Need Advice :)

[AKA_Monet]

Originally Posted by epchick

That might be what is happening in Seattle or SoCal or wherever you are. But we are talking about Texas. If Srmom's school district is anything like ours here, there is not a lot the ISD police can do. They have to be called by the principal, etc, and it the incident HAS to happen on school premises (or the area around that is still deemed school premises). Otherwise it's a matter for the city police, and even then it's sketchy.

School administrators and the like aren't more equipped than the average person to handle any similar situation....trust me on that!



I would hate to have the phone company you have. My parents definitely DO NOT get an itemized bill on exactly what my text messages say (trust me, or else i'd probably be in a convent somewhere w/ some of the texts i send)

Are you forgetting these kids are 16? Teenagers do a lot of thinks that adults don't do, like text message or talk on the phone late into the wee hours of the morning. It isn't unheard of and most parents don't care.



But you aren't a licensed or trained professional either, right?

Look, ultimately, Srmom has to deal with her own family's issues...

All I say is good luck to whatever she decides!

[AOII_LB93]

Originally Posted by AKA_Monet

Firstly, I to be blunt, the parents have to know something wrong with their daughter... If they don't, then what gives you the right to tell them their child is acting out?

You know what gives her the right? He is her son. She is protecting her child. Said female is showing up at their house univited and letting herself in...that gives her the right to intervene. He is not an adult, he is a 16 year old BOY. Contacting the parents at this point is a courtesy before going to the police.

Some parents are completely oblivious to their childrens problems. I see this daily in my job. Maybe they work a lot, maybe they just don't care, but srmom is doing the courteous thing before contacting the authorities. There is nothing wrong with that.

[MysticCat]

Originally Posted by AKA_Monet

Firstly, I to be blunt, the parents have to know something wrong with their daughter... If they don't, then what gives you the right to tell them their child is acting out? Parents don't want to hear about bad things about their child, period! And you can show them all the evidence in the world, but since you are not a licensed trained provider or law enforcement, then you have ZERO to say to them. Your recourse is with your local law enforcement and a restraining order.

As a parent, I've got to say, with as much respect as I can, that you really don't seem to know what you're talking about here (or in your posts that follow). Srmom is handling it the way it ought to be handled.

[PM_Mama00]

Originally Posted by AKA_Monet

Is this your choice of engaging talks with me? Please let me know when you have anything relevant to add to this discussion with me... Thanks.

You seem to be trying to come across as a professional in this field. If you're telling us that you're a professional, then speak (write) professional, otherwise it's very hard to take you seriously when you are using the words "po po".

I've been in a situation similar to this though not as extreme. Going to her parents is way better, this way if they have the open heart to listen to what you're saying, they can get her help. Going to the police is just going to cause a scene and rumors and ultimately embarrass this girl more than doing good. Embarrassing her could have worse repercussions (sp?) on her own health than a hearty talking to from her parents. If nothing works with that, then go about getting a restraining order.

[AKA_Monet]

Originally Posted by AOII_LB93

You know what gives her the right? He is her son. She is protecting her child. Said female is showing up at their house univited and letting herself in...that gives her the right to intervene. He is not an adult, he is a 16 year old BOY. Contacting the parents at this point is a courtesy before going to the police.

Some parents are completely oblivious to their childrens problems. I see this daily in my job. Maybe they work a lot, maybe they just don't care, but srmom is doing the courteous thing before contacting the authorities. There is nothing wrong with that.

Then she can call the police for trespassing...

Originally Posted by MysticCat

As a parent, I've got to say, with as much respect as I can, that you really don't seem to know what you're talking about here (or in your posts that follow). Srmom is handling it the way it ought to be handled.

That is your opinion and you are entitled to it, as I am entitled to mine. And with all due respect, there are no conversations significant between you and me from this point forward, as this will be my last post to choose to engage you in anyway.

[DaemonSeid]

Originally Posted by PM_Mama00

You seem to be trying to come across as a professional in this field. If you're telling us that you're a professional, then speak (write) professional, otherwise it's very hard to take you seriously when you are using the words "po po".

