Are we open to women with children?

[DSTCHAOS]

Originally Posted by cuteASAbug

If you can terminate a girl for consistently not paying her dues, why can't you terminate someone for consistently not attending mandatory events?

Because not every organization operates like that, which is why I asked the question.

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by DSTCHAOS

That's possible in your organization? Is that possible in most NPC sororities?

Yes it is. Every sorority has different attendance and participation standards for their collegiate (undergrad) members. If a member is having trouble meeting them, she is generally sent through a disciplinary process where she has several chances to improve her attendance and discuss with the appropriate officers what her conflicts are and work out some arrangements for things she can't attend.

Termination is usually the last step in a long process, but yes, it is possible. It's usually reserved for those who are continually absent and don't follow the proper protocol like sending excuses or talking to officers if there's a scheduling problem. In other words, those who don't show up and don't care.

I would hold a woman with kids to the same participation standards I'd hold any other sister to.

[LatinaAlumna]

Originally Posted by AlphaFrog

but I also wouldn't have had a problem with terminating her membership should it become a conflict.

Now that part, I would have a problem with...but really, I'd have a problem with any sister who tried to terminate her membership.

To be honest, I don't even think we CAN terminate membership. I've never heard of anyone even try, but we're only 21 years old.

[AGDee]

The majority of the women in my alumnae club have children. We have a rule that no children attend meetings unless 1) They are an infant and being nursed or 2) It's a family/kids event and all are invited. I guess at one point, some women were bringing their kids and they would all hang out with the other kids, but the women in the chapter realized that they needed some time to NOT be Mom and the alumnae club was that time. Truth be told, we all need some "girl" time .. no husbands, no kids, just our sisters.

Sometimes there are opportunities for our children who are older to babysit for one of the sisters' kids who are younger and that works out nicely.

[LPIDelta]

Confession: The chapter I advise is better at accepting people where they are than I probably would be.

In the six years I've known this chapter, they have had a pregnant sister and 41 year old sister and lesbian sisters--they are really good at looking at the heart of someone, whereas, as an advisor, I tend to think more about the group's image and the financial bottom line. I am proud of them when they make such decisions despite what other people may think--and they will defend those decisions to the end by supporting their sisters and challenging those who do comment. They epitomize sisterhood to me.

They are at a southern school which is small and "non-competitive". Based on what I am reading here, I guess that gives them a luxury others may not have.

I see nothing wrong with GLOs accepting moms, but I do think that moms may have to be willing to accept that they are entering the sorority's world, and not the sorority trying to fit their world.

[MellySK]

I would have not been opposed if the particular woman could handle the sorority committments, so ultimately, it would be up to her and her ability to know what she can and can't do.

When I was an active we had an "honorary" sister - she was one of the sister's best friends, at the house all the time and attended many events. But she had a small child and felt that she couldn't balance parenting and being an active, even though all of us would have loved to have her in the group.

So, basically, i think it's a personal choice for the woman in question. However, after reading the thread about bringing young children to social events and meetings, i do NOT find that acceptable

[Green+White]

Originally Posted by MellySK

So, basically, i think it's a personal choice for the woman in question. However, after reading the thread about bringing young children to social events and meetings, i do NOT find that acceptable

She did NOT ask for that opinion in this thread.

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by Green+White

She did NOT ask for that opinion in this thread.

Part of having a discussion about being open to women with children in sororities involves talking about things like the possibility of children being brought to chapter events. Everyone's entitled to an opinion here, and discussing that situation in general is fair game. She is just stating how she feels about kids coming to sorority events, not trying to offend you.

[bejazd]

In the case of my dad (and try to keep in mind the context of the times) married guys with kids could be active in his fraternity because the activities centered on sharing brotherhood with each other more than social activites with sororities. The guys could come over to the house, play pool or volleyball together or whatever and go to class.

If a sorority chapter's programming and activities are primarily focused on social events with fraternities, I can't really see an older woman with or without kids, being all that interested in membership.

[MellySK]

Originally Posted by Green+White

She did NOT ask for that opinion in this thread.

while i didn't mean to drag that particular thread into this one, I was attempting to distinquish what I thought was appropriate, which is the topic of this thread. having women with kids in a sorority is one thing, and it's fine, having kids at sorority events is not, no matter the kids or the mother, in my opinion.

[sageofages]

I am going to jump into this one.

I am a sorority woman who joined Phi Mu as a 20 year old single mother. My daughter had a father who was active in her life, I just decided he was not going to be active in my life. That being said...

It was a HARD decision for my chapter sisters. I accepted their faith in my membership and promised to be the very best Phi Mu I could be. I think I have worked at it well. I have been an active, involved member for over 26 years!

My daughter came to some things when I was a collegiate chapter member. She did eat lunch with us at times and go to basketball games wearing a future Phi Mu shirt at times. She did help us "paint the rock" (for anyone who attended Wright State University) some days. Some days she stayed at home because quite honestly, I needed adult time too!

She did not attend chapter meetings, she did not attend all the parties. She did not attend any ritual.

The bottom line is the committment of the member, to all the aspects required. Motherhood, sisterhood, studenthood.

[MellySK]

Originally Posted by sageofages

I am going to jump into this one.

I am a sorority woman who joined Phi Mu as a 20 year old single mother. My daughter had a father who was active in her life, I just decided he was not going to be active in my life. That being said...

It was a HARD decision for my chapter sisters. I accepted their faith in my membership and promised to be the very best Phi Mu I could be. I think I have worked at it well. I have been an active, involved member for over 26 years!

My daughter came to some things when I was a collegiate chapter member. She did eat lunch with us at times and go to basketball games wearing a future Phi Mu shirt at times. She did help us "paint the rock" (for anyone who attended Wright State University) some days. Some days she stayed at home because quite honestly, I needed adult time too!

She did not attend chapter meetings, she did not attend all the parties. She did not attend any ritual.

The bottom line is the committment of the member, to all the aspects required. Motherhood, sisterhood, studenthood.

that had to be a great experience for your daughter, and it sounds like you knew exactly where to draw the line. I have to ask - you mentioned this was 26 years ago, IS your daughter a phi mu?

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by sageofages

My daughter came to some things when I was a collegiate chapter member. She did eat lunch with us at times and go to basketball games wearing a future Phi Mu shirt at times. She did help us "paint the rock" (for anyone who attended Wright State University) some days. Some days she stayed at home because quite honestly, I needed adult time too!

See and I think this type of activity is fine for a kid to attend. You made adequate arrangements for your kid when you had things to go to that weren't appropriate for her (like meetings).

[als463]

Yay-THAT Phi Mu is one of MY sisters!!! Good for her and I'm glad there is a committed alum among us who joined as a mother but, this girl doesn't necessarily sound as mature about the situation when her main concern was that she made sure her children had decent "NAME BRAND" clothes to wear yet, she was struggling to pay bills (or however she said it)....Glad to call Sage my sister and hopefully Green and White will be an awesome sister like mine here but, just be careful about any decisions you make that could risk losing membership-or worse-your children.....

[DSTCHAOS]

Yes, generally speaking.

That doesn't mean that every woman with a child is suitable for membership or will become a member, based on official criteria and other criteria.

A large percentage, if not most, NPHC sorority undergraduate chapters have older women or younger women with a child (married or not) in its ranks somewhere throughout the years.