of us would have saved any considerable sum toward the wedding by then, so we may just wait until 2013 when we've saved up a little for a really small ceremony. Or we'll have a courthouse wedding in 2012.

I'm not trying to have anything insanely crazy. (For some reason, my family thinks we're waiting so long to save up for a wedding extravaganza...nope).

I'm a budget queen and have already mapped out how to do dress, flowers, and venue pretty cheaply. Plus I have talented friends - musicians, DJs, all that jazz. Right now, it's just an issue of getting it all together and figuring out which will be the best for us in this long-haul engagement...

[Kappamd]

Originally Posted by MexicanMami0286

I'm going through this right now. I got engaged about a month ago in Paris! But the problem with us right now is more than just money, but also includes distance and time.

I'm finishing up my first year of grad school, 8 hours away from him and he works full-time and lives at home. He'll be starting grad school in the fall and we'll be closer, but still 3.5 hours apart.

While we'd love to just get married "sooner than later" (in the words of my grandmother), we'd also like to have a nice ceremony. Nothing elaborate, but we literally have no money because of our current school situation. And with the distance, it seems weird to us to have a long-distance marriage rather than a long-distance relationship/engagement.

In any case, I finish my program in 2012, so we're considering either getting married then, while he finishes up his last year of the program. Neither of us would have saved any considerable sum toward the wedding by then, so we may just wait until 2013 when we've saved up a little for a really small ceremony. Or we'll have a courthouse wedding in 2012.

I'm not trying to have anything insanely crazy. (For some reason, my family thinks we're waiting so long to save up for a wedding extravaganza...nope).

I'm a budget queen and have already mapped out how to do dress, flowers, and venue pretty cheaply. Plus I have talented friends - musicians, DJs, all that jazz. Right now, it's just an issue of getting it all together and figuring out which will be the best for us in this long-haul engagement...

First off, congrats!

Second, your situation sounds so familiar to mine. BF and I have been together for over five years, but unfortunately, our graduate studies have us separated by about 3 hours now. Were that not the case, I'm pretty sure we would be further along the engagement/marriage path. I know our families are disappointed that we are not "there" yet, but neither of us is thrilled with the fact that we will eventually have a long-distance engagement; we're flat-out not willing to have a long-distance marriage. When we do get to that point, we're going to be new graduates saddled with my student loan debt; there won't be a big elaborate wedding if it's up to us. And as much as I used to dream of that kind of wedding, I would give it up in a SECOND if it meant improving this whole situation. I know we'll both just be thrilled to finally be together, and to be beginning a new phase of our life together.

[honeychile]

I couldn't justify spending much more than $1k, if I was already paying off loans, or deeply in debt. I think some of the wedding shows on television right now are really showing some bad values (fyi - I made a typo at first and said sowing - how appropriate!).

There are so many ways to have a nice wedding and reception if you're willing to think it out and possibly compromise. And I'm not talking cash bars or cheez wiz on crackers. I've been to a wedding where they included every vendor from the bride's & groom's attire to each favor/dinner selection/wedding cake on an Advertising Page in the program (super tacky, IMHO, but points on creativity). One of the last weddings I attended was in a major country club in major landmark with two bands, major table decorations, everything gorgeous - but since it was held on a Friday, everything but the bride's dress was almost half price.

Think it out, and don't be so completely sold on one idea. My own ideas have changed several times over the years - given the choice between a dream wedding and a dream house, I'll take the house.

[MysticCat]

Originally Posted by MexicanMami0286

I'm going through this right now. I got engaged about a month ago in Paris!

Congrats and best wishes!!

[MexicanMami0286]

Originally Posted by Kappamd

First off, congrats!

Second, your situation sounds so familiar to mine. BF and I have been together for over five years, but unfortunately, our graduate studies have us separated by about 3 hours now. Were that not the case, I'm pretty sure we would be further along the engagement/marriage path. I know our families are disappointed that we are not "there" yet, but neither of us is thrilled with the fact that we will eventually have a long-distance engagement; we're flat-out not willing to have a long-distance marriage. When we do get to that point, we're going to be new graduates saddled with my student loan debt; there won't be a big elaborate wedding if it's up to us. And as much as I used to dream of that kind of wedding, I would give it up in a SECOND if it meant improving this whole situation. I know we'll both just be thrilled to finally be together, and to be beginning a new phase of our life together.

Originally Posted by MysticCat

Congrats and best wishes!!

Thank you!