I've been in a situation similar to this though not as extreme. Going to her parents is way better, this way if they have the open heart to listen to what you're saying, they can get her help. Going to the police is just going to cause a scene and rumors and ultimately embarrass this girl more than doing good. Embarrassing her could have worse repercussions (sp?) on her own health than a hearty talking to from her parents. If nothing works with that, then go about getting a restraining order.

Agreed...

Monet

I stand with the rest on this...take it in steps...go to the parents first...document what happens...if that doesn't work...then get the law involved...obviously the child needs help and u never know...the parents may be ignoring the signs...

plus another idea...a lil out there...if you want to ensure that the parents are safe, an idea is probably go to the girl's school and have conference with the principal and parents of the girl.

[AKA_Monet]

Originally Posted by PM_Mama00

You seem to be trying to come across as a professional in this field. If you're telling us that you're a professional, then speak (write) professional, otherwise it's very hard to take you seriously when you are using the words "po po".

I've been in a situation similar to this though not as extreme. Going to her parents is way better, this way if they have the open heart to listen to what you're saying, they can get her help. Going to the police is just going to cause a scene and rumors and ultimately embarrass this girl more than doing good. Embarrassing her could have worse repercussions (sp?) on her own health than a hearty talking to from her parents. If nothing works with that, then go about getting a restraining order.

I suspect you are choosing engagement. I say what I am as I am. So stop the assumptions. It benefits me NOT to misrepresent myself.

Ask me a direct question. Here's a freebie: Why am so adamant about this issue?

Let me put it bluntly, from the sidewalk and street, to my front door is my private domain I share with whom I choose...

NO ONE has the right to be present in that domain that I do not know about or freely chose to invite into my domicile.

After a LOONNNGGG day of work, I am attempting to de-stress and collect myself to do my next duties for the evening, i.e. fixing dinner, checking on my childrens' day/homework, exercise at the gym, crafts, phone calls to my friends, visiting GC, making sure my husband is happy...

With that said, I DO NOT EXPECT TO SEE A DISHEVELED, CRYING, UPSET, EXTREMELY EMACIATED TEEN GIRL CRYING TO ME ABOUT MY SON!!!

But it has happened. Now, I can CHOOSE to speak to the parents, which you all think is the "RIGHT" or "NOBLE" thing to do... I disagree with that tactic. Forget neighborly, forget not adding too much too it. I want this silliness to stop, if not immediately, and all I can think about is allieviating the pain on my child.


AND WHEN THAT GIRL SHOWED UP ON MY DOORSTEP, THAT SHIT GOT REAL IN MY LIFE!! SO NOW I AM INVOLVED AND SHE IS INVADING MY SPACE--THAT MEANS, I CALL THE COPS!!!

That is the way I see it. I can accept other see it differently, that's fine. But the personal attacks toward me is and questioning my integrity is unfair, discriminatory and hateful!

This is my last post in this thread, so you do not have to worry anymore about my opinions.

[nikki1920]

Once the girl enters my house, it becomes my issue. As a parent, THAT is what bothers me the most: why are you coming INTO MY house, little girl?! (That part creeped me out!) If this had just been phone calls/texts or only occurred at school, that's something different, and I would involve the school and let them handle it. If the girl's parents go off on me, well then, that's different. But the first step would be to talk to the parents and that can be done civilly. It's all about HOW things are said.

Now, if homegirl's mom wants to take it there, I would end the conversation, again, civilly, and do what I needed to do to keep my child safe. Yes, the kids are just 16, but walking in uninvited to someone's house is not cool.

srmom, please keep us posted.

[I.A.S.K.]

Originally Posted by PM_Mama00

If you're telling us that you're a professional, then speak (write) professionally, otherwise it's very hard to take you seriously when you are using the words "po po".

I agree with AKAMonet. It's pretty safe to believe that the parents of this girl may be a part of the problem. How is she randomly showing up at srmom's house after 10pm and no one seems to care? Why haven't her parents been checking up on her? At this point she has resulted to stalking, breaking & entering, and harassment and looks visably unhealthy. These actions are illegal. Its not like she's pulling some minor tricks. At this point in order to be safe and within her legal parameters to protect her son she needs to contact some authorities. The school officails definitely need to be alerted about the situation. Contacting the parents is good and a small start, but involving authorities may provide a netural way to open the lines of communication with the parents and get this girl some help.

