Bid day "Mismatch" - Page 2

kathyc · #1 08-15-2007, 05:47 PM

She is going to be fine. My daughter was cut after third round from my own sorority and ended up with a bid to the smallest chapter on campus. After the initial tears, I insisted that she go get her bid. I know it might seem like a "pie in the sky" attitude but I believe the girls mostly end up at the place where they belong. My daughter loves, LOVES her sisters and has had leadership opportunities she might not have had if she had been in a larger chapter. She has also met many girls in my chapter and says they are all very sweet, exceptional girls but that she does not believe she fits in with them. I asked her this morning if she had the chance to change places and be a member of any other sorority on campus would she make the switch. Her reply: Not a chance!!! My best to your daughter. I'm sure she will have a wonderful and memorable freshman year.

cluelessUGAmom · #2 08-15-2007, 05:56 PM

My daughter does not see herself at her 3rd choice at all. From Day 1 she did not feel the connection but just like Auburn mom's daughter said, she kept being told how happy they would be to have her. She really never understood why since the conversations were not very stimulating.

Well it came time today to complete the pref card and with advice of go ahead and put them down, you can always drop before initiation, she went ahead and put them down as #3.

She is soooo worried now because if she doesn't get either # 1 or # 2 she would rather go into COB because there were many others she liked better than her #3 today. I truly wish she was not given the "drop before initiation" advice today. If she left it off her list then another girl could technically get that spot. If she declines the bid then the house could pick up someone in COB but my daughter would be out of COB.

I pray tonight that she gets #1 or #2 as she would be happy at both and does not even have to be in the same situation as AuburnMom's daughter as my heart would also ache.

I am so proud of Auburn Mom's daughter for taking initiative with her house and looking to start an intramural team!

WestGAChiO · #3 08-16-2007, 02:57 PM

I went thru Rush as a Sophmore and was disapointed when my first two choices cut me. I received a bid from my third choice and had to think long and hard about accepting it. I decided to give it a shot and make the best of the situtation. 19 years later it turns out it was one of the best decisions that I ever made because I am still close to about 10 sisters from my chapter. We vacation together, have dinner regularly with each other, and have small children around the same age.

Tell your daughter to at least give them a chance and maybe she will see that it was one of the best decisions of her life too!

augreekmom · #4 08-15-2007, 10:48 AM

Thanks so much for all the helpful and thoughtful advice. After talking with many from this board and others that have much more insight on this than I do, I understand that just getting a bid from a large SEC school was an accomplishment in itself. For whatever reason, the sorority where my daughter ended up had loved her from the beginning and let her know that every time she visited. She doesn't understand their attraction to her, especially since this is not a very athletically involved bunch, but she is already talking about forming an intramural team if she can find some girls that are willing. If not she will try to find other ways to participate in activities that she loves. She is trying very hard to shake off her disappointment and find the positive side in the way things have turned out.

My daughter has met most of her pledge class and so far has found one young lady that shares her views on the whole "party" issue that is willing to admit it to the group. She also played the same sport in high school. My daughter will continue to seek out other like minded girls and by no means will just bail without giving it a honest effort. She is very lucky in that she has a wonderful group of friends that have rallied around her and are encouraging her to stick it out and "let the dust settle" so she can see how things really are. On a positive note, she really loves the chapter colors and is pleased that they match her dorm room colors, lol. Thanks so much to everyone for all your encouragement and advice. I understand that if she can figure out a way around the drinking and frat party issues (she has a steady boyfriend), that the rewards of sorority life far outway the bad side.

AUGreekMom

Molly05 · #5 08-15-2007, 04:06 PM

Two years ago I listened to my daughter cry over not getting the sorority she thought she should have. She decided that she wanted the Greek experience enough to give it a try anyway. Today she is a leader in the sorority that she "wouldn't fit in with" and loves it dearly. I understand your concern as a mom, but with the leadership skills your daughter has, this sorority may be the place for her to use those, even more than the other sororities that she wanted. It's still a tough time for both of you and I pray your daughter's experience turns out as well as mine did.

FSUZeta · #6 08-15-2007, 04:27 PM

yes, yes, yes to what the majority have said.

i am so glad that your daughter has found one sister with similar interests. in a few more days, i bet she has several more girls to add to that list. she will probably get a few more temporary big sisters before her permanent one is assigned, and i know that the officer in charge of that puts a lot of time and effort into trying to make each match a success.

i remember when i first pledged that i was just sort of dazed about the whole process-rush, receiving a bid, the bid day party, meeting all my pledge sisters-my head seemed to swim. it took me a few weeks to find my little niche within the pledge class, but i did.

i am so glad that your daughter has offered to help form an intramural team-all the intitiated sisters must be so impressed-i know i would be! it seems that she is already willing to take on leadership roles. good for her!!

i hope things work out for her. she is taking her rough start and turning it into a golden opportunity. good luck to her!

adpiucf · #7 08-15-2007, 05:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ZTAngel

My 2nd choice I would have been happy with but definitely not my third.

I say that your daughter give it a few weeks but if she still feels uncomfortable than by all means she should drop out before initiation.

What she said! And ZTAngel, for the record, if you'd have gotten your second choice instead of your first, I'd have been very happy to have you across the street!

AUmom-- your daughter sounds like a terrific girl. The chances of getting a bid at a school like Auburn as an upperclassman are going to be rare, so I do think she should stay put and give it some more time-- at least until just before initiation week.

33girl · #8 08-15-2007, 04:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by augreekmom

For whatever reason, the sorority where my daughter ended up had loved her from the beginning and let her know that every time she visited. She doesn't understand their attraction to her, especially since this is not a very athletically involved bunch, but she is already talking about forming an intramural team if she can find some girls that are willing.

It might be that there are women who would like to be good at athletics but they just aren't - and admire her skills. A lot of times we choose friends and significant others because they have things that "complete" us. I can't throw a ball or anything to save my life, nor could most of my sisters, but we would have been thrilled to pledge an athlete. I don't think most people want to be around absolute clones of themselves all the time.

BoroBaby · #9 08-15-2007, 12:30 PM

This happened to my daughter at a Georgia School and she did not pledge the sorority she got a bid for. She felt that they were just about "looks" and parties and she decided to try again for the sorority she wanted for number 1. She did not get it yet again, but does not regret not joining the one she got a bid from last year. She must FEEL at home in a chapter to get the most from it. I am glad my daughter did not settle and she does not regret "OPTING OUT" of the one from last year. Just be sure she decides BEFORE being intiated.

tennesseemom · #10 08-20-2007, 08:30 PM

I am so sorry that happened to your daughter. The only advice I can offer is for her to hang in there. i am an Auburn Chi O alum, and I do know that with 60 girls in a pledge class, there are going to be some great girls and some duds. Have they had their first pledge meeting? What sorority did she pledge? It is always very awkward at first becuse you get your heart set on something, and then it doesn't seem to work out, but I promise she will find a girl with common interests. Keep me posted

Ocalagirl · #11 08-20-2007, 09:35 PM

I hope everything turns out with your daughter and I rooting that she is able to build her sports team!! Maybe the girls that wanted her to be apart of their chapter saw something in her that that drew them to her that she doesn't realize ie her leadership qualities, being outgoing, etc....anyways I sincerely hope it works out and I can't wait to hear how things go this semester.