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augreekmom - I so sympathize with your daughter, this happened to me. I think I'll post my retro recruitment story after the hoopla dies down. My chapter was my #3 and actually I was forced to go back to them in later rounds b/c I got cut from a lot of chapters and they asked me back b/c they were smaller and needed numbers.
I had been dirty rushed at one but put it at #2 because my #1 was the more socially acceptable of the two, thinking that if #1 didn't pick me, I'd fall into #2. Not quite. So I got my third choice.
I was devastated the chapter was nothing like I imagined, way too diverse and I only saw a couple people i thought I could mesh with and only my future big sister had rushed me so I didn't even know anyone.
Bid day was unbearable and I cried all day. I went to Bid Night and was horrified at other members of my pledge class, partly because they included the "weird" girl on my dorm floor and I thought I had nothing in common with anyone.
Well about a week later, the chapter got more snap bids and COBs - the computer system made a MAJOR error that year and cut about 80 women who had preffed three chapters so they ended up with NOTHING. So we had new ones trickling in all the time.
About 3 weeks into pledging, we had our retreat. There I discovered about 10 women, like me were shell shocked by our rush experience and no idea how we all got to this chapter. It was like we were orphans in Annie or something. But all 10 of us found each other to be compatible and all thought "This is not the place I wanted to be". We bonded through those thoughts and found that we were the ones we had hoped to find in our chapter.
There is a lot more to my situation than I would guess with your daughter. Our chapter at that time had gone from one of the strongest on campus 10 years before to one the of the smallest. The 10 of us bonded together, made promises that we would initiate for each other, so we could be sisters and then help to make the chapter stronger.
I never would have guessed on Bid Day that I would have stuck it out but had I just made my decision that day, I wouldn't have. I truly believe I was "chosen" to be in that chapter. I ended up making my best friends in the whole wide world and because it was a smaller chapter I got leadership opportunities I probably never would have dreamed of because at another chapter, like one I wanted through rush, I would have tried to hard to fit in and not allowed myself to grow.
I ended up getting a very prestigious leadership position with campus panhellenic and went on to be a national consultant for my sorority leading to friendships and experiences that felt hand picked for my personal and spiritual growth.
My parents went from not really understanding sororities to calling my pledging my chapter "the best decision I've ever made"
Most pledge periods range from 4 weeks to a semester, with most 6 to 8 weeks, and as long as she drops out before initiation she can re-rush next year.
I would encourage her to stick it out for awhile. At this point everything is so overwhelming, with starting classes to living on campus for the first time to rush, that she might gain some clarity with time.
it is a tremendous disappointment though and I don't want you think that you didn't play the game well or take it to be your fault. Large campuses with large greek systems are difficult to manuever and sometimes it's no one's fault but the sheer fact the larger numbers and chapters do not allow proper time to get to know what might be the best fit.
Best wishes and good luck to your daughter no matter what she decides.
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