[AGDee]

Part of the reason that I did not suggest getting the school involved is because she said from the start that they go to different high schools. That may make the school assistance more difficult. I would try to talk to the parents first, in the manner I suggested earlier. IF I got a poor response, then I would definitely go to the authorities.

This incident doesn't mean this girl is completed whacked for life. I remember having some pretty extreme reactions to being rejected by early boyfriends. Teens are learning how to negotiate this stuff and need guidance through it. I remember being completely devastated and when I look back at the young men who put me through that, I think "I liked them.. why???" Teens are dramatic, emotional, etc. I would hate to get police involved if it can be resolved without it.

[I.A.S.K.]

Originally Posted by AGDee

Part of the reason that I did not suggest getting the school involved is because she said from the start that they go to different high schools. That may make the school assistance more difficult. I would try to talk to the parents first, in the manner I suggested earlier. IF I got a poor response, then I would definitely go to the authorities.

This incident doesn't mean this girl is completed whacked for life. I remember having some pretty extreme reactions to being rejected by early boyfriends. Teens are learning how to negotiate this stuff and need guidance through it. I remember being completely devastated and when I look back at the young men who put me through that, I think "I liked them.. why???" Teens are dramatic, emotional, etc. I would hate to get police involved if it can be resolved without it.

I fully understand what you're saying. Under more normal circumstances that would be my first course of action also. Quite honestly I cannot remember having a boyfriend whos parents my mother did not know. My mom would have at least had to have met the parents. So, if srmom has met the parents then she'll be able to judge whether or not they seem like looney toons. Teens are dramatic and emotional, but they are not typically stalkers who commit B&Es. Did you sneak into your ex boyfriends house at night? This girls actions suggest that she may need more help than just her parents.

Once this girl started showing up and entering their house it became an issue of safety. In today's world you cannot take the luxury of thinking someone is harmless due to age or sex. She may be mentally unstable (or not). Since she has come into their house uninvited and unwanted there is nothing that suggests she'd hesitate to do it if she really snapped. It seems extreme, but what's to stop her from visiting next time with a weapon?

The reason the school would need to be notified is because they are both the same age. I know that there have been occasions where kids showed up at my highschool (public school) but were not actually students there. Since this girl has not only shown up at their house, but has come in and had a glass of lemonade while sitting on the couch there is a possibility that she could show up at the school and harass him. I mean showing up at after school functions will seem harmless to most people, but it is not harmless when you're dealing with a stalker.

Another concern is the fact that he is a male and she is a female. In order to protect her son from any negative ramifications (legally like rape allegations) it would be better to handle this situation with some type of objective authority involved on the sons behalf. Also, if the son has mentioned getting the law involved through a restraining order then it probably is at the stage where calling her parents isnt going to be the most effective. If the son wants to involve the police I think it would be bad business not to. He was the one dating her so he probably has some good reasons for wanting to involve the cops. It definitely is not a decision to take lightly, but at this point it needs to be made and made quickly.

[srmom]

Okay, I didn't read the posts last evening, so missed all the advice of the last two pages. I did call her mom last night and the conversation went very well, in fact, she was very glad I called, they had been contemplating calling us as well.

Apparently, she and her husband are well aware of the fact that my son has broken up with her and that her daughter is having a really hard time accepting it. They have forbidden her from calling/texting/coming over to the house, but are having a tough time policing her. She asked respectfully for our help by telling our son to not accept phone calls or respond to texts and to call them if she shows up at the house. She went into the state of her daughters mental health, and as I suspected, there are issues and they are dealing with them professionally. The rumors I had heard about her weight issues (anorexia) were true, so she has been treated psychologically in the past, and they are having her treated now.

