Honeymoon Registry

[MysticCat]

Originally Posted by 33girl

Unless everyone attending the wedding is from the same town and knows the bride's family and bridesmaids personally, I think that enclosing a gift registry card is only considerate. I mean, my cousin is engaged to a girl from New England. I have no clue if they registered down here, up there, or in between.

Originally Posted by 33girl

And quite frankly...I don't want to go to the thing. I want to get a gift, go there, and go home with as little thought as possible.

That's when you call (or email) your aunt or uncle, ask where cousin and fiancée are registered, call (or go online to) that store, purchase the gift and have the store deliver it.

As for stag and drag, words fail me.

[agzg]

I can usually handle it if they didn't have the regular pre-wedding gift giving events. Some couples have it in addition to an engagement party, bridal/wedding shower (or a couple of them), bachelor and bachelorette parties, and so on.

I'm also ok with the concept if it's for a charity/person in need. For example, my hometown community sometimes throws casino nights to help defray the costs of expensive medical treatments, particularly for families in need. Weddings, however, are not that important. If you want to throw the big fancy wedding, fund it yourself or only depend on family to help pay for it. If you're paying for it yourself and can't afford it, don't throw the big fancy wedding.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by MysticCat

That's when you call (or email) your aunt or uncle, ask where cousin and fiancée are registered, call (or go online to) that store, purchase the gift and have the store deliver it.

Unfortunately, not how it's done out in hick-land.

[Alumiyum]

Originally Posted by agzg

A stag & drag is a pre-wedding party where you pay like $10 and get free food and beer, and then you stay there and gamble on different games, sometimes there's a 50/50, etc., and the procedes go towards THE WEDDING.

SRSLY. You throw a stag and drag to help pay for your WEDDING. Actually, your wedding party is supposed to throw the stag and drag. They basically take on the costs (food, drink, etc.), and the money from the night goes to the WEDDING.

Probably the tackiest thing ever. Probably worse, the bride and groom I mentioned above actually THREW THEIR OWN, sent out their own invites, etc., and invited AT LEAST 300 people, most of which were not going to be invited to the wedding at all (and in my case, I didn't even know she was engaged). Since this was a person I didn't particularly like to start, I was actually pretty pissed that I got the invite.

This is a tradition that's pretty strong in Erie.

ETA: I've been invited to a handful, and if it's a couple I like, I usually suck it up and go instead of getting them a gift (whether or not I'm invited - I fully understand that every wedding guest list has to stop somewhere). This couple in particular (the tacky tacksters), there was no way I was ever going to be invited, and if I had been, it would've definitely been a gift grab. You don't invite people who you've had a falling out with to your wedding in an attempt to make amends unless it's family.

I do not understand that. Either have a small wedding that you can afford, or wait until you've made enough to throw yourself a bigger one...but I'll be damned if I go around asking my friends for money to get prettier centerpieces.

[psusue]

A lot of my friends that are now getting married have wedding websites (ex: at the Knot or somewhere similar), which is how I found out where they were registered. I think those sites can be very cute, though a little self indulgent, however they are very informative when you're trying to figure out all the details of a wedding.

[WVU alpha phi]

I just ordered off my friend's registry this summer for her wedding. She and her fiance had registered for beach towels and I thought that was pretty cute. But that was the only honeymoon-related item and it was from Target, not an entirely separate registry.

[PeppyGPhiB]

Honeymoon, Mortgage, "Wishing Well" registries are all tacky for the same reason - they're registries for cash!

A Honeymoon Registry may offer people the chance to buy a massage, tour, sunset sail, etc., but that's really not what's going on. On a honeymoon registry, you just list some of the activities you want to do on your honeymoon and the approximate dollar amount next to it - people "buy" it for you, but really their money is just getting put into an account you set up with the company running the registry. In the end all the couple has is a bucket o' cash. So, in other words, they registered for money, which is horrible. What makes it worse is that the honeymoon registry companies charge a fee for each transaction/purchase, so some of the money that your guests think is going to you is actually going to the registry company.

The Knot is full of questions about honeymoon and other cash registries fronting as something they're not. It's stupid because people don't have to be told that cash is a welcome gift...it always is. But no one with any manners would ever TELL anyone they want cash.

[Alumiyum]

Originally Posted by PeppyGPhiB

Honeymoon, Mortgage, "Wishing Well" registries are all tacky for the same reason - they're registries for cash!

A Honeymoon Registry may offer people the chance to buy a massage, tour, sunset sail, etc., but that's really not what's going on. On a honeymoon registry, you just list some of the activities you want to do on your honeymoon and the approximate dollar amount next to it - people "buy" it for you, but really their money is just getting put into an account you set up with the company running the registry. In the end all the couple has is a bucket o' cash. So, in other words, they registered for money, which is horrible. What makes it worse is that the honeymoon registry companies charge a fee for each transaction/purchase, so some of the money that your guests think is going to you is actually going to the registry company.

The Knot is full of questions about honeymoon and other cash registries fronting as something they're not. It's stupid because people don't have to be told that cash is a welcome gift...it always is. But no one with any manners would ever TELL anyone they want cash.

