Thank You Notes

[honeychile]

Originally Posted by SWTXBelle

Why don't sorority girls attend orgies?

Too many thank you notes.

LOL! It's been years since I've heard that, but it's still as fresh today!

[christiangirl]

Originally Posted by SWTXBelle

Why don't sorority girls attend orgies?

Too many thank you notes.

I didn't think I was going to laugh, but I surprised myself.

IDK, I've never been to a bridal shower except for my sister's, so I can't really speak on that. For my college graduation, I got all notes out within 2 weeks. That was the first time I'd ever written thank you notes--I never wrote thank you notes for childhood birthday parties, it just seemed like overkill. I said "Thank You" when you gave it to me and, for a child, that should be enough. I think my mom did the thank you notes for my hs graduation, I was having too much fun at all the grad parties. But for college, I gave myself a 2 week deadline. I think anything past 4 weeks, you should say "We're trying to help the environment by saving paper." Even that bit of lameness would be more acceptable than a card in the mail 5 months later.

[KSigkid]

Originally Posted by ZTAngel

Wasn't sure where to post this but since it kinda has to do with weddings I'll put it here.

What is the "rule" when it comes to thank you notes?

I've been to several bridal showers over the last few months and never received a thank you note from any of the brides-to-be for the gift I got them. Their weddings have come and gone and I received a thank you for the wedding gift but not the shower gift. I went out with one of the girls whose shower I recently attended (and never got a thank you) and another mutual friend. After a few drinks, the mutual friend decided to ask why none of us received a thank you note. Our friend answered, "I thanked you when I opened up the gift. Was I supposed to send a note also?"

I was always brought up to think that thank you notes were to be sent even if the person was present when you opened their gift. Even back when I was a kid opening gifts at my birthday parties at the roller skating rink, my mother always made me write a thank you note to all my friends.

Is it the norm not to receive a thank you note? These aren't like hillbilly girls without class either. These are girls who were raised by wealthy Southern families which is why I'm so shocked that they don't know better.

- ZTAngel
aka the girl who sent out all her bridal shower thank you notes one week after her shower and all 200 of her wedding thank you notes one month after her wedding w/o her husband's help....yes, I'm amazing.

My wife sent out thank you notes after both of her showers (one with my family, one with hers), and we sent out notes very soon after the wedding itself.

[AGDee]

I got married 19 years ago and the "rule" then was 3 months. I don't know where people got this year idea from. And yes, there were notes for every shower present.

[WinniBug]

Originally Posted by KSigkid

My wife sent out thank you notes after both of her showers (one with my family, one with hers), and we sent out notes very soon after the wedding itself.

Question....why was she responsible for the shower thank-you's?

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by WinniBug

Question....why was she responsible for the shower thank-you's?

Men don't tradtionally attend bridal showers (even though some couples have co-ed showers now), so the bride/bridal party are usually the ones responsible for shower Thank You cards.

[WinniBug]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

Men don't traditionally attend bridal showers (even though some couples have co-ed showers now), so the bride/bridal party are usually the ones responsible for shower Thank You cards.

My husband wrote the thank-you's for the gifts we got from his family's shower.

The bridal party's responsible for shower gift thank-you's?
Wow, it seemed like it was all that a couple of my bridesmaids could
do to throw a joint shower (on the same day as another sister's wedding....BAD idea)

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by WinniBug

The bridal party's responsible for shower gift thank-you's?

Well, not responsible per se, just helping you out a little with them, like keeping track of who brought what and maybe sitting up and helping you stuff envelopes & gather addresses for people you may not have. I've done that before as a bridesmaid.

[Xidelt]

There should be no excuse for not receiving a thank-you note. I thought it was hostess etiquette (or maybe bridesmaid etiquette?) to help facilitate the process? For every shower I have ever hosted or had thrown for me, I have always kept track of who brought what gift and provided the bride with thank-you notes that coordinated with the invites. Has anyone else ever done this?

One a related note: does anyone else see baby showers getting a little out of hand? I just talked to my mom and she told me about being invited to a "diaper party" for a relative's SECOND CHILD! I thought it was considered poor etiquette to host a shower for someone's second baby. This relative just had a baby about three years ago. To make it even worse, the "diaper party" is hosted by the relative's mother and the baby has already been born!

[SWTXBelle]

Originally Posted by Xidelt

One a related note: does anyone else see baby showers getting a little out of hand? I just talked to my mom and she told me about being invited to a "diaper party" for a relative's SECOND CHILD! I thought it was considered poor etiquette to host a shower for someone's second baby. This relative just had a baby about three years ago. To make it even worse, the "diaper party" is hosted by the relative's mother and the baby has already been born!

Wow - that's a lot of etiquette violations in one party. In my family, we love babies, first, second or third, and parties, so we'll have a tea in celebration. Now, many people will bring gifts (how much fun is it to shop for baby gifts?) but technically it is NOT a shower. One thing I like about baby #2 and so on - you can concentrate on buying cute clothes because the necessities have been taken care of with baby #1.

eta - check out www.etiquettehell.com

[WinniBug]

I have a friend who's gotten married and had a baby....
We went to a "Stock the Bar" bridal shower, I got her a wedding gift, got her a baby shower gift, and another gift when the baby was born....and no written thank-you
:-(



I have a related question....if you're invited to a shower and the wedding, do you split your gifts between the two events, or do you give at the shower and be done with it?

[Xidelt]

Originally Posted by WinniBug

I have a friend who's gotten married and had a baby....
We went to a "Stock the Bar" bridal shower, I got her a wedding gift, got her a baby shower gift, and another gift when the baby was born....and no written thank-you
:-(



I have a related question....if you're invited to a shower and the wedding, do you split your gifts between the two events, or do you give at the shower and be done with it?

You give one gift at the shower and one gift at the wedding.

[WinniBug]

Originally Posted by Xidelt

You give one gift at the shower and one gift at the wedding.

That's what I've always been taught.



And we waited until after our wedding to send thank you's for our shower gifts, because we included a wedding photo with each one.

[TSteven]

You give one gift at the shower and one gift at the wedding.

May we go back to this for a moment.

I was under the impression - perhaps wrongly, which is why I am asking - that you were only "obligated" to give one present to the couple (bride). You could elect to do so at a shower, prior to the wedding (say via a bridal registry for example), present the gift at the service or at the reception, or perhaps right after the wedding.

Is the concept of giving multiply gifts based on attendance or by invitation?

For example, how does it work if you were invited to a shower and to the wedding, but you were unable to attend the wedding. Are you obligated to give two gifts? What if you were able to attend the wedding but unable to attend the shower. Still two gifts?

Frankly, it seems rather crass and greedy to expect two separate gifts for the same reason - matrimony.

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by TSteven

For example, how does it work if you were invited to a shower and to the wedding, but you were unable to attend the wedding. Are you obligated to give two gifts? What if you were able to attend the wedding but unable to attend the shower. Still two gifts?

Typically I will ask the bride if it's okay for me to just bring both gifts to the wedding if I cannot attend the shower. I've never had anyone tell me not to.

Now if I can't attend the wedding, I will usually mail the wedding gift to the receiving address.