I think it was a relief to her mom that we spoke, and that we got everything out on the table. She was very complimentary of my son and his behavior throughout this and totally felt that it was her daughter who was "at fault". Although I hate to use that term because I truly feel that she is not 100% in control of herself at this point.

Honestly, my heart breaks, not only for the girl, but for her parents too. This time of their lives is so important, so many things happening, and to be dealing with this must be excrutiating. Probably the worst thing for her was to get romantically involved with someone, and if I had known about her issues in the past, I would have tried to steer my son away from that kind of involvement. Oh well, hindsight is 20/20 and all I can do now is wish her and her parents the best in a terrible situation...

I am going to look into the call blocking, and if not that, changing his number. I am also having son lock the door after himself when he gets home.

But, I wanted to let y'all know that it wasn't breaking and entering, or considered that. Where we live (believe it or not in this day and age) open doors are the norm in the daytime, and all my son's friends have always just come in the back door. It is sad that we have to start locking the door and expecting knocks or bells, but the situation warrants it.

Anyway, I really appreciate your advice, although I'm glad I didn't read the scary ones or I might have had a harder time picking up the telephone, which did end up being the right way to go.

[DaemonSeid]

Originally Posted by srmom

Okay, I didn't read the posts last evening, so missed all the advice of the last two pages. I did call her mom last night and the conversation went very well, in fact, she was very glad I called, they had been contemplating calling us as well.

Apparently, she and her husband are well aware of the fact that my son has broken up with her and that her daughter is having a really hard time accepting it. They have forbidden her from calling/texting/coming over to the house, but are having a tough time policing her. She asked respectfully for our help by telling our son to not accept phone calls or respond to texts and to call them if she shows up at the house. She went into the state of her daughters mental health, and as I suspected, there are issues and they are dealing with them professionally. The rumors I had heard about her weight issues (anorexia) were true, so she has been treated psychologically in the past, and they are having her treated now.

I think it was a relief to her mom that we spoke, and that we got everything out on the table. She was very complimentary of my son and his behavior throughout this and totally felt that it was her daughter who was "at fault". Although I hate to use that term because I truly feel that she is not 100% in control of herself at this point.

Honestly, my heart breaks, not only for the girl, but for her parents too. This time of their lives is so important, so many things happening, and to be dealing with this must be excrutiating. Probably the worst thing for her was to get romantically involved with someone, and if I had known about her issues in the past, I would have tried to steer my son away from that kind of involvement. Oh well, hindsight is 20/20 and all I can do now is wish her and her parents the best in a terrible situation...

I am going to look into the call blocking, and if not that, changing his number. I am also having son lock the door after himself when he gets home.

But, I wanted to let y'all know that it wasn't breaking and entering, or considered that. Where we live (believe it or not in this day and age) open doors are the norm in the daytime, and all my son's friends have always just come in the back door. It is sad that we have to start locking the door and expecting knocks or bells, but the situation warrants it.

Anyway, I really appreciate your advice, although I'm glad I didn't read the scary ones or I might have had a harder time picking up the telephone, which did end up being the right way to go.

Glad to hear that it went well...just as a CYA, document the highlights of what you all talked about.

Next, you really should get his number changed if it continues...I am guessing however, that possibly her parents may take her phone as it stands.

Also warn your son, again since he is a male, if somehow he finds her in his space not to be caught alone with her...

Better safe than sorry.

[srmom]

Yes, thank you, that is good advice...

[agzg]

Originally Posted by srmom

But, I wanted to let y'all know that it wasn't breaking and entering, or considered that. Where we live (believe it or not in this day and age) open doors are the norm in the daytime, and all my son's friends have always just come in the back door. It is sad that we have to start locking the door and expecting knocks or bells, but the situation warrants it.

My dad's house is the same - when I was in grad school I came home to visit and I locked the door behind me one day when I went somewhere and he gave me a lecture about how "not everyone lives in a big city" and how he appreciated my looking out for him, but the lady that was coming to clean the house was locked out because of me.

I'm glad that you talked to her, and it seems like maybe by partnering together you can do what needs to be done for this young lady (outside of professional help, obviously, and I'm glad to hear that she is getting that type of help, too).

Good luck with everything!