dating a frat boy - Page 2

PeppyGPhiB · #16 06-11-2007, 02:27 AM

Even though you're a freshman, there is a difference between hanging out and dating.

I'm going to be blunt. He likes you...but not enough. You'll "do"...for now, until he meets someone else he likes more. For now, he enjoys hanging out with you and maybe gettin' a little, if that's happening (I have no idea, just sayin'). Who knows why he invited you over to meet his parents - that's an example of something confusing that guys sometimes do that make no sense.

Kevin is right. Grades, especially as a freshman, is a lame, fake excuse to break up with someone...although honestly it doesn't seem like you're really "together" and you have to be together before you can break up. Don't overthink this and make excuses for him. You deserve more than a guy that calls you "clingy" at this stage...if he thinks you're clingy now, what would he think later on? Do yourself a favor and forget this guy unless/until he makes a real effort to pursue you.

cheerfulgreek · #17 06-11-2007, 07:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by James

Frat boy = human being. So its pretty much the same as other boys.

One real date? Maybe have higher expectations of how you should be treated. Hanging out is not the same as dating.

I totally agree.

REE1993 · #18 06-11-2007, 09:42 AM

[quote=LilBlueEyes;1463628]we were hot and heavy for those few weeks- quote]

Does he play a wind instrument?

ΑΓΔSquirrelGirl · #19 06-11-2007, 12:08 PM

Being a "frat guy" doesn't make a difference. He's just a guy. You're a freshman. This is my opinion from my experience up until this point, but I'd advise freshmen NOT to get in a relationship. College is a good time to have fun and find out who you are. Unless you've found your soulmate or something (and obviously this isn't it), I'd recommend cutting him loose and having some fun.

One other thing that bothered me about dating a fraternity boy freshman year was that I ended up hanging out with only one group of guys. I love them to death, but they aren't my sisters' favorite house, so it means that I'm on my own at a lot of parties. It's a lot harder to go BACK and branch out. Just have fun your first year. You've got four years to find committment if you want it.

ΑΓΔSquirrelGirl · #20 06-11-2007, 12:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by vamback

Ok, I am a girl that has done plenty of dating. To be honest, the way I look at relationships is, if a guy breaks up with you once, and even calls back apologizes sometimes, well most of the time, you should not get back with them. It makes them think that they can just do whatever they want and walk all over you. Believe me, no matter who you are, you deserve better then that. Like a guy previously said, college kids have tons of time, he would make time for you if he really wanted to. This is one of those situations you have to take as a learning experience and move on-and don't let guys screw you over like that. If you have standards-you will find the right person for you.

Great advice.

WVU alpha phi · #21 06-11-2007, 08:28 PM

Lessons I learned from 4 years of successful (and unsuccessful) dating in college (overwhelmingly fraternity boys):

-Don't believe it when they say they don't have time to hang out with you, unless it's during finals week or something equally important.

-Guys need their guy time, just like you need time with your girl friends. If he's hanging out with his friends, use that time to hang out with yours.
This always avoids the clingy situation.

-On the other hand, if he's spending so much time with his guy friends that you joke with your friends that they're dating, that's probably too much. (I dated a guy who would go to his friend's house after class at 4 and stay there till 2 in the morning. Every day.)

-Guys who LIKE you and want to be with you, not just hook up, DO take you on dates. I know it's easy to make excuses (he doesn't have a car, etc) and while that can factor into the equation, don't make excuses for him. You deserve to be treated well, and hanging out doesn't have to be expensive: meet him for lunch in between class, even going to the library can be more fun with a boyfriend (not very productive though

)

-Drunk dials are a tough one. Personally, I go both ways when I'm drunk: I either say things I'm too nervous to say sober, or I come up with off the wall things I've never even thought about sober and have no idea where I come with it. Like you said, you followed the 'actions speak louder than words' philosophy, which I think should be done sometimes. But if this is a recurring thing, he's probably too big of a loser to break things off sober, and when he wants you back, he is able to explain his behavior as drunken stupidity.

Overall, the guy who wants to be with you is going to make the effort and make it known that you're the one he wants. There won't be any "where do I stand/what are we?" confusion. Trust me, you're both very young, and this comes with age, experience, and maturity. In the meantime, I think you should cut this guy off, atleast for summer. Use these couple months to forget about him and hopefully when you return in the fall, he'll be a distant memory.

ladygreek · #22 06-12-2007, 01:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by OTW

You could start by NOT calling him a "frat boy".

