I need serious advice on my relationship

[ilovemyglo]

I don't think living with him before marrying him or getting engaged is a bad idea- so long as you have discussed what both of your expectations are... I think it would be akward to live with his roomie, though.

And for those that say statistically speaking people that live together before marriage have it worse off- uhm.... all of my closest friends but one lived with their significant other before marriage and they are all still married- the only one that didn't is now divorced. Statistics are just numbers.

I don't think living together is a "trial marriage" i think it is an opportunity to get to know them at a much deeper level than you do know them know. If this can really help you save money, I can see how that is really beneficial. However, again, I would be weary of living with a friend of his as well, mainly because it would be just really akward.

Do what is right for the two of you- as only you two both knows where your relationship is and going.

[SoEnchanting]

I've seen threads like this before - and my answer (based on personal experience) is still the same... DON'T DO IT!

[KSUViolet06]

I actually have a friend who moved in with her fiance and his friend. When they first moved in together, the friend had a serious girlfriend, so they did couples things together all the time.

A few months ago, friend and his gf broke up. Then he started drinking alot and even smoking pot. They've tried to get him to stop, or take his activities elsewhere, but he insists on drinking with friends or getting stoned in the house. So now they are living with a drunk stoner and there's nothing they can do (according to the landlord and a lawyer) except wait for the lease to be up so they can move.

This just shows me that you never know what you're getting yourself into when you agree to move in with people. This is especially true when you add a third person into the mix.

[cheerfulgreek]

Originally Posted by SoEnchanting

I've seen threads like this before - and my answer (based on personal experience) is still the same... DON'T DO IT!

I don't see what the big deal is about moving in with someone you love and care about. I just wouldn't do it with an added person.

[ilovemyglo]

I moved in with my fiance and our wedding is soon- honestly we spent every day/night together anyway, and his lease was up so it was stupid for us not to. We were engaged already, but still we really just felt like, okay we can keep on being annoyed at not having xyz at each other's place, or having to get up extra early to go get clothes, OR we can just move in together since we are always together anyway. It's been great and brought us much closer. It's also one less thing to worry about for after the wedding. The wedding is enough stress!

[jazgr8]

In my opinion it all depends on whether you all share the same values. If so, it should be fine. If not, trouble awaits.

[SilverTurtle]

Just thought I'd throw my own experience out there...sorry if it gets long

My senior year of college I ended up rooming with my boyfriend (who I had met the previous summer, and had a long-distance relationship with my junior year) & another good friend of mine, a guy, that I knew from high school but who attended a different university in the area.

We shared a 3 bedroom apartment (w/ 2 bathrooms yay!). The arrangement sort of fell together as we were all working out things like living arrangements, budgets for rent, moves, etc. etc.

I was working part time and in school full time, my boyfriend was working full time, and my friend was working part time and in school full time. All 3 of our paths rarely crossed. We all got along just fine & dandy.

Our friend ended up transferring schools and moving out a little early. He still paid his share of the rent. When the lease was up, another friend of ours, this time a girl, moved in. We were all working full time, and all got along great.

At the end of that year, she decided to move out to join her boyfriend.

My boyfriend and I have been together ever since (several, several years). No more roommates, but neither was a bad experience for us.

[brownsugardivah]

Although you have over 3 pages of advice Im going to add some more haha.

I dont think you should move in with him would be MY advice. WHY because I see so many of my friends move in with their partners and the relationship ends up messing up. Moving too soon and too fast could cause detrimental problems in the relationship in the long run. You truly find out who a person REALLY is if you live with him. Personally, I dont believe in living together until you are married, because it just creates too much of a problem. Because once you live together you take on different roles that really arent meant for this stage in ya'll relationship. Especially being the only woman in the house, they may start to view you as the "woman of the house' and you might subconsciously start to take on the role of "wife" before you actually are. Suppose ya'll break up? Then the legal stuff as far as the lease and everything gets in the way. I dunno...i would think about it...but the relationship could grow really old really quick if you move too fast. Because then you wont have anything to look forward to in the future.

[Ronnie B]

Me and my girl been together for 3 years and living together for two. We don't have a problem at all. Everything is tight.

[Gretchen W]

Thanks you guys. I read all of your comments and they were great! I've already moved in with my bf. We've been living together for 2 weeks now. I hope everything goes like we want it to. His roommate seems to be o.k. with it. The only thing I worry about is his roommate's room is right next to ours. I just hope the sound of us having sex isn't bothering him.

[AOII_LB93]

Originally Posted by laylo

Financial constraint is never a reason to move in with your boyfriend- you can always get roomates.

I just wanted to reiterate this point, over and over. My husband and I lived together for a long time (4.5 years) before we got married...that was dumb. We should have waited, because originally we did it because of the financial aspect. It put a lot of undue stress on the relationship.

[BigRedBeta]

Originally Posted by Gretchen W

Thanks you guys. I read all of your comments and they were great! I've already moved in with my bf. We've been living together for 2 weeks now. I hope everything goes like we want it to. His roommate seems to be o.k. with it. The only thing I worry about is his roommate's room is right next to ours. I just hope the sound of us having sex isn't bothering him.

Never had a gf move in with a roommate, but I've been roommates with people who have loud sex (to quote one of my friends about buddy's girlfriend - "She screams like she's on fire") I'd say your best bet is to let your boyfriend handle the subject with his friend, and try to be a little courteous if you know that the roommate has something big going on the next day...

[Gretchen W]

Originally Posted by BigRedBeta

Never had a gf move in with a roommate, but I've been roommates with people who have loud sex (to quote one of my friends about buddy's girlfriend - "She screams like she's on fire") I'd say your best bet is to let your boyfriend handle the subject with his friend, and try to be a little courteous if you know that the roommate has something big going on the next day...

Yeah. I usually don't see his roommate that much. I guess he hangs out late when he's off work. He works midnights when he is at work, so I was just thinking that the loud sex may bother him in the morning. Sometimes we do it in the morning. So far my bf hasn't said anything to me about it bothering him.

[Munchkin03]

Originally Posted by Gretchen W

The only thing I worry about is his roommate's room is right next to ours. I just hope the sound of us having sex isn't bothering him.

You know, you could always just...be quiet. The biggest fight I had with one of my college girlfriends was about that very same thing. We only lived together for a semester, but I had to tell her a few times to quiet it the fuck down. She cried! But, I'm sure she knew I was right.

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by Munchkin03

You know, you could always just...be quiet.

True. That's probably the most considerate thing.