Are we open to women with children?

[amanda6035]

Originally Posted by bejazd

Let me try to take this topic in a more positive direction.

Are we sorority women really open to the idea that older students, some who may be parents, can be members and have a positive collegiate membership experience? I'm not too sure about that, except on non-traditional campuses. I don't think we're totally there yet.

My dad was in a fraternity at USC late 1950s and had many brothers who were Korean war vets who were married with children. My husband also had Fraternity brothers in mid80s who were vets and some that were just much older students. It didn't seem to be a big issue at all. But I couldn't picture a woman of any age married or with kids in a sorority during my collegiate years. is it really any different today?

any thoughts??? (please no veering off on parenting issues.)

They need to be able to make the same time commitments that are required of collegiate women who dont have kids. They need to be able to pay their dues, as is expected of other collegiate women. They need to be able to make it to philanthropy events, and sisterhood events, etc etc. If they cant put in at least what is required, and not force the other women to bend over backwards to accomodate their children, then no. As a collegiate woman, it was not my job to accomodate some other person's kids and their schedule.

[Green+White]

Originally Posted by amanda6035

They need to be able to make the same time commitments that are required of collegiate women who dont have kids. They need to be able to pay their dues, as is expected of other collegiate women. They need to be able to make it to philanthropy events, and sisterhood events, etc etc. If they cant put in at least what is required, and not force the other women to bend over backwards to accomodate their children, then no. As a collegiate woman, it was not my job to accomodate some other person's kids and their schedule.

Did the OP ask if you wanted to babysit/accomodate people's kids? I think not. She asked if we were open to women with children.

DROP IT

[amanda6035]

Originally Posted by Green+White

Did the OP ask if you wanted to babysit/accomodate people's kids? I think not. She asked if we were open to women with children.

DROP IT

Hah. Wow.

I answered the question, dear. Defensive much, are we?

They need to be able to make the same time commitments that are required of collegiate women who dont have kids. They need to be able to pay their dues, as is expected of other collegiate women. They need to be able to make it to philanthropy events, and sisterhood events, etc etc. If they cant put in at least what is required, and not force the other women to bend over backwards to accomodate their children, then no. As a collegiate woman, it was not my job to accomodate some other person's kids and their schedule.

I think we'd all be a little more open to women with children - as long as they were held to the same standards as the rest of us. Unfortunately, as you've proved, many times, they think they should be exception to the rules. Women like UWO, though, are a great example of women who know what's appropriate and what's not when it comes to their kids and greek life.

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by Green+White

Did the OP ask if you wanted to babysit/accomodate people's kids? I think not. She asked if we were open to women with children.

Part of being open is discussing whether or not having kids at chapter events (in general) is appropriate. No one here is getting on your case, we are simply discussing issues. All opinions witheld, you posted something here that was intersting to us and sparked alot of good discussion.

As far as my personal opinion, I would be open to having a woman with a kid in my collegiate chapter, as long as she understood that she was going to be held to the same particpation and attendance standards that all my other sisters are. This would mean making adequate arrangements for the children so that she can attend or sending in an excuse. As far as kids attending events, I'd be okay with it if it were something fun like the Homecoming Cookout where there'd be alumnae and other kids, but not chapter

[cuteASAbug]

Originally Posted by Green+White

Did the OP ask if you wanted to babysit/accomodate people's kids? I think not. She asked if we were open to women with children.

DROP IT

It obviously depends on the chapter and the campus culture. Not only did one of our chapters have a member who has a daughter, that girl was also president of her chapter. Obviously, if you have a strong enough support system and good time management skills, it can be done. With that said, I have to be honest and say that if the decision were up to me, I don't think that I would vote to give a bid to a girl who was pregnant or had children.

[sarasmile]

I will preface my comments by saying that I am a mom myself. (Though I didn't get married and have children until several years after my undergraduate experience was over.)

I will also note for the record here that I have not yet read the original thread that apparently inspired this one, so my comments are entirely my own opinion in general...not referenced to any other situation which may have blown up on there recently.

I don't think that being a parent is something that would work on the vast majority of traditional campuses. The sorority experience at a traditional campus is demanding and in my experience (at my own campus)/observation (at campuses I work with now)...being a parent would conflict with those obligations.

Could it work at a non-traditional campus? Sure. But there is a fine line to walk. I absolutely agree that there are events that are just not appropriate to bring children to (chapter meetings, ritual events, etc) and if a member couldn't comply with that, then perhaps undergraduate sorority membership simply isn't for her.

Its different as an alumnae member, because a large number of us do have children and events are planned taking family/career obligations into consideration. The average undergraduate chapter plans their events around the schedules of the typical undergraduate student, as well they should.

Bottom line is that it has to be a case-by-case decision taking into consideration the campus involved and also the potential member involved. But if you ask me honestly would I have been open to accepting a woman with children for membership into my particular chapter while I was an undergraduate member? My honest answer would have been...no. It just wouldn't have flown on my campus. (And if the chapters I advise now came to me and asked me my opinion, I'd probably discourage it...but again, I mostly advise at traditional campuses.)

[AOII Angel]

Originally Posted by sarasmile

I will preface my comments by saying that I am a mom myself. (Though I didn't get married and have children until several years after my undergraduate experience was over.)

I will also note for the record here that I have not yet read the original thread that apparently inspired this one, so my comments are entirely my own opinion in general...not referenced to any other situation which may have blown up on there recently.

I don't think that being a parent is something that would work on the vast majority of traditional campuses. The sorority experience at a traditional campus is demanding and in my experience (at my own campus)/observation (at campuses I work with now)...being a parent would conflict with those obligations.

Could it work at a non-traditional campus? Sure. But there is a fine line to walk. I absolutely agree that there are events that are just not appropriate to bring children to (chapter meetings, ritual events, etc) and if a member couldn't comply with that, then perhaps undergraduate sorority membership simply isn't for her.

Its different as an alumnae member, because a large number of us do have children and events are planned taking family/career obligations into consideration. The average undergraduate chapter plans their events around the schedules of the typical undergraduate student, as well they should.

Bottom line is that it has to be a case-by-case decision taking into consideration the campus involved and also the potential member involved. But if you ask me honestly would I have been open to accepting a woman with children for membership into my particular chapter while I was an undergraduate member? My honest answer would have been...no. It just wouldn't have flown on my campus. (And if the chapters I advise now came to me and asked me my opinion, I'd probably discourage it...but again, I mostly advise at traditional campuses.)

I think that is a really honest and realistic answer. Unless a PNM can make it clear that all of her ducks are in a row, so to speak, why should a chapter trust that she would be able to juggle the myriad responsibilites involved in going to school, working, raising children, paying dues and being an active sister in a collegiate chapter? In most chapters, they can't take the risk on just anyone. If they make a mistake and the girl drops or is completely inactive, they're one member down, when for many chapters, every member counts.