That was my first reaction!

LilBlueEyes · #23 06-13-2007, 12:49 AM

thanks for the imput guys...and yeah, he made the comment about me affecting his grades the nigth before his advanced calc exam

one last question

the boy and i talked over im two sundays ago and the end of our convo went:

me: well, i have to run, dinner with the girls, call me sometime?
him: yeah
him: Have fun, ttyl

...

and exactly one week later, after no call yet, i come home to find some ims from him saying "hey you there?...no response, so guess not...but, call me sometime! good night"

why in the friggen world would he tell me to call him, after he promised to call me and failed to do so?

i know his ex of over two years did a number on him and took him on a rollercoaster ride of a relationship...but it's not that hard to pick up a phone...

Kevin · #24 06-13-2007, 12:59 AM

It's clear you have decided against most of the advice offered to you here

Good luck with your frat boy.

PeppyGPhiB · #25 06-13-2007, 02:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LilBlueEyes

and exactly one week later, after no call yet, i come home to find some ims from him saying "hey you there?...no response, so guess not...but, call me sometime! good night"

why in the friggen world would he tell me to call him, after he promised to call me and failed to do so?

i know his ex of over two years did a number on him and took him on a rollercoaster ride of a relationship...but it's not that hard to pick up a phone...

Do you still not get it?

If he liked you, he'd call you. He'd pursue you. Look behind you...is there anyone chasing you?

I probably should not be giving you anymore advice since you seem to be ignoring everything that everyone on here has told you, but it just drives me nuts to see women act this way. Stop making up excuses for why the guy *might* not be calling you, taking you out, etc. A guy that likes you in a serious way will do more than leave you lame IMs. I mean, doesn't it make you pissed that he doesn't even think you're worth a phone call? Cut this guy off!

rufio · #26 06-13-2007, 03:45 AM

alot of people just say call me later or i'll call you as a passing phrase, or a good bye phrase. a good amount of time if you ask someone why they didnt call they'll respond with "was i supposed to call you?" its like when you tell people see you later, it doesnt mean they're going to make a commitment to literally see you later. i allways say i'll call you later to people then never do. is it bc im an a-hole...most likely, but most of the time its bc i dont realize i've said it.

oh yeah, he obviously took the time to IM you meaning he doesnt not like you.

i think you're taking little things and blowing them out of proportion. also, i like how you're finding sage advice from strangers on a greek message board bc you thought all fraternity men think alike. i dunno, call me mean but i think you're a big cup of crazy.

ZetaXiDelta · #27 06-13-2007, 11:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PeppyGPhiB

Do you still not get it?

If he liked you, he'd call you. He'd pursue you. Look behind you...is there anyone chasing you?

I probably should not be giving you anymore advice since you seem to be ignoring everything that everyone on here has told you, but it just drives me nuts to see women act this way. Stop making up excuses for why the guy *might* not be calling you, taking you out, etc. A guy that likes you in a serious way will do more than leave you lame IMs. I mean, doesn't it make you pissed that he doesn't even think you're worth a phone call? Cut this guy off!

I AGREE 100%!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

adpiucf · #28 06-13-2007, 12:43 PM

If a guy is into you, he's calling you, taking you out/going out with you, etc.

He's not into you. If you're not officially BF/GF, then consider yourself single.

banditone · #29 06-13-2007, 12:48 PM

sorry to crash, but had to toss in the other side of this coin.

dating sorority girls - Just know... THEY all talk. If you are dating a girl from 2 different sororities, they will eventually talk, and find out.... (wow that was a terrible night).

Ilaria Ame · #30 06-14-2007, 07:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by banditone

sorry to crash, but had to toss in the other side of this coin.

dating sorority girls - Just know... THEY all talk. If you are dating a girl from 2 different sororities, they will eventually talk, and find out.... (wow that was a terrible night).

well maybe you shouldn't date two women at the same time without making it clear to both that it's not exclusive

as for the op, let me say what everyone else has been saying slightly more nicely...YOU'RE A PIECE OF ASS TO HIM. he knows exactly what he has to do to keep you on the string and you're falling for it. he will continue to do just enough until you force him to up his game, and then he'll either up it until it gets too hard, or just call it quits right then and there (at least, until he's feeling lonely again). however, i've been there before soi know that you will not take mine nor anyone else's advice about this until it's too late. please just think hard about this: if one of your friends told you she was in the same situation, what would you say to her? would you respect her actions?