I'm all about avoiding tacky, but for couples that already have a home and don't need dishes and linens, I wouldn't mind this set up. Otherwise they'd be given a bunch of things they just don't need. If it's a specific this-is-for-the-honeymoon account, it's ok with me. I have a lot of friends getting married now but I know I'll have a lot more that will get married after they already have jobs and likely a nice place and plenty of cookware...honeymoon gifts are more useful in that case. To me that's far less offensive than the ones that overshoot on their registries and register only at expensive shops for only the expensive items. When I'm invited to a wedding it's an indication the guests aren't on par with the guests at the Trump weddings, and expecting people to spend an absolute buttload is rude, IMO.

[agzg]

Originally Posted by Alumiyum

I'm all about avoiding tacky, but for couples that already have a home and don't need dishes and linens, I wouldn't mind this set up. Otherwise they'd be given a bunch of things they just don't need. If it's a specific this-is-for-the-honeymoon account, it's ok with me. I have a lot of friends getting married now but I know I'll have a lot more that will get married after they already have jobs and likely a nice place and plenty of cookware...honeymoon gifts are more useful in that case. To me that's far less offensive than the ones that overshoot on their registries and register only at expensive shops for only the expensive items. When I'm invited to a wedding it's an indication the guests aren't on par with the guests at the Trump weddings, and expecting people to spend an absolute buttload is rude, IMO.

I'm firmly of the mindset that everyone you invite to your wedding should know whether or not the couple has a home and doesn't need dishes and linens in advance, in order to judge whether or not cash would be more appropriate.

[Alumiyum]

Originally Posted by agzg

I'm firmly of the mindset that everyone you invite to your wedding should know whether or not the couple has a home and doesn't need dishes and linens in advance, in order to judge whether or not cash would be more appropriate.

I just think it's practical to go the honeymoon route. And yes, giving them massages and whatnot is still handing them cash but it's more palatable than an envelope of money.

[VandalSquirrel]

I don't think I could, in good conscience and good manners, set up any sort of account or registry if I am already established and don't want people to give me gifts of their choice. So what if Aunt Bertha gives me a set of towels instead of money for a massage, I don't get to dictate what people give me. I'm just thankful they are giving me a gift and I'm getting married. If someone asked my family or bridal party for gift ideas that is where it could be mentioned, but I'm not going to register for things if I have a well equipped home, or for anything honeymoon related. Some people feel the need or want to give something, and I'll have that registry, but people can give something, or nothing, it doesn't really matter as long as they come to my wedding, and if they weren't invited and give a gift, how very thoughtful.

Entirely separate, but I immediately thought someone had one of those grody sex toy parties that are done like pampered chef and was promoting it for their shower/bachelorette party.

[DubaiSis]

Let's face it, wedding gifts are all about the money, so getting it in dishes or godawful lavender EMBROIDERED bath towels (with our names, so no, I couldn't return them for cash) or one of 4 picnic baskets, it's about helping you set up your marital shop which costs money. In a lot of places, the bride and groom get almost strictly cash, so at least funding their honeymoon feels a LITTLE more personal.

I try to make quilts for family and close friends, but of course that's not something you can do for just anybody! But it's financially cheap and they remember it forever.

[Drolefille]

Originally Posted by DubaiSis

Let's face it, wedding gifts are all about the money, so getting it in dishes or godawful lavender EMBROIDERED bath towels (with our names, so no, I couldn't return them for cash) or one of 4 picnic baskets, it's about helping you set up your marital shop which costs money. In a lot of places, the bride and groom get almost strictly cash, so at least funding their honeymoon feels a LITTLE more personal.

I try to make quilts for family and close friends, but of course that's not something you can do for just anybody! But it's financially cheap and they remember it forever.

Yeah the anti-cash thing is a pretty western or perhaps at this point purely American sense of 'tackiness.' It's sometimes the traditional gift.

If someone got snippy over me not buying them a gift from their registry, I'd be offended, but I don't much care otherwise. I give gifts that I think people would enjoy. If they tell me what they do enjoy, well all the better, I at least have something to work from.

[AlphaFrog]

All this gifting tackiness is why when I sent out the kids' birthday party announcements the other day, they said "NO GIFTS!"*. We did this because a) They don't have any room for any more toys (and it would be tacky to tell people not to give anything but clothes or things of that nature) and b) they are having their party together, which could feel like a gift grab to some people.

*I included a note that we would be accepting non-perishables for the local food pantry or donations for their Children's Choir at church if people wanted to give something. Hopefully, that's not tacky.

[MysticCat]

Originally Posted by Alumiyum

I'm all about avoiding tacky, but for couples that already have a home and don't need dishes and linens, I wouldn't mind this set up. Otherwise they'd be given a bunch of things they just don't need. If it's a specific this-is-for-the-honeymoon account, it's ok with me.

If they already have a house and household items, and they want to do these extra things on their honeymoon, THEY CAN PAY FOR THE EXTRA THINGS. It's beyond tacky to ask other people to do so, and it undermines the entire idea behind gift-giving and gracious gift-receiving. It's nothing more than fancy greed. Sorry, but that's how I see it.

If you really don't need anything, tell people "no gifts" or suggest gifts to a charity that matter to you.