Honeymoon Registry

[DubaiSis]

Let's face it, wedding gifts are all about the money, so getting it in dishes or godawful lavender EMBROIDERED bath towels (with our names, so no, I couldn't return them for cash) or one of 4 picnic baskets, it's about helping you set up your marital shop which costs money. In a lot of places, the bride and groom get almost strictly cash, so at least funding their honeymoon feels a LITTLE more personal.

I try to make quilts for family and close friends, but of course that's not something you can do for just anybody! But it's financially cheap and they remember it forever.

[Drolefille]

Originally Posted by DubaiSis

Let's face it, wedding gifts are all about the money, so getting it in dishes or godawful lavender EMBROIDERED bath towels (with our names, so no, I couldn't return them for cash) or one of 4 picnic baskets, it's about helping you set up your marital shop which costs money. In a lot of places, the bride and groom get almost strictly cash, so at least funding their honeymoon feels a LITTLE more personal.

I try to make quilts for family and close friends, but of course that's not something you can do for just anybody! But it's financially cheap and they remember it forever.

Yeah the anti-cash thing is a pretty western or perhaps at this point purely American sense of 'tackiness.' It's sometimes the traditional gift.

If someone got snippy over me not buying them a gift from their registry, I'd be offended, but I don't much care otherwise. I give gifts that I think people would enjoy. If they tell me what they do enjoy, well all the better, I at least have something to work from.

[AlphaFrog]

All this gifting tackiness is why when I sent out the kids' birthday party announcements the other day, they said "NO GIFTS!"*. We did this because a) They don't have any room for any more toys (and it would be tacky to tell people not to give anything but clothes or things of that nature) and b) they are having their party together, which could feel like a gift grab to some people.

*I included a note that we would be accepting non-perishables for the local food pantry or donations for their Children's Choir at church if people wanted to give something. Hopefully, that's not tacky.

[MysticCat]

Originally Posted by Alumiyum

I'm all about avoiding tacky, but for couples that already have a home and don't need dishes and linens, I wouldn't mind this set up. Otherwise they'd be given a bunch of things they just don't need. If it's a specific this-is-for-the-honeymoon account, it's ok with me.

If they already have a house and household items, and they want to do these extra things on their honeymoon, THEY CAN PAY FOR THE EXTRA THINGS. It's beyond tacky to ask other people to do so, and it undermines the entire idea behind gift-giving and gracious gift-receiving. It's nothing more than fancy greed. Sorry, but that's how I see it.

If you really don't need anything, tell people "no gifts" or suggest gifts to a charity that matter to you.

[AlphaFrog]

Originally Posted by MysticCat

If you really don't need anything, tell people "no gifts" or suggest gifts to a charity that matter to you.

You/Me-><-Alumiyum

[MysticCat]

^^^ LOL

As I have thought about, I think maybe I need to offer a disclaimer:

When I was growing up (and where I grew up), and when I was married, the registry was limited to patterns: dinnerware (china and/or casual), flatware (sliver and/or stainless) and glassware (crystal and/or glass). The registry never included specific items, just the patterns, so that anyone who wanted to know could check where you were registered and select something from your patterns. I'd say half to two-thirds of our wedding presents came from the patterns we registered. Yes, we got ookabillion candlesticks that we'd never use -- most were returned and exchanged for what we were short on in our patterns.

What I find very odd (and potentially tacky), is putting anything specific on a gift registry, whether it's a toaster from Target or a massage on the beach while on your honeymoon. I think there's a big difference between "these are our patterns, so you know you're safe if you pick something from them," and "we want these things, so please get us one of these things." The latter is how all these "newer" registries come across to me.

Go ahead; feel free to call me an old fogey. I accept it.

[33girl]

On one hand, I think it's great that people are finally accepting that even though something's a "traditional" gift they might not get a lot of use out of it and asking people to buy it is silly. My parents (married in the 1960s) have a full set of china for 12, and honestly, I think we used it once after I came along.* I'd rather buy someone a big Steelers polar fleece blankie for the couch that they're going to use every day.

Although having learned more thru this thread - if someone's asking for a honeymoon massage (shouldn't you be stress free enough there to not need one?) that undoubtedly is overpriced to an insane degree, at that point I'd rather just buy them a bottle of Gentleman Jack and call it a day. At least the bottle they can save, LOL.

*We all kept ourselves from feeling guilty about this by dint of the fact that my uncle owned a jewelry store and undoubtedly got the whole set at cost. LOL. When Mom & Dad 33 got married, it was just them, the minister and the photog - they'd been dating for so long they didn't want a big wedding. However, upon cleaning the house out recently, I couldn't BELIEVE how much wedding-present stuff they had - I shudder to think if they WOULD have had a registry etc etc.

[honeychile]

Originally Posted by MysticCat

^^^ LOL

As I have thought about, I think maybe I need to offer a disclaimer:

When I was growing up (and where I grew up), and when I was married, the registry was limited to patterns: dinnerware (china and/or casual), flatware (sliver and/or stainless) and glassware (crystal and/or glass). The registry never included specific items, just the patterns, so that anyone who wanted to know could check where you were registered and select something from your patterns. I'd say half to two-thirds of our wedding presents came from the patterns we registered. Yes, we got ookabillion candlesticks that we'd never use -- most were returned and exchanged for what we were short on in our patterns.

What I find very odd (and potentially tacky), is putting anything specific on a gift registry, whether it's a toaster from Target or a massage on the beach while on your honeymoon. I think there's a big difference between "these are our patterns, so you know you're safe if you pick something from them," and "we want these things, so please get us one of these things." The latter is how all these "newer" registries come across to me.

Go ahead; feel free to call me an old fogey. I accept it.

This was how I have always thought registries were for - to say which pattern, color or size. The choice was either to go with the list (as to pattern, color, or size), or to go for something unique, such as a cheese platter and The Cheese of the Month Club. (never heard of it until I got one)

[Drolefille]

Originally Posted by AlphaFrog

All this gifting tackiness is why when I sent out the kids' birthday party announcements the other day, they said "NO GIFTS!"*. We did this because a) They don't have any room for any more toys (and it would be tacky to tell people not to give anything but clothes or things of that nature) and b) they are having their party together, which could feel like a gift grab to some people.

*I included a note that we would be accepting non-perishables for the local food pantry or donations for their Children's Choir at church if people wanted to give something. Hopefully, that's not tacky.

Miss Manners always said requesting no gifts was tacky because it meant that gifts were expected. I always thought that was stupid because gifts are a cultural expectation even if most people would be fine not getting a wedding present from everyone who attended their wedding for example. (In other words, you're safe in my eyes )

As for the china discussion, I'll never register for any. My Nonna has easily 4 full sets not including holiday china and if I ever decide I want some, my parents will give me a set. I've never seen my parents use 'china' and our holiday plates were simply a holiday pattern of the dishes my mom liked.

I can't see myself ever using